Jax

I drop on the couch, sitting between Sam and Raegan. It’s weird that this was once where both of my parents lived, but now everything belongs to Dad.

The lights on the Christmas tree twinkle as the sound of whatever movie Sam is watching plays through the living room.

This is the first Christmas in years there has been a tree in this house. Most of the ornaments are on the bottom half of the tree since Sam insisted she be the one to decorate it. That didn’t stop me from sneaking some on the top though. Otherwise, the tree would look even sillier than it does.

But it doesn’t matter what the tree looks like or what we eat today because the only thing we’ll remember is we were together.

Raegan leans her head on my shoulder, and Sam snuggles into my side. I’m more than lucky to have both of them in my life. I kiss the top of each of their heads, holding them closer.

The doorbell rings, interrupting what is sure to be my favorite memory of the day.

Sam jumps off the couch. “I got it; I got it!” She runs around the couch and to the front door.

“Don’t open the door, Sam,” Dad says, coming up behind her with a mixing bowl in his hand.

“But,” she complains, stomping her foot on the ground.

“Wait for me, and then you can open the door.”

She places her small hand on the knob and watches over her shoulder, waiting for Dad to be standing behind her.

I let my head fall back on the couch and close my eyes.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Raegan whispers as she sits up on the couch.

I turn my head toward her. “Yeah.” I don’t mean it, but I can tell it makes her feel better from the smile on her face.

Sam opens the door, the cold air from outside invading the warm house. “Mommy!”

Mom leans over and picks Sam up, hugging her to her chest. “Merry Christmas, Sam.”

Mom walks through the door with Sam in her arms, and Dad closes it behind them.

Raegan stands from the couch, and I follow suit, knowing I need to welcome my mom.

This is the first time Mom has seen me and Sam since Dad helped her move out of the house. He told me she’s taking medication, and she’s doing a lot better.

I’m hesitant to embrace her, needing to see the change in her. I might understand her disorder now, but it doesn’t erase everything that happened. I can’t forget her actions as much as I’d like to.

“Hi, I’m Raegan,” she says to my mom as she holds out her hand for Mom to shake.

“Nice to meet you.” She takes Raegan’s hand, her face lighting up in a way I haven’t seen since I was in middle school. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Jax’s dad.”

I narrow my eyes at him, but all he does is smile.

Mom places Sam on her feet and takes off her jacket, laying it on the back of the couch.

I stand behind Raegan without saying a word to Mom. I know everyone can feel the tension radiating off me from the way their shoulders tense.

“Mommy, come play with me.” Sam tugs on her pants.

Mom runs a hand through Sam’s hair. “In a minute. I need to talk to your brother alone, okay?”

“Okay.” She whips around and grabs Raegan’s hand. “Will you play with me, Rae?”

“Of course, let’s go. They’re boring anyway.”

Sam giggles as she pulls Raegan behind her up to her room.

Dad walks past me and whispers, “Be nice.”

I roll my eyes at him, crossing my arms, as he whistles back to the kitchen.

Mom fiddles with her hands and avoids meeting my eyes, like she’s disappointed with herself. She seems different than the last time I saw her. She’s more put together, her hair fixed and eyes clear. She’s not the deranged woman she once was.

She finally looks at me, her eyes watering “I’m sorry, Jax. I’m sorry for everything I put you through.”

I exhale, my chest falling. She didn’t just hurt me, she caused pain to her whole family, the people who love her. And I know her illness is to blame for what happened, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t leave a scar on each one of us.

“I’m getting better,” she informs me. “I thought I was only hurting myself, but now that I’m taking my medication every day, I can see that I did more damage than I thought.” A tear slips from her eye, and she wipes it away. “I caused a lot of pain for your dad, Sam, and you.”

My eyes scan her from head to toe. This woman is someone I haven’t met before. She’s somewhere in between the Mom I used to know and the one who threw stuff out the window. And I feel sorry for her because it’s like she has to start over, and I know that can’t be easy. Navigating life is hard enough without people scrutinizing your every move. I just hope she can keep moving forward.

She holds herself taller. “I can’t say anything besides I’m sorry, and it won’t happen again.” She takes a step closer to me. “I know I have to earn your trust back, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to show you I can be the mom I was when you were Sam’s age.”

I drop my arms, letting them fall to my sides as I let my brain process what she said. Her eyes plead with me, and my chest aches for her. I can’t forget overnight, but I can do something else. I can allow us to start healing from the past and fully walk out of the dark tunnel and into the light.

This is going to be one of those moments I remember for the rest of my life. I’ll recall the day I chose to forgive my mom and know I made the right decision.

I take a step toward her and wrap my arms around her. She’s stiff for a beat before she throws her arms around me, her body shaking.

“I forgive you, Mom.”

She cries louder, the sound echoing in the living room, and I hold her, letting her know I mean the words I said.

Dad peeks his head out of the kitchen, giving me a nod, the side of his mouth tipped up, before he disappears.

She pulls away from me, her cheeks full and red as her eyes glisten. “Thank you. I love you.”

I smile weakly at her. I don’t say it back, but not because I hate her. I just can’t give her everything at once. Forgiving her was a big step. The rest will come with time.

She walks away from me and to the bathroom, shutting herself inside.

My chest is lighter as I climb the stairs. I no longer harbor a weight on my shoulders because I feel like life is going to be better for Sam. It’s going to be better for all four of us.

I walk into Sam’s room and plop on the bed next to Raegan.

I laugh under my breath when I see Sam sleeping in her lap with the television playing a Christmas movie.

“You knocked her out?” I throw an arm around Raegan’s shoulders.

“She passed out as soon as her head hit my lap. I think she’s had too much excitement today.”

“We haven’t even gotten to the presents.” I run a hand down Sam’s back as she drools on Raegan’s leg like she’s a dog.

“How did it go?” Raegan worries her bottom lip as she waits for me to answer.

“Great. It’s better now that I’m here,” I whisper as she frees her lip.

“Why is that?” Her mouth tugs up in a smile.

“Because I’m with you and Sam.” I kiss her temple. “Everything is perfect. I have you, we aced our English paper, I made an A in chemistry, and my parents seem happy again.” I move my hand to side of her neck, focusing her attention on me. “And it’s all because I have you.”

Her crystal-blue eyes smile as her red lips stretch across her face. “I love you.”

“And I love you, Red.” I seal my mouth to hers, kissing her slowly.

Raegan didn’t solve all my problems, but when she came into my life, she made each day easier. She reminded me what it was to have a life outside of all the issues I was battling at home.

I couldn’t be more thankful for the girl next to me because she made my life whole when it was falling apart.