Raegan

“You should have seen this guy,” I say to Arya as we watch television on the couch.

“Was he hot?”

My head swivels in her direction, and I give her a death glare.

“Sorry,” she whispers under her breath.

Yes, Jax is hot, but looks don’t matter when you’re being graded on a group project. He could look like a zebra, but if he executed a decent paper, I would be ecstatic. Too bad my partner can’t really be a zebra.

“What am I going to do?”

Group projects are like being stuck in an elevator with someone who won’t stop whistling as you travel ten floors. It’s annoying, and it tests your patience.

“Three options. You can do the project on your own. Or drop the class, and take it next semester. Or hunt his ass down and harass the shit out of him until he gives in to your every demand.” She shifts on the couch, looking directly at me. “Personally, I think you should go with option number three.” She winks.

“I think you might be right.”

“It’s about time you listened to me.”

Arya doesn’t say she means all the unsolicited advice she gave me regarding Travis, but I know that’s exactly what she’s referring to. I let out a long sigh and shrink into myself.

“Sorry,” she says, only half-sounding like she means it.

“It’s fine.” I wave my hand, letting the comment fall away.

She jolts from the couch, outstretching her hand toward me. “I can’t stand looking at you in Travis’s sweatshirt any longer. We’re going to get your shit.”

I place my hand in hers, and she hauls me from the couch, being the backbone I don’t seem to have.

I grip the steering wheel, staring at a house I despise. My stomach rolls, vomit threatening the back of my throat at the thought of going inside.

What if Blondie is there? What if she’s already taken my spot, her belongings infiltrating a life I once had?

“I don’t know if I can do this,” I say, voice shaking, while I hold back the bile rising in the back of my mouth.

“You can,” Arya says, unwavering, briefly squeezing my hand for support. She hurries out of her seat but sticks her head back inside before closing the door. “Get your ass out of the damn car.”

Tough love, it is then.

I inhale and exhale, letting my thoughts drift away, as I unbuckle my seat belt and jump out of the car.

I slam the door, and an overwhelming feeling of guilt bogs me down when I see the tennis ball in the yard along with a bowl of water next to the front door. I shake it off, knowing I can rectify one bad decision I’ve made lately.

I pray Travis isn’t home. Deep down, I’m scared he could convince me to take him back—that, on some level, I want him back.

That’s the problem with being in a relationship so long. It’s hard to break it off. It’s comfortable, something you know. After all, most people aren’t a fan of change, and uprooting your life isn’t as easy as you’d like to think it is.

I use the key on my key ring to unlock the door, and when we step inside, we’re greeted with deafening silence. I let out a sigh of relief, thanking the heavens Travis isn’t here. I don’t have to worry about fending off his advances or about my defenses collapsing around him, letting him smooth-talk me the way he always has.

I notice a rawhide bone next to the coat closet when I shut the front door. A heavy weight falls on my shoulders as I bite my lip. It’s too quiet. I don’t hear the faint sound of paws hitting the hardwood floor or barking in the distance.

“I have to look for her.” I walk around the couch, searching for my black fur ball.

“Wait…what?” Arya watches as I throw pillows off the couch.

“Stella. I’m taking her with us.” I drop to my knees and peer under the coffee table. “Help me look for her.”

“Okay, I’ll start in the office.”

I stand up and look behind the television stand, recliner, and side table, but she isn’t there.

I race to the kitchen. Stella’s bowl sits on the floor, and her favorite snack is lying by it with teeth marks in the plastic bag, like she was trying to rip it open.

Arya and I sweep every square inch of the house, opening each door and searching under the furniture, but we come up empty.

My shoulders slump as I lean against the wall across from the pictures of me and Travis.

There’s only one place she could be, and that’s with him. It’s almost like he knew I would come back for her, that he knew I loved Stella more than I did him. And it’s the truth because Stella has been by my side since the day we brought her home from the Humane Society. She’s my companion and my heart, all rolled into one.

Arya stops in front of me, and her face falls, as she touches my arm, like she can feel the hurt rolling through me. “We’ll get her back, Raegan.”

“Yeah,” I mumble under my breath.

“For now, let’s get your stuff.” She drags me down the hall, and I follow her with a hollow chest.

When I step over the threshold into the bedroom, memories assault me—and not good ones. I still see Travis screwing Blondie against the wall, and hatred bubbles up in me, making it that much easier to collect my belongings and march out the door, never looking back.

I hastily throw all my clothes in two huge suitcases I had in the closet, anxiety clawing at my throat.

Arya gathers everything from the bathroom and shoves it all in a black duffel bag, making as much noise as someone hammering a nail into a wall.

I cringe at the sound, my hands making quick work of the zipper on the suitcase as I sit on the top, keeping it closed. “Arya, be quiet,” I hiss, as if someone might be sneaking around the corner.

She walks out of the bathroom, hauling the bag over her shoulder. “Don’t be so dramatic.” She rolls her eyes. “We’re alone.”

I pout, standing from the suitcase and yanking the metal handle out. She stalks ahead of me as she heads out of the room with the other suitcase.

We wade through the front door, leaving behind a person I despise and another I love more than words can express. It’s an odd feeling—wanting to run the hell away and stay forever. It’s like my emotions are at war, and I’m waiting to see which wins out.

Once everything is thrown in my car, I slouch down in the driver’s seat, no longer sick to my stomach from nerves. I feel empty, my insides carved out.

When I walked out on Travis, I left something behind I never thought I would. In my haste, I forgot Stella. I forgot my short, scrappy dog who loves to head-butt my face until I pet her.

“Come on, Raegan, cheer up.” Arya rifles through her giant purse in her lap. “If you smile, I’ll give you something that will make you feel better.”

I give what is possibly one of the most atrocious smiles known to man. It’s more along the lines of a grimace, but it’s all she’s going to get.

“We’re going to have to work on that.”

She waves around a small piece of chocolate she pulled from her purse, and I snatch it out of her hand.

“Guys want a girl who can smile without looking like a rabid dog.”

I tear open the wrapper from the piece of chocolate, flinging it at her feet, and toss the chocolate in my mouth. “I don’t want a relationship.”

“Who said anything about a relationship?”

“You said—”

She holds up her hand to silence me. “You don’t have to be in a relationship to date. You’re a senior, and you’ve spent almost your whole college career with Travis. Play the field. Date a guy or two or maybe three at a time,” she quips. “Live a little.”

I scrunch my face. “I don’t think so.”

I glance at the house one last time before I back out of the driveway, feeling like I’m leaving part of my soul behind. In the rearview mirror, I notice Travis’s car driving up. “Oh, shit.”

“What?” She looks around like a bird has fallen out of the sky until she sees him. “Drive. Don’t stop the car.” She watches me, waiting for me to speed away from him.

Travis abandons his car, leaving the driver’s door wide open in the middle of the street.

And then I see four little black paws in the space between the car door and road. Her head pops out from behind the door, and she runs down the street as her leash drags behind her that’s connected to her collar. Her black fur shines under the sun, and I want nothing more than to cuddle her against my chest.

Of course he left Stella in the car with the door open, not caring if she got loose.

My gaze shifts to Travis’s running form, his red hair blowing in the wind. I hear him yelling my name, and my gut clenches.

“Raegan,” Arya warns.

But all I do is stare at Travis getting closer and closer to my car until he’s standing outside the driver’s window.

“Rae, come back home, baby, please,” he begs. “I love you. Please forgive me.”

“Raegan!” Arya yells, forcing my attention to her. “Drive,” she demands.

I know, if she could step on the gas pedal, we would be long gone.

Shaking my head, I snap out of it. I shift the car into drive and speed away from him as fast as I can. I glance in the rearview mirror and see him standing in the street with a leash in his hand, appearing upset. Then I see Stella right next to him, reflecting every emotion I feel about leaving her.

Rejection. Misery. Loss.

She pulls her leash, trying to run toward the car and away from Travis. My chin trembles when she barks.

I’ve deserted her, and that dejected look in her giant brown eyes completely shatters me, tears pricking at my eyes.

Travis yanks her leash, and she falls back with a yelp. I grip the steering wheel and growl.

“I have to turn around.” I bring the car to a screeching halt.

“What? No!”

“I have to go back for Stella,” I argue, needing Stella to know I didn’t leave her behind, that I could never leave her alone with Travis.

Arya glances behind us, seeing Stella standing in the road. Arya regards me with sympathetic eyes. “I know you want to go back, but you can’t, not right now. I promise, in a few weeks, we can come back for her, but I don’t trust you around him.” She places her hand on my shoulder and implores, “Let’s go home.”

I know she’s right, I do, but my heart hates her, which is exactly why I don’t listen to her as I jerk the car in reverse, moving closer to Travis and Stella.

I slam the car to a stop by the driveway and throw the car door open, sprinting toward Stella.

Travis smiles widely, opening his arms for me to embrace him, but I evade him, bending down and scooping Stella in my arms.

Warmth radiates in my chest as she cuddles into my hold, wiggling and licking my face.

Travis rips her away from me, and she growls and barks as he traps her against his chest.

“What the hell?” I yell.

“Come home.” Travis holds Stella by her midsection as she squirms, her eyes pleading with me as she claws at his forearm.

I cross my arms, irritated he jerked her away from me. My blood boils as he squeezes her against him, and I forget all about how my chest has ached since I walked away from him.

“No.”

“Rae—”

I fume. “What we had is done. You ruined it; we both did.” I draw in a breath, calming my racing pulse. “This isn’t what you want, and it isn’t what I want.”

His mouth turns down, his eyes sad.

“I’m sorry, Travis, but I’m not coming back.” I shake my head. “You can’t win me over.”

Stella whimpers in his hold, her paws scratching at his arm. I reach out for her, but he moves away from me.

“If I can’t have you, then you can’t have Stella.”

“What?” I scream, the sound echoing through the empty neighborhood street.

“If you come home, we can both take care of her.”

I stomp toward him. “You don’t even like her. You’re allergic to dogs.”

He shrugs. “I’ve gotten by the last eight months just fine.”

Blood rushes to my ears, my temper rising, as the beating in my chest becomes the only thing I hear. My fists clench at my sides, my nails digging into my palms.

The wind blows, and the scent of cigars and leather takes over me. A scent I hate more than anything when it used to be something I adored above everything else.

A hand grabs my elbow, jerking me back. “Raegan, let’s go.”

I stand my ground, undeterred, as Arya tries to pull me away. “No.”

“Stella is my dog.” Travis yanks his cell out of his pocket. “Maybe I should have the police settle this for us? I’m sure they would be happy to inform you that you have no rights to her.”

“Raegan, we can’t do anything. Let’s go,” Arya demands.

Travis smirks. “What are you going to do, Raegan? Hmm?”

I can’t do anything. I can’t fight him because he’ll win. When we got Stella, he paid her adoption fee, he paid for all her shots, and he paid for all her food and toys. In legal terms, she belongs to him. But he doesn’t love her, and she doesn’t love him either.

I grind my teeth, keeping myself together, as I stand in front of Travis, wanting nothing more than to take Stella home with me, but I can’t.

Stella is still trying to claw away from Travis, her small body fighting his hold.

“Nothing.” I sigh.

I glance at Stella one last time, tears forming in my eyes as she holds my gaze. Nothing but fear is in her eyes as I walk backward, leaving her with a man who doesn’t know a thing about her. I feel my heart splintering, shards of glass tearing me apart, as she struggles against Travis’s hold, the further I slip away.

I turn from her, no longer able to watch her fight to break free as she whimpers.

I get in the car and put it in drive. I peer in the rearview mirror every so often, watching as Stella fades off into the distance until she disappears completely.

It’s then the tears fall, freely slipping down my face, as the last piece of my heart breaks.