Raegan

Jax pulls in the driveway at my house and switches off the ignition. I jump out, and we each slam the door at the same time.

I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun with a guy. I’ve learned that Jax is so much more than I thought he was. He’s kind, he loves his sister, and he’s almost as much of a pain in the ass as Arya, but that’s okay. I love seeing the playful side of him, not the guy who pretends to be cocky.

I know from the rumor mill at school that he’s notorious for sleeping with a different girl every day, but I don’t think that’s who he is. I don’t think that’s who he wants to be. I feel like that was him putting on a facade, and maybe, just maybe, this is who he really is.

Jax stops me before I unlock the front door, keeping me pinned in place. The tip of his nose is red from being outside in the cold when we were at the maze, and I bet mine is the same shade.

He’s always holding my attention, captivating me the way no one ever has. It’s too hard for me to resist, to fight him off, when all I want to do is dive headfirst into his gray eyes.

Meeting him has changed everything. Even if nothing comes of us or we stall out, he’ll always remind me of the stars and autumn. If we fall apart, he will forever have ruined two of my favorite things.

His eyes appraise my face, searching for something as they dance over every inch of me, trying to decipher me.

My blonde hair blows in the wind, and I lift my hand, pushing it behind my ear.

I know I’m the one holding us back. Fear is a fucking bitch, and I wish I could punch her, laying that chick flat on her ass. Too bad fear isn’t a living, breathing thing.

Without saying anything, his mouth lands on mine in a soft kiss, nothing like what we shared earlier that was full of heat.

I rest my hand on his clean-shaven face, bringing our lips closer together.

I’m learning that Jax isn’t one person. There are so many different sides of him, and each side only adds something better.

His hand molds to my waist, his touch light as his thumb caresses my hip. I shiver, telling myself it’s the wind, but there isn’t any wind, only him.

We move together, slow and purposeful, his teeth nipping at my bottom lip, but then the door flies open, and my heart pounds against my chest.

“Hey, lovebirds!” Arya shouts, making her presence known to the whole street. “Wanna come in, so you can put us all out of our misery and have explosive sex that will have me wanting to blare music through the house?”

“Seriously,” I groan, wanting to slap her across the face.

She beams, ignoring me. “I’ll even let you do it on the couch.”

I push her inside. “Oh my God, stop!”

Jax leans forward, his eyes scanning the living room. “I don’t think there’s enough room. Maybe we can push the two couches together”—my eyes widen as I balk at him—“and then we’ll have enough room.”

I shove his shoulder, and he stumbles, laughing from egging Arya on, and I hate him for it.

“I’ll watch if you want,” Arya adds as I step in the house.

I slap my hand over her mouth, keeping any more words from escaping her.

“I’m not into that kind of thing. Too nervous, performing for a crowd,” Jax confesses.

Arya spits in my hand as she laughs, and I drop my hand, my face souring, and wipe the palm of my hand on my jeans.

“You should work on your performance issues. Don’t want Raegan being left unsatisfied because you can’t perform.”

I turn sideways and glare at Arya as she stands next to me. I can’t believe her. Wait, actually, I can.

Jax grins as he watches me and Arya from the porch.

I grip the door in my hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I tell Jax, wanting to end the weirdest conversation I’ve ever heard.

He nods, turning to walk away. “Bye, Red.”

“You like him, don’t you?!” Arya shouts loud enough for anyone to hear her over a chainsaw.

“I fucking hate you,” I say.

Jax howls in laughter, walking backward to his truck.

I slam the door, cutting off my view of him and ending my humiliation. I turn around and press my back against the door.

“You love me.” She grins. “I know that’s what you meant.”

I stalk up the stairs and shut the door to my room after Stella waddles inside, leaving Arya in the hallway to talk to herself.

Sitting on the floor by the couch, I adjust the ears on Stella’s head. “You look so adorable,” I coo, wanting nothing more than to pinch her cheeks, like you would a chubby baby. I reach behind me, grabbing my camera that’s next to the couch. I throw off the lens cap and snap a picture.

Since tonight is the Halloween party, I wanted to put Stella in her costume. Okay, it’s not really a costume, more like cat ears and a long cat tail attached to her butt.

I thought it would be funny since I was dressing up as a dog. I wanted to be Stella for Halloween. Call me crazy or obsessed, but it’s better than being a slutty angel, like Arya. She tried to convince me to be a sexy devil, but there was no way I was going to let her talk me into that. Plus, it’s not very original, if you ask me.

At least I know no one else will be in the same costume as me. The guys at the party might act like dogs though.

I pick white fuzz off my black shirt and fling it on the carpet. If I stay on the floor much longer, I’ll need to take a lint roller to my black shorts and leggings as well as my shirt. Arya called me a weirdo for wearing shorts with my leggings. I explained to her I was not going to wear just leggings with my shirt because leggings are not pants. I don’t care what anyone says.

I glued a small, curly tail to the back of my shorts. I was going to draw whiskers on my face with a black nose, but Arya put her foot down, saying she wouldn’t come with me if I did.

“Arya,” I say, placing the headband on my head that mimics Stella’s ears. “Arya,” I say again when she doesn’t answer me. I peek over my shoulder and notice her texting on her phone. “Arya!” I shriek.

She jumps, finally coming up for air from her damn phone.

“What?” she asks, crossing the room.

I hold out my camera to her. “Take a picture.”

She takes it, shaking her head at me, causing her halo to bounce around. “You and your dog have a serious problem.”

“No, we don’t.” I place Stella in my lap, leaning my head down next to hers, and she licks my face.

Arya snaps a few pictures before I set Stella down on the ground and get on my hands and knees.

“You don’t have a problem?” she asks with wide eyes. “I’m going to take this picture, and then I want you to think long and hard about what you see.”

“Don’t be so perverted, Arya,” I retort, glaring at her.

The flash on the camera goes off, and the front door opens at the same time.

“Oh, shit,” I hear from over my shoulder, the voice vaguely familiar. “Now, I see it.”

I flip around as Graham lets out a grunt from Jax’s arm connecting with his stomach.

“Don’t you know how to knock?” Arya asks as she sets the camera on the couch.

“Graham doesn’t know how to knock,” Jax says, throwing a pointed look at his friend.

Graham shrugs. “Don’t leave it unlocked if you don’t want someone to walk in.”

Stella barks from all the noise, and she tries to run away, but I grab her before she can. I sit on my butt and stare at them in confusion.

“What are you doing here?” I ask Jax.

“Picking you up,” he says.

It’s then I see he’s dressed as Superman…kind of. He’s in jeans with a Superman shirt, and a red cape is tied around his neck.

Because Stella continues to bark, squirming in my hold, I place her on the floor in front of me.

“It’s at your house.” I take the ears and tail off Stella, knowing she’s bound to tear them up if I leave them on her. “Why would you come here just to go back?”

“It’s called being a gentleman,” Graham interjects, tipping his cowboy hat. “I know you’re not accustomed to it because Jax isn’t much of one.”

Jax shoves his shoulder. “No, that’s you, genius.”

I let go of Stella, and she runs toward the guys. She sniffs Graham’s cowboy boots before she turns to Jax, clawing at his legs. He picks her up, holding her under his arm as he pets her. My heart melts at the sight of them, and I turn into a big pile of goo.

Graham shrugs and then ambles toward Arya with his thumbs in the belt loops of his jeans, playing the part of a cowboy.

“You guys are so unoriginal.” I move to my feet and walk around the couch, so we can leave.

“Don’t get me started on you,” Arya remarks, raising a brow.

Jax steps forward, making the space feel tiny with four people jammed in our small living room. “Let’s talk about the real problem. Red dressed Stella up in a costume.” He exhales, blowing air through his mouth. “Have you read any of our paper?”

“In my defense, you weren’t supposed to be here.”

“That makes it okay?” he asks, placing Stella on the couch.

“Yep,” I say, popping the P.

“I’m sorry your owner is so mean to you, Stella.” He scratches under her chin, and her butt wiggles back and forth.

I roll my eyes at them.

I shuffle everyone forward, pushing them out the front door.

When we’re outside, I don’t feel as suffocated, inhaling a lungful of air that’s tinged with burning wood.

“I can’t believe you dressed your dog up as a fucking cat,” Arya scoffs, tapping her foot. “She’s not even going with us.”

“Shut up,” I groan, closing the door.

Graham drops an arm around Arya’s shoulders, flicking her fuzzy angel wings. “It did give me a pretty nice view when I walked in.”

Jax swats Graham’s cowboy hat. “Do you want me to tell them about the time a girl walked out on you during sex?” The wind catches Jax’s cape, causing it to whip up behind him.

“Jackass,” Graham mutters as Arya shifts out from under his arm.

She wrinkles her brows as she gawks at Graham. “You must be bad in bad. I need someone who knows what they’re doing.”

She links her arm with mine, and we head down the driveway, leaving the guys alone.

“I know what I’m doing. Care to find out?” Graham shouts behind us.

Arya laughs, her hand grabbing her chest. “Nope.”

“You’re really going to make him work for it, aren’t you?” I ask, adjusting the dog ears on my head.

“You know it,” she singsongs as her heels click-clack against the sidewalk.

Arya and Graham seem to be one in the same—both looking for a good time and nothing more.

I honestly don’t know how she detaches herself from the guys she hooks up with. I’ve never understood the whole casual-dating thing.

But is that what I’m doing with Jax? Are we just passing time and having fun?

I feel like I’m on a tightrope, balancing between what I want and what I think I shouldn’t want. I’m struggling to stay upright, falling closer to what I want and ignoring my head.

My gut seems to always be right when my head and heart have steered me in the wrong direction.

Jax walks up next to me, flashing a smile as he tugs on the tail glued on the back of my shorts. I playfully scowl at him. He holds his cape out at his sides and jogs ahead of us.

I bite my lip, fighting a smile. My gut is telling me to take a chance on him.

My foot sinks into the grass as we walk up to the house. I step over an empty plastic cup and pack of cigarettes. The lawn is littered with miscellaneous trash and glass liquor bottles. I cringe, seeing two girls throwing up in the bushes on the side of the house, no one bothering to hold their hair back.

I hear guys shouting, “Drink! Drink! Drink!” from the backyard. And I can imagine some guy doing a handstand on a keg, drinking his weight in beer.

Crunch. My feet falter as I step on a plastic cup and liquid splashes on my black flats. Gross.

“Is it always like this?” I question, not specifically asking anyone.

Graham tilts his head toward me. “This is tame.” I scrunch my face. “You’ve been to a college party before, right?”

I pucker my lips, my eyebrows meeting my hairline. “Not really.” Not one like this anyway.

The parties Travis took me to when he was in college were…lackluster. It was pretty much just a handful of guys playing card games, and I would sit on the couch the whole time, bored out of my mind.

Graham steps in front of me, walking backward. “Jax here”—he points to Jax, who’s walking in time next to me—“will show you a good time. Think of it as a club. You didn’t seem to have a problem there.” He grins before he grabs Arya’s hand and pulls her away.

My mouth goes slack as I openly stare at the back of Graham’s retreating form. Arya peers over her shoulder, winking at me, as she blows me a kiss.

He seems like a handful. I hope she knows what she’s doing.

“It’ll be fine,” Jax says, wrapping his hand around mine.

I’m not worried about the other people here. I’m worried about the trouble I’m going to get myself into with him. I’ve already proven alcohol and Jax are a bad combination.

When he leads me inside, loud dance music assaults me as it blares through the house. Smoke clouds waft through the air from people smoking joints, making it harder to breathe in the already-heavy air.

I’ve definitely never been to a party like this.

We wade through the crowded house, and everywhere I look, a girl in a skimpy costume is draped over a guy. They leave little to the imagination with their cleavage on full display and dresses so short, I can see the bottoms of their asses—not cute in my opinion.

Halloween is just an excuse to get laid when you’re in college.

A girl in fishnet stockings and a corset steps in front of us. She runs a purple manicured fingernail down Jax’s chest.

I narrow my eyes at her as my face burns, the intense desire to bitch slap her overwhelming me.

He scowls and removes her hand, dropping it back to her side. She pops her hip out as she flips her blonde hair, her eyes dropping to where our hands connect. He sidesteps her and pulls me through the crowd in the living room.

The fact that she thought she had the right to touch him makes my stomach twist in knots. She did it because she knew he’d hooked up with one girl after the other. She probably assumed she could be next in line.

Why would Jax be interested in me when he could have a blonde bimbo like her?

I bet Travis would have told her to meet him upstairs when I wasn’t around.

“Hey, Jax. Wanna dance?” someone dressed as a French maid asks, pouting her lips.

“I’m here with Raegan.”

He pulls me closer, and the girl’s face sours as she saunters off.

He brushed both girls off, but it doesn’t change the fact that I want to throat-punch them and tell them to back off.

I don’t want anyone else to have him. I don’t want anyone else to know the real him.

My breath catches in my throat because, now, I know this isn’t a casual-dating thing. As much as I didn’t want anything with Jax, as much as I hated him, I want nothing more than to be the one he calls his.

My stomach drops at the realization, as I know he could hurt me.

Jax isn’t the same as Travis. He’s the opposite, and he can end me, dragging my heart through the mud when he’s done with me.

My breathing escalates, my chest heaving, as I fight to inhale the thick air.

I drop Jax’s hand and turn around, needing to leave this house before everything caves in on me.

Why is this happening?

I’m completely overreacting for nothing. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but that’s exactly the problem.

If I had a magic crystal ball to tell me everything would work out, then maybe I wouldn’t be stumbling through a mob of people, trying to push my way out.

Someone latches on to my hand, and I whip my head around, seeing Jax looking as confused as I feel.

He shouts, “What’s wrong?”

I grab my chest, my nails digging into my skin, like I can yank my thrashing heart out my chest to make the panic subside.

When I don’t answer, he drags me in the opposite direction of the front door. I try to pull away, but he tightens his grip on my hand. He guides me up the stairs and down the hallway until he opens a door.

He leads me inside and shuts the door behind him. “Red, what’s going on?”

I shake my head, not able to talk as I take in as much air as I can, glad this room isn’t as suffocating as downstairs.

I have this overwhelming fear of trusting someone again. When Travis broke my heart, I felt like he threw a boulder at me. I was broken and bruised on the inside. My scars and pain were hidden by flesh and a brave face, but just because no one could see it, doesn’t mean I didn’t feel it.

Jax guides me to the bed and pushes me down, kneeling in front of me.

His gray eyes cloud with worry, and his lips turn down. He pushes my hair away from my face, his thumb trailing across my flush skin.

Breathing becomes easier as I watch Jax trying to comfort me in a way Travis never did.

Travis might have taken care of me financially, but he didn’t know how to ease my mind.

Even though Jax is the reason I’m freaking out, he’s calming me down without saying a word.

Sometimes you have to take a chance. If you ever want to find an epic love, you must be willing to fall. And if you’re lucky, the person you love whole-heartedly will be there to catch you before you hit the ground. All you have to do is trust them.

“Raegan,” he says, bringing his other hand to my face, “I can take you home. Just say the word.”

That’s not the problem. I’m the problem. I’m stuck in my own head.

“What is this?” I whisper.

“What do you mean?” His brows furrow.

I gesture between us. “This.”

He exhales, searching my face before he drops his head. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” I question, pushing his hands away from my face.

His head snaps up, and he grabs me around the waist, moving closer to me. “I don’t know, but I feel something I haven’t before.”

“How vague of you.” I shove away from him and stand from the bed.

“Red, what do you want me to say?” He gets to his feet. “This is new. It’s…I don’t know.”

He fumbles for words as he draws nearer, but I circle around his room, keeping him as far away as I can.

“Am I just some girl you like to hang out with? Someone you’re trying to screw?”

He flinches. “You know that’s not true.”

“Do I?” I balk. “Because you can’t seem to figure out what we are, and I refuse to be another one of the many girls Jax Andrews has slept with.”

I stare at him, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn’t.

The door opens, music from the party filtering through the room, and a girl wearing a bikini struts in.

“Jax, I’ve been looking for you,” she whines, her voice squeaky.

I wince from the sound.

He walks to the door and steers her out of the room. “Leave.”

Her mouth falls open as he shuts the door in her face, locking it behind him.

“Who was that?” I ask, crossing my arms.

“No one.”

“Really? She seemed like more than no one. A late-night fuck buddy?”

He throws his hands out in surrender. “Raegan, I have no fucking clue what her name is.”

“You’re telling me a random chick thought it was okay to barge in here when she wasn’t invited?” I stare at him.

He tugs on the ends of his hair. “That’s not who I am, not anymore. We’re…you’re…” He groans in frustration, not able to get the words out.

I drop my hands to my sides. “Tell me something, Jax, because I need to know we’re more than I think we are.”

I need him to give me something because the epiphany I had downstairs hit me like a freight train, and if he doesn’t feel the same, then whatever we’ve been doing needs to stop before I can’t come back from this.

He walks toward me, backing me up against the nearest wall. “You’re not just another girl. You’re the one who has changed everything.”

My eyes search his face as he presses his body against mine.

“I’ve fought with myself since I first saw you running down the sidewalk past my house before I met you in class.” His gray eyes hold mine, like he’s staring into my soul. “You have invaded every one of my thoughts and become the person I want to be around more than anyone else.”

I bite my lip, but he pulls it free before resting his hand on the side of my face.

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like every other girl because you’re not…not even close.”

His mouth crashes against mine, swallowing me whole, and I let him. I fist the side of his shirt, pulling him closer until the only thing separating us is our clothes.

His hand leaves my face, traveling down the side of my body. He grabs my waist, picking me up off the ground, and I wrap my legs around him as he flips us around, walking away from the wall.

He leans down, bracing himself on his mattress, as one hand stays firmly wrapped around my waist. He drops me to the bed, the smell of mint surrounding me. I inhale as his lips move down my neck, loving the fresh scent that engulfs me.

His arms cage me in as I flatten my palms against his chest, feeling the hard lines under his shirt.

Neither of us has had any alcohol, so I know this is real. We aren’t playing pretend. We aren’t being fueled by lust but by words.

He backs away, hovering above me. “What are we to you?” he asks, a quiver in his voice.

“More than I ever thought we would be.” I clasp my hands behind his neck, yanking him down. “You’re a dangerous addiction I don’t want to resist anymore.”

“Then, don’t,” he whispers.

His lips collide with mine, and my fingers slide through his short brown hair, and I allow him to swallow me whole.

My body sinks further into his bed as I lose the last bit of fight I was holding on to.