Jax

I step through the door of the house I’ve come to loathe. If it wasn’t for Sam, I’m not sure I ever would come back here. Then again, if she wasn’t around, would my parents still be together?

I shut the door, staring blankly into the vacant and unusually quiet house. I walk through the living room, thinking how the silence is such a stark contrast to when I came home to Mom throwing stuff out the window.

One thing I’ve never understood is why two people would stay together when they are so clearly miserable. People get divorced every day, so why would you force your children to suffer by staying in a toxic relationship?

Sam is only learning that love should hurt and is often volatile. My parents are doing more harm than good by existing in the same house. How they haven’t torn each other to shreds yet, I have no idea.

Short, choppy footsteps run across the floor upstairs, and before I can make it to the staircase, Sam comes running downstairs, wearing nothing but a floppy hat and a long necklace with her underwear.

“Where are your clothes?” I ask, laughing under my breath.

She swings back and forth with her hands clasped in front of her. “I don’t know,” she singsongs.

I crouch down, balancing on the balls of my feet. “Go put some on, and we can go see Walker.”

Her face lights up as she bounces on her toes. “Walker!” She turns to run up the stairs but stops, looking back at me. “Can we get a pumpkin? Mommy and Daddy haven’t gotten me one.”

My jaw tightens, but I keep a smile on my face as Sam watches me from the stairs.

Of course they haven’t because they don’t bother to give her all the things normal kids have—birthday parties, day trips, holiday celebrations. It’s like they’ve completely forgotten how to act like adults, too consumed with their own issues rather than making sure Sam gets everything she warrants.

I stand, blood rushing down my legs to my feet. “Absolutely. We can even carve it”—she beams—“but you have to get moving.”

She turns and rushes up the stairs and down the hall to her room.

I head toward the couch and plop on the cushion, leaning my head back and staring at the ceiling. Maybe I can talk to my parents, tell them they need to get their shit together. But will that do any good? I’ve tried before, and they’ve insisted they would go to therapy because they wanted to stay together for Sam. But this is no life to lead, no example to set for my little Munchkin.

“What are you doing today?”

I whip my head in the direction of my dad, who sits down on the couch opposite me. “Gonna take Sam to see Walker.”

He nods. “Don’t have her out too late. She has pre-school tomorrow.”

My eyes widen at his words. Maybe he’s not that bad. Maybe I’m so blinded by my own hatred for the situation that I miss the good in my parents. “Where’s Mom?”

He leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “No idea.”

“What are you guys doing?” I ask.

“What do you mean?” His brows furrow.

I wonder when he got so much older. His hair used to be black, but now, it’s mostly gray. Wrinkles line his face, and he appears more tired now than when Sam was a baby, crying through the night.

“You and Mom.” I scoot to the edge of the couch, drawing myself closer to him. “Sam deserves more than two parents who fight all the time. Don’t you think it would be better for her to have parents who are happily separated than miserable together?”

He lets out a deep sigh, placing his hands on either side of his head. “It’s complicated.”

“It’s not.”

The same gray eyes I have reflect back at me. “I’m not sure your mom would survive without me.”

I ran a hand through my hair and grip the back of my neck. “What does that mean?”

His lips press in a firm line before he speaks, “Look, neither of us has said anything to you because you have enough going on.”

Like taking care of your daughter.

He glances at the stairs before meeting my eyes. “Your mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. We’ve been dealing with it the best we can, but she refuses to take her meds because of how out of touch they make her feel.”

Bipolar? Why didn’t they tell me any of this before?

“Is that why you fight?” My brows crease as I look at my dad, a guy who seems defeated with his sad eyes and head hanging low.

“Recently, yeah.” He nods. “I try to calm her down, but we both end up yelling at each other. I’m not proud of my actions, but I need her to get help. Otherwise…” He trails off, and I wonder if he’ll finally put us all out of our misery and end their marriage.

I swallow, my throat feeling tight. That’s a shitty thing to think—that he should leave his wife when she needs help—but it doesn’t make it any less true.

Sam needs a parent, so if he has to leave Mom to make that happen, then so be it.

“I’m not sure if either of you will survive with each other,” I say as Sam comes rushing in the living room, effectively ending our conversation.

“Walker. I wanna see Walker.” She tugs on my hand, attempting to yank me from the couch.

I stand and haul her off her feet, throwing her over my shoulder. She breaks out in a fit of giggles, the sound innocent and sweet.

“Say bye to Dad,” I tell her, turning around so she can lift her head to see him.

“Bye, Daddy,” she says between her laughter.

“Bye, sweetheart.” He moves off the couch, reaching his hand out to tousle her hair. “Have fun.”

Maneuvering around the couch, I head to the front door and throw it open.

“Put me down,” Sam says, wiggling against my shoulder, her feet kicking at my chest.

I close the door behind me, keeping my arm firmly wrapped around her back so she doesn’t wind up on the concrete from all her squirming.

“I can’t. The ground is lava. If I put you down, it’ll burn your feet.”

She gasps. “What ’bout you?” she asks, sounding worried. “Won’t you burn up?”

“Nope, I’m superhuman.” I head down the driveway to my truck.

“Like Superman?”

I chuckle, remembering the conversation I had with Raegan when I told her I was a superhero. “Yep, I’m here to protect you against the lava.”

Her hands grip my back, fisting my shirt. “Don’t let me go.”

I won’t.

I never will.

Sam runs around the pumpkin patch, and Walker trails behind her, staying with her as she weaves through the pumpkins.

I search for one big enough for me to carve while Sam touches every pumpkin she can. I watch her pick up a fistful of hay from next to one of the pumpkins and put it in Walker’s fur.

I find a pumpkin that weighs less than eight pounds and one that’s two pounds, so Sam can carry it around, showing it off after she decorates it. On the way here, she told me she wanted to paint her pumpkin instead of carving it. I decided to get two because I know she’ll change her mind.

I tow the two pumpkins to my truck after paying, keeping an eye on Sam and Walker as they chase each other around the pumpkin patch. I let down the tailgate and slide the pumpkins in before closing it.

Sam and Walker come barreling toward me. She attaches herself to my leg, and Walker jumps up on me, wanting just as much attention as the small human at my side.

I rub Sam’s head. “Let’s get going, so we can decorate the pumpkins before I have to take you home.”

“Do you have glue and glitter?” she asks, gazing up at me from under long lashes, her freckles prominent in the sun.

“No, Munchkin, I don’t.” I haul her up in my arms as Walker sits at my feet, panting, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

“How am I supposed to decorate my pumpkin? I need glitter.” She pouts.

My eyes scan the pumpkin patch of their own accord, and when they land on her, I know why my gaze drifted from Sam.

Raegan is standing in the checkout line, struggling to hold her pumpkin, while Arya talks her ear off as she holds a rambunctious Stella in her arms.

She shifts the pumpkin in her arms, but the weight must be too much for her because it falls to the ground and cracks open.

“Jax,” Sam says, shaking my shoulder, “she broke the pumpkin.” She points at a flustered Raegan, who is attempting to pick up the broken pieces.

“I see that.” I watch Raegan move to the register with an apologetic look on her face.

Arya laughs, and Raegan slaps her on the arm, shutting her up. Those two are a mess.

After paying for their broken pumpkin, Raegan throws it away in the nearby trash can and heads to the parking lot, empty-handed.

“I wanna make my pumpkin pretty. Can we go?” Sam whines in my arms, bouncing around. The girl can’t sit still to save her life.

“What do you say we buy that girl a pumpkin since hers broke?” I nod my head in Raegan’s direction. “I’ll let you pick it out.”

“Okay.”

I walk up to the curb next to my truck and place her on her feet in the grass. She runs back to the pumpkin patch with Walker on her heels.

Shoving my hands in my jacket pockets, I walk five feet down the parking lot, drawing closer to the girl I wish I could spend every minute of every day with.

I stop next to her car that’s parked in the same row as my truck. I make sure to keep an eye on Sam as I examine Raegan before she notices me.

She’s wearing my sweatshirt. The one I gave her at the lake when I stole her away from Nathan. I smirk, loving the fact that she’s in my sweatshirt instead of her own.

Her blonde hair is in messy waves, half-wet, like she stepped out of the shower and didn’t bother to do anything with it. Her face is clear of makeup, including the red lipstick I’ve grown so accustomed to seeing painted on her lips. Right now, her face is natural, and I love it, seeing her instead of what she hides herself behind.

“Jax?” Raegan asks, pulling the sleeves of my sweatshirt over her fists. “What are you doing here?”

I bring my eyes to hers, letting myself drown in the crystal-blue sea. “Same thing you are.” I clear my throat. “Except I’m leaving with a pumpkin, unlike you.”

She pushes her hair behind her ear. “I didn’t see any I liked.”

I glance over at the pumpkin patch where Sam is lying in the hay next to Walker instead of picking out a pumpkin. There are close to a hundred pumpkins left.

All I say is, “You’re too picky.”

“She’s lying. She broke the one she bought,” Arya states, throwing Raegan under the bus.

“Arya!” she scolds, glowering at her friend.

Arya shrugs, looking at Raegan, as she absentmindedly scratches Stella’s head. “It’s true.”

“Jax, Jax, Jax,” Sam calls, running as fast as she can toward me, carrying a pumpkin in her arms. “I got one.”

Walker comes running up behind Sam and barrels into Arya’s legs. I assume he sees Stella as he barks and runs in circles around Arya.

Good thing this parking lot isn’t busy.

Raegan squats down, calming Walker by rubbing behind his ears.

The attendant at the register keeps an eye on us, making sure I won’t try to make off with a free pumpkin.

“Let’s go pay for it first, okay?”

“Don’t you wanna ask if she likes it?” she says to me as she steps off the curb and walks toward Raegan. “How is this one?”

Raegan looks down at my sister, her eyes flitting between me and Sam.

Raegan taps her finger on her chin, pretending to appraise the pumpkin in Sam’s arms. “It’s perfect.”

Sam beams, walking toward me and holding the pumpkin out for me to take. “Now, you can buy it for her.”

I internally groan and want to slap my hand against my forehead, but I refrain as I take my hands out of my pockets and place the pumpkin under my arm.

Raegan stands back up, and Walker starts barking all over again.

Arya puts Stella on the asphalt, and Walker sniffs Stella’s face. The little black dog backs away from him, but when that doesn’t work, she runs between his legs, small enough to fit under his body.

“A dog!” Sam yells, holding her hands out as she runs toward Stella.

“Careful,” I tell her, not wanting her to squeeze Stella the way she does Walker.

Stella runs out from under Walker and straight to Sam, licking her hands.

“Buy it for her?” Arya questions with an accusatory tone.

“This is Sam, my sister,” I say, changing the subject.

Arya leans down next to Sam, holding out her hand. “I’m Arya.”

Sam drops her hand from Stella, turning her attention to the brunette across from her. “Ara,” Sam says.

I stifle a laugh.

“Arya,” she enunciates.

“Aya,” Sam tries to mimic but fails miserably.

“Oh, jeez, shorty.” She rolls her eyes. “That’s Raegan.” Arya points next to her.

“Rayen.”

“Raegan.”

“Rae,” Sam says.

I watch Raegan to see if she flinches, but she doesn’t. All she does is smile.

“You can call me Rae,” she says, running her hand through Sam’s brown hair.

Arya stands up straight. “Who taught this kid to talk?”

“She’s four. Give her a break.” I adjust the pumpkin under my arm, not wanting another one to fall to the ground. “Can you watch her for a sec? I need to pay for this before the gangly kid behind the register tackles me.”

Raegan nods her head as Walker trots around Stella, sneaking behind her to sniff her butt. Sam giggles as Stella runs around her, keeping Walker from sniffing her.

I head over to the checkout line, watching as relief washes over the teenager’s face.

“Who ya buyin’ a pumpkin for?” Arya asks, popping next to me in line. “Don’t think I forgot.”

“My sister,” I say flatly.

“Hmm…” She leans over, craning her head toward me. “I’m pretty sure that’s a lie.”

Stepping forward, I place the pumpkin on the scale and wait for the teenager to tell me the total as I pull my wallet out of my pocket.

“Eighteen seventy-three,” he says, his eyes glued to Arya.

Poor guy probably doesn’t see much action with glasses that take up his whole face and metal braces on his teeth.

She flashes him a smile as I hand him a twenty.

“Keep the change,” I say, shaking my head at Arya as she teases the poor guy, tilting closer to him.

I walk away, giving myself the chance to escape and hoping she forgets her line of questioning.

“Hey,” she calls after me. She grabs my elbow, yanking me to a stop. Her eyes move from the pumpkin to my face, silently asking me yet again whom the stupid pumpkin is for.

“It’s for Raegan, okay? Stop being a pest.” I tug out of her hold and stalk ahead of her.

“You know I’m on your side, right?” she asks, walking in step with me. “You’re much better than Travis and Nathan combined.”

I tense at both of their names. Neither one of them deserves Raegan, but I’m not sure I do either. But I can at least try…because maybe I can do this. Maybe I can give everything in my life an equal amount of attention.

I sigh, running my free hand through my hair. “I know.”

She skips ahead of me, her long brown hair bouncing down her back.

I’m not sure why Arya is so hell-bent on helping me with Raegan. In fact, I never told her I wanted anything with Raegan. But Arya is a force all on her own. I guess I should be grateful, but in the back of my mind, I wish she would leave it be.

“I totally forgot. I have to be at work in ten minutes.” Arya swipes the car keys out of Raegan’s hand.

“What?” Raegan questions, gaping at her empty hand.

Arya opens the driver’s door. “Yeah, I’ve gotta go.” She slides in the car and turns over the ignition. “I’m sorry, but Jax can give you a ride.” She winks at me when Raegan looks at me, confused. “I’ll be home later.”

Arya backs out of the parking spot and drives away before any of us have a chance to argue with her.

“Can we get glitter?” Sam asks, tugging on the hem of my shirt.

I free her hand and grasp it in mine. “Let’s take Raegan home first.” I turn my focus to Raegan, who is biting her bottom lip, her body turned in the direction where Arya drove off, abandoning her. “Raegan?”

She turns around. “Yeah?”

“Ready to go?”

“Do you want to get glitter with us?” Sam asks, throwing her arms up and wiggling her fingers. “Can I have the pumpkin?” she asks me, her attention switching between Raegan and me faster than I can keep up.

I place it in her arms, making sure she doesn’t fall over from the extra weight.

“Rae,” Sam coos, stepping closer to Raegan, “do you want glitter for your pumpkin?”

Raegan’s eyebrows pinch together as she smiles at Sam. “Is that my pumpkin?”

“Yeah, I picked it out.” She holds the pumpkin out in front of her, and Raegan takes it from her.

Raegan wipes dirt off the side of it, her eyes moving from Sam to me. “Thank you.”

I nod my head as Sam says, “You’re welcome.” Sam grabs her hand and leads her toward my truck.

I swipe Stella off the ground, noting she isn’t wearing a leash, much like Walker, but at least Walker isn’t the size of a soccer ball. Walker trots next to me, nosing my free hand, and I tousle his fur, so he doesn’t feel left out.

“Jax!” Sam yells over her shoulder. “Rae wants glitter on her pumpkin, too. She said she has some at home. Can we go there?”

Raegan mouths, Sorry, over her shoulder.

“Yeah,” I answer, catching up with them to unlock the truck.

These two women own more of me than they could ever know.