Chapter Thirty-Eight
Emma
My world snaps, the fragile band holding it together breaking free. I struggle to push him away, but he won’t let me go.
“Liar!”
“I’m not lying. I wish to God I was.”
“Let go of me, Aiden. You’re so fucking cruel. You want to rip me to shreds.”
“No, Emma, I wanted to hold everything together for you. But you cracked me open. I can’t lie to you anymore.”
I push him. Then I slap him. “What is wrong with you? My father was a firefighter. He was in the army. He coached my softball team. He taught me self-defense. He bought me my first book and helped me study for the ACTs. You are degrading his memory. I allowed you to hurt me, Aiden, but I will not allow you to disrespect him.”
“Emma, that man was your dad. He loved you with his whole heart. But Harlan is your biological father.”
I don’t even realize I’m backing toward the door. I turn the knob. He grabs my arm. “Please, Emma, don’t run from me.”
The room is closing in on me. But I don’t have the strength to run. An epiphany hits me like a fucking grand piano falling on my head. Harlan’s gray eyes are familiar because they are my fucking eyes. I crumple to the floor. I pull up my legs and wrap my arms around them. I lean my head against my knees and rock back and forth, trying to convince myself Aiden is lying to me.
Aiden is on his knees next to me. “Please, Emma, talk to me.”
“Leave me alone.”
“I’ll let you process this. But I’m not leaving you alone.”
The minutes pass. I’m not sure how many. From the other room, I hear a snippet of an old sitcom I recognize. Aiden scoops me up in his arms.
“Let go of me.” I can’t struggle anymore. I am limp.
He lays me on the bed. “I’m going to get you a glass of water.”
I reach for the bottle of rum and take a long swig. “Don’t bother.”
“Let me tell you everything, and then maybe you’ll understand. But you have to calm down.” His thumb slides over my wrist. “Your heart is beating so hard, I’m afraid it’s going to come right out your chest.”
Calm down? He just ripped the floor from under me. The life I’d lived shattered right before my eyes. Aiden knew the whole time and he kept it from me.
“Start talking.”
He moves closer on the bed. “No, you don’t sit next to me. You don’t touch me. You sit on the other bed. You tell me every fucking thing you know, Aiden. Every detail.”
The bed rises as his weight lifts off it. I sit up and swing my legs over the side. I clutch a pillow.
“What?” I demand as he continues his silence.
“I’m not sure how to start.”
“Start at the fucking beginning and don’t stop talking until you reach the end.”
“After Harlan went away and I went to foster care, I kept wondering about my mother. He never talked about her.”
“What does this have to do with me?”
“You said the beginning. The beginning starts with me. You remember what you said the first day we met?”
I shake my head. It feels too heavy for my body.
“You said we are not related, but we are connected. It’s true.” He waits for me to respond, but I have nothing to say. “Anyway, I kept wondering how this girl from this ridiculously wealthy New York family ended up in Nowhere, Texas with Harlan. I knew she and Harlan had met in Oakmont where his first assignment was before he got transferred to Linx where he’d grown up. Oakmont is a few hours south of Linx. I took the bus there one day. I asked around about my mom until someone referred me to this diner. The waitress there remembered her. She told me how my mother was very sad and lost until this handsome young police officer took a liking to her. It disgusted me the way this woman gushed about Harlan as if he were her prince charming. But then again, everyone in Linx was under his spell, too. My stomach soured and I didn’t want to hear any more. Just as I’m about to leave, she says how sweet it was that he didn’t even care about my mother being pregnant.”
I look up at him. His face is full of concern, but I can’t even acknowledge it. “So?”
“Don’t you see? She was pregnant with me when she met Harlan. Really, it all clicked. I should have suspected it myself. He used to always call me a bastard. I have my mother’s eyes, but I didn’t resemble Harlan in any way. My coloring is darker than his or my mother’s. But his name was on my birth certificate. I was too scared to even let my mind wander to the possibility.”
“You’re taking some stranger’s word for it? Oh my God, what if—what if you are his son? Then we’re…” I can’t even finish the sentence. He looks like he’s going to reach for me, but he stops himself.
He shakes his head. “No, Emma, don’t even think that. I know exactly who my father is. I needed the confirmation for myself. After I got emancipated, I went to New York to look up my mother’s family. They weren’t very welcoming, but I did find a cousin she was close with, who told me the story.”
“What story?”
“The real story. My mother fell in love with the gardener’s helper, a young man from Cuba. When her father caught them, he threatened to press charges against the man.”
“What kinds of charges?”
“Statutory rape. She was seventeen and he was twenty. My dad was here on a visa and he feared he would be deported. But the cousin said he loved my mother. He had a lead on a decent-paying job in Oakmont, Texas. He vowed, once he made enough money to set them up, he would send for her.”
I see all the small puzzle pieces start to fit together. “Mac is your father?”
“Yeah, it took me a long time before I got up the courage to see him. When I found out he ran a shelter for dogs, I did go to adopt one. I had other motives, too. I wanted to get to know him. I don’t trust people too easily. But even I could see that Mac was an honest, decent man. I kept going back to the shelter to volunteer. I actually enjoyed the work. It felt right to me. The dogs there reminded me of Sassy. Mac offered me a job.”
The resemblance is obvious. Except for his green eyes, Aiden is the spitting image of Mac. How could I not have seen it before? Because this whole story is insane, that’s why. “Does he know?”
“Yes, but it took a long time before I admitted it. I kept him at a distance. In a way, I still do. He doesn’t know everything about my childhood. Only you know everything. We did do a DNA test, though, because I wanted the proof. It’s conclusive. Mac is my father.”
I exhale a long breath, relief running through every weary muscle. “Why didn’t he go back for your mother?”
“A few weeks after he left, she found out she was pregnant. She knew her family would pressure her into getting an abortion. She decided to go find Mac on her own. The cousin lent her some money, and she planned to get a job in Oakmont until her trust fund came through. It was ironclad, written to support generation after generation of descendants. Her family could disown her, but they couldn’t touch the trust. She figured once she came of age, she and Mac…and me would live happily ever after.”
“Why didn’t your mother find him?”
“It’s the first question I asked him, too. It’s the reason I avoided meeting Mac or telling him who I am. I was angry, blaming him as if he were the cause of my rotten life. As it turns out, it was just stupid luck. He got into a car accident and broke both his legs. It took ten months for him to recover. He never made it to Oakmont. But my mom did.”
“Didn’t he ever try to find her or you?”
“Sure he did. Once he recovered he went back to New York. He demanded to see her. By then she was dead. Her family told him that before they had him escorted off the property. But they never told him about me.” Aiden’s eyes grow dark. “They were ashamed she’d spoiled their perfect family lineage.” His voice turns bitter. “They knew about me because Harlan was taking distributions from the trust by then. But they pretended I didn’t exist. The cousin even thought my mom had lost the baby until I showed up asking questions.”
“Oh my God.”
“I have no idea what my mom was thinking, marrying Harlan. I figured she was young, alone, pregnant, and scared. She must have thought Mac abandoned her. You see, he didn’t have a permanent address or any relatives or even a phone number. She had no way to contact him. She was the perfect prey for someone like Harlan. She had to tell him about the trust fund. That’s why he made sure his name was on the birth certificate. Why he moved us to Linx right after she died. No one would question that I was his son. Not even me.”
The rum is gone. I move the bottle but there is nothing inside of it. “How about that water now, Cooper?”
“Okay.”
He brings me a full glass. I gulp it down, not realizing how thirsty I’d been.
“You are dehydrated. You almost drowned today.”
“I’m still drowning.”
“I never wanted to put you through any of this. It’s the reason I kept pushing you away.”
“Where do I come in?”
He sighs. “We should go to bed. You’re tired.”
“Finish the fucking story, Aiden. I need to know everything. No more lies.”
He nods, his hands pressing into the mattress. “Believe it or not, Linx had a very bad crime element.”
“What crime?”
“Meth. It was home to one of the very first meth labs in the country, not exactly a point of pride with the residents. Harlan had a big hand in cleaning it up. To hear folks talk, Harlan had saved them from Sodom and Gomorrah. For that, they gave him the keys to the kingdom. He protected them. They did the same in return. Amy fell under Harlan’s spell like so many others, and she married him. I could have warned her, but I didn’t.”
“You were just a boy.”
“Yeah, a selfish boy, because I wanted Amy to come live with us. I was five when they married, but I had known her all my life. She was our neighbor’s daughter. My babysitter. Her parents looked the other way when she spent the night. She was only sixteen. He married her at eighteen. No one even blinked.”
“And then she had me?”
“No, first she realized Harlan beat me. She stopped him. But it just made him turn his attention to her. There are details I will never tell you, Emma.”
“I have a right to know.”
Aiden shakes his head. “No, you don’t. It’s her story and she died with it as far as I’m concerned. I’m not going to bring it back, but I will say our house was hell on earth. For both of us.” He closes his eyes. “I can’t believe you survived.”
“What do you mean?”
“He beat her so bad, Emma. She was sick all the time. One night, he punched her stomach. She told me that night she had a dream he would kill you.”
I hug the pillow. Fresh hot tears blind me. My mom told me I had some major health problems and had to be kept in an incubator for a while, but I never thought any more of it.
“You were born in Linx. Harlan complained nonstop about you crying. It was just a matter of time. The writing couldn’t have been any clearer if it was tattooed on his face. Even as a kid, I saw it. Two weeks after you were born, Harlan took me on a hunting trip. When we came home, the house was empty. He looked for her. He put out a fucking APB. But she’d changed her name and her hair color. She changed your name, too.”
“What was my name?”
Aiden’s chuckle gets stuck in his throat. “Harlow.”
“I did the math once and knew I was conceived out of wedlock, but my mom made it sound like she and my father had been together forever. Why wouldn’t she tell me the truth?”
“Why, Emma? Why would she risk destroying the strong web of safety she’d built? Amy’s biggest fear was that Harlan would get a hold of you. She built a world where that wouldn’t happen.”
“But then she sent me to Linx.”
“She didn’t know Harlan was out of jail. He got out early. She probably figured you’d never meet him. But I keep in touch with Sid. I knew. I didn’t want to come with you, but I couldn’t stand by and risk you meeting him. I wouldn’t admit it to myself, but I was falling for you already.”
“Is that why you said he was dead?”
“Yeah, but you were so curious. You asked for addresses and names. Two minutes with Harlan and he would paint a very different story for you than the one I am telling. Hell, isn’t that exactly what he did?”
“You should have told me, Aiden.”
“I wanted to protect you at any cost. Even if that meant I needed to tell a few lies.”
“A few lies? You deceived me. You’ve been deceiving me since we met.”
“Yes, I have. The most ironic part is I led you straight into the very danger I was trying to save you from. I’m sorry for all of it, Emma.”
The revelations are consuming me, bouncing inside my head. My whole life is a lie. The air is even staler and the room is closing in on me.
I stand and head for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“I need some air. I want to be alone.”
He pockets the room key and follows me.
“Didn’t you hear me?”
“It’s late. It’s been the longest day in the history of the world. I almost lost you today to that fucking river, and it killed me. I’m not letting you go anywhere by yourself.”
I start running, not even sure what the fuck I’m doing. I just need to feel the air on my face and the burn in my legs. He runs behind me. I turn. “Dammit, Aiden, I need to process this. I need to be alone.”
“Then be alone, Emma. But I won’t be far behind.”
I start running again, picking up speed. I’m not an idiot. I cannot outrun Aiden. He could be in the flipping Olympics the way he runs, but I just want more of a gap between us. He must sense it because he falls back a little more.
There is a chill in the air. I’m grateful for it because I need to feel something outside of me. I am angry he kept the truth from me, but I can respect his reasons. Everything he did was to protect me. I turn again. “Why the fuck did she send me on this crazy mission?”
He catches up. “I’ve been thinking about it, Cooper. I don’t think it has to do with you at all or having her ashes spread in Linx.”
“Then what?” I raise my hands in surrender.
“Me. I think in her mind, she thought if I met you, I would forgive her. It worked.”
I shake my head. “Aiden, it doesn’t make any sense.”
“She told me about you when she visited me. She was proud of you. I told Amy I hoped her spoiled prissy daughter realizes how lucky she is. She left me in hell and no sacrifice was worth that.” He looks down as if he’s ashamed of his own words. “But I met you, Emma. You would not be who you are if Amy didn’t do what she did.”
I pull away and run again. I imagine all the lives that led us to this very spot. Our paths were always meant to cross, even if our stars didn’t align.
“Isn’t this what you wanted, Aiden? To be rid of me?”
“Never.”
“Then why did you want to put me on a plane an hour ago? It wasn’t just the secret. You could have kept it from me forever.”
“I lied because the truth was too ugly. When you told me you went to see Harlan, I thought for sure you knew everything. I have no idea why he didn’t tell you. But I realized I couldn’t keep up the act anymore. The way you read me, it would just be a matter of time. The lie was consuming me. You break all my barriers, Cooper. No matter how high my walls are, you’re like a fucking bulldozer. So I was gonna walk away from you before it happened.”
I pivot and run again. I just can’t unwind all the tangled thoughts. Except for one—I love Aiden Sheffield. I will never stop loving him. Some truths cannot be denied no matter how hard you try. What I can’t comprehend is how he can love me. I am the living symbol of everything tragic in his life.
“Emma, please stop. I can’t…I can’t keep up.” He has his hands on his knees. I walk back to him, take his hands, and lead him to the curb, where we sit.
He coughs a few times. I rub his back. He takes my hand and kisses it.
The moonlight bounces against his square jaw. His hair is disheveled and darker than midnight. A bead of sweat forms on his forehead. When he looks at me, his green eyes turn brighter. “Please say something.”
“You look beautiful.”
He laughs and hugs me. “I’m so sorry, angel.”
“I have one more question. I’ve asked you before, but now I really don’t get it. How do you not hate me? What if things had worked out the way they were supposed to? You would have lived with Mac and had the kind of life you were meant to have. I would be in Linx living the hell you went through. It’s like we traded lives. You got the shit end of the deal. How twisted is that?”
He looks at me as if I’ve grown a third eye. “Don’t ever say that again. We both had shit we went through, but it made us the people we are. There is nothing twisted about us, Cooper. The only thing that matters about all the shit that happened before is that it led us here. I am with you. I would say I am happy, but it would be an understatement. I didn’t know what happy was until I met you. I want to keep doing us more than I’ve wanted anything in my life. What about you? You want that?”
“Yes, Aiden. I want us, too.”
He pulls me to his lap and kisses my temple. I lean against his chest.
“I’m late in saying this, and I’ve never said it before to another person in my entire life, but here it goes. I love you, Emma Cooper. I love you with my entire soul.”
“I was wondering when you were going to admit it.” I comb my fingers through his hair. “I love you, too.”
We sit curled up in each other for a while. The air carries his scent to me. I sniff his shirt and then my own. “We both stink.”
“Yeah, I noticed.” He kisses my hair. “Let’s go back. We’ll take a long hot shower and wash away all the dirt.”
“Sounds good.”
We walk back slowly.
“Are you all right?” I ask him. I didn’t notice it before, but he’s really pale and favoring one side over the other.
“I’m fine now.”
When we reach the room, I clutch Aiden’s shirt and pull him into the bathroom. I lift it over his head. My hand flies to my mouth as I take in the purple-yellow bruise that covers his right side. He kisses my forehead.
“It doesn’t hurt.”
“Liar. Why didn’t you tell me? You ran after me when you were in this much pain?”
“I wasn’t gonna let you out of my sight. It’s just a bruise. I promise.”
I lead him into the shower. We wash each other, until all the mistakes of the past swirl down the drain, and all the promises of our future take their place.