Chapter Thirty-Four
Emma
We make good time to Linx, arriving midmorning. The town is small, many of the businesses on the main street are family owned. We are quiet, absorbing every detail. For Aiden, he’s looking at his past. For me, I am trying to reconcile that this was my mother’s home. I clutch the urn closer to me.
When we reach the river, Aiden pulls up next to a dock. “Ready to do this?”
“Yes.”
I’m surprised to see a man there, standing next to a pontoon boat. He walks toward us, but when Aiden steps out of the car, he almost stumbles back.
“Aid, is that you?” The man’s voice is thick and a bit hard to understand. I see the hearing aid on his ear.
“Sid, thanks for doing this.”
“Sure thing, man. It was good to hear from you. But you sure you’re Aiden? You look so different.”
Aiden nods, giving him a good-natured smile. “Aqua Man was the coolest superhero, and he never got his due.”
The man laughs, shaking his head. “Yep, you’re Aiden.”
He puts his arm around me. “This is Emma. Emma, this is my friend, Sid. He’s going to let us borrow his boat.”
I hadn’t even thought of a boat—I just figured I’d stand at the edge of the river—but Aiden did. For the millionth time, a fierce gratitude fills me.
“Nice to meet you.” Sid and I shake hands, which is awkward because I’m still carrying the urn. Aiden takes it from me. Sid’s gaze rests on it. “You gonna tell me what’s going on?”
“I’d rather not, if that’s okay.”
“Sure, sure, you were always mysterious. Why change now?”
Aiden chuckles. “Yeah.”
“I didn’t tell anyone you were here.”
“Thanks. Sid, I’d love to catch up, but we need to get going.”
“No problem.” Sid hands him the key. “You know how to drive this thing?”
“Yeah, I’ve driven one before.”
“Good. Just leave the keys in the glove box when you’re done and text me.”
“You want me to just leave them in the boat?”
“You forget where you are, Sheffield? This is Linx.”
Aiden nods in agreement. “Yeah, I guess I did.”
“They don’t steal boats in Linx?” I ask.
Sid answers. “They do, but everyone in town knows who stole it, why they did it, and where it is ten minutes after it happens.” He looks back at Aiden. “Some things never change.”
Aiden hands me the urn. “Why don’t you get on the boat, Emma.”
I watch as Sid and Aiden exchange a few more words. Sid is shorter than Aiden. They exchange a quick hug. Aiden jumps on board.
He opens a storage bench and throws an orange life preserver to me.
“I can swim.”
“It’s just a precaution.”
“Why aren’t you wearing one, then?”
“You gonna call me out on all my double standards?” But he’s smiling when he says it. “You don’t have to wear it. But it’s not me being chauvinistic. It’s me wanting to keep you safe.”
When someone says something like that, well, I can’t argue. But I hand him one. “Same goes here.”
He stares at it. “You’re kidding, right? This thing won’t even fit me.”
“It’s not emasculation. It’s me looking out for you. It works both ways.”
Of course, he’s right. The life preserver doesn’t fit him. Neither of us wears one.
The river is long and curvy. The current picks up. The sun sits right on the edge of the water as if it’s waiting for us.
We pass a few fishermen in smaller boats on the way. Aiden nods to them. Some salute him, but they all have curious expressions. Their gazes linger on us, making me uncomfortable. Aiden seems bothered by it, too.
He chooses a place and sets anchor, then he places a hand on each of my shoulders. “This was her favorite spot.” He points toward the horizon. “She used to say it’s the only slice of heaven you can find in Linx.”
“It’s beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here.” It is tranquil and secluded. It feels safe in a weird way. I wonder if my mom felt safe here. The water flows beneath, the sky hovers above, the woods surround us, and the sun looms ahead. The water is choppy, making the boat rise and fall. Aiden sits and pats the area next to him, and I join him. “Do you want me to go to the other side of the boat? It’s not much, but a little more private for you.”
“No, Aiden, she wanted you to do this with me. Besides, I need you.” I take his hand and squeeze it for strength. There had been no doubt in my mind this would be hard, but it feels like I’m climbing a fucking mountain, one I can never summit. At least I have Aiden. He gives me strength and courage I didn’t know I possessed.
“Emma, why don’t take a few minutes to say good-bye.”
“I’ve been saying good-bye for a long time. No more good-byes.” The lump in my throat is so huge it chokes my voice, undermining my statement.
“Grieve, Emma. You need to grieve. Take your time. Don’t think you’re not being brave. There is no shame in sorrow, angel.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. This isn’t for her. You already honor her memory in every way, Emma. This is for you to find your peace. It’s your good-bye.”
I close my eyes. My words are silent, but I know she hears them. I love you mom. There are so many things I didn’t know about you. I wish I had. I am still upset and angry about what you did. I am also sad you had so much tragedy. But I do know you were a great mom. You gave me everything I needed and more than I deserved. Every milestone in my life brings a memory of your support and encouragement. Everything I ever achieve will be in credit to you and dad. I love you.
I break down, my cries quiet, covered by the sound of moving water. He takes me in his arms while I sob against his chest. When I can cry no more, I lift my head. “I’m ready.” I undo the lid of the urn, which I’ve been clutching like a life preserver. I can let you go now, mom. But you are always with me.
“Okay, Emma.”
We stand at the railing. My hands shake so hard I’m afraid of dropping the whole urn. Aiden puts his hands over mine, steadying them. The ashes blow away from us, scattering in all directions over the shimmery water. I feel her presence. I can even hear her once more, whispering Love you, Sunshine, just as she did whenever we said good-bye over the years.
I undo the clasp of the watch. I hold it up, the second hand moving too fast. “Aiden, I love that you fixed this for me. You have no idea how much it meant, but I don’t need to wear it anymore. You were right. I have the memories of them. I need to move on.”
He kisses my temples. “Well then, let it go, Emma.”
I throw it in the water. We watch it disappear down into the depths. He pulls out a note from his pocket. It’s the same one he clutched the night he cried in front of the urn.
“This is the note she wrote the day she met with me.” He takes a deep breath and rips it. The pieces fly away. “I forgive you, Amy. Rest in peace.” His voice is thick, but he swallows back his emotion. I take him in my arms and comfort him.
“You can cry, Aiden. There is no weakness in sorrow.”
He does. We hold each other for a long time.