Chapter Twenty-Eight
Emma
I blink my eyes until he comes into focus. Aiden is staring out the window, dressed in sweats and nothing else. The sweats are low on his hips. The moonlight bathes his body, casting him in an almost ethereal glow. The clock on the nightstand says it’s a little past five. I grope across the floor until I find his T-shirt then put it on. It falls just above my knees.
I walk softly until I’m next to him. “Aiden,” I say, staring up at him. He puts his arm around me and kisses my head.
“Morning, beautiful.”
“Did you sleep at all?”
He shakes his head. “I’m an early riser.” I am about to add that he’s not answering my question when he interrupts me. “I’m going for a run.”
“Now?”
He shrugs as if people go for runs all the time when it’s pitch black outside. “We have a few hours till checkout.”
I rub the sleep from my eyes and stifle my yawn. “Wait for me. I’ll come with you.”
I think he’ll tell me to stay, that he wants to be by himself, but he surprises me. “I would like that very much.”
I brush my teeth and bind my hair in a tight pony. I dress in my yoga pants, but keep on his faded T-shirt with the Marine’s logo and “Semper Fidelis” on the front.
He gives me an amused smile when I come out. I toss him his Packers T-shirt. Why Aiden is a Packers fan, I’m not sure, but I stow that question away for later. “This one is clean, I think.”
He sniffs it. “Yeah.”
I take my father’s watch from the nightstand and put it around my wrist. “I’m going to grab a few bottles of water.” I take a few dollars from the dresser and the room key card. “I’ll meet you outside.”
In the elevator, I talk to my mom without the benefit of the urn, which is in the top shelf of the closet in the hotel. Aiden brings it in everywhere we stop. He places it there because I don’t like leaving it in the car, but I also don’t want it on the dresser or anywhere else she can watch us. He figured this out without me even uttering a word.
“I think I love him. These feelings are too raw, too soon and too fast, but Aiden once told me there isn’t a time limit on loving something.”
She doesn’t answer me. She’s silent. I think Aiden is right and she’s already with my dad. Or maybe she’s avoiding my other question. The one I won’t ask because I’m afraid of the answer. What kind of woman abandons a little boy in hell?
The nice man at the front desk greets me. “Well, a very good early morning to you.”
“Good morning. Is there a vending machine down here?”
He points me to a hallway. “Hang a left at the end of the corridor. They’re right next to the ice machine.”
I buy two bottles of water. Before I walk out, I check out all the different brochures at the exit. They advertise the Grand Canyon and winery tours and Native American antique malls.
“Something I can help you find, miss? I know every tourist attraction for the next three counties.”
“Actually, I need a bus schedule.”
“I got that, too. Hang on.” He rifles through a drawer before pulling one out. He taps it a few times. “This is old but it’s still accurate. I’d give it to you except it’s the only one I got left. You’re welcome to take a gander at it, though.”
“I just need it for a second.” I take the pamphlet and scan it quickly before handing it back. “Thank you, I found what I needed.”
Aiden is waiting for me, stretching his legs against a fence post.
“Ready to run hard?” I ask, coaxing cheer into my voice.
He smiles. “If you’re gonna run with me, you better stretch first, Cooper.” I am relieved to hear the cocky Aiden has returned.
We stretch, watching as the pale light comes over the horizon, casting a surreal glow over the rock formations around us. All the colors come alive, the sun’s touch revealing vibrant reds, oranges, and pinks in the huge craters surrounding us. It’s a sight which stuns me into silence, almost lifting me from my grim thoughts—almost.
The grounds around the hotel are nice. Arizona is so flat you can see for miles. I’ve seen Aiden run at the sanctuary when the dogs aren’t with him. The day after we rescued Faith, I looked out the guest bedroom window and watched him on the hill. He ran as if demons were chasing him. He goes slower today for my benefit. I don’t want him to make any concessions, so I speed up, passing him. He meets the pace I set. He keeps looking over at me as the strong Arizona sun comes over the desert horizon.
“We can slow down,” he says.
I shake my head because I want him to have a good run. The kind that keeps the demons away. He must sense how hard I am trying, even though I do my best to push through it, ignoring the burn in my legs and the ache in my chest. I give it everything I have. Being idle brings on the images of him as a little boy, alone and heartbroken. I am running from demons, too.
A strong arm circles my waist and pulls me back. I’d fight him, but I have no fight left. I lean against his chest, my harsh breath transforming into mist as it hits the chilly morning air.
“Emma, stop.”
“We’re good for another mile,” I pant. “You want that, don’t you? You run until you collapse. I’ve seen it. I want to collapse with you. I need to.”
He holds me steady. “If you keep this up, you’re gonna pass out.”
“I can do it.”
“I know you can, but not today. We’ve done enough. Let’s sit.”
He leads me to a large boulder decorating the edge of a shopping center. It’s big enough that we can both sit on it. He’s not even breathing hard. It’s early, so only a few cars pass us. Aiden takes his water bottle from his pack and hands it to me. Mine is already depleted.
“Drink.”
I take long sips, trying to get my heart rate under control. My body is covered with sweat, pasting his once loose T-shirt against my skin. I put my hair up, but the strands have gotten loose and stick to my face.
I reach out to caress his face. “Say something.”
He takes an annoying tendril and tucks it behind my ear. “You look so beautiful.”
I laugh. “You’re kidding, right? I’m sweating like a pig.”
“Pigs don’t sweat. It’s a common myth.” He shakes his head, a wry smile forming on his lips. “I’m disappointed, Cooper. I figured someone as versed in the habits of animals would know this.”
I jab an elbow against his chest then take a deep, painful breath into my diaphragm. “I did know that.”
He kisses my temple. “Let go of your anger. Stop hating her.”
“I don’t hate her, Aiden. I love her as much as I ever did. But I hate what she did to you. Or rather, didn’t do for you.”
“Emma, every fucking thing that’s happened to me has led me right here.” He gestures to the breathtaking landscape surrounding us. “In Coconino, sitting on this fucking boulder, watching the most amazing sunrise with a girl who’s taught me how to laugh. I wouldn’t trade it away for anything. Do you understand?”
“No, I don’t because you’re telling me the abuse was worth it, and that makes me sad.” My voice is thick as the lump in my throat grows.
“That’s not at all what I’m saying. I’m telling you I am happy being here with you right now. Happier than I’ve ever been. The past doesn’t own me. Don’t let it own you, either. Don’t let it fuck up what we have.”
I nod and lean my head against his chest. “I don’t understand, but I won’t dwell on it anymore. I just want to finish this.”
His muscles stiffen. “Why don’t we forget all about Linx? We can turn around and go home instead. The dogs miss us. I want to start our tomorrow right now. What do you think?”
The fact that his home is mine now makes me a little giddy. Looking at him, I almost agree. “Aiden, I can’t. I think she really wanted this.”
He stands up and kicks a few rocks. “She hated Linx as much as I did.” He kneels before me, taking my hands, his eyes almost pleading. “She was very sick when she asked you for this. You said so yourself. We can spread her ashes in the Redwoods like you wanted.”
I place my palm against his face. He leans into it, closing his eyes. The sun shines against his dark hair.
“Why would she ask me to do this, then?”
“I’ve been trying to figure it out myself, Emma. I have no idea.”
“She was being sincere. She made me promise. I can’t break the last promise I made to my mother.”
He nods and offers me a sad smile. “Yeah, you’re right, Cooper. We forge on.”
We walk back to the hotel, our hands linked. The sun shines down, bathing us in a bright orange light. I am making the right choice, I tell myself, although I can’t form the words to tell him. We take quick showers before packing up. Aiden takes most of our luggage to the car while I do a once-over of the room to make sure we didn’t forget anything. As I gather the last few items, I try to corral my courage because I don’t think Aiden will approve of what I want to do. But I won’t put him through any more pain.
“Hey, did you grab my blue…” I can’t finish the sentence because his expression stops me. He’s angry—angry at me.
“Your blue duffle? Yeah, I got it.”
“You okay?”
“Shipshape, Cooper.”
Yeah, if that ship was the Titanic.
“What’s wrong?”
“Not a damn thing.” He reaches into his pocket, pulling out a pamphlet. “Oh, the clerk wanted me to give this to you. He said he found another one.” Aiden slaps it across his hand before throwing the bus schedule on the bed in front of me. “Were you even going to tell me?”
“Yes.” I say the word calmly, although my insides are crumbling.
“When?”
“Now.”
“Well, I guess you don’t have to. You need a ride?”
I don’t trust myself to speak, so I just nod. He sits on the edge of the bed, and puts his elbows on his knees.
“Aiden?”
“I don’t need you to soften the blow. I get it. I’m fucked up and I don’t blame you.”
“Wait, what?”
He looks up at me. “I don’t blame you for leaving me. But I don’t want you on a bus all the way to California. After we get to Linx, I’ll get you a plane ticket.”
Oh my God, he thinks I’m leaving him?
I sit on his lap and put my arms around his shoulders.
“Emma, you touching me right now is the last thing I need.”
“Aiden, I wasn’t going back to California. You couldn’t be more wrong.”
He lifts his head, suspicion in his expression.
“Then what?”
“Linx. I was looking for a route to Linx.”
“Why the hell were you doing that?”
“Because even before you asked me to turn around, I knew how difficult it would be for you to go back there. There are too many painful memories for you. I never want to bring you pain. I was going to finish it on my own.”
His face relaxes. “Cooper—”
“I have to see this through for myself and her, but I will never abandon you.” I hold up the bus schedule, which he has crumpled. I smooth it out and show him. “It doesn’t run through Linx, but it’s close. The next bus leaves in a few hours. It’ll take a few days and I can meet you back here or if you want to head back to Butte Falls, I can hop on a bus heading that way.”
He grips me tighter. “Not on my life, Emma. I’m not going to abandon you, either.”
“You don’t want to go there, and I can’t blame you.”
“You’re right, I don’t. But if you’re determined to do this, then we do it together. Don’t say anything else. We’re not going to argue over it. We’re just gonna do it…together.”
He places his hand behind my head and pulls me toward him. Our mouths crash. His tongue slides against mine as his hands grasp my hips. His muscles relax as the kiss intensifies. When he pulls away, he’s breathing as hard as I am, and he rests his forehead against mine. “Not another word.”
“Okay.”