Nora
My pulse skyrockets with fear, but I can’t help the butterflies that dance through my stomach. Holden stands in my kitchen. The smile that curls his lips is so smug, it physically sickens me. His beard is gone. He is clean shaven. His hair is cut short. He is almost unrecognizable. But his eyes, his eyes are still a fierce emerald hue. They cut right through me. He holds Lotte firmly with one hand and has one of my kitchen knives in the other.
“Holden is here,” I say. I know Eve is just out of sight from his position and I know she will do the right thing because I am not sure I will be able to, now that he is before me. He is handsome and rugged and his smell messes with my memory. I want to curl up and hide and run into his arms simultaneously. Charlotte looks terrified, yet happy. The light, the fight still in her eyes makes me overwrought with emotion. She is here and relieved to see me.
I look Holden right in the eyes. “Leave.” He laughs. My words have no effect. Holden steps even closer, deliberately looming over me. I can smell him clearly now. Fresh air, pine and smoke. Emotions ripple through me. Love, terror, lust, hate, desire, fear. It causes me to sway on my feet.
“Do not touch her,” Eve screams. Lotte is crying silently in Holden’s large hands. I hold my hand up to stop Eve. I shoot Lotte the most comforting look I can.
“Tell me what you want, Holden,” I say.
His lips curl upward. “You. Only ever you.” He has dimples. That surprises me. That there are things about him that I still do not know. Things that maybe I will never have the chance to learn.
I glance at Eve over my shoulder. Her body is wracked with tremors. Her fists are clenched so tightly, her knuckles are white. I bite my lip and swing my gaze back to Holden. “Let Lotte go.”
Holden runs his free hand through his short cropped hair. “Why would I do that?”
I lift my chin. “So you can have me.” I swallow hard against the lump in my throat.
Holden lets out a strangled moan.
“Nora, now,” he demands.
It takes every last bit of conviction I have to refrain from obeying him. Eve lets out a mewl behind me. I can feel his need for me in my bones.
“Let Lotte go.” I look at Lotte. She shakes her head at me. Her big eyes wide with fear. She is trying to protect me. My heart stammers in my chest. Pride at what an amazing girl she is, swells inside me. She is family. She deserves the best life. She kept me going all those months. Seeing her face again, brings back so many emotions.
“When you’re with me, I will.”
I turn to Eve. Tears stream down her face. “Don’t do this, Nora,” she whispers.
I walk to her quickly and envelope her in a hug. “Junk drawer,” I whisper as I pull away from her. Turning I look at Holden.
His eyes are stormy. His expression wicked. He presses the knife hard enough into Charlotte’s neck that blood seeps from the spot. No. No, no, no. “Hurry up, Nora.”
This is the only way. This is the only way Lotte’s safe. The only way Eve and I win. It’s the only choice. I’d already been made to feel powerless. I’d already been in a position I could do nothing about and this time, I would not sit idly by. Not when other lives are at stake. I choose the light. The high road, or as Dr. Richardson would say, the right road.
I force my legs to move. One step.
Two.
Three.
I go to the Devil and there he is, waiting. His eyes never leave mine. He releases Lotte. She sprints past me—no doubt into her sister’s arms. I don’t look. There is a small cry of joy from them behind me. It makes me smile. Holden’s hand spins me so my back is against his chest in a single motion.
“I wish you were a better man,” I whisper. His breathing changes. I know he heard me. He sets the knife on the countertop. Eve’s eyes bulge from her beautiful face. Lotte buries her face into her sister’s stomach, as Holden’s hands find my neck.
“I wish you actually loved me.” His voice is barely a whisper in my ear.
“But I did. I do,” I rasp. His fingers tighten. I inhale through my nose slowly to get as much oxygen as possible.
“We could have had it all, Nora. Kids, a life, a family.”
I cringe at his words. Children who he could hurt? Raise to be like him? Lives are a collection of choices. I chose to answer that ad in the paper. I chose to keep quiet about Anton, which left me emotionally weak, an easy target. I chose to take what Holden offered. I chose to be blind to his wrongs. I chose to escape and now I’m choosing Lotte’s life over mine.
There is no other option.
It is Lotte or me.
Holden’s fingers continue to squeeze like a python, slowly suffocating its prey. I open my eyes and see Eve’s hand in the open junk drawer. I faintly hear sirens blaring in the distance. Is this how it ends?
Holden laughs as Eve cocks the gun and takes aim. Her hand is unsteady, given the macabre scene before her.
Do it, I mouth to her. Stars dance in my vision. She shakes her head. I try to blink the stars away.
“Careful, Eve, you might miss and hit Nora.” Holden’s voice is warm and deep and easy but I can feel the fear radiating off him. I can’t breathe. Instinct takes over.
“Go ahead, Eve. Shoot,” Holden says. My fingers claw at his hands, which only serves to make him squeeze more. I kick my legs. My lungs burn.
“I have died a thousand times, Eve. I am not scared of death!” Holden laughs. It is not the laugh of a man capable of love. That clicking and snapping in my brain returns. How could I think he offered anything but madness?
“You can’t, can you?” he says.
It hurts. I can’t fight hard enough. I want him to spin me around, face me. Look me in the eyes as he squeezes. But he won’t. He can’t. Because to Holden, there will never be another like me. And although that makes me special, it doesn’t make it real love. A tear rolls down my cheek. Look at me one last time, you bastard. He was busy finding faults in me, while I was busy overlooking his. My hair had to be just right. My clothes the way he liked. I needed to be submissive. I followed all his rules. I did it because I wanted to please him. I wanted what he offered. But he wasn’t really offering much, was he? Just pain and pleasure, without all the little things in between that count in the long run. Click, click, click goes my brain.
“Fuck you!” Eve yells. “Fuck you!”
Lotte screams. I claw at his fingers around my neck one more time before the kitchen dims into darkness, and then . . . there is nothing.