Gavin
I sit in the truck next to Ben while he drives us back to Ava’s place. Something in me always knew I’d end up in jail, I just never thought it would be for something I actually wasn’t guilty of. It was self-defense after all, but it could’ve easily gone the other way. I was ready to pounce on the fucker the moment he stepped through the doorway.
“Thanks again,” I say, “not just for the ride, but, you know, stepping forward as a witness.”
“Yeah.”
I look out the window, gazing at the open country. It’s dark out, but there’s enough moonlight to make out the open fields and curving hills, the silhouettes of trees scattered here and there. There’s a tug at something deep inside me, as though something’s loosening. There’s room to breathe here. No buildings cramped tight, no cars piled up at traffic lights with horns blowing. In Los Angeles it’s always go, go, go. Even Santa Barbara—it’s beautiful, but still, it feels crowded. Especially having grown up in country like this, where you can look into the horizon and see nothing but the curves of the earth, and the sky above it.
Ben’s voice brings me back around. “Never seen such a madhouse. Reporters all over the place. You always gotta deal with that shit?”
“Yeah. It’s a fucking nightmare. Although, I guess today it worked in my favor. Not sure the sheriff would’ve been so keen to let me go otherwise.”
Ben snorts. “Can’t tell ya how nice it was to see Carson actually looking worried for once. Thought those buttons were going to pop right off his shirt, he was puffin’ so hard.”
The crunch of gravel sounds as Ben turns into Ava’s place. He pulls up alongside my car while I stare at her house. “Think she’ll be coming back anytime soon?”
“Got a feelin’ it’ll be a while.”
I think back to what Ben told me after Ava left. I still can’t wrap my head around it. Then the chaos of what happened in the living room sets in. “Fuck, I got a mess to clean up in there.”
“Nah, don’t worry about it. I got my own mess to clean up too.”
I shake my head but he cuts me off with a lift of his hand. “Really. It’ll give me a job to do. Help keep my mind off other things.”
I don’t like it, but I understand. I reach into my pocket and pull out my wallet. Luckily I’ve got some hundreds in there, so I hand him all I’ve got. He won’t take it, but I press him on it. “Please,” I say. “You got to let me do something.”
Maybe it’s the tone of my voice that has him changing his mind, but he takes it with a nod of his head.
“You need anything, just let me know,” Ben says. “You know where I am.”
“Alright.” I step out of the truck and wave. “Thanks again.”
Ben nods and heads back out the drive. There’s something comforting about that old man. Reminds me of how my father might’ve turned out, if he’d been able to get past his demons.
I turn and face the crumbling ranch house. Everything is dark and quiet, except for the chirp of crickets. A memory of another time and place. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and the memory’s wiped away.
I pull my cell out and see it’s Lenny, my agent. I don’t want to take it, but he’ll just keep calling if I don’t.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Gavin, my man! Tell me you’re out. Tell me the lawyers got it handled.”
“Yeah. I’m out.”
“Oh, thank fuck!”
I tune out as Lenny rambles on. From what I can hear in the background, it sounds like he’s at a party, probably out fishing for his next big star. He’s not as big an ass as some of the other agents out there, but he’s still a piece of work. I tune back in when he mentions work. “Hey, your flight’s all set for London first thing Monday. Ready for round three?”
“Yeah,” I lie. There are some things I like about filming, but in reality, it’s a lot of waiting around with little bursts of acting. I can’t help but feel like a fucking trained animal wagging its tail whenever the director says action.
“Alright,” Lenny says, after someone calls his name in the background. “I gotta run, bad boy. Stay out of trouble, okay? You know how the studios are. But hey, in my book, bad publicity is still good publicity.” Lenny chuckles and hangs up.
I have to close my eyes and temper my thoughts, otherwise my phone’s about to be launched. I take a deep breath, shove the phone back in my pocket and walk to my car. Minutes later, I pull out of Ava’s driveway, feeling as though I’m leaving something precious behind.
On the way out of town, my eyes settle on a sign that makes my mouth water. Buck’s Bar.
The parking lot’s crowded and I wonder how a place like this, in a town this size, could be so busy, but then I remember it’s Saturday night, and probably not much else to do around here. I grab my hoodie and put it on, and with eyes down and hood up, make my way into the bar. It’s loud and smells like beer and sawdust, and there are people everywhere. Most are off to the right, sitting at tables or listening and dancing to the live band playing country music, the lead singer sporting a cowboy hat and a beard that trails down to his chest.
I walk to the left, keeping my head down as I make my way past antlers and old bits of ranch and farming equipment hanging on the wall, to the far back corner and take a seat at the bar. Thankfully it’s dark, with a few empty seats next to me. I don’t want company. All I want is something to quench the thirst—a thirst I got from my dad. You’d think I’d stay away from the stuff after watching him drown in it all his life, but that’s part of the thrill. It’s that demon in me, not happy unless it’s flirting with that line between control and chaos. Most times I keep it steady, but sometimes, I crash. And when I crash, I crash big.
And I almost crashed last night. Ava has no idea how hard I had to hold back in that forest. She had the demon raging in its cage, getting me to chase her like that. I was telling her the truth when I said it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I felt like a blood thirsty animal, chasing down its prey. Fuck, that was so damn hot, seeing her flee through the trees, naked, like some wild nymph, her long hair behind her, her skin flashing in the moonlight. By the time I was on her, I couldn’t hold back. I needed to be inside her like I’d never needed to be inside anyone. And once I was in her, she felt so tight and so good, that my control began to slip even more. But then I looked into her eyes and saw all the fear she was trying so hard to push through. Thank God it calmed me right down. And no wonder she was so afraid.
A virgin.
Fuck.
I close my eyes and rub at my temples, when I hear, “What’ll it be?”
I look up to see a big, bald man waiting, wearing a red plaid shirt with the name Buck embroidered in the upper left.
“Jack and Coke.”
He nods and a moment later sets a drink in front of me and I lay a credit card down. “Keep a tab open.”
The bartender lingers for a moment. “You that guy, ain’t ya? The one who beat up Shayne.”
I take a swig of my drink, relishing the burn as it slides down my throat. “Was self-defense,” I mutter.
The bartender grunts, then shoves the card back my way. “On the house,” he says. “A lot of folks around here grinning tonight, because of what you did. Plenty of us would’ve loved to be able to take him on, self-defense or not, but, well, it wouldn’t turn out so well for us. Can’t tell you how many fights he’s started in here, busting the place to hell, and never paid a dime for it. And I’m not the only one he’s wronged. Let’s just say you did something most of us around here would’ve paid to see.”
“Thanks,” I say, feeling oddly grateful for the words.
The man sticks out his huge hand and I shake it. “Buck,” he says with a crooked grin, pointing at his shirt, “in case you hadn’t figure it out.”
“Gavin.”
“Pleased to meet you, Gavin.”
A woman’s voice blasts over the music from down the bar. “Buck, get your ass over here. I need some drinks.”
We both glance down where a middle aged blonde with teased up hair waits, tapping her nails on her tray.
“Coming,” Buck sighs. “Jesus, you’d think she owns the place.” Buck turns, then glances back over his shoulder. “Anything you want is on the house.”
I give a thankful nod and watch Buck make his way to the blonde, who’s eyes settle on me, then widen.
Fuck.
I look down at my drink, then risk a glance up to see her starting to make her way over to me, but Buck calls her back. I’m not sure what he says to her, but she pouts, waits for him to fix her drinks, then disappears into the crowd with her tray.
I take another long swig of my drink and get to thinking about the conversation I had with Ben, back at Ava’s place. Given all I know now, it isn’t too hard to figure out what she went looking for last night. All dressed up like she was, and heading so far out.
I’ll never forget that moment last night, flying down the freeway in the dark, with the rain pouring down, knowing I was never going to make it in time and feeling all torn up about my mom. And then in a flash, she was there. Nothing but legs and long wet hair and these big scared eyes. Then she was gone and I almost wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me. When I hit the brakes and put the car in reverse, I still wasn’t sure if I was just imagining things. But there she was. Cowering on the side of the freeway, soaked, and huddled up tight in her jacket and teetering on heels she had no clue how to walk in. I had to sit in my car, just staring at her through the headlights, still not convinced I was seeing right. Didn’t even look like she had anything on under her jacket. And those eyes—I could see they were a crazy kind of blue, even from the car. They were so big and so afraid, and drowning in the rain and mascara that trailed all over her face. She was the most God damn beautiful thing I’d ever seen. A tragic beauty I couldn’t stop staring at. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to just drive off and pretend I hadn’t seen her. I knew she’d be trouble for me. I was thinking about it when I saw her start to back away, that fear building in those eyes the longer I sat there.
But I couldn’t leave her. Not there anyway.
When I finally got out I was so mad though, because she was pulling me all these crazy ways, and that was the last thing I needed. I figured I’d get her someplace safe, as fast as I could, then hightail it out of there. But then she wouldn’t get in the damn car. I was so close to hauling her over my shoulder and throwing her in when she stormed by me. Took some guts for her to stand up to me the way she did. I’m a big man, and scary when I want to be, and there we were, alone at night, on the side of the freeway. But I could see I’d rattled her, and that calmed me down. By the time I got her in the car, I was feeling pretty lousy, but still knowing I was playing with a stick of dynamite, having her close to me like that.
Then at the gas station, when the light came into the car, I thought for sure she’d recognize me, but she didn’t. Can’t tell you what a feeling that was, not having the actor play front and center. It was just me again. And suddenly I was free from all the crap I’d been dragging around the last few years. And I know, I know, I should be grateful for the fame, and I am. But the success is one thing—the mobs and flashbulbs and paparazzi is something else entirely. And here she was, this little thing, with long wet hair and big blue eyes, staring at me, not the actor. And the way she was looking at me, I knew she was feeling the heat—the same heat I was feeling looking at her.
And fuck, let me tell you, leaving her at that gas station was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I reasoned with myself when I was pulling away, that it was the best thing for her, and for me. But when I drove off, it took only a mile down the freeway for me to realize I was letting something special go. I already knew I was too late to make it to my award ceremony anyway, and I didn’t have a clue of what I was going to do with her, but I knew if I didn’t go back, she’d be one of those regrets I’d have for the rest of my life. And I’m so fucking glad I did. When I saw her sitting in the rain, curled up against the payphone, my heart shattered into a thousand, fucking shards.
And then the time we spent together—it was the best night of my entire miserable existence. Even before all the sex. Even with all the bullshit Candace pulled. Just being with her made me feel…happy. Something I hadn’t been in so damn long. When I left her there in the pool, I wasn’t just leaving her, I was leaving a good chunk of my heart. But she was too good for me. I didn’t deserve her. And I knew I’d hurt her eventually, in more ways than one.
Then she came walking into my room, naked in the moonlight, my perfect fantasy come to life, and that hunger came up in me so strong. I did all I could to send her away, but she just reeled me in, until I was nothing but putty in her hands, telling her all my deepest, darkest secrets, even when she was keeping hers all to herself. And when she left my bed this morning, I knew I couldn’t let her go.
And now here I am, hunkered over my drink in some small town in the middle of nowhere, drowning my sorrows away because the one girl I finally want, I can’t have.
I grab my drink and down the rest of it, when the door swings open and the wind gets sucked from my lungs.
There she is.
Ava.
My Ava.
The world around me falls away as I watch her walk into the bar. I know she’s got on a long-sleeved, white dress, and her blonde hair is hanging down around her face, but all I see is her eyes. Those big, blue eyes, that look so fucking sad. My heart cracks just looking at her, but that’s overtaken by the rage that builds when I see the guy walking in behind her. The fucker towers over her, smug, his hand clamped tightly around the back of her neck.
Just the way he’s holding her has me about to lunge out of my seat, when three guys follows them in, as though they’re all together. They walk through the crowd to one of the tall cocktail tables off to the side, where a single guy gathers his drink up and leaves. Shayne sits on one of the stools and yanks Ava onto his lap, and even from where I sit, I can see her wince and her face pale.
I let go of the glass in my hand otherwise it’s going to shatter.
A moment later, I watch her turn to Shayne, and point a finger my way. I don’t understand, until I realize the restrooms are in the hall behind me. He grips her by the chin and whispers something in her ear, to which she jerks her head with a nod, then slides down off his lap. Now she’s walking my way. I keep my head down, feeling every hair on my body rise as she walks past me, her eyes downcast. When I’m sure she’s gone, I glance to Shayne, who’s ordering drinks from the cocktail waitress.
I slip off the seat and wait in the hall, looking down when a woman walks past me. A few minutes later, Ava walks out. It takes only a second for her eyes to come up and meet mine. She stops.
“Gavin?” Her voice is barely a whisper I can make out.
“Hey,” I say softly.
She blinks and her eyes instantly well up. That glassy gaze has me reaching for her, but she takes a step back and shakes her head. “You—you can’t—you shouldn’t be here.”
I narrow my eyes on her. “What’s wrong with your voice? Are you sick or something?”
Ava licks her lips and shakes her head.
I take a step towards her, but she backs away again. Another woman walks by and looks at us curiously. Ava pales and looks to the floor. The frustration growing, I corral her to the end of the hallway, so I can get a few minutes with her.
I have to control my temper when I see her body begin to shake, forcing me back a couple steps. “Listen, Ava,” I say, hands out to my side, trying to calm her. “I know what’s going on. Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you. I could’ve—”
“No, you couldn’t,” she says, her voice straining. Why the fuck can she barely talk? I push the thought aside and try to focus.
“I could,” I say. “I could’ve paid him off, Ava. I’d have given him a blank check.”
She shakes her head again. “Not about money. About me.”
I rake a hand through my hair, not understanding why her voice is like that, and not liking her words. She begins fidgeting with her hands, and that’s when I see it. A gold band.
There’s a goddamn ring on her finger?
And then I understand the dress.
“You married him?”
She looks away, and a tear slides down her cheek.
Without thinking, I grab her wrist to see the ring up close, but she yelps like I’ve just hit her. I instantly let her go and see a thin line of red appear through the white fabric of her sleeve. She looks down at her wrist and her little mouth falls open. As gently as I can, I take her trembling hand and pull back the sleeve. I grunt when I see the broken skin and the massive black and blue bruising around her slender wrist.
“Ava?”
She does nothing but stare at her wrist while the color drains from her face and her lower lip begins to quiver. Slowly, carefully, I take her other hand and see the same thing.
What the…?
When I look up, tears are streaming down her cheeks and her beautiful, blue eyes are filled with shame, despair…and so much terror.
A grenade goes off somewhere deep inside me, dousing me with a rage I’ve never felt before.
“MOTHERFUCKER!!!”
I spin around with one single focus.
There’s someone I need to kill.