Gavin leans against the counter and there’s no mistaking the disappointment in his face.
“Sorry,” I say. “I only just put it together.”
He shrugs and looks away. “I was kind of liking the anonymity.”
His voice is sad and I wonder what it must be like for him. His movies are big right now. Really big.
He stands there, just staring at the ground, his jaw tight, his mood dark, almost like he’s waiting for something. Maybe for me to ask for an autograph, or throw myself at him, or go on and on about how much I love his films. He’s only done a few, but I have seen them. They’re good. Really good. His main role—his breakout role—was the lead in the first of a spy trilogy, based on a set of books. The second one came out not too long ago and was one of the last my father and I watched together. Then he did another action movie, separate of those, and that one was good too. I only know all this because my father had liked his movies because they have good fight scenes. He apparently does most of his own stunts, and has some sort of background with mixed martial arts. His hair had been dyed blonde then, and was longer, and I think he was wearing blue contacts too, to match the character in the book. I wonder if that’s why I didn’t recognize him. Or maybe I just couldn’t imagine a world where he and I would actually meet, especially the way we did.
Then the dark-haired woman comes to mind, and I realize—she’s his co-star in the trilogy. There had been a rumored romance between the two, something I’d picked up watching Entertainment Tonight. And there’d also been rumors that he was difficult, temperamental, sort of like that guy I met back on the freeway. But I’ve also seen a different sort of man. The man who came back for me.
I watch Gavin look up and cross his arms, irritation etched into his face. If he’s expecting me to go crazy over him, he’s wrong.
“My clothes, upstairs, are wet,” I say. “Can I use your dryer?”
“Uh…sure.”
I leave him in the kitchen, looking a little confused, and fetch my clothes, knowing I’ll need them to wear home tomorrow.
When I walk back down the stairs, he’s waiting for me. I follow him down another hallway off to the side, when he stops at a door, opens it and switches on the light to a laundry room with the biggest washer and dryer I’ve ever seen.
I walk past him and toss my clothes in, careful to keep my underwear out of sight. It takes me a minute to sort through all the settings just to figure out how to start it. I wonder if he’ll step in and help, but he doesn’t. Eventually though, I get it sorted out and the tumble starts.
When I turn, Gavin’s leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, eyes narrowed, like I’ve done something wrong. I freeze and look back at the dryer, wondering if maybe I set it to detonate or something.
When I look back at him, not understanding, he shrugs. “I’m just surprised is all. Most women would’ve gone ape-shit. So I’m just wondering…”
I tilt my head, waiting.
“Wondering if you’re not impressed…or perhaps…don’t like my movies.”
I have an urge to smile, but hold it back. “They’re alright,” I say, and move past him.
I walk back down the hall and hear his voice behind me. “Just alright?”
There’s feigned hurt in his voice, but there’s no mistaking the smile too.
I nod, as though bored, but having more fun than I’ve had in a while. When I enter the living room, I stop. I’d noticed the oversized sliders when I walked by before, but had somehow missed what was just beyond. Maybe because I was too distracted with the wall-to-wall fireplace, still burning quietly off to the side.
The floor is cool beneath my bare feet as I walk over to the glass and stare out at a pool that ends where the lights of Santa Barbara begin. It’s still raining, not as hard as before, but enough that I can see the drops falling into turquoise water that seems to glow from within. A vapor rises from the surface and disappears into the night. I stare at it, mesmerized.
Gavin walks up and stands at my side. “You want to go for a dip?” he asks. “It’s heated.”
I shake my head, still staring out the slider.
“Why not?”
I’m embarrassed to say it, so stay quiet.
“What’s the matter, can’t swim?” he jokes.
By the way I turn sharply to look at him, he knows he called it.
“It’s no biggie,” he says gently. “There’s a shallow area.”
My eyes flick back out the slider, then to him again. “But…now?”
He nods and grins, looking like a little boy who wants to play his favorite game. I haven’t seen him smile like that before. The heat comes up in my skin and I turn back to the pool. It’s a long, narrow rectangle, with a carved out triangle in the middle, that looks like the shallow area, with steps leading down—steps that seem to tug at my feet.
Truth is, I want to go in, desperately.
I look down at my clothes and realize I wouldn’t have anything to wear anyway.
Gavin turns and heads for the stairs. “Be right back.”
Moments later, I hear his steps and turn around to see him walking up to me in nothing but black swim trucks. I blink, and can’t stop staring. Can’t stop my eyes from wandering over the carved out muscles, the rippled abs, the narrow hips and strong shoulders. When our eyes meet, he wears a small smile that tugs at the corner of his lips. I look away as fire explodes across my cheeks.
It isn’t until he extends his arm out that I realize he has clothes in one hand and towels in the other.
“Here,” he says, handing me the clothes.
I take them with a shaky hand. It’s black boxer briefs and a wife-beater tank top. I should be distracted at the thought of holding Gavin West’s underwear, but all I can do is focus on the white tank top.
“It’s all I had that would be small enough,” he says.
I look up and see the mischievous smile in his eyes, then turn around, back to the pool. It beckons, taunting me with its beauty and magic.
“I’ll be a gentleman, I swear,” he whispers, close to my ear.
My pulse spikes at the sound of his voice.
The air shifts and he’s standing beside me, gazing out at the pool too. “Come on. Swim in the rain with me, Ava.”
My name on his tongue catches me off guard and I look at him, wanting him to say it a thousand more times. Gavin turns to me and our eyes meet. “You’re safe with me, I promise.” By the sincerity in his voice, I know he means it. “And besides, if you can go out wearing that scrap of a dress, then you can wear that. Now go change.”
I look down at the clothes, back to the pool, then turn and go to my room. After I change, I look at myself in the mirror, wondering how bad it is. My breasts, not big, but somewhat large for my small frame, push through the fabric, my nipples just barely visible, but I know that will change the moment I get wet. His boxer briefs hug my boyish hips but still feel a little loose so I’ll need to be careful when they get wet. I turn around, and look at my backside, then face front again, and frown. I look almost childlike, compared to that woman, Candace. Maybe I’m thinking that way because of what she said, but I know she’s right. I look young for my age. And I don’t have the shapely hips, or the crazy cleavage, or the long legs like her…but…I think I look alright. At least, I hope I do anyway.
I keep staring at my reflection, when the face of my mother appears in the mirror. It’s eerie how much I look like her. We have the same high cheekbones, the same bow-shaped lips, the same cream colored skin that turns golden in summertime. But perhaps what’s most similar, are the big almond shaped eyes, the ‘color of blue diamonds’ my mom used to say, with thick dark lashes that make it look like I’m constantly wearing eyeliner. I’ve always thought it was strange, that they should be so dark, when my hair is such a pale blonde. And she had the same hair too, but while I always kept mine long and all one length, like now—because that’s been easiest—she kept hers cut short, because she liked to do it up all the time, like Marilyn Monroe, who she renamed herself after, once she turned eighteen. She named me after Ava Gardner. She even tried once to get me to dye my hair black, when I was eight. She got me cornered in the bathroom and almost tried to force it on me because I wouldn’t do it. I was just scared is all, because I thought it’d stay that way forever. She said it wouldn’t, but I thought it was a trick. She’d do that sometimes. She was good at tricks. And she kept at it, getting so mad, but when I got to crying, she gave up.
Maybe that’s why she really left.
I let her go, then get to thinking about my reason for heading out tonight. We’ll be half-naked and wet, which in some ways is a step in that direction I guess, but somehow it doesn’t feel right. Not because I don’t want him, but because it feels like I would be using him. In a bar or a nightclub, like I planned originally, it seems more like fair game. Like that’s what would be expected when two people hook up while out for a good time. But this, the way Gavin and I have been thrown together, it isn’t the same. There’s no future for us, not that he would want one with me anyway, but it feels like it would be wrong to try to seduce him. So while the thought of Shayne being my first is enough to make my stomach turn, I decide to let it go. The thought is a reminder though, of what I have waiting for me when I return home. But it feels a world away, like I’ve slipped into some fairy tale that inevitably has to end.
I wonder if this is how Cinderella felt.
When I walk downstairs, Gavin is still standing in the same spot, gazing out. I walk up next to him, but he doesn’t move. It takes me a moment to realize he’s watching me through the reflection in the glass. His eyes are fixed on me, roaming quietly. His gaze lingers on my arms that are crossed over my breasts and I think I see something of a smile play along his lips, then he opens the slider.
“After you,” he says, his eyes dark but unmistakably playful.
I walk past him onto a large covered patio, knowing his gaze follows me. It’s cold, and once I clear the overhang I feel the crisp, cool rain along my bare skin. I can’t help but squeal and run for the shallow area and lunge in. Behind me, I hear a chuckle followed by a loud splash in the deep end.
I sink completely into the warm water. When I surface, the chilly night air and falling rain tickles my face. All around it glows like magic, like the pool is lit from someplace deep within the earth. The heat floats along the surface and drifts up towards the stormy sky. The clouds are glowing too, the full moon doing its best to peak through the cracks. Out over the pool, there’s nothing but darkness, making it feel like we’re on the edge of the world.
Gavin appears, surfacing from the water. He swipes his hair back, his lashes wet and dark against green eyes that look like sparkling emeralds in the eerie light. I thought he was sexy before…
With a few easy strokes of his arms he moves closer, standing not too far away from me. “Good?” he asks.
I nod and grin. Actually grin. I think I surprise Gavin as much as myself, because his mouth falls open a little.
“I think that’s the first smile I’ve seen from you,” he says.
I turn away, oddly embarrassed, and wade over to sit on the steps. The water laps at my neck and shoulders while I do my best not to stare at the dark-eyed man near me.
“When I can’t sleep,” he says, turning to float on his back, “I’ll go for a swim. Always helps.”
I wonder what would keep him up at night. Stress? Pressure? I know his job has lots of perks, but being famous the way he is, I’m not naïve enough to think there are no downsides.
He flips over and makes his way to the side, where he leans back and stretches his sculpted arms out along the ledge. With a tilt of his head, he looks at me. “How is it you never learned to swim?”
I shrug. “Never had the chance.”
“Where’d you grow up? Kansas or something?”
I shake my head, but see he’s waiting for more.
“A little town north of here,” I say.
“Where?”
Something in my gut keeps me from giving the name away. Los Ramos isn’t that far, and for all I know, Shayne might be a friend of his. So I just say, “No place special.”
By the way his eyes narrow on me, I know he doesn’t like my answer. “You’re being vague again.”
I look down at my hands floating in the water, knowing that’s all I can give him.
There’s silence now, nothing but the sound of falling rain and the slow ripple of water against the side of the pool.
“What’s going on with you?” he asks. “You in some kind of trouble, or running from something?”
I shake my head, still staring at my hands.
“Fine,” he snaps. “But I think you’re lying to me.” He shoves himself off the wall and disappears under the water and off to the deep end, away from me.
I suppose I deserve it.
I move off the stairs and float around for a bit, watching Gavin do laps. It’s difficult not to stare at him, the way his body glides through the water, causing barely a ripple.
After a while, he makes his way past me and settles onto the stairs. I take a dunk underwater and rise, and feel his eyes on me again.
“Alright,” he says, his tone softer. “What can you tell me about yourself?”
He’s trying. He’s trying so hard.
So I give him something. “I love horses.”
His eyebrows lift. “Yeah? So you ride?”
I nod.
“Have any of your own?”
I shake my head. “I want to though. It’s my dream. I want to rescue them.”
He nods, like he’s mulling the information over.
I move to the edge and rest my arms on the cool stone, a nice contrast to the heat of the water.
I glance his way and see he’s staring off into space, like he’s somewhere else. “I grew up with horses,” he says absently. He takes in a sharp breath, as though suddenly returning from wherever he was, and turns to me. “We had a few ranch horses. Cattle, too.”
For some reason, those words make my pulse quicken. It’s not what I would’ve expected from him.
“Used to ride a lot when I was a kid,” he goes on. “But not anymore. Always did like them, though. Powerful animals. Beautiful, too.”
The more I get to know him, the more my heart aches in this weird sort of way. I try not to think about it and lean my head on my arms and close my eyes. The rain has softened even more, but I can still feel the drops falling onto my face, still hear the gentle pitter-patter as they land in the water.
“Is it my acting?”
I lift my head and glance to Gavin, not understanding.
“My acting…” he says again, “for why you think my movies are just alright.”
I would smile if it wasn’t for the vulnerability lurking in his eyes.
“No,” I say. “The acting’s good.” Truth is, it’s great. I just can’t bring myself to stroke his ego that way. He no doubt has plenty of people to do that for him.
He frowns. “Just good?”
This time I can’t help but smile, something I seem inclined to do around him. “Better than good. Happy?”
No, he isn’t happy. But he isn’t angry. He simply looks…frustrated.
“Then, what is it?”
“What is what?”
“You know.”
I grin. Again. I can’t help it.
Gavin narrows his eyes on me. “You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?”
I seal my lips and shake my head, trying desperately to keep up the charade.
“You are!” With a playful growl, he lunges at me.
I squeal and try to cut to my right, but he’s there with lightning speed, wrapping me in a bear hug from behind. My body jolts with white hot heat, his arms strong and tight around me.
“What—what are you—?” I can’t get the words out, because there’s suddenly a sound so foreign, I can’t focus on anything else. It’s me. I’m…laughing…actually laughing…laughing so hard my stomach hurts and I can barely breathe.
“Admit it,” he rumbles into my ear. “Admit you love my movies.”
I struggle against him and shake my head, the laughter still tumbling out of me. Slowly, we begin to move, and the bottom begins to slant. “Wait,” I gasp. “Wh—what are you doing?”
“Getting you to admit it.”
Panic begins to set in, but I still can’t stop laughing. “You—you can’t—”
“Say it.”
The ground leaves my feet and now nothing’s holding me up but him. I’m not laughing anymore. I grip his forearms that have me trapped. “You wouldn’t.”
“Try me.”
With a surge, he sends us further into the deep end, one of his arms leaving me to tread water, the other still wrapped tightly around me. “Oh God, Gavin, I—”
“I’m waiting.”
“Okay, okay. I love your movies. Now take me back.”
“Say: Gavin, you’re the best actor in the world and you deserve an Oscar.”
“You’re a bastard, you know that?”
“Yes. I’m aware. Now say it.”
I groan but can’t hide the laugh behind it. “Gavin, you asshole, you’re the best and most annoying actor in the world and you deserve a damn Oscar, or at least a nomination. There. Close enough. Now take me back. Right. Fucking. Now.”
He chuckles deep and sexy in my ear. “That’s the most words I’ve heard from you all night. See, I knew you had it in you.”
I’d be amazed too, were it not for the panic still pounding its way through my body.
But it begins to fade as he starts guiding us back to the shallow end, until we’re standing once again on solid ground. But he doesn’t let go. Instead, he just holds me, and I become suddenly aware of the feel of his body against mine. And there’s something else. Something…hard.
My breath vanishes.
I feel the grate of his cheek along my ear, feel the graze of his lips along my neck. My body melts into his and a rush of heat surges between my legs. Then he’s gone, leaving nothing but the water lapping at my back. When I turn around, he’s standing a few feet away, his broad chest heaving. I watch his dark eyes drift to my breasts and his lips part. That’s when I realize I’m only waist deep in water.
“Jesus,” he hisses. With a surge he moves past me, up the stairs and out, his hand once again adjusting his crotch. Only this time, he doesn’t bother trying to hide it.
“Where are you going?” I ask, feeling strangely abandoned.
“To bed.”
“Why? What did I do wrong?”
He grabs a towel from a patio chair and wipes himself down, then secures the towel around his waist. It’s a long moment before he turns to face me. I’m out of the water now, standing at the edge of the pool. I don’t bother trying to cover myself up.
I become faintly aware the rain has stopped when the full moon breaks through the clouds, sending the world around us into a silvery sheen. But all I can focus on is Gavin, who grabs the other towel and slowly make his way back to me. He places the towel around my shoulders, then swipes a caress across my cheek that steals my breath.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Ava. You’re perfect. But I brought you here to help you, not take advantage of you.”
I lift my chin. “Nobody takes advantage of me. Not even you.”
He sighs and smiles, but it’s a sad smile. “Still. I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it.” His gaze drifts over my face as though taking in every feature, every detail, then he gently tucks back a wet lock of my hair. “Besides, you’re too good a woman to have a fling with a man like me. And that’s all it’ll be. A fling. I’m not good for anything else. I have no room for anything else. I’m sorry.”
He leans down and presses a gentle kiss on my forehead that brings a tightness to my throat.
I don’t want this to end.
It can’t end.
Not like this.
He turns away and walks steadfast to the door and pauses, head bowed. “Burt texted me earlier. Said he’d have the car out front by five.” He doesn’t even look my way, or say goodbye.