Ava
The morning sun yawns against the sleepy sky, gearing itself up for another warm summer day. Its golden glow creeps quietly, tip-toeing over the tops of the oak and Cypress trees that surround the estate. A large fenced meadow rests just beyond the pool and manicured hedges, where I know three precious horses graze somewhere amid the trees.
Gavin sits beside me on the back porch, his arm wrapped around my shoulders while the bench rocks back and forth. I feel the caress of his fingers along my arm, trying to comfort me, care for me, as always. We’re both quiet, both in a weary haze after another night of terrors that, as usual, has me waking before dawn. Unable to fall back asleep, I’ve taken to watching the sunrise. Maybe because it’s a reminder that even though darkness settles in, the light always returns.
It’s only been a couple weeks, I have to remind myself, since Gavin freed me from my chains, but somehow it feels longer. There’s an odd stillness around me. The sort of stillness that slows everything down, but somehow manages to bring out all the details. The way the sunlight catches the angle of a flower petal, the way the breeze rustles the leaves in the trees, the way Gavin breathes when he’s deep in sleep. I feel as though I’ve gone from listening to loud, thrasher music blasting in my ears for an eternity, to suddenly dead quiet. In some ways, it’s peaceful, in other ways, it’s haunting. It gives me too much time to think, too much time to remember.
Gavin stretches his legs out with a sigh and looks my way. “How you doing, sunshine?” His voice is deep and throaty, as though he just woke up, even though we’ve been awake for a couple hours. Last night was brutal.
I smile and nod, loving the new nickname he has for me. The smiles still feel foreign, but I’m getting used to it. The words though, they still elude me.
Gavin smiles back as his lashes rise and fall slowly, his green eyes so vibrant in the newborn light. He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear and gently pulls me in closer, nestling my head into his neck. It’s a tender move, a caring move.
For a man who claimed he didn’t know how to be gentle, he’s taken to it quite well. Perhaps too well. At first, he wouldn’t sleep in the same bed with me. He insisted on sleeping on the cot. Said it was too soon. And I thought perhaps he was right. I even had trouble sleeping in the bed myself, and a few times Gavin woke up to find me curled up in a dark corner of the closet. Eventually though, I got to staying in my bed, and Gavin in the cot, but then the nightmares would come and he would find himself by my side, holding me, stroking my hair, whispering everything would be alright, until we eventually fell asleep together. So now, when it’s bedtime, he slides in next to me, but keeps a pillow between us. I know what he’s protecting me from. I’ve seen the strain against his boxer briefs, but he keeps it hidden from me as much as possible. And I’m okay with that. I’m certainly not ready for that, mentally or physically. My body is still healing. Just dressing and walking is an effort sometimes, but it’s getting better. Instead, for now, we just hang out, watch movies, read books, visit the horses. We simply exist, together. A sort of intimate getting to know each other, brought on by events too strange and disturbing to make sense of.
In a way, it feels like there’s a world out there we’ve slipped away from. I know his agent’s called a few times, but he ignores the calls. But it can’t go on forever. What happens when we have to leave this place, leave this little sanctuary and head back into reality. He won’t just be mine anymore, if that’s what I can even call him now, he’ll be Gavin West, the movie star again. And technically, I’m married, and for the most part, homeless.
We haven’t really talked much about the future. It’s almost as if we’re both still just trying to find our bearings after that night. Still trying to come to terms with the situation we find ourselves in now. But even so, I haven’t been able to forget what he said to me all those months ago. A fling. That’s all it’ll be. That’s all I have room for.
I know it’s become more than that. Much more. But part of me wonders if it weren’t for all the craziness that happened, would he still have stuck around. Or does he feel himself bound by some sense of duty, after what happened, and perhaps a need to protect me the way he ended up protecting his mom.
The thought makes me shiver, causing him to lift my chin so he can see my eyes. “You cold?”
I shake my head and watch him while he studies me, searching for whatever memories might be lurking in my mind. There are such sweet intentions behind his gaze, but there’s no missing the tension, the lines of restraint that have been etched into his face these past couple weeks. It’s not sexual though. It’s deadly. It’s the elephant in the room we both ignore.
He must sense my thoughts, as he lets my chin go and places a soft kiss on my forehead. It’s a move to distract, to set me off course. He’s been unnervingly distant on the topic of Shayne. Detective Miller, who was here just a couple days ago, said there’s still been no sign of him. But I know Shayne won’t go far. He’ll come for me. He’ll find me. I know he will. It’s just a matter of time.
And in some ways, I think Gavin’s been hoping he’ll show. Hoping he can take that final swing at him and send him to his grave. He’s not said as much, but he doesn’t have to. It’s there, in the way his gaze turns distant, the way he wails on the punching bag in the exercise room, the way his jaw clenches when he sees the marks on my body. They’re healing, but they’re a reminder…a reminder of what I went through. And in many ways, Gavin feels responsible.
It’s strange, really. The timing of it all. The way Gavin came for me when he did. I wasn’t going to survive that night. The beast was lost. So lost. I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing now. I can’t help but wonder how he is. I still have that image in my head, of him staggering, and his voice too, calling for me, that I hear constantly. But they’re things I try not to think about, because the feelings that come with them are too confusing. Those dark, strange feelings that live inside me, gnawing away at me. Part of me knows I shouldn’t feel this way, after all he’s done to me. But I can’t help it. I’m bound to him now. And I can’t help but feel like I left him in hell. A hell that was created by a sick father and a neglectful mother. And me. The one who broke her word. The one who broke his heart.
And then there’s Red, who’s constantly in my mind. The one who gave his life for me. The one who turned on his best friend, so I could be free. Gavin said he loved me. Gavin said he’d always loved me.
The pit in my stomach grows and the tears well, blurring the sunrise. So much violence. So much loss. It’s so tempting to let the dark swallow me up, to simply give in and let the anger, and rage, and pain consume me. And sometimes it does. Sometimes I simply crumble and cry, but then strong arms wrap around me, followed by whispered words in a deep, familiar voice that always seem to cut through the madness. They soothe, they settle, they bring me back and remind me there is still good in this world. I just have to fight for it. I have to fight for it like my life depends on it. Which in many ways, it does.
I glance to Gavin, who sits quietly, his fingers still caressing my arm while I remain tucked up against him, warm and safe, a shelter from the recent past. His eyes are closed, those long lashes casting shadows along his skin. A dark stubble coats his jaw, while his messy, brown hair glints of amber and chocolate in the growing light. I can see the strain of these past couple weeks embedded into the rugged lines of his face. Even so, he’s still the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on. I can’t help but think back to the first time I saw him. So angry. So beautiful. How fitting our worlds collided on a dark, stormy night.
A wayward thought enters my mind. It’s something I’ve never been able to figure out. I take the pen and write down my question on the notepad, then tap his shoulder and watch his eyes slowly open to the sky, now a vibrant swirl of pinks and baby blues. He looks down at the notepad.
How did you find me that first day?
“The registration in the car,” he says. “When you weren’t giving up any information on you, I got frustrated and texted Burt and had him write down the address. You’d said it was your neighbor’s car.” He smiles. “Hadn’t planned on using it. But as soon as you left my bed, I woke, and I knew right then I wasn’t going to be able to let you go.”
A bird chirps in the distance, then another, and another. The day is waking. My soul is healing.
Gavin presses his lips softly against my temple. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to let you go, Ava. I love you. I’ve loved you since I first saw you, stranded in the rain on the side of the freeway.” He sighs and leans his forehead against mine. “My tragic beauty.”
Tears surge and spill over, just as the sun breaks, sending a prism of bright light into my heart and deep into my soul, temporarily blinding the darkness within. He pulls back, pain seeping into his face while he gazes into my eyes.
So many different emotions go tearing through me, so much confusion over how I feel about Shayne, and everything that’s happened. But there is one thing I do know. Something I’ve known ever since that night too. And in many ways, it’s what’s kept me going, kept me from breaking and giving up.
I reach up and touch his cheek to let him know.
I love you, too.
Gavin sighs and closes his eyes, able to read me so well now. “It won’t be easy loving me, Ava,” he says, pulling back and meeting my gaze. “You may think I’m a hero, but I’m not. It’s something you need to remember. Right now, I’m being what I need to be, what you need me to be. But this isn’t my true nature. I don’t know how to love, how to be in love. All I know is how I feel, about you. It’s powerful…and terrifying.”
Gavin tightens his arm around me and leans in closer, a faint, almost chilling whisper drifting into my ear. “And God help anyone who ever tries to take you from me again.”
The End…for now.
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