A month later, Jared was sitting in the SUV waiting for clearance by the heavily armed security guards, three other members of the team with him. Another SUV behind him with a commander and three of his SEALs.
The SUV he was in contained one captain, one commander and another engineer. One that never served. One that worked a desk out of DC and was the only one not in uniform. All the things Jared didn’t want to be or do.
Seven of them had standard camo pants on, boots and Navy shirts. Six were wearing guns strapped to their thighs. Not him. He could have, but chose not to. He felt it’d be hypocritical at the moment. He worked in a classroom, not in the field.
He and Tom, the captain, drove from Annapolis to DC where they met the rest of them and boarded a Navy plane to take them to their destination.
Steve, the other engineer, sat quietly with his computer. The rest of them laughed and joked and told stories of missions. There were no bitter feelings. No remorse. And no judgment on their part that he didn’t share that bond with them now.
Everyone knew the other’s history. Or knew enough. And they treated him like one of them. Not someone who got hurt in the field and most likely would never return. But like a brother that had been there and done that and they were on their way to another mission.
Only this one wouldn’t result in the loss of life. Maybe, if they were lucky, what they were doing would save quite a few in the future. The lives of his brothers.
Passes were finally cleared and all eight of them made their way into the building, flanked by more guards. It was laughable that the guards were just a step or two up from rent-a-cops, maybe they were retired serviceman or law enforcement, but none of them had a shot against seven out of the eight in the group. Steve should be so lucky to be protected by this group. He knew his back was covered.
They were ushered into a secure room, the assault rifles on the table in front of them, a shooting range beyond the glass walls.
He hadn’t picked up a rifle since the explosion. He’d expected nightmares before this day. Something. Anything. He got nothing.
Maybe it was having Shelby in his life. Kayla giggling and playing with him. A happiness he’d been missing, leaving no room for fears. No room for weaknesses.
Or maybe he was so lost in his own head for months that he finally found some way out.
Tom had taken the lead as the highest ranking officer, a close friend of Kevin’s too, and made the introduction. When it came to him, he was introduced as, “Lieutenant Hawk.” He heard the rank daily in class. It was how the recruits addressed him. But here it felt different. It felt like more.
He and Steve were pulled aside and shown more specs in detail, asked questions and listened, took their notes. The rest of the team had the rifles in their hands, testing them out, and then everyone walked to the range to see them in action. He slipped his hearing aid off and put it in his pocket before putting the headset on.
Seeing them in use, firing, was a work of art. A piece of history could be made here. He’d be a part of it and he’d have a say in it. He could be saving lives. A hero. It wasn’t what he thought of years ago when he enlisted, but now he was realizing hero had many meanings.
***
Shelby was rocking Kayla in her arms trying to get her to stop crying. Cranky toddlers and sandals on the sidewalk didn’t always go hand and hand. The scratches on Kayla’s knees would heal like the ones on her palms.
“It’s okay, honey. You just tripped. Come on inside and we’ll get you cleaned up.”
“I want Jay,” Kayla wailed.
Shelby stopped in shock. It was the first time Kayla had asked for him like that. Sure, Kayla was always excited to see Jared, and they saw him every few days for the last month. Weekends they spent together at her house. They’d been to his house a time or two, but there was no place for Kayla to sleep for the night and Shelby wouldn’t consider asking him to make a place.
They weren’t there yet. Even if she wished they were, it wasn’t her place to ask. He’d have to want to do it on his own.
She knew he wasn’t always comfortable at her house. It was small for him. He’d hit his head a few times on cabinets and in her shower. But he never mentioned that they could spend more time at his place, even if it was bigger and nicer.
“Jay will be home in a few days.”
“Now!” Kayla shouted.
“I think someone needs to sleep,” Shelby said. She couldn’t remember the last time Kayla acted like this.
Jared had been gone for over a week and should be returning soon. He’d been in DC the last she knew. Other than that, she knew nothing. He couldn’t tell her and she didn’t ask. She wanted to but knew better.
Ethan never did anything top secret and never wanted to. She knew that and understood why.
She thought she’d be scared knowing Jared was doing something so confidential. “A mission?” she’d asked. He’d said, “In a manner of speaking, but not like you think.” But he was grinning when he said it, and she knew he was excited and that he needed this in his life. She wasn’t about to voice any fears.
Even if those fears were festering that maybe it was a step to send him into a dangerous situation. She wanted to talk to him about it but didn’t. She held her tongue knowing that, like asking for space for Kayla in his home, this wasn’t her place either.
He had a right to pick his own career and she was going to have to accept it or let him go. One or the other, but that was her choice and if it came down to it, she’d make it. But she wasn’t going to worry about being a widow again so young. Not today.
It was almost as if he sensed some of her fears and reassured her there was nothing to be worried about. She had no choice but to trust him.
Kayla’s tears were down to sniffles now and Shelby thought it would be safe to try to clean her up and get her down for a nap.
“Would you like to lie on the couch and watch a movie?” It wasn’t something she often allowed, but had a feeling today might be the exception.
“Yes, please.”
Looked like things might be settling down, so Shelby brought Kayla to the bathroom, washed her knees and palms, put a little ointment on them, gave them a kiss and then put some Disney band-aids on.
Once Kayla was settled, Shelby sat at the kitchen table and sent a text off to Jared. I really miss you today. Hope to hear from you tonight.
She wasn’t bugging him. He’d told her to send him texts or leave messages, something for him to look forward to, and he’d try to call if he could. If not, she at least could get a few texts back before bed.
She wasn’t used to having someone to reach out to on a bad day like this. It took everything she had to send that message to him and hoped he didn’t think she was being needy.
When her phone rang an hour later, she grabbed it off the counter and walked outside to answer without looking at it. She was afraid it would wake Kayla and her baby needed more than an hour nap.
“Hello,” she said, her voice happy.
“Shelby?”
“Billy?” she said back, her smile dropping. “What’s wrong?”
She didn’t often hear from her brother. He was the only one she still talked to. The only one she could reach or that was allowed to speak to her because he was estranged too. But they still weren’t as close as some might think with the upbringing they had.
“It’s Mom. She’s in the hospital.”
“What happened?” Shelby asked. She missed her mother so much and hated to leave the way she did, but there was no choice. Her mother wasn’t strong enough to stand up to their father or protect the kids. She was just trying to survive herself. Always on the weaker side, and always going to another room when things got bad. Like if she walked away it wasn’t happening. If only it was that easy.
“They think she had a heart attack. They aren’t sure.”
“How did you find out? Did Dad call you?”
Billy snorted on the other line. “Hardly. Rodney told me. He met me at work one day. He knew Dad wouldn’t tell me. He asked if I could get in touch with you.”
“He knows we talk?” Shelby asked.
“I think he guessed. Rodney is the only communication I’ve got to the house and it’s not very often. I think he’s put it together. He mentioned something about a new dress showing up at the house last month. A package the neighbor delivered. He thought maybe it came from you and asked me.”
“It was me. I always send Mom something on Mother’s Day.”
She’d mailed it to the neighbors, who were old and retired. The wife still talked to their mother and snuck over things when Shelby sent them. They were few and far between…though Shelby did send pictures of Kayla now and again letting her mother know she had a grandchild, not that she thought they’d ever meet.
“That’s nice,” Billy said. “I should, but I can’t. I can’t accept that she let what she did happen to us. That it’s probably still going on and there isn’t much I can do. Once Rodney turns eighteen I think he’s coming with me if he doesn’t go to school somewhere.”
“How’s Carolyn? What’s she going to do now that she graduated?”
“She’s hoping to get a full-time job somewhere and get out.”
“No college?”
“Really, Shelby? This is Carolyn we’re talking about. I know you haven’t been around in years, but I’m surprised she got through school. I think the only reason she went was to get out of the house. She did some culinary training or something. Some vocational thing. She’s been working part-time at a cafe and is hoping to find something full time. Rodney says she’s trying to find a few people to get an apartment with. I’m sure she’ll be out soon.”
“If Dad doesn’t stop it?”
“He can’t stop us.”
“Just disown us and bar us from seeing Mom or having any communication with anyone else?”
“You know why you and I were. Rodney says everyone else seems to be towing the line.”
“Or else?” Shelby asked, remembering more than she cared to.
“I want to think things have gotten better. Or less frequent. Maybe he’s softened.”
“I doubt it,” Shelby said. “Back to Mom. Have you tried to see her or get any information?”
“No. I’ll find out from Rodney where she is and pass it on. I just wanted you to know. I didn’t ask a lot of questions, but then Lisa said the least I could do was pass it to you.”
Lisa was Billy’s girlfriend. “How’s Lisa doing?”
“She’s good. A saint for putting up with me,” he said laughing.
“You’re not that bad.”
“Neither are you, Shelby. I don’t care what Dad says or did. There’s nothing wrong with us.”
She didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She was beyond it. “Let me know what you find out.”
“I will.”
Shelby hung up the phone and sat in one of the chairs on her deck, looking out at the houses beyond her backyard. There hadn’t been one day in the last five years that she missed Kentucky. She missed her mother. She missed her siblings, but for her sanity, she had to leave. Billy did the same. She was guessing Carolyn was too. Maybe the remaining three would learn from her and Billy’s mistakes. Or maybe it wouldn’t matter.
She only knew she was gone. She was here and she was safe.