“How was your date?” Nancy asked her the next morning when she walked Kayla over for the day.
“It was really nice.”
She set Kayla down and watched as she made her way into the little front room that all her toys were stored in.
“So tell me about him. You’ve got a few minutes before you have to leave.”
Shelby purposely came a few minutes early. Partially because she couldn’t sleep last night and was ready to crawl out of bed this morning. The other reason was that she was hoping to talk to someone about her date.
“He’s really nice. Kayla is already attached to him and I’m not sure that is a good thing.”
“I understand. But don’t you think you’ve grieved long enough? Don’t you think it’s time for you to put yourself first and think of being a woman again?”
She felt like a woman last night. When she and Jared stopped talking and there was an awkward silence, his hand slid around her chin, then neck, pulling her forward. He laid his lips to hers, saying, “If it’s the first date you’ve had in years, then it must be the first kiss, so I better make it count.”
He’d made it count. His strength, his heat, his utter male presence dominated her on the small sofa. But she wasn’t scared, rather, she felt safe in his arms. In the way he wrapped her up and held her tight, protected and secure. Like swaddling Kayla as a baby. Never wanting to be untucked and just making sure she stayed snug. Like she never wanted it to end. Like she’d never felt before and wondered when she could feel that way again.
“I get that. But I’m a mother first.”
“Shelby,” Nancy said, clucking her tongue. “You can be a woman and a mother at the same time. You won’t do your daughter any good if you don’t show her all facets of life. You’re doing a great job,” Nancy said when Shelby opened her mouth to argue. “But you need to have some happiness in your life too. You need some satisfaction to be happy. Kayla will feed off of your happiness.”
Nancy was right. She knew that. She’d seen it growing up as a kid. Her mother was shy, timid and miserable. It reflected on the kids too, herself included.
“It was one date.”
“Did he make a mention of another one? And what’s his name? What does he do? I don’t want to keep referring to him as ‘he’.”
“His name is Jared Hawk. He’s an engineering professor at the Navel Academy. And yes, I’m pretty sure there will be another date. He asked what my plans were this weekend, but I told him I had to work today. He said he’d talk to me when I was done later.”
“So he’s not a sailor? No active duty?”
“I don’t know his whole story. He was. He looks it for sure. But he’s a professor now. I don’t even know how long he’s been one. I can tell he doesn’t want to talk about it, so I’m thinking it’s a sore subject.”
“Maybe he got in trouble for something or whatever they call it.”
“No. I don’t think so. He was having lunch with one of the admirals that Ethan often talked about. It’s definitely not that. He even said this summer he was going to be doing some work with the admiral.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out in time. How do you feel about dating someone else in the service though? I’m surprised with as hard as Ethan’s death was on you.”
She’d thought about that long and hard last night too. And came to the conclusion that she was fine because Jared wasn’t on active duty. That there were no risks for him right now. She didn’t have to worry all that much. It was the only explanation she could come up with since she’d told herself she’d never put herself or Kayla in that situation again.
Never set herself up for being alone. It was unrealistic, she knew, but sometimes her mind just tried to protect itself.
She’d gotten away from her family. She’d gotten away from that life.
She didn’t need a man. But she wanted one.
She wanted Jared. And he seemed to fit the bill of safe in her mind. Working in a classroom or office. She could handle that.
***
Jared killed time mowing the lawn, doing laundry and cleaning the bathroom. All the things he hated to do but knew that in life there were a lot of things that had to be done regardless of hate or pleasure.
He wasn’t watching the clock. Not much.
Shelby was getting out at two today and he’d been debating texting her for hours. Then realized she wouldn’t get the message. She didn’t have the type of job that allowed her to reply back. Not if she was with a customer, and she’d told him she was booked solid all day with just a small break for lunch.
If he knew what time she had lunch, he would have tried to meet her, but then told himself that was pushing things too far and too fast. Even for him.
But that kiss last night. Her soft fingertips running along his neck. Her nails gliding down leaving goosebumps in their wake. The feeling of her in his arms, period. Holding her tight, feeling her cling and rub up against him. Yeah, a man could lose himself in that.
He’d heard her sighs loud and clear. He’d purposely sat on the couch so she’d be on his right.
Then he felt guilty when he got home. Like he was deceiving her by not telling her about his sight and hearing. It wasn’t a secret. He wore everything he needed at work.
He justified it that it’d only been one date. Why bother going so in depth about his life on one date?
But when he got home he realized one date was enough to know. More than enough for him to realize that she was feeling something more herself. That she was letting her daughter feel more.
And if he was honest with himself, he couldn’t keep something as simple as this a secret. Not when she was letting him into her life. Into her daughter’s life.
He made his decision. He decided he had enough stability back in his life. Mentally. That he wouldn’t be dragging someone down. He wouldn’t do that to someone, even for his own happiness.
When three o’clock rolled around he figured she’d had plenty enough time to get Kayla and relax, so he sent her off a text.
How was work? he typed.
She responded almost immediately, which brought a huge smile to his face. He felt like he had a schoolyard crush right now. Good. Busy, but busy is always good.
Do you have plans for later? Or is it too soon to be asking that?
His phone rang in his hand, and he almost dropped it, but saw it was Shelby. “Hi.”
“I don’t mind texting, but I’d rather talk. Hope that’s okay.”
“It’s fine. I’ve just found people like to text more.”
“Not me,” she said. “I like to talk. Or would rather talk. And no, it’s not too soon to ask. Do you have plans?”
He liked the old-fashionedness of chatting on the phone. Then found it was funny he was thinking it was old fashioned. It was better to think of it as right and proper, rather than an easy convenience when first meeting someone.
“Nothing much here. Can I take you and Kayla to dinner?”
“She’s napping right now. I laid her down about ten minutes ago. She probably won’t get up until close to five.”
“Does she always nap this late?”
“Just when I have to work on Saturdays. I have the sitter hold her nap off; otherwise she’d be sleeping when I get there. It’s better than waking her. I could cook for you again.”
“You don’t have to keep cooking for me,” he said.
“I like to cook. Really I do. Going out to eat is a treat for me and Kayla. We don’t do it often.”
He heard the undertone that she didn’t want Kayla to get used to it, so he’d respect that no matter how hard he had to squash the urge to argue with her that she didn’t need to do that after working all day. “How about I pick up something easy then? Can I grab some steaks or anything like that?”
There was silence on the other end, but she finally said, “If you want. I’ve got potatoes and vegetables here. I can take care of the sides if you’d like.”
He wasn’t going to push his luck, if she agreed to that, he’d take it. “When do you want me to come over? Or do you want to text me when Kayla gets up?”
More silence. Finally, she said, “You can come over anytime you want. Maybe it’d give us time to chat while Kayla is napping.”
Guess she had some things to say too. It was for the best. “I’ll be there within thirty minutes then.”