Jared hadn’t been this wound up in years. This excited and full of life.
He pulled his SUV to a stop in Shelby’s driveway, then hopped out, all but running to the front door. He hadn’t even gone home yet, instead driving straight here after Tom dropped him back at the Academy to get his vehicle.
He couldn’t wait to see Shelby. To hold her. To kiss her. To feel her body against his. Her soft skin and wild ways.
Then there was Kayla. All giggles and smiles. Hugs and games.
All those years he was away from family, he never missed anyone like he had these two in the twelve days he’d been gone. He wasn’t even that far away. Just DC. Less than an hour, but an hour was enough when he hadn’t been able to leave and come see her.
He knocked once on the door. He hadn’t told her he was coming and just wanted to surprise her. When he turned the handle he found it locked, then knocked again.
She finally came to the door and opened it, looking more frazzled than he’d ever seen. Kayla was crying in the living room, lying on the floor, her feet kicking in the air.
“Jared,” she said, launching herself into his arms. “Am I glad to see you.” She pulled his head down and kissed him hard, then kissed him deeply. “Wow, that is almost getting rid of my headache.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking beyond her and seeing Kayla swiveling on the floor and then running at him full force, screeching his name. Tears running down her cheeks but a smile on her face.
He let go of Shelby and reached down for Kayla, swinging her in his arms and hugging her tight.
“Jay’s home. Jay’s home,” Kayla chanted.
Home. It was what he felt right now. Not the place but the people. The two of them. Where he needed to be. Where he’d been longing to return to.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home tonight?” she asked, pulling him in. “Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?”
“I’m good. We ate before we left.” He turned to Kayla and kissed her cheek. “Are you giving Mommy a hard time?”
“Not tired,” Kayla said, frowning.
He looked at Shelby, who was shaking her head. “Don’t ask. It’s not been a good couple of days. The fact your presence stopped the tears like that is pretty frustrating on top of it.”
He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Don’t be jealous.”
She snorted at him. “I’ll never get her to bed now with you here.”
“Do you want me to leave and come back?”
“No,” she said. “Maybe you wouldn’t mind helping me get her settled for the night. You probably need to go home though, right? You just said you came straight here?”
“I’ve got clothes with me. I’d rather stay unless you don’t want me to. What time do you need to be at work tomorrow?”
“Eight,” she said, “but I’d really like you to stay.”
“There’s no other place I’d rather be.”
***
“You know, I went years without sex. Months during my marriage. And I never remember needing it as much as I have in the twelve days and fifteen hours since you’ve been gone.”
“You were counting down the hours?” he said, laughing and pulling her close to his side. They were both naked and in her bed.
“I have been. I’m glad you’re staying tonight. Do you need to go back?”
She hoped not but didn’t want to sound needy. She didn’t want to push him away, telling herself it was best to keep just enough distance rather than fall down the well again…fearful she’d start to depend on someone when she’d sworn to never do it again.
“I might in a few weeks. I think we’re done right now. I’ll probably be doing some work for the admiral until the fall semester starts.”
“So we’ll be able to spend a lot more time together then,” she asked. “If you want to. No pressure. I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry about?” he asked. “Of course I do. I’ve missed both of you more than I thought I would. Wait, that didn’t come out right.”
She laughed. “I get it. I guess it’s new for me too. I’ve been alone for so long and was used to it. And then you come into my life and I realize that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be anymore.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“Of course it is. I just don’t want you to think I’m pressuring you. You’ve got your own life and career.” She was putting her foot in her mouth already.
“I do. And I found myself wanting to share things with you, yet knowing I can’t. But I can talk to you a little. I can tell you that what I did for the last two weeks made me feel almost like I did before the accident. That I was making a difference. That it was important.”
She frowned at him. He was getting better about not focusing on what he lost and she was ready to get annoyed if he stepped back again. “Everything you do is important, Jared. You don’t have to fire a gun to feel like you’re making a difference in life.” She was trying to keep the frustration out of her voice. Why was he always so hard on himself about this?
“I know that now. I see it. I’ve thought a lot about it the last week. I’m going to talk to the admiral this week. I like making a difference in the classroom. Maybe teaching the next generation. But I loved what I did this week. I want to do more of it, though I don’t want to do it all the time. Not if it will pull me away from you and Kayla.”
She leaned back, shocked he said that. That maybe he was finally realizing it and seeing the value he had and what he could give to others. She was glad she didn’t have to yell at him again, not during his homecoming.
And that he was thinking about not wanting to be away from her and Kayla when they’d only been together a few months—that was probably the bigger shock. “You have to do what makes you happy though. It’s not about us.”
She would be damned if she allowed him to use them as an excuse for not finding what he wanted out of his career or his life. Nor did she want him to ever come back and say he made a mistake because he wasn’t thinking it through all the way. Maybe blame her because he thought she needed him. She didn’t need anyone. She was good on her own.
“It is about you. It’s been about you since Kayla called me Daddy.” He traced his finger along her jaw. “I love you, Shelby. I love Kayla. I understand if it’s too soon for you to feel the same way. I’m not asking you to say it back to me, but I wanted you to know.”
She felt her heart race, her body coming alive. Everything she always wanted to feel and never did suddenly filled her to a point she’d never thought was possible. But she still wanted to make sure he was making decisions for himself.
“I’m glad you wanted me to know. That takes the pressure off of wondering how you feel. Of how you’d react when I told you that I loved you too. But you have to make decisions for your future on your own. Not with thoughts of me or Kayla in mind.”
He leaned back, showing her he was just as annoyed as she’d been at times, making her wonder if he’d held himself back when she’d given him grief. “You are my future.” He pulled her across his chest, his arms wrapping around her tight. “Move in with me,” he said.
She was dreaming, she had to be. “Where is that coming from?”
“Why wait? I don’t need to. I don’t want to. This house is too small for the three of us. For me,” he said laughing. “I know what I want. I know what I need. I’ve heard you loud and clear enough times about figuring my life out. I did. I am.”
“There’s no place for Kayla to sleep at your house.”
“Sounds like you’re the one looking for excuses now.” He laughed at her frown. “A bed and a can of paint. That’s all I need to do. I can do that in a day. If that’s all that is stopping you, I’ll have it done tomorrow. You can pack.”
This was all happening so fast. “I want to. I really do. But I need to think. I mean I can’t do it that fast. I’ve got to pack. What do I do about this house? I don’t know if it’s smart to sell it. We haven’t known each other that long.”
“Are you trying to talk yourself out of it?”
“No,” she said, rushing out her words. “Just thinking out loud.” What was wrong with her? Everything she’d always dreamed of was right here in her bed asking her to move in with him and she was babbling about her house.
“There’s time to figure it out. You don’t need to do anything right away to move in with me. We’ll talk it out. Figure it out. But for now, we can all get under one roof, right?”
“Yeah. We can.” It was time to stop fighting herself so much.