I wake up the next morning to knocking on the door. I’m surprised that Whit and Zane aren’t awakened by the noise. They are usually such light sleepers. I rub my eyes and get out of the bed. I realize I’m still naked, so I go and put on the pajamas I threw on the floor last night.

Once I’m dressed, I go to the front door of the guesthouse and look through the peephole. Oh, shit! It’s my Dad! I freak out like I’m still naked and then remember I’m already dressed. But then… oh, shit! I have two naked men who also happen to be the CEOs and lead lawyers of my Dad’s firm and if he walks in on the three of us he would no doubt have a heart attack.

“Chloe! Chloe! It’s your father. I know you’re in there.”

I can’t pretend to not be here because my car is out in the driveway, but what is he doing here? He’s supposed to be in the ocean on his yacht. Shit, shit, shit… I take a deep breath, looking back to the room one last time. Hopefully, Whit and Zane will stay asleep while I’m talking to my Dad.

I slowly open the door, acting like I just woke up. I rub my eyes and fake a yawn, feigning surprise at seeing my Dad. “Dad! What are you doing here? I thought you were on your yacht…”

He smiles. I step out, closing the door, so he doesn’t feel inclined to come inside.

“I realized I wasn’t ready to be away from everything and decided to come home early.”

“Dad, it’s only been like four days. Maybe five. That’s barely enough time to decide.”

One of the few reasons I agreed to work at the firm was because he was considering retirement. He needs to stop working himself so hard and retirement would give him just that. I don’t have time to argue with him here, so I do what I can to get him away from the guesthouse.

“I know, honey, but I feel like that’s enough time for me. I know I said I would really do this, but it just doesn’t feel right for me, you know.”

I’m so annoyed, but he’s also my Dad and I know where he’s coming from and who he is.

“Look, Dad. I’ll come to the kitchen and make us breakfast. We can talk about everything that’s been going on at the firm and you can tell me all about your short trip. I’ll make the waffles you like.”

That last part of my suggestion seems to convince my Dad and he says that he’ll see me back at the house and I go inside the guest house, thanking god for my insane good luck this morning… or whatever because it’s not good luck that my Dad came back early.

I go back to my room and Zane and Whit are awake and dressed. I look at them and I’m about to explain what just happened, but it seems they already know.

“We heard you talking to your Dad. Is everything okay?” Zane asks.

I bite my bottom lip and nod. “Everything is fine, but, obviously, you guys have to go.” I twist my mouth to the side and tap my foot. There’s nothing for me to be nervous about – not really. But I’m already fast-forwarding to the future where I have to either break things off with Whit and Zane or tell my Dad everything that’s happened. Either way, there’s going to be some kind of confrontation.

“We understand. We’ll see you at the office.” Whit looks at me expectantly – like he knows I’m holding back. He probably knows I’m holding back is because he’s so fucking good at reading people. I do my best to hide the negative feelings swirling up in me by pushing them down and ignoring them for the time being.

“Yeah. Wait a few minutes. I’ll be with my Dad in the kitchen, so you guys shouldn’t run into him.”

They nod, and I leave the guesthouse to go to the kitchen. My Dad is waiting for me, sitting on one of the stools at the counter. He’s on his phone, either answering an email or playing a game. That’s honestly all he ever does on there.

“Hey, tangerine. I’m excited for your signature waffles.”

I always internally cringe a little whenever my Dad calls me by my childhood nickname. It originated because I was never able to peel a tangerine by myself and I would always ask my Dad – never my Mom – to peel them for me. It stuck because I took me a long time to peel it on my own. Way into high school. But after I internally cringe, I’m filled with a warm fuzzy feeling because of the memories.

“Do you want to help me make the batter?” I ask.

He gets off the stool and we begin to mix all the ingredients. My Dad takes the dry and I take the wet and then I put them all together. He goes back to the stool while I use the waffle iron. We make small talk while I cook, staying away from what we’re really here to talk about.

Once I’m done, we sit down across from one another and dig into the waffles. There’s nothing really special about it. It’s chocolate chip waffles with some vanilla extract. After a few bites, I bring up my Dad’s trip.

“So, why did you come home so early Dad?”

He takes a few more bites of his waffles and then answers, “Like I said. I wasn’t really enjoying being on the yacht and I felt like I should come back.”

I know my Dad is saying he wasn’t having fun on his pseudo-retirement, but I know he also isn’t having fun at the firm. He’s doing it because it was what he was always done. He does love the firm, but it isn’t the place for him.

“Okay, Dad.” I’m not going to have this discussion with him again. We’ve had this talk before – that’s what we did when we decided I was going to intern for the summer. There are only so many times I can tell my Dad I know he isn’t happy. He has to figure it out for himself. “What are you going to do when you are back?”

“I’m thinking about going back to work tomorrow. We can go in together.”

“Yeah.”

I know Whit and Zane will be a little discouraged by my Dad coming back. They’re probably going to think he doesn’t trust them. I know that’s not it, but who knows if anyone is going to believe me with whatever I tell them.

My Dad and I finish up our meal and we spend the rest of the day together. I don’t need to call in sick today because Zane and Whit know I’m with my Dad, so I don’t have to explain anything to them just yet.

***

The next day, my Dad and I go into the office together. Everyone in the office is happy to see him. Everyone here loves him and of course they are happy to see him back early. We go up to the top floor, Whit and Zane are waiting. My Dad shakes their hands in welcome.

“Thank you, both, for watching after the firm so well,” he tells them. “I know we’d planned on me being away for three-months, but while I was on my yacht, it didn’t feel right. Being so far away from anything – it just felt off. Coming back was the thing for me to do.”

I’m surprised neither of them seem too concerned about it. I mean, Whit is always hiding behind his cool demeanor, but even Zane is preoccupied.

“Of course, Jack,” Zane says. “You need to do what you feel is right.”

“We are always happy to have you hear, Jack,” Whit chimes in.

My Dad offers his hand to them again, smiling. They all shake again. Dad awkwardly pats Zane on the shoulder.

“Excellent boys. Keep up the good work!” He turns to me and kisses me on the forehead. “I’m going to my office Tangerine. I will see you at lunch.”

I’m about to go sit at my desk, but Zane motions for me to come to them.

“Can you come into Whit’s office? We wanted to talk to you about some stuff,” he asks.

This is probably exactly what I think it is. It’s going to be all kinds of questions about next steps and I haven’t even decided what I’m going to do after work today. Right now, it’s just day-to-day for me.

We get into Whit’s office and Zane and Whit are leaning against his desk. I stay by the door, closing it behind me. There’s no way I want my Dad to hear anything that’s about to go down.

“You guys wanted to talk to me?”

Whit narrows his eyes at me and he’s definitely wary of me right now. My hesitancy isn’t being very well hidden.

“Yeah. We wanted to talk about our relationship. Now that Jack’s back, everything has obviously changed.” I can tell Zane’s really thought about this. Whit probably has, too, but he hasn’t said anything, yet.

“Yeah. Things have changed,” I admit. I don’t know where he’s going with this, but I’m really trying to appear calm.

“We wanted to let you know, we don’t like the idea of sneaking around behind Jack’s back,” Zane continues. “It makes our relationship feel dirty if we act like it’s some kind of secret. We don’t want you to be a secret. We don’t want us to be a secret.”

“We want to tell Jack that we’re all together. We want to make our relationship official.” Whit reaches out and grabs my shoulder. I gently move back, out of his reach, crossing my arms in front of myself. I take a deep breath and get ready to dash their dreams and break my own heart.

“No. We can’t do that. It’s too soon and,” what I’m about to say next isn’t what I really want – what I just said isn’t what I want, but I know I’m about to really hurt them. “We don’t really know if we’re going to last anyway.”

The look on their faces slices into me. Whit looks genuinely sad and I know it’s real because he rarely reveals his true feelings. They don’t say anything, and I don’t want to have them staring at me, so I say what I need to say, so I can leave.

“I think it’s best if we take a break,” I continue, trying to keep my voice strong. “I need space and we can’t keep up what we’ve been doing now that my Dad is in the office – even if he’s only here part-time. I’m sorry.”

I walk out, not waiting to say goodbye.

I managed to hold back my tears, but when I run to the bathroom and lock myself in, they all come streaming out. Thankfully, I didn’t put on any makeup this morning, so that’s one less thing for me to worry about. I don’t want to push them away, but I can’t think about how to deal with the two of them as well as my father. I need to focus on one thing and that’s my family. Even if not doing what my heart wants hurts me so deeply, it’s physically affecting me. I wipe away the tears and buck-up. I can’t sit in the bathroom crying all day. I’ll just take it all step by step and day by day.