Chapter 4 – Madilyn
All this time spent living in an unsatisfactory sexual relationship has taken its toll. I’ve wanted to call it off for a long time, and last night was my chance. It was yet another sexless, boring day, when Jimmy had told me after dinner that he was going to “hit the sack” early. (That was his phrase— not mine. Sometimes he talks like an old man. And he even insisted on sleeping in the guest bedroom because he didn’t want to “soil” our future marriage bed.)
Realizing that I should have said something a long time ago, I decided to speak up last night. I’d been trying to work up the courage to do it for a while, and I was frustrated enough that it seemed like the perfect time. In fact, I began to realize that the first time he had ever gone to bed without having sex with me should have been the last time.
“Jimmy. I can’t do this anymore.”
I’d never been so relieved to finally be able to utter those words, but he looked crushed.
“Let’s sleep on it,” he’d said, in his usual non- confrontational style. “You might feel differently in the morning.”
This morning, I did not feel differently. I strapped a leash on my dog Lucia, as I do most mornings, and took her for a jog.
Thinking that maybe Jimmy wasn’t as sexually into me as he used to be because I’d gained a few pounds, I’d taken up jogging a while ago. It didn’t make Jimmy become any more interested in me sexually, and it didn’t help me lose weight— I like New Mexican food a bit too much to make sure my diet matches my strict exercise regimen— but the jogging routine helped me clear my head and have time to myself.
This morning, I’d thought about how long and hard I’d worked to get to this place in my career. I’d gone straight from kindergarten through law school. I’d made Law Review— an elite panel of law students chosen to write and edit legal articles for the school’s legal journal— and I’d gotten good grades.
I’d gotten a pretty good summer clerkship and this very good permanent associate job offer. All that mattered now was doing a good job at my new job, climbing the associate ladder to partnership and being a successful lawyer.I didn’t want to let my old relationship problems get in the way of my new career.
When I got back home, I dressed in my most expensive and best- looking suit— the same one I’d worn when I’d interviewed and gotten this job— and told myself in the mirror that I could do it. Today was my day.
Jimmy was awake and he looked at me hopefully. I know him too well to hope that he would be the one to bring up last night’s break- up, even though I also knew it was on his mind.
It was clear that it would be up to me to keep doing the dirty work.
“Jimmy,” I said, trying to sound kind but business- like. “Do you have somewhere to go stay tonight? Your brother’s?”
“I— I thought—”
He’d looked down at the carpet but he didn’t say anything further.
“I’ll probably stay late at work today, since it’s my first day and all,” I told him.
I wanted to say that while I knew he had to work today, I thought it would be best if he could get his essential things together after work while I was still gone, and stay with his brother overnight.
But I didn’t want to be cruel. I was hoping he would read in between the lines.
“I have to go now,” I told him, rather than discussing it any further.
“Have a good first day,” he’d told me, his eyes still downcast.
And now he’s calling me, twice in a row, when I’m not supposed to be taking calls here in Cubicle Hell, even though there’s not much else for me to be doing.
I finally accept the writing on the wall: Jimmy is not going to leave me alone until I talk to him more bluntly about what I want, or more accurately what I don’t want.
I know I had to get it over with. And then I’ll be free to fantasize guilt-free about Mr. Mystery Man.
I’ll just insert him into the fantasy I wrote for Mary. From the way that he had raised his eyebrows at me in pleasant surprise when I had told him, “Yes, Sir,” I think Mystery Man would appreciate my fantasy a lot better than Jimmy did. And he’d probably be able to help me out with it in real life, too, if it weren’t for the fact that we’re co-workers.
But a girl can still dream, right? That’s what fantasy is for. And I sure do have a lot fantasizing to do about Mystery Man.
Chapter 5 – Madilyn
I excuse myself from Cubicle Hell— although the paralegals rushing around are too busy to notice or care that I’m leaving— and head down the fifteenth floor hallway so I can try to find somewhere private to talk.
The only place I can find is the bathroom, so I lock myself into the furthest stall and call Jimmy.
He answers on the first ring.
“Madilyn,” he says, his voice sounding as if he hadn’t slept all night.
Since we don’t even actually sleep in the same room, it’s very possible that he hadn’t slept a lot and I hadn’t known about it. But I know I can’t give in to feeling guilty and stopping myself from doing what I need to do.
“Thank you for calling me back,” he says. “I just had to talk to you—”
“Jimmy,” I hiss, in a hoarse whisper.
No one else is in the bathroom, but I don’t know when anyone might come in. “I’m at work. Aren’t you at work, too?”
“I can’t go to work. I’m too upset,” he says. “My stomach hurts. Just tell me it’ll be okay. Please don’t break up with me.”
“Jimmy,” I tell him. “It’s really for the best. You can find someone you’re more… into. Compatible with. Attracted to.”
“I’m into you,” he insists. “I know I haven’t always shown it…”
That’s for sure, I think, but I don’t say anything.
“But I’ll try harder,” he continues. “Mary can help us.”
I can’t count the number of times he’s promised that. And our sessions with Mary only seem to be making our problems— and their lack of a realistic solution— even more obvious to me.
“Jimmy, I have to go,” I whisper into the phone. “Please don’t call me at work anymore today.”
“But promise me you’ll talk to me later,” he pleads.
“Fine,” I tell him, just to get him off the phone.
I lean back onto the wall behind me and breathe a sigh of relief. At least I’ve gotten him off my back for now. I won’t get in trouble from Mystery Man any more.
Although, I have to admit I’d like to get into trouble if it involves any form of punishment from that rugged, handsome stranger. Maybe he’ll spank me.
I smile as I surprise myself with the thought. I’d vowed to be more sexually open to different things, and I suppose that means letting my fantasies run wild.
I reach down between my legs and feel the wetness dripping out. Just one thought of that sexy stranger and the way he made me want to say “Yes, Boss” even though he’s not my boss fills me with delight and intrigue.
I rub myself gently while thinking about fully unbuttoning that shirt he so casually wears half- open. I want to rub my pussy all over his chest. I can’t believe I’m even thinking these things. I imagine myself straddling him and sliding up and down his big, muscular, toned chest and entire body with my wet pussy.
I’m really wet now and decide to go all the way with my fantasy. I imagine that his cock is huge and that I slide down onto it and lower myself on top of it. In my mind I ride his hard cock while in real life I rub my clit until I’m coming.
I’m gasping for air and holding onto the side of the stall with my free hand, wishing I knew his name so that I could call it out even in my mind. I’m determined to find it out so that I can do just that.
Mmmmmm, I moan under my breath, not even caring that I just made myself come in a bathroom stall on my first day of work. I don’t care that this isn’t like me— I love giving into it. I can only imagine what I might do if that handsome man so much as touched me with the tip of his finger. I think I would go wild and just take it in my mouth and just start sucking on it.
I’m really hoping I can see this man again and that somehow he can fulfill these crazy fantasies I have without us getting into trouble at work. And if not, at least I can think about it and make myself feel better than Jimmy ever could.