Chapter 1
How To Save a Life
Amberly
“Rise and shine, Amby! I brought coffee!” A voice woke me from my sleep, the voice of Cricket Madden, my roommate and only friend.
I peeked at her through my barely-open eyelids. She juggled the coffee cups in her hands while bouncing one foot up and down on the corner of my mattress.
I rolled over, closing my eyes again. “No,” I objected, “I don’t want to adult today.”
“I don’t have time for this. Adam will be pissed if I’m late again.” Annoyance coated her tone. I felt the bed shaking as she continued her task of trying to get me out of it.
Adam Levy was our boss and Cricket’s long-term boyfriend. As owner of Skrillex Customs, my current place of work, Adam wasn’t a real boss to Cricket. She had much more leeway than any employee I’d ever seen.
When the incessant bouncing didn’t work, Cricket placed the cups on my nightstand and tried prying the blanket off of me. Groaning, I let go and jolted upright.
She fell backwards onto the floor.
“What’s he going to do? Fuck your brains out? Oh, the horror!” I brought a hand to my chest and left my mouth gaping open after my last word.
No amusement spread across her face as she glared me down. “That’s not funny. I don’t get special treatment for banging my boss. Though I should. Do you think if I withheld sex the punishments would be different?” She lifted herself from the floor and dusted the imaginary particles of dirt from her hands.
Cricket Madden was gorgeous. She had short, dark brown hair that was paired with a set of ocean-blue eyes. They weren’t just blue. They were the clearest, yet darkest shade of blue. They almost twinkled when sunlight hit them at the right angle. Her perfect assets didn’t stop at her face, they traveled all the way down to the heels of her feet. With a decent-sized chest, tiny waist, a pronounced ass, and defined thighs, Cricket could have any guy she wanted. Hell, she could probably have any girl she wanted if that was her thing.
In the beginning, when I met her, I wanted to be like her in every way. She seemed to have a care-free attitude that even the worst disaster couldn’t penetrate. I didn’t know much about Cricket as far as her past was concerned, but I knew who she was now, what she liked to do, and how she wore her hair. In the grand scheme of things, I didn’t know Cricket at all. The one tidbit of information she gave me, was the reasoning behind her name. As a young girl, Cricket’s brother gave her the nickname because she would be silent until you started talking, then you couldn’t get her to stop. Cricket refused to tell me her birth name. Legally, her name was now Cricket. I had no idea what her secrets were, but that was the beauty of our friendship. I didn’t pry into her life and she didn’t pry into mine—well, unless you count trying to hook me up with random guys.
I met Cricket after a trip to the local grocery store. I happened to stumble on her ‘ROOMMATE WANTED’ ad and gave her a call. A brief ten-minute conversation had signed my permanent living situation with her.
After Haylie’s death and the unveiling of Eric’s affair, I moved one town over. I wanted to be in a town where no one knew my story. Where no one labeled me as, ‘the woman who lost her daughter and found out her husband had been cheating on her’. I began my adventure to self-discovery. I wanted a new identity. A fresh start.
Cricket became my fresh start. When I first moved in, it was difficult. She didn’t know why I was so depressed, why seeing a child was followed by a crying session. I broke down and told her everything. I hadn’t meant to. It slipped out after a few drinks of vodka. Since that day, she’d been making it a point to get me out of the house. She told Adam to hire me, forced me to enroll back into college, and started piling her extracurricular activities at my feet.
We went to gun ranges, we drove through mud pits, we went horseback riding, we took boxing classes, and we would go to Adam’s and practice shooting our compact bows.
It was always a nice distraction. Something to keep my mind from diving into the dark emotions. There was no telling where I would end up if Cricket hadn’t forced me to start living again. She had brought it to my attention that I had been going through the motions but not living. For months after Haylie’s death, I couldn’t remember what it felt like to live. In the confinements of my bedroom in our tiny apartment, I let the tears fall. I let the sobs file out and suffocated them with a pillow. For Cricket's sake, I pretended to live.
I rolled my eyes in response to Cricket’s loud thoughts. She had no filter between her brain and her mouth. Most of what Cricket thought, she said aloud. I picked up one of the cups of coffee and tilted it back, letting the contents spill down my throat. The heat from the drink sent an instant warmth through me. “Oh, God! Please don’t talk to me about your sex life.”
“You’re the one that brought it up. Besides, you’re just jealous because your vagina hasn’t seen a dick in years. It probably wouldn’t know what to do with one now.” She pulled a sucker from a jar sitting on my nightstand.
“My vagina is not a separate entity. It is attached to me, and I certainly would know what to do with one.” I removed myself from my bed and began digging through my dresser drawers. I pulled out a pair of shorts and tank top, curling my toes as I padded across the cold, wooden floors. It was November and even though the house was heated to seventy degrees, the floors always remained a bit cooler.
“Prove it.” Cricket leaned back, placing her hands behind her to support her weight. “A new guy starts today, and I heard he’s the next best thing to orgasm on a stick.”
I closed the bathroom door so I could change. “That makes zero sense.” I said loud enough for her to hear me.
“It makes perfect sense.” She countered. "What's wrong with it? Orgasm on a stick. Exactly like pancake on a stick."
I peeked my head around the bathroom door. “No, it's not and I’m pretty sure it’s something you just made up.”
Cricket continued smacking her lips around the sucker. “A vibrator is an orgasm on a stick. New guy is the next best thing, you know, because he’s actually a person. Newly divorced. Not interested in a relationship. You can have sex to go. No staying and cuddling. And, he’s hot.” She rolled the sucker in circles on her tongue.
“Are you going to eat that or are you trying to perform fellatio on it until it comes?” I asked with sarcasm.
Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion before it dawned on her what I was insinuating. Another eye roll and she shrugged her shoulders. “You’re such a smart ass, Amby.”
Amby.
Rhymed with Bambi.
When I told Cricket my name her response was, “Yeah, I’m going to call you Amby.” It drove me crazy for the first few weeks she’d said it. Then, it kind of grew on me, the same way that Cricket had.
I disappeared behind the door again and tugged my shorts up over my hips, ignoring her half-assed insult.
“So…what do you say?”
“To what?” I emerged from the bathroom, pulling my long, blond hair into a ponytail.
“New guy?” She hopped up from my bed and started walking out of my room.
“Absolutely not.”
As much as I wanted to ‘feel’ another person touch me in a way I hadn’t been touched in over a year, I didn’t think my heart could take it. I didn’t want to entangle myself in a non-committed relationship and have the guy fall in love, or worse, I fall in love. I craved affection but not so much that I was willing to start a relationship with anyone. Besides, I had watched plenty of movies where guy and girl agree to sleep with each other, no strings attached, and it ends up as anything but. The girl falls for the guy or the guy falls for the girl. It always ended as a huge mess, much the same way pouring hot candle wax down a cold drain was.
“You suck.”
I scoffed and followed her down the stairs and out the door to the parking lot of the apartment complex we lived in. I tossed my workout bag in the backseat next to hers and landed in my seat, buckling my seatbelt as she put the key in her ignition. “I am not having sex with someone just to cure whatever is making you want to hook me up with random guys I don’t know.”
“He’s not a random guy. Adam says he’s really sweet.”
I shook my head. “I’m sure those were Adam’s exact words. Just because Adam knows him doesn’t mean he isn’t some random guy.”
Cricket reversed out of the parking lot and drove onto the street, heading for the gym. It was a routine for us, like second nature. Monday through Friday we woke up early and headed straight for the gym. I had never been in better shape in my entire life.
“That’s exactly what it means.” Cricket protested, flicking her blinker up to signal she was turning into the gym’s parking lot.
She parked the car, waiting for my response. I left her hanging as I unbuckled, grabbed my bag, and walked side by side with her across the parking lot and to the front doors.
“I’m not ready.” I confessed before she pulled open the glass doors to the gym.
The smell of sweat, mixed with body odor, floated around us when we walked in. The gym was quiet this early in the morning, the perfect time for most of the machines to be unoccupied. We didn’t have to wait to get our full workout in before work.
Without looking at me, Cricket answered, “again, he’s nice, newly divorced and not looking for a commitment. He’s perfect for you.”
I threw her a sidelong glance. “Newly divorced?”
“Chill, it doesn’t mean his ex-wife and he have been together until recently. In fact, they’ve been separated for two years.”
When we got to the locker rooms, we threw our bags in a locker and clicked the lock in place. “Admirable.”
She leaned against the lockers, crossing her arms. “There are girls throwing themselves at him. He’s a great catch.”
“And yet, you’re telling me he wants zero commitment. You’re trying to set me up with a guy who will intentionally break my heart.”
She pushed herself off of the lockers, shrugged, and turned around. “That’s if you get attached. But, you don’t have to worry about that. As you said, you’re not ready.”
I grabbed her elbow and twisted her to face me. “Don’t talk to him about me. I don’t want to have to work with a guy I turn down. Please don't put me in an uncomfortable predicament.”
Her eyes darted from side to side, trying to read the conviction in my plead. “Amby, I saw your browser history.”
I stared her down. “What are you talking about? What browser history?”
She licked her lips before cocking her head to the side, her expression full of worry and sorrow. "On your computer. You were searching for the crash that killed your daughter, weren't you?"
I started to turn from her but she grabbed me and tugged me back to her. "We're not supposed to talk about our pasts." I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. I held the tears back.
Cricket sighed. As soon as I turned around, I saw the sadness in the depths of her eyes. "I know. I know." She crossed her arms. "It's just..." another sigh, "I am worried about you. Amby, you were searching for acts of revenge. That's some serious shit."
I wanted to lie to her. She was breaking our agreement and, for that, she deserved a false reason for the history she found in my computer. We had one agreement between us; neither of us ask about the other's past. Still, I couldn't bring myself to give her some falsified version that didn't exist. "I need to know who was in that other car, Cricket. I have to know why they were let go that night."
We stood there for a while before Cricket spoke up again. "I know I'm not supposed to ask but I thought we were past this; are we not?"
I brought my hand to her shoulder. "Can you be there for me and trust me when I tell you that you have nothing to worry about?"
She inhaled deeply, her inner workings trying their best to accept what I was saying. "I'll be there for you. Always."
We started our workout, letting the conversation drift into nothingness. I couldn't deny that Cricket had done so much for me. She'd saved my life in a way.