I’m sorry, Miss Penny.

Aleks, if you’d only been good they wouldn’t have hurt me…

I jerked awake at the sound of Miss Penny’s voice. She hadn’t spoken after Brian had left the room. I’d apologized dozens of times, but she’d never once spoken. I’d known why, of course, but my mind had tried to convince me she’d just been sleeping. Even when the man who’d worked for Brian had come to take her away, I’d kept right on reading. When Brian had come to get me later that morning, he’d led me to his bedroom, washed me off in his big bathtub and then had tucked me into his bed and told me how much he would have missed me if Miss Penny had tried to take me away from him. When his touch had stopped being about comfort, I’d silently begun repeating the names of the flowers and their meanings from Miss Penny’s book and within seconds I’d slipped away to my safe place on the beach with my family. After a long day spent building that epic sand castle, I’d fallen asleep on the sand and when I’d awoken, I’d been alone in Brian’s bed.

And Miss Penny had still been gone.

As the present returned full-force, I tried to catch my breath and immediately reached across the console to look for Vaughn’s hand. But it wasn’t there.

Because we weren’t in the car anymore.

There was no console, but Vaughn was next to me. Only, we were in bed.

Together.

Again.

Like the night before.

This time, though, Vaughn was asleep. Whereas I’d been lying flat and under the covers, Vaughn was sitting up, his back against the headboard. His hands were folded in his lap. On the nightstand was a gun sitting on top of a laptop computer.

Had I blacked out? Was Vaughn actually right about all that?

I shook my head.

No, I was okay… I was on my way back to being normal. Well, normal enough.

Dante was so proud of how well I was doing. I could see it in his eyes every time I did something like leave for work or make a decision about something.

Vaughn was wrong.

He just had to be.

I struggled to remember the events of the day. It took a moment but things finally became clearer as my breathing evened out. I’d stopped talking to Vaughn after he’d said those things to me. I wasn’t sure how many hours we’d driven for after that, but when he’d asked me what I wanted to eat for lunch, then eventually dinner, I’d politely told him I wasn’t hungry.

Fortunately, he hadn’t tried to make me eat because I wasn’t sure I would have been able to survive the humiliation of throwing up in front of the man twice in twenty-four hours.

It had once again been dark when he’d pulled off the interstate. I’d had no idea where we were and I’d been too tired to care. I’d only heard Vaughn briefly say the house belonged to a friend of his and that we were safe there as he’d shown me to the bedroom. I’d made use of the bathroom and then I’d crawled into the bed and couldn’t remember anything after that.

But luckily only because I’d been asleep.

Not because I’d blacked out.

Because I was normal… I didn’t have that thing Vaughn said I did.

He was wrong.

He just was.

I glanced at him, then the clock on the nightstand. It was just after three in the morning. There was a small lamp on the nightstand that was turned on, but it didn’t offer much light. I could see that the room we were in seemed a little more modern than the room we’d spent the previous night in, but it didn’t look particularly fancy. There was what looked like an old-fashioned fan on the dresser that was turned on and made a soft whirring sound that broke up the silence of the room.

I turned to look at the nightstand on my side of the bed and stilled at the sight of a small bottle of chocolate milk sitting there.

It was open and empty.

I vaguely remembered Vaughn stopping at a gas station shortly before we’d gotten to the house, but I hadn’t noticed him buying the milk.

And when had I drunk it?

I couldn’t remember that.

God, what was wrong with me? Why did everything seem so muddled in my head?

I glanced at Vaughn again. I wanted to ask him if things would ever just go back to the way they’d been before those men had grabbed me. I hadn’t exactly been living a dream life but considering all that had happened and compared to what I was going through now, I might as well have been on top of the world.

I missed Dante.

And Magnus.

And Matty.

I felt tears threaten but refused to let them fall. My eyes hurt so bad from all the crying that if I shed even one more tear, I’d probably never be able to close my eyes again.

I wondered if Vaughn would let me call Dante again in the morning. My brother had to be going crazy with worry and Magnus would be doing his best to keep Dante calm. Vaughn shifted slightly but it wasn’t until he whispered, “I’m sorry, Aleks” that I turned to look at him, fully expecting him to be watching me.

But he was still asleep.

Which meant… God, was he dreaming about me?

He’d turned his head so one side was pressed against the headboard and he was facing in my direction. My eyes fell to his mouth, which was slightly open.

Why was he even in bed with me again? Had I been having bad dreams again? Before the one that had woken me up?

“Aleks…”

He said my name on a soft sigh and my body responded to it. I didn’t really know what was happening, but I couldn’t say it was a bad feeling exactly. But I didn’t like how my lower half was reacting. My penis was tightening uncomfortably in my pants. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, but it was the first time the sensation kept getting stronger and the urge to touch myself started filtering through my head.

I wasn’t completely naïve – I knew what it meant when that part of a man’s body hardened. But I knew also that that kind of a reaction usually meant I would be the one to pay for it. I didn’t know what it meant that I was the one experiencing that particular thing. I did know it had only ever happened around Vaughn, though.

After Dante had gotten me back to Seattle, he’d explained to me that he and Magnus planned to spend the rest of their lives together, just like Mama and Papa. I’d known my brother liked both boys and girls when we’d been younger, and it hadn’t ever bothered me, but admittedly, after all the things that had been done to me, I couldn’t imagine why my brother liked being with another man.

Maybe it didn’t work the same when two people loved each other?

I’d never been brave enough to ask Dante, because then I would have had to answer questions. I knew that he knew what had happened to me but that didn’t mean I wanted to talk about it in detail.

Besides, not everybody had to want that kind of thing, right? Brian and Father and all the other men had used their bodies to hurt mine, so any man who wanted to be with me like that again would just do the same, wouldn’t they?

Did Vaughn want me like that?

If he did, would he care that I didn’t want it? Would he hurt me anyway?

My head began to hurt as I tried to make sense of things. I willed my body to go back to being normal but when Vaughn’s hand slid over his own stomach, drawing up his shirt a little in the process, my mouth suddenly felt like it had been stuffed full of cotton. He wasn’t pale and soft like Father had been. His skin was darker, but not as dark as mine, and there was just a little bit of black hair that trailed down his body and disappeared into his pants. Would the hair feel the same as the hair on his beard? I automatically looked up at his face again. A strange itchiness began running through my fingers, then up my arms and out to the rest of my body.

I knew I should get up and go to the bathroom, so I could wash my hands and face with cold water to help clear my mind, but my body wouldn’t listen to the silent command. Instead, I found myself shifting so I was sitting cross-legged at the head of the bed. I leaned my upper body against the headboard so I could see Vaughn’s face straight on. I actually found myself waiting for him to say my name again.

I couldn’t stop looking at his mouth. Even with the beard, his lips looked really full and soft. I dropped my eyes to the spot on his chest where the top couple of buttons on his shirt were undone. There was some black hair there too. I chanced a look at his forearms which were exposed by drawn-up sleeves. The tattoo on his right arm looked like a cross, though it was very intricate in its design and it looked like there were angel wings coming out the two shorter sides.

Before I could even ask myself what I was doing, I ran my finger along the arm he had resting on his stomach. When I realized what I’d done, I jerked my hand back. But he didn’t wake and the memory of how warm his skin had been was already etched into my brain. I wanted to touch him there again, but I knew it was wrong, so I didn’t.

I told myself to just go back to sleep, but something about watching him sleep calmed me. Maybe because he looked so calm. It wasn’t that he seemed out of control or anything like that when he was awake… more like he was always too much in control. At first, I’d thought him more like Magnus in that he seemed like someone who was naturally relaxed and laid back, but the more I thought about it, Vaughn seemed like he was always looking for something. And that the calm demeanor was a mask.

So he was calm, but not relaxed.

I thought back to the night he’d shot Father. He’d killed so easily, like he’d been born to it. But for some reason, my mind was trying to convince me that wasn’t who he was.

He reminded me of Dante in that sense – like he wanted to appear one way on the surface, but beneath was someone else entirely. And if you didn’t look hard enough to get past that hard shell, you’d miss what was inside.

“Should’ve stopped it,” Vaughn suddenly whispered, and his expression drew into a frown. “I’m sorry, Aleks. So sorry.”

He actually began whimpering deep in his throat and the fingers he had resting on his stomach began twitching.

He was having a nightmare.

And I was part of it.

When he said my name again, it sounded like he was suffering the worst kind of torment.

I knew that torment.

I’d lived it.

I reached my hand out to settle it on his cheek. “Vaughn,” I said softly as I leaned into him, so I could talk to him without waking him up. “I’m safe. It’s okay.”

“Aleks,” he breathed again. The creases in his forehead relaxed just a bit, indicating he’d heard me. I began rubbing my thumb across his cheekbone to try and soothe him. The wiry but still soft hairs of his beard brushed against my palm in the most intriguing of ways.

“Sleep, Vaughn,” I said softly.

“Gotta get you out,” he responded.

Something inside my chest twisted, then exploded. I didn’t understand this man and his words and I needed to stay angry so I wouldn’t do something foolish and start trusting him again.

But who was I kidding?

Just like the first time he’d handed me a piece of butterscotch and told me everything would be okay, I knew he wasn’t doing any of this to hurt me or manipulate me or trick me. I didn’t understand how I could so easily give so much of myself to this virtual stranger, but it was in line with the same feelings I’d had as a child when Brian had tried to convince me that Dante didn’t love me and he wasn’t coming for me. I’d eventually allowed myself to stop waiting for Dante, but deep down, I’d always known he would come for me. I just hadn’t believed he’d be able to actually find me.

That same strange faith kept me tied to Vaughn. All the facts said I shouldn’t trust him and that I should call Dante and just go home, but it wasn’t just the inevitable danger I’d be putting my brother and my family in that had kept me with Vaughn.

It was something… more.

The warmth in my chest began to spread throughout my limbs and for the first time in forever, I felt like I was really okay. The past fell away, so did the future – it was just me and Vaughn and this one moment and I wanted to enjoy it.

“Vaughn,” I repeated softly until his body stopped moving. He sighed and completely relaxed. I lifted my hand to smooth out the last of the creases on his forehead. My finger moved of its own accord over one perfectly shaped eyebrow, then down the bridge of his nose. The hair beneath his nose tickled my finger and I found myself smiling for no reason at all. Then I was touching his lips and the humor died off as my insides got all tight and hot. My groin ached as my penis grew harder.

Cock.

That was what the men had always called that part of themselves.

They’d made the word vile and ugly. I wondered if it would be the same with Vaughn if he told me he was going to stick his cock inside of me.

Did I want that?

No, definitely not.

Did he want that?

I wasn’t sure.

Would it change things if he did? I’d suffered through it before with other men because I’d had to. I’d had no choice. But if Vaughn gave me a choice? If it meant I could have moments like these where I felt normal and safe, and something as simple as touching the little hairs under his nose made me smile, would it be worth it? And what did it mean that my body was reacting? Did that change anything?

The confusing thoughts swirled around in my head as I let my eyes follow the line my finger drew along the seam of Vaughn’s mouth.

What would it feel like against mine?

I knew what a kiss was. I’d seen Mama and Papa do it… Dante and Magnus too. But it wasn’t something I’d ever done or even wanted to.

Had that somehow changed too?

Vaughn’s mouth moved almost imperceptibly beneath my finger and I immediately looked up. The second that I saw his eyes were open, I went to snatch my hand back.

“I’m sorry!” I cried.

Vaughn grabbed my wrist before I could draw my hand away from his face.

“It’s okay,” he quickly said. He didn’t move even a little, but his hold on me was firm. I could have gotten away if I’d wanted to, but I would have had to put some effort into it.

And something about the way he was looking at me had me forgetting I was supposed to be doing just that.

He held my wrist but didn’t try to force me to touch him.

I did that all on my own after about fifteen seconds of the two of us just staring at one another. I didn’t go for his lip right away, but my finger eventually found its way there anyway. And it was so much more intense with Vaughn staring at me like he was.

I couldn’t look away from him.

Between touching him and his eyes refusing to let me go, I was completely ensnared and I didn’t care.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly.

“For what?” he asked just as quietly, his mouth moving against my finger. I slid the pad down his chin.

“It was wrong to touch you while you were sleeping,” I said. Despite my apology, I couldn’t force myself to pull my hand away. He was still holding my wrist but wasn’t guiding my hand at all.

More like following it.

And his thumb was doing delicious things to the inside of my wrist.

My hand made its way to his throat and he let out a rush of air. “For future reference,” he said with a slight smile. “You can touch me anytime you want.”

His words surprised me.

“Why?” I blurted.

Vaughn’s eyes held mine for the longest time. “Don’t you know, Aleks?” he asked.

The intensity with the way he said my name made me shudder. “Because it feels good?” I asked dumbly, because I honestly didn’t have any other answer.

Something flashed in his gaze and then he smiled again. “It does,” he said. “But that’s not why.”

I managed not to pull back when his left hand came up to settle on the back of my neck. He used his thumb to tip my chin up just a bit so I was forced to look at him. I didn’t realize I’d dropped my eyes at some point.

The smile faded and he just stared at me for the longest time. I forgot what we were even talking about until he said, “Because I would give you anything, Aleks.” His fingers tightened on the back of my neck just the tiniest bit. “Anything,” he repeated, his voice growing thick.

Something inside of me went off like a bomb and my already tingling body grew hot and heavy. And then his mouth was moving toward mine. Fear and anticipation warred as I waited for him to kiss me.

But when his mouth bypassed mine and settled next to my ear, I felt a keen and completely unexpected pang of disappointment.

“Go to sleep, Aleks. I’m going to fix everything tomorrow, I promise.”

He turned my head just a tiny bit and then his lips settled on my pulse point, which had to be hammering since my heart was racing like nobody’s business. I gasped when his warm mouth pressed the gentlest of kisses against my skin.

“Aleks,” he breathed as he lifted his mouth to my ear. “Please… would you... would you call me James… just this one time?”

James.

His first name.

I’d never heard anyone call him that. What did it mean that he wanted me to? And why just this once?

I wanted to ask him those things but found myself pressing my forehead against his instead. “James,” I said in the barest of whispers.

He sighed – actually sighed – and then kissed the shell of my ear. But somehow just saying his name the one time wasn’t enough for me.

“I trust you, James.”

He let out a little gasp of air, then he was drawing me into his arms. His hand came up to cradle the back of my head. I loved how his arms were so big that they just completely enveloped me.

“I won’t let you down, Aleks. I swear it.”

And with that, he shifted us until we were both lying flat on the bed. He pulled me against his side and even though I’d never once slept with another soul in a bed besides my parents and Dante, I’d never felt more comfortable. Vaughn’s fingers played with my hair, putting me to sleep within minutes. When I woke up, the clock showed that it was just after eight in the morning and both Vaughn, his gun and his computer were gone and just the utility knife was on the nightstand. But I knew in my gut he hadn’t left me. I quickly got out of bed and made use of the bathroom. It took me a moment to figure out that I was actually on the second floor of a two-story house, but I had no trouble confirming Vaughn was still indeed there.

Because I could hear his raised voice and the anger in it was clear as day.

As was that of the anger in the voice of whoever he was arguing with.