I lifted my head up and away from the sink in my bathroom, the dark water ran quickly away. I rinsed the sink around with my hand, not wanting to find later that I’d ruined any part of the gorgeous bathroom. Then I flicked my wet hair out of my eyes with my hand, feeling the water as it started to run down my back. I knew I should have waited until it was at least towel dry, but I just hadn’t the patience.

‘And she’s back.’ I found Katy’s eyes with my own in the mirror above the sink and smiled at her.

‘I am.’ It felt strange, but good to recognise myself in the mirror. ‘Thanks for helping me, Katy. I just couldn’t stand to be here with you all, still looking like he insisted I look.’

‘I understand fully. So, what are we up to now. I mean you have entered my impromptu beauty salon. I’m absolutely crap at nails and eyebrows, but anything else, well… if you’re prepared to take your life into your own hands.’ I knew she was making small talk, trying to fill the emotionally charged room with banter.

I smiled at her again as I made a move to sit on the edge of the bath while I rubbed at my sopping hair with a towel. ‘I’d love some help with drying my hair, please.’ I could obviously do it myself but wanted to somehow maintain our contact.

‘That I can do.’ She stood up, claimed the towel from my hands and started to gently rub at my brand new dark brown hair.

The blonde was gone, and it felt liberating.

‘Can I ask you something, Katy?’

‘Always.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me that you’re married to Charlie?’

If she was taken aback by my question she never showed it. My hair was still being dried at the same rhythm.

‘Oh, is that the way we’re playing it? Fine then, why didn’t you call me? Anytime would have done… I’d have moved heaven and hell to get to you.’ My heart started to pump like I was running a race. Still she carried on drying my hair, never missing a beat.

‘Katy! I’m sorry, I couldn’t, I just wasn’t able to.’ I grabbed hold of her hands and forced her down to look at me.

Once she did, I pulled her into my arms for a hug.

‘What happened to us? We used to tell each other everything at the first opportunity,’ she whispered in my ear.

‘Shitty circumstances, Katy.’

We held each other close just savouring our new-found connection. Suddenly I felt her begin to gently giggle.

‘Oh my God… you swore, you said shitty. I never thought I’d see the day.’ She smiled at me as she broke out of my embrace and then her face returned to serious as she attempted to answer my question. ‘Ok… I didn’t tell you that Charlie and I had married as we’ve been separated for longer than we were together, it seemed irrelevant.’

‘Irrelevant? Go on,’ I urged her.

‘I rushed into it, not really thinking through the consequences about marrying into an Irish travelling family.’

‘You loved him though, right?’ I asked as I looked to the floor to start copying the checked pattern I found there with my index finger.

‘I did… I suppose I still do, but it was a rushed decision. It’s hard to explain, but after you disappeared the three of us just clutched at one another as we tried to stop each other from drowning. The pain of your loss and the feeling of uselessness at not being able to find you, was overwhelming. Try as we might we couldn’t help you. We were thrust together even closer than we had been before. We couldn’t even talk to people about it as most people didn’t believe us. No one outside of our trio understood how we felt. Jack was broken.’

I glanced up at her and nodded, tears once again filling my eyes.

She carried on. ‘You remember how volatile mine and Charlie’s relationship was, well it still is. It was always passionate, but after you went it seemed to be our only effective way to communicate. We married eight months after we last saw you.’

‘You married in the February?’ I remembered the February, it was one of the few times that I did remember.

‘Yes… You should have been with us… Lily, can you tell me what happened to you? Is it something you can talk about?’

Sitting on the bathroom floor with Katy seemed like a safe place to open up. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to tell anyone everything that had happened to me. I had so often distanced myself from anything Tony had done and said to me. It was how I had kept myself alive and I had needed to stay alive, even when I had wished myself dead.

‘My father tricked me into believing that Jack was just like him. That’s why I didn’t turn up to get married. My mum and father were killed a few weeks later in a car accident. My life belongs to Tony and his father Nicolae, as my father owed them a lot of money and I had to pay off the debt. I have been raped, sexually abused, beaten and at one time whored out like an animal.’ I said all the cold, hard facts as fast as could, there was no point in sugar-coating it. My mouth went dry as a nauseous wave travelled up my throat, I swallowed and quickly suppressed it.

Katy shook her head at me. Her face looked horror-struck with the information I had just given her. ‘This isn’t a film! This is real life. We live in the twenty-first century. Surely that can’t be happening? We all come from small villages in the Kent countryside. Crime rate here is low.’ I knew she wasn’t questioning me, just voicing her own shock. She pulled me to her fast and gathered me into a hug. ‘I’m so sorry, Lily… I’m just so sorry. I promised you we would find a way to get you away from them. But we have you now. At last you are where you should be. You’re safe now.’

‘But I can’t stay here, Katy. I will have to go back.’

Holding me by the shoulders Katy moved further away from me, and looked into my eyes. I felt her soul probing mine and I knew she had found the answer.

‘You had a baby, didn’t you?’

Tears were once again cascading down my cheeks. I swiped my fingertips over my face and nodded my confirmation to her.

‘I have a little boy called Harry.’ My heart swelled at just mentioning his name. ‘How did you know?’ I whispered.

Katy cupped her mouth, her eyes widening and nodded at me as she came to terms with the fact she was correct. ‘When you were first here Lynn and I did everything for you. I’m a nurse and I could see the changes in your body, discreet changes that can only be caused by a woman having carried a child. I wouldn’t be surprised if Lynn, as a mum of three, didn’t notice too.’

Oh dear.

On instinct, my head turned to look at the door. The wood filled the doorframe, but it wasn’t quite shut. I could no longer bear to lock myself in anywhere. I turned back to her as we stayed sitting on the floor of my bathroom.

‘Where is he?’ she asked as she moved her hold on me.

‘He’s safe, for a little while longer he’s out of the country with his nanny and Tony’s mum. She takes care of him when I’m… when I’m indisposed… Harry’s used to it. They’re visiting family in Romania. They love to show off my blond angel. But when he gets back I will have to go, whether the ninety days are up or not.’

‘Oh God… I understand. But, you need to tell Jack as soon as you can. You need to tell him everything. His brother-in-law is already looking into things. I’m sure they can help you.’

I knew it was a hopeless cause, but nodded my head to appease her.

‘And you, Katy. You’re in the envious position of having a choice. Please talk things through with Charlie, don’t avoid him anymore. Make sure you make the right choice for the right reasons, before you throw away something that you may regret for the rest of your life.’ I knew it sounded melodramatic. But the way my life had turned out made me see things differently.

Katy brought me back into the fold of her arms. We held each other as tight as we could, trying to offer each other a sense of comfort that we knew didn’t exist. We cried together, each of us realising just what we were up against. We were two modern, intelligent women, who were helpless to the fact that I had no choice.

I loved my child more than I loved myself.

I knew that giving birth to a child was painful, but the pain of losing one would be something I wouldn’t survive.

I wasn’t prepared to lose my child, not even for the man I loved.