This was a huge fucking mistake.

I shouldn’t have come here. I was finding it hard enough to keep my fucking hands to myself in daylight. At night with alcohol beginning to take over my system it was proving next to fucking impossible, I could feel blood surging around my body and I knew it wasn’t a good sign. I should have accepted the fight that had been offered to me tonight, I knew just how much I craved the violence. It was the only thing that liberated me from my self-made purgatory and released me, even if only for a short while, from the constant erupting volcano my body had become. The moment that I had found out she was coming tonight, I had turned down the fight without a second thought. I leant my head back and closed my eyes, letting out a rush of air through my teeth as I rolled my head around on my shoulders trying to release the tension in my spine, willing my body to relax.

I watched her from my position on the edge of a stinking, ancient settee. I knew I was being a miserable bastard; Not talking to anybody, refusing point blank to have a conversation with anyone who dared to sit down next to me, answering in straight yes or no answers, and refusing to take part in all social niceties. I could see that most of the people in the large room were doing all they could not to not make eye contact with me. That was fine, it suited me.

It was the first party Lily had come to since she had arrived and I had so far hated every fucking minute of it. Parties always happened at the weekend and for the last two weekends she had gone home. Why? I hadn’t a clue, as the very best part of being away at university was the weekends. But I suppose when you’re engaged to another person you needed to spend some time with them. I had spent the whole of those weekends just thinking of her in some ungrateful bastard’s arms.

But this weekend, she was here. And this weekend she was very much still in the forefront of my mind. After our angered conversation two days before, this was the first time we had been in the same room as each other. I’d made sure of it, not trusting myself to be around her without forcing her to see my reasoning. But now we were both here, and all I wanted to do was to watch her. In fact, I was finding it difficult to tear my eyes away. I was hunched over; with my elbows digging into my jean-clad thighs. I was twirling an empty, green beer bottle around by the neck, not looking at it as I moved it between the tips of my fingers from memory alone. I refused to avert my eyes from staring at Lily and Katy, as they stood talking to a couple of guys. Katy had rigged the whole pretence of a friendly chat with them. I knew the guys stood no hope with them, as Katy was looking around for Charlie every chance she got, and to be fair he seemed to be watching her, too. Lily just looked uncomfortable in their presence.

For the three weeks since Lily’s engagement declaration, I had fought with every cell in my body not to react to her. I refused to allow myself to smell her floral scent and the apple shampoo in her hair as she leaned in closer to me when we studied together. We had met twice a week to work on the economics Professor Clarke had just taught us. I had also gone over with her anything that I had been taught the previous year that could help her with the current topic, hoping it would help her play catch up. I had very quickly concluded, that her being here was a positive for me and I desperately needed her to stay.

I knew she had spat out about her engagement, to a bunch of mainly complete strangers, in the hope I would back off.

So, I had, until a couple of days ago.

Fuck me, it had been hard.

I was, after all, mostly a decent guy. But right now, after consuming a few beers it was the arsehole that I also knew was in me that seemed to be beating down my decent side. In fact, he was coming a very poor fucking second.

‘If you’re gonna be this fucking miserable all night, gobshite, you should have taken the fight and not come to the party,’ Charlie commented, as he stood blocking me from my obsession.

‘Fuck off. I don’t need or want your words of wisdom right now, and remember if I wasn’t here, you wouldn’t have got in either… Tell me exactly why you didn’t take a fight tonight?’ I already knew the answer, I just wanted to rattle his cage a little, I could see that Katy was growing on him.

Charlie punched my shoulder and sat down next to me making the settee groan.

‘Figured you may need your wingman… The girls are looking hot tonight?’ he added.

‘When do I ever need a wingman? And was that a question or a statement?’ I continued twirling the empty bottle around on the floor.

‘What the FUCK has crawled up your arse and died?’

‘Nothing… I just ain’t feeling it tonight, ya know?’

‘Well, I think I’ll tell you just how I’m seeing it.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, really… now sit the fuck back and listen to Uncle Charlie.’

I sat up and leant back after a huge hairy forearm knocked into my chest and pushed me backwards. It was funny what I’d take from Charlie, stuff that I wouldn’t have accepted from anyone else. Touching me when I was in this sort of dark mood was like a red rag to a bull. He didn’t give a shit though and I thanked whoever it was for putting him in my life. As far as I saw it, everyone needed a Charlie. I let his voice wash over me, but I was lost in my own thoughts.

I had issues.

I knew that and so did anyone that was close to me.

It was hard to explain exactly what had caused my issues, well that’s what the shrink my father had taken me to six years ago had said. It would’ve been difficult for him to say otherwise, as I hadn’t told him exactly what went on inside my head. I gave him just enough information to make him scratch his goatee and ponder on as he observed me. His final diagnosis had been that I had overprotection issues, and he was right. He said I was just wired that way, said I was born with them. He was wrong, but I hadn’t wanted my parents to feel any more guilt than they already did.

I hadn’t been born with them, they had manifested themselves eight years ago.

My middle sister, Bella, had started going out with a piece of scum and then had become involved with his family. Although we hadn’t known exactly what was going on at the time, what I had known was my sister needed help and I hadn’t been old enough to do anything about it. They had overpowered her and systematically abused her; mentally, physically and sexually. Anger had burned inside me as I had watched helplessly as piece by fucking piece they disassembled her and recreated a subservient woman. It had killed me to watch my family, as we stood by and saw her slowly at first, then very quickly, become a shadow of her former self. His family inhibited my formerly vibrant sister, until she was a controlled creature who was putty in their obnoxious hands.

I knew that one day I would get my revenge on them; I was fated to. It was inevitable that the fights I was now being paid for, were going to be my fucking ticket to that reprisal. However long it took for that to happen, I was in until the end. What they had started inside me was irrevocable.

I knew that my overprotectiveness had stemmed from that experience. It had made me so very angry deep down inside and I had begun to look for an outlet to calm my counterproductive resentment. My need for violence came from that situation, it was weird how I felt most peaceful after a fight. It suppressed the raging volcano inside me and gave me chance to calmly move on and breathe again.

‘You’re not fucking listening to me are ya, gobshite.’ A large fist thumped into my chest. My head whipped around to face him. The sudden thump had brought my temper storming to the surface. My fists instinctively clenched. Realising it was only Charlie that had intruded on my thoughts I ordered my temper to calm down. ‘Stand down. Breathe, arsehole… its only me.’ He spoke through my red mist. I rolled my head around on my neck, feeling the clicks I was looking for, and exhaled deeply.

‘No… you lost me,’ I answered him, then leant forward again to observe my fixation more closely.

‘I was saying, that you have it bad for Lily and ya need to do something about it or walk away… no more half measures. It’s making you a depressed fuck and I’m getting sick of it.’ He looked at me again just to check I had heard him. I lifted my empty green bottle up to his and clinked the necks together.

‘Come on… we need to rescue them from Giles,’ he responded.

Charlie stood up next to me. I looked at the girls and then back at him in question.

‘Who the fuck is Giles?’

‘One of those arseholes over there.’ He casually tipped his head sideways towards Lily and the small group she was in. ‘One of them has to be a Giles… only posh gits wear coloured fucking trousers.’

I looked again and a smile started to tease the corners of my mouth. Charlie’s power of observation was one of his strong points. I watched as the posh git in the dark red jeans leant closer to my girl and began to whisper in her ear.

‘Time to move, gobshite. He’s just told her how on their first date he can’t wait to shove his finger up her arse.’

I knew he was joking, but the total look of revulsion on Lily’s face as she moved away from “Giles” was enough to spur me on. I stood up and started crossing the distance between us in one movement. I went up behind Lily, snaking one arm around her waist. The other I wrapped around her so it lay across her collarbones, lightly putting pressure on the dip at the base of her neck and my hand held gently onto her shoulder. I pulled her tiny frame to me with ease. She had immediately stiffened at my touch and then after inhaling she started to relax. It was as though she had realised it was me by smell alone. I kissed the top of her head and looked over the top at the blokes stood with her and a stunned Katy.

‘Thanks for your incredibly stimulating conversation, but your strange dress sense is no longer required.’ I watched them take in both Charlie and me and they quickly said their goodbyes.

Katy glared at Charlie and crossed her arms defensively across her chest. I let them get on with it. My concentration was elsewhere.

‘Thanks for rescuing me, Jack… they’ve gone. You can let go of me now.’

‘I could,’ I answered, not moving one bit. I liked the way she felt in my arms. She felt right. Her tiny frame surrounded by my taller one. I had to bend quite a bit, but surprisingly it felt comfortable.

She was safe in my arms. For the first time in days I felt at peace with myself. Maybe fighting wasn’t the only thing that quelled the volcano within me?

I felt her hands connect with me, one on each of my bare forearms. She could have prised my arms away from her, but she did nothing. Instead we just stood there with her in my arms, swaying to the music and watching like voyeurs at the heated conversation going on between our two best friends.

‘Do ya wanna dance?’ I bent down and spoke in her ear. I hadn’t turned her around to talk to her. Somehow it was just easier this way, the feelings she had stirred inside me were going to be evident to see on my face. It was a fifties themed party and lots of people had dressed up. I could hear an old song that I recognised as one by Elvis, it was a slow song and one that my mum had often played, the title was something about not knowing me and it seemed right.

‘You dance?’ she questioned.

‘I ain’t a complete fucking Neanderthal, ya know?’

‘I’ve never been shown how to dance.’

‘I dunno, you ain’t never been out with anyone, you’ve never danced. Next, you’ll be telling me you’ve never been kissed either.’ I was teasing her, but felt her stiffen once again at my surmising. She had just answered me without words. ‘Just follow me and you’ll be fine,’ I tried to convince her.

My jeans were becoming more constricting by the minute and although I knew she was older than me and supposedly engaged, I guessed that she had also probably never seen or felt a man’s hard-on before.

She just felt too innocent.

‘Ok.’

At that one sound, I reluctantly released her from my arms, grabbed hold of one of her hands and twirled her backwards. Pulling her back towards me once again, our bodies met with a slight thud. I grasped her other hand with mine and held it tight in between us. I could feel her heart hammering against my chest. Her quick gasps of air showed me that her breathing was laboured, whether from excitement or arousal I wasn’t sure. I looked down and smiled at her, and releasing one hand from her body I picked up a loose piece of hair and tucked it behind her ear once again. I tried hard not to focus on her just-moistened lips, in case I devoured them and frightened her. I knew whatever else I did would have to be done slowly, at her pace. I looked up to her green eyes to see they were alight and that brilliant flush had once again consumed her cheeks. We danced closely together, staring at each other for a few minutes until the song ended, her following the movement of my body. Her compliance in my arms was turning me on to the point of no return.

‘I wanna kiss ya, Lily. But not here. I want to kiss ya where we have no eyes watching us. Just you and me taking our fucking sweet time to feel and explore each other. There is a strong connection between us, I want ya to give in to it. The feeling is so strong for me it’s undeniable. Us being together as far as I see it, is undeniable… Think hard about your answer, because once you give me the green light, there ain’t no going back.’ Her pupils started to dilate the longer I stared into them, as she thought on my question.

‘I’d like that,’ she almost whispered to me.

Like a man on a mission, I reluctantly released her from my arms and proceeded to move quickly through the throng of bodies that blocked our escape route, holding on to one of her hands as she followed behind me. One look at me and they parted like that sea in the bible. Finally, we reached the empty corridor outside. Very gently I pulled her back into the safety of my arms. Her head rested on my chest. I placed one of my hands to the back of her head, allowing my fingertips to caress her soft dark hair. Slowly, I began to back her into the dark corner of the hall, desperately needing the privacy it would give us. I wanted to look at her as I kissed her, but that was a view I wanted to be for my eyes only.

Her pulse was beating like a trapped animal. I would normally have asked if she was alright, but I couldn’t risk her overthinking about what she had agreed to. Capturing her chin between two of my fingers I lifted her gaze to meet mine, and as slowly as I could manage I dipped my head towards hers. Savouring the feelings of relief being released inside me at the awareness she was here with me and in my arms, I placed a chaste kiss on her lips and then drew slowly away by mere centimetres. I needed to see her, to see if she felt the spark between us. Her eyes were still closed as she felt the ignition of contact between us. Eventually, realising I had pulled away from her she opened her eyes and smiled at me, I couldn’t see her mouth but recognised it in her eyes. Without closing my eyes, I allowed the tip of my tongue to lick along her top lip, tasting her properly for the first time. I withdrew my tongue and savoured her taste, she was fucking divine.

Her closed lips opened under the next sweep of my tongue and the smallest gasp of pure pleasure escaped from the tiny fissure of space and wafted over mine, causing me to draw a sharp intake of breath.

I couldn’t hold back anymore.

My lips pressed firmly back to hers. Instinctively she opened to me, needing little persuasion, and I began to kiss her. Teasingly at first, my tongue making tentative sweeps against hers and the inside of her mouth. The sounds that she began to make at the back of her throat spurred me on to take more and more. Those sounds spoke to me, deep down inside. I lifted my other hand and captured the back of her neck and pushed my body further into hers, until her back met with the firm wall behind her. Her arms that had started out hanging down at her sides, not knowing quite where they should be, now snaked their way around me. One grabbed hold of my shirt in between my shoulder blades and the other found its way to the belt around my waist, working together to pull me further into her body. I couldn’t remember having ever been as hard as I was in that moment.

Spurred on by her need to hold me, I turned teasing and gentle into inflexible and unrelenting. I licked, bit and tasted any available part of her mouth until I was so far gone I almost forgot where the hell I was, but not who the hell I was with. With as much restraint as I could find, I removed my throbbing lips from her and rested my forehead against hers as we both took in fast gulps of air. I looked down at her and ran my tongue fleetingly once again over her lips, needing to feel the swelling in them that I had caused.

‘I hope ya know what you’ve agreed to, Lily? Now you’ve given yourself to me, I ain’t never giving you up.’