It had been one month.
One month of dating Aubrey.
Three months since I met her.
Over two months of no sex.
I held her hand, I tugged on her hair, I kissed her face, and I listened to everything that came out of her mouth as if she was telling me the world’s biggest secrets. I hadn’t kissed her. I hadn’t even tried to kiss her. Being around her was enough for me. To be able to be with someone, to really be with them on a level other than physical, was something I had never experienced before. Something I had never had.
I was officially pussy-whipped and sporting the worst case of blue balls known to fucking man.
I didn’t understand any of it, the need to be around this girl was throwing me off-kilter. Every waking moment I thought about this girl. The next time I would see her, talk to her, hold her…
The list was endless.
Our connection was flawless and fluid; we didn’t have to work at it. It wasn’t a burden or a struggle to be with her like it was with the others. I used to get bored the minute the sex stopped, fucked ‘em and dumped ‘em, moving onto the next. Not with Aubrey though, everything with her was easy. It flowed seamlessly, the conversations, the chemistry, and the friendship. The subtle looks she would give me when she didn’t think I was looking.
She was perfect.
She came into my life like a riptide, taking down everything in her path and dragging me right along with her. I couldn’t remember the last time I came up for air, took a second to breathe, a moment to catch my bearings and try to fight against her pull. Her current was strong and growing every time I was with her. I was lost in the waves of everything she had to offer. I never expected to fall for her. I wasn’t even looking for anyone, but there she was, this girl with such a force, such a drive. It was so fucking powerful that I never stood a chance.
There was no push and pull.
At least not yet…
Every single time I told myself that today was going to be the day. The day that I would make my move, the day I would kiss her, the day I would touch her, the day I would move on from this PG-13 bullshit or whatever the hell it was that was going on with us. That I would show her who I truly was, what I could truly offer her, what I gave to so many other girls…
I couldn’t do it.
Just. Like. That.
Dylan-fucking-McGraw couldn’t seal the deal.
No room for maybe’s or possibly yes, it was a dead no, and I had never been happier. I looked forward to our next conversation, the next time I would get to see her smile, or make her laugh, but I still loved making her mad, pissing her off and seeing that feisty temper come out as much as possible, so I hadn’t become a complete fucking pussy.
I kept going back to her, wanting more.
Wanting everything.
Nothing or no one stood in my way.
I’d like to see them fucking try.
I started to bring her around the boys and Alex a few weeks ago. Alex loved her right away. They got along like two peas in a pod. The boys welcomed her into our circle with open arms, but that didn’t stop them from giving me shit.
We had just finished surfing. It was pouring every afternoon for the last few days and a mean swell would kick up before the storm.
“My aunt’s going to be calling soon, and I forgot my cell phone back at my house. I gotta get going,” Aubrey said, walking up to me with Alex close by her side.
I stuck my board in the sand and shook out my hair.
“McGraw!” Aubrey squealed, blocking the water with Half-Pint giggling.
I grinned, tugging on the ends of her hair. “Don’t pretend like you don’t like me gettin’ you wet.”
She chuckled, “You’re such a dick.”
“I’ll take you home.” I looked at Alex. “Make sure Lucas doesn’t go back out there once the storm hits. I see it in his eyes, he’s thinkin’ about it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course he is.”
“Come on.” I grabbed her hand and led her up to the restaurant, placing my board in Half-Pint’s parents’ backroom.
We’d been leaving our boards in there since we were kids, it was easier than lugging them around everywhere. I think our families appreciated that we still surfed near the restaurant just in case. Surfing was like freefalling with no parachute, you respected Mother Nature because she could kill you if you didn’t.
I opened the door for Aubrey to get in, shutting it, and walking to the driver’s side. I grabbed my cargo shorts from the backseat and opened my door, depriving the bystanders from my naked glory while changing. I didn’t give two shits if Aubrey could see. To be honest, I wanted her to. I watched Aubrey from the corner of my eyes, while she watched me from the corner of hers.
“You can look, sweetheart, he’s not shy.”
She turned beet red, making me laugh.
It didn’t take us long to get to her house, she lived a few blocks from the beach.
“Can I use your bathroom?”
“Sure.”
I followed her inside, taking in the way her hips swayed as she walked.
Damn, I loved her ass.
“Down the hall, first door on the left.” She pointed. “Can I get you anything? Sweet tea?”
“Nah, I’m good, thanks, darlin’. I’ll be right back.”
I made my way down the hall to the bathroom. I took care of business and walked back out to the living room where she was sitting on the couch with her legs tucked underneath her.
She was so damn beautiful.
“Do you want to watch a movie? My aunt’s going to call in a bit, but we could watch one after if you want to stay.”
“We’re alone?” I blurted out, surprising myself.
She peered around the room, confused, and I felt like a fucking idiot.
“Um, yeah. My mom’s working like always.” She smirked, with a twinkle in her eyes that I recognized all too well.
I didn’t even have to give it any thought. There were zero fucks given.
“Maybe some other time.”
“Oh…” she breathed out, scratching her head. “You got somewhere to be or something?”
“Or somethin’.” Avoiding eye contact so she couldn’t see right through my bullshit.
“Right. Okay. I guess I’ll see you around then,” she nervously stated.
“I’ll call you later.” I tried to reassure her, walking to the front door like the pussy I had suddenly become, not bothering to look back at her hurt face.
“Dylan.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, knowing exactly what she was going to ask. I turned around to face her, still giving her a questioning look. No matter what she had to say I, wasn’t going to do a damn thing about it. That much I knew. She was standing by the archway, looking gorgeous as ever, her vulnerability radiating all around her that I suddenly found it hard to breathe.
“We’ve been hanging, you know… for like a month or something,” she muttered. “I mean… do you… I mean… you know…”
“Just fucking say it, Aubrey,” I interrupted, harsher than I intended.
She took a deep breath, slightly annoyed with the tone I dealt back, but the doubt was too big for her to swallow.
“Do you not like me?”
I wasn’t surprised in the least by what she wanted to know. She knew who I was, my reputation with girls. I’d become my worst damn nightmare overnight. I opened my mouth to say something, but for the first time in my life I didn’t know what to say.
“It’s okay if you don’t like me and just want to be friends. I could use more of those. I really like Half-Pint and your boys. Everyone has been really nice with welcoming me. I would hate to lose that if you don’t like me more than… a friend. I mean, I know I’m not like the girls you’re used to and I guess… that would be hard to let go of and stuff…”
I let her ramble, mainly because she seemed like she really needed to get it out. A part of me, the asshole part of me, thought she looked so fucking adorable being all exposed and shit, that I let her continue with her little monologue. If this was any other girl something like this would have had me running for the door and slamming it in her face, but not with her, she was different.
Never with her.
“Darlin,” I rasped all too soon, not ready for what I was going to confess. “I’m only leaving because I do like you.”
“What—”
With that I opened the door and left.
I drove around for I don’t know how long, listening to “The Thrill is Gone” by B.B. King on repeat. Etching the lyrics and beat into my mind as if I were the one singing them. It was dark by the time I made it back to the restaurant. I sat on the beach instead of going in to face the boys and their ridicule. The storm had come and gone, but the wind remained. I welcomed the cool breeze coming off the ocean. The sand was wet and hard beneath me, but I didn’t pay it any mind, there was too much on my mind to care.
“Hey,” Alex greeted, sitting beside me. She put a blanket around the both of us. “You’re going to get sick if you sit out here. By the look of the clouds, it’s going to rain again any second.”
“A little rain ain’t ever hurt nobody.”
I continued to stare out into the night as she glanced at the side of my face.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothin’ to worry your pint-size head about.”
She fell quiet for a few minutes, leaning against my arm with her head on my shoulder.
“You remember that time you boys finally let me up into the tree house? When I found your stash of nudie magazines?” She blushed, saying the last part.
I chuckled, “Yeah.”
“The first time I saw Aubrey I thought she looked like one of those girls. I thought she was going to be a complete spoiled brat from California, or she was going to be dumb as rocks… you know, your usual type,” she teased, breaking a smile. “She wasn’t though. I liked her immediately. She was so sweet and down to earth. I’ve known you my entire life, I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at her, Dylan.”
I peered over at her for the first time, taking in everything she was saying.
“Your face lights up like in one of those movies you always make fun of. I like seeing you with someone who actually likes you too. Those other girls, they’re just using you. You’re as much of a game to them as they are to you. You do know that, right?” she questioned, her tone laced with determination.
I slightly nodded, my face suddenly serious.
“It’s okay to get to know someone before you sleep with them, Dylan.”
“What the fuck do you know about sleeping with someone, Half-Pint?” I roared, jerking back surprised.
“Nope. Not a chance. You do not get to flip this around on me. I know who you are. I know who all of you are. Let’s not pretend, okay? Not now. Out of all the boys, you have always been the one to hide yourself from me. I haven’t let it bother me. Do you know why? ‘Cause you love me. You love me enough to respect me.”
I pulled my hair away from my face, holding it back on the nook of my neck in a frustrated gesture.
“You respect her, too.”
We locked eyes.
“You respect her enough to not kiss her. To not touch her… to not do any of the things that make up who you think you are, Dylan McGraw. You may be crass and blunt, not caring about hurting other people’s feelings, but you’re still a good guy. We all know that, especially me.”
“How did you—”
“She told me.”
“What?” I narrowed my eyes at her with an intense stare. “She told you what?”
“She told me what I already knew. What I’ve always known. You do have a heart, but I’ll still pretend like you don’t already know that.”
I shook my head, letting a heavy breath escape. Finally admitting out loud and to myself, “I don’t want to hurt her. She’s been hurt enough. I also can’t stay away from her, Half-Pint. So I guess I’ll take her anyway I can.”
She stood up, hovering above me.
“Why don’t you let Aubrey decide that?” She reached for me.
“What if you’re wrong, Half-Pint? What if you’re wrong about me?”
She squatted in front of me, placing her hands on the sides of my face and spoke with conviction,
“I’m not.”
“I’m sorry, honey, I got stuck in a meeting. I know I was supposed to call you hours ago. How are you? How’s everything?” my Aunt Celeste asked when I answered her call.
“No worries. I’m fine. How are you?” I asked, trying to divert her attention away from my lie.
“Girl, don’t even try to pull that one on me. I know you better than that. What’s wrong? What happened? Who do I need to come beat up? Is it your mom? Honey, you know—”
“It’s not my mom,” I interrupted.
Getting off the couch, I muted the TV and began to pace the living room. I knew this was going to be a long conversation.
“Oh… it’s about a boy,” she stated with understanding.
I shook my head even though she couldn’t see me. “How do you know that?”
“Oh, honey, psssh, in life it’s either our moms or it’s our men. Now, come on, tell your favorite aunt what’s going on?”
“I wish I knew,” I grumbled, walking in the kitchen to grab a soda out of the fridge.
“Start from the beginning.”
I took a deep breath. “He’s an asshole,” I laughed.
“Oh, honey, they all are. That’s part of the appeal. Better for you to find that out sooner rather than later, when it hurts more. Now, keep going.”
“No, I mean like a real asshole, Aunt Celeste. He uses girls, sleeps around with everyone, and make’s no excuses for it. He’s blunt, rude, crude, and cocky as shit.”
“You just described my last few boyfriends. Any relation?”
We laughed. I knew she was trying to make me smile. I hopped up onto the counter, took a sip from my soda, and continued to describe Dylan.
“But he’s also deep in a weird, mysterious way. There’s so much more to him than what he lets people see. He says everything I need to hear in a few words. He’s honest, caring, and he doesn’t sugarcoat shit. He says what he needs to say. He’s the most real person I have ever met.”
“Then what’s the problem, honey?” she questioned, not understanding the issue at hand.
“I don’t think he likes me.”
“What do you mean? What’s not to like?”
“We’ve been hanging out for a month and nothing has happened. He holds my hand, opens my door, and kisses my forehead. He talks to me all the time, whether it’s at school, over the phone, or texting. Aunt Celeste, I think I’m in the friend-zone now or something,” I confessed.
“First off, since this isn’t about me, I’m going to let go of the fact that you’ve been hanging out with this boy for the last month, and I’m just now hearing about it. We will come back to that later.”
I chuckled. She always knew the right things to say to me, to get me to laugh and make me feel better.
“Honey, he definitely likes you plain and simple, no doubt about it.”
“Then why hasn’t he tried anything? He sleeps with anything that has a pulse, but he hasn’t even kissed me. He hasn’t even tried to. He has to know by now that I want him to!” I exclaimed, getting worked up over the whole situation again, like I did when he left. “He’s sending mixed signals, and I called him out on it. All he had to say was and I quote, ‘I’m leaving because I do like you.’ What the hell does that even mean? He wouldn’t even let me ask before he turned and left.”
“Your house?”
“Yes.”
“Your mom’s working?”
“You know she is. She’s always working.”
“Oh, honey, he is a keeper.”
“What?” I asked, utterly confused and surprised with her response.
“Long story short… he can’t keep his junk in his pants. Never has, am I right? He respects you enough to not tempt himself to not keep his junk in his pants. Understand?”
“That makes no sense,” I simply stated.
“That’s because you’re seeing it like a hormonal teenager. Take a step back. You’re different, honey. He knows that.”
“Oh…”
“There’s your crash course into a man’s psyche. You’re welcome!” she laughed. “Look, honey, I have to go. We’re on deadline with this marketing campaign, and my boss is riding my ass. I’ll be in meetings all night, so I’ll call you tomorrow. I’ll come to visit as soon as this merger is over in the next few weeks.”
“Okay. I love you. Thanks for listening.”
“I’m always here. No matter what, you know that. I love you, too. Tell your mom I said hello. Talk soon.”
“Bye.”
I hung up, and not even a second later the doorbell rang. I didn’t even have time to contemplate or take in what my Aunt Celeste alleged. I looked down at the time on my phone and it read almost ten pm. I hopped off the counter and made my way to the door.
“Who is it?” I called out.
“Your Prince-fucking-Charming.”
I chuckled with a confused expression on my face. Opening the door, I said, “Did you forget—”
The air was immediately knocked out of me from the impact of Dylan’s lips on mine. He didn’t falter, he parted his lips, beckoning me to follow and I did. His hands were on the sides of my face, pushing me back until I felt the stairs. My body fell back on them with Dylan’s falling on top of mine.
He wanted me.
He needed me.
He consumed me.
It was the scariest but most liberating feeling I had ever felt. Like I was standing at the edge of a cliff, looking down, ready to jump. Not caring if there would be land or water beneath me.
I was ready to take the plunge.
With him.
My mind was scrambled with thoughts and emotions I couldn’t control, label, or even understand. It was one giant cluster-fuck of weeks of wanting to feel his lips on mine. I put my arms around his neck as he pushed me further into the steps, kissing me deeper, harder, and with more determination. I had never been kissed like that before. The passion radiated off of him. I didn’t even know kisses like that existed outside of the movies.
Something told me he didn’t either.
My chest rose and fell faster and faster with every slip of his tongue in my mouth. With each deep breath I took, with each caress of his fingers along my face, with each groan that escaped his mouth, with each heartbeat I felt against mine, with each… with each… with each…
I felt his a little bit more.
I wasn’t imagining it. He matched every beat, every moment, every feeling and emotion times ten. I was putty in his hands. He could mold me, build me, and roll me however he wanted.
In that moment, I would let him.
He suddenly lifted me off the stairs and carried me through the archway to the living room, gently laying me on the couch. His body hovered over mine, our lips never leaving one another’s. They continued to move together as if they were meant for each other.
It was unreal, but so fucking real…
He kissed me one last time, letting his lips linger for just a few seconds on top of mine. I instantly felt the loss when he set his forehead on mine. I could barely hear our heavy panting over our escalated hearts and minds.
They took over.
His hair framed my face again like it did on the boat. I knew right then and there that it was going to be my favorite thing ever. Feeling as if we were in our own little world, surrounded by nothing but our feelings for each other.
Where nothing else mattered.
No one.
He pushed the hair away from my face, and I desperately wanted to return the favor, but I didn’t. I wanted to stay lost in his eyes in that moment, savor the way he was looking at me, the way he felt on top of me, the way he pulled every sentiment from my body as if it belonged to him.
I never wanted it to end.
With his hands framed around my face, he kissed me again, slower, more delicate this time, less frantic and desperate, but with the same intensity and passion. When he pulled away, I whimpered as he let out a loud, massive groan, feeling his absence. I felt like I was going to scream, my mind already shouting on the inside, over and over again. It echoed through the walls, making its way into our hearts where we would forever remember this moment.
He took one last look into my eyes and leaned in toward my ear.
“You’re going to undo me,” he huskily whispered, rubbing his lips below my earlobe, causing tingles everywhere.
“And I’m going to let you.”