Naomi: Hey!! Alara, Sher, and I are going out tonight. Bring Derek and meet at our place @ 8. We’ll carpool :)
Me: uhh sure?
Naomi: Great. See you then!
Me: where are we going?
Naomi: It’s a surprise ;) But just tell Derek we’re going to a club.
I hadn’t talked to Alara since last week when I left her outside of her apartment on my mother’s birthday. I couldn’t help but feel a little unsettled by all I’d revealed, especially when I thought about how I knew next to nothing about her. I kept waiting on her to text me but she never did. Despite my anxiety over it, I couldn’t make myself believe that it meant nothing to her. There was no way she could have felt nothing, especially not when I felt as strongly as I did.
I glared at the phone, like it was the reason I was being a fucking coward. Well, I was officially over second-guessing everything and acting like the girl in the relationship. My brain faltered at that last thought. Even though it felt like we were heading that way, I wasn’t sure she was ready yet. Maybe I could reverse friend-zone her. I know you just want to be friends, but sorry, I’ve decided you’re my girlfriend.
Shaking my head, I reached for my phone.
Me: do you know where we’re going tonight? or have you been sworn to secrecy?
Alara: Huh?
Me: Naomi just texted me asking Derek and me to come out w/ you guys tonight…you didn’t know?
Alara: No. She just told me to be home by 7.
Me: oh.
Brilliant. It’s a wonder she hadn’t contacted me, what with my stellar conversational skills. I rolled my eyes at myself when my phone beeped again.
Alara: How are you?
Me: good. you?
Alara: Stressed. I’ve practically bitten my nails off waiting for a few grades to be posted.
Several minutes had passed as I tried to think of what to say when my phone beeped once more.
Alara: What exactly did she say was happening tonight?
Me: just that we were meeting at 8 and it was a surprise.
More radio silence.
Me: any idea why she texted me and not Derek?
Alara: Probably because Derek knows that “surprise” and “Naomi” in close proximity equals dangerous things.
Me: lol yeah I could see that.
Alara: Well I guess I’ll see you later?
Me: yeah. enjoy the rest of your day.
Alara: You too.
I walked into the living room and saw Derek lounging on the couch with a big bowl of cereal in his lap wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. Glancing at the clock, I confirmed it was almost two in the afternoon before turning back around and facing him.
“You plan on doing that all day?”
He looked down and shrugged. “I see no reason why not.”
“Naomi invited us out tonight, and I think she’d prefer it if you wore pants. And if you’re feeling really crazy, a shirt too.”
“Where to?” Derek asked around a mouthful of food, his eyes still glued to the television.
“Some club.”
“Time?”
“We’re meeting at their place at eight.”
He nodded and brought his bare arm up to wipe the milk off his chin. “Sounds good.”
“The karaoke bar, really?” I asked on a groan.
“Yes! We haven’t gone in a while and I think Gabe needs an introduction.”
“You know how Derek feels about that place, did you even tell him?”
Naomi looked up from her phone and regarded me with a serious expression. “No I didn’t tell him, and I know he won’t like it. But I also know that he won’t be dramatic about it and… you and I both know he needs to get over this thing.”
“I know that, but I just don’t think forcing him is the way to go. He should decide on his own—”
A loud knock echoed through the apartment, effectively ending our conversation. Naomi jumped up from the couch and ran to the front door. She flipped the locks and stepped back, letting both the boys in. Derek immediately went to the kitchen while Gabe walked toward me. I hadn’t seen him since his mother’s birthday, which was just under a week ago, and it still felt like too long. Two months. I had only known him for two months and already I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
“So what’s on the agenda for tonight? Or is that still need-to-know?” Gabe asked as he sat down next to me. And he was definitely sitting closer than usual.
“Need-to-know?” Derek echoed as he came back into the room with an opened beer bottle.
“Yeah, Naomi said it was a surprise.”
“Oh, God. Please tell me we’re not going to Mike’s,” Derek guessed immediately.
“What’s Mike’s?” Gabe asked.
Naomi continued like he hadn’t spoken. “Derek, it’s going to be fun, you’ll see.”
“You say that every single fucking time and somehow you talk me into going, and guess what? It’s never fucking fun,” Derek said.
Naomi put her hands on her hips as she glared at him. “That’s because you”—she glanced at Gabe, grimacing a little, like she just remembered he was in the room, before evasively finishing—“you know what your problem is. Get over it. It was a lifetime ago.”
Gabe’s brow puckered as he looked at me with a question in his eyes. I smiled nervously and shrugged.
“Can I have a word?” Derek asked his sister as he slammed his bottle on the counter and stalked back to her room. She shot me a worried and remorseful glance before sulking down the hallway after him.
“What was that all about?”
“No clue,” I lied as I shrugged once more and turned toward Gabe.
Gabe slid back on the couch before resting his arm around my shoulders. His eyes slowly wandered over my face. Hair. Eyes. Lips. Cheek. Nose. Lips. Other cheek. Lips.
“Hey,” I whispered as his eyes finally settled on mine.
“Hey.” He chuckled and ran his knuckles across my cheekbone.
“Karaoke,” I croaked out.
“What?”
I cleared my throat. “Mike’s is a karaoke bar.”
“Okay,” Gabe said slowly before he seemed to remember why singing and Naomi were another two words that should never be in the same sentence. His eyes widened and he laughed. “I can definitely see why Derek is opposed.”
I gave him a small smile before resting back on his arm more fully. His fingers made small circles on my partially exposed shoulder blade and my mouth was working before I could think better of it. “Mmm… that feels nice.”
His hand paused and hovered just above my skin, but before I could feel self-conscious, he resumed. This time his touch was softer and more deliberate, like he was memorizing all the ways he was touching me. My eyes instinctively closed as I felt his fingers dance across my skin until he was toying with my exposed bra strap. I could feel his breath as his fingers slowly slid under my bra until it slipped off my shoulder. Moments later his entire palm settled on my bare shoulder, and even though it was deliciously warm, shivers broke out across my skin at the contact.
We jumped apart as the bedroom door slammed open and Naomi came stomping back into the room before heading to the kitchen. Gabe removed his arm as I adjusted my shirt, and I couldn’t help the flush that overtook my face. I snuck a quick glance at Gabe, who winked and settled back like nothing had happened. I wish I could be that relaxed. Luckily Naomi was still unsettled by whatever conversation she’d just had with Derek, because she didn’t even make a joke.
“Are you guys ready?” she asked when she came back in.
“Yeah, uh, is Derek coming?”
She rolled her eyes and glared down the hall. “He sure as shit is.”
As the four of us made our way to the car, Derek spoke for the first time since storming into Naomi’s room. “Where’s Sher?”
“She’s going to meet us there.” Naomi’s tone was clipped, causing Derek to glare at her before climbing into the driver’s seat and slamming yet another door. Alara looked uncomfortable as she glanced between the two, neither one meeting her eyes. With one last look at me, she shrugged sadly before climbing into the backseat behind him. Naomi had just reached for the handle to the backseat when I grabbed her arm.
“Mind if I?” I asked as I nodded toward the other half of the backseat. She smiled broadly as she pulled open the door for me before hopping in the front seat.
Once I slid in and had my seat belt buckled I angled my body toward Alara, very pleased to discover she was already turned toward me. But just as I opened my mouth to talk, Derek turned on the radio to an eardrum-crushing decibel that discouraged any kind of verbal conversation. I watched Alara’s body shake with soundless laughter, but her mood seemed to plummet when she more than likely put together why he had the radio so loud. The rest of the drive was uneventful, and thankfully by the time we pulled up Derek had shaken off most of his sour mood.
We walked inside and were immediately assaulted by writhing bodies on the dance floor, a shrieking vocalist, and the unmistakable smell of weed. My shoe got stuck on some gum and I stopped to scrape it off with a nearby coaster when a massive body plowed into me. I barely kept myself upright. He slurred an apology before spilling his drink on me and stumbling away. My mouth was open and my wide eyes were shifting between his retreating form, my soiled shirt, and gum-encrusted shoe.
“Oh, and did I mention this place was a total dive?” Alara’s sweet voice sounded from behind me. When I turned around she started laughing so hard she had to bend over and hold her stomach, like it would burst without the safety of her arm.
“You know, I think you forgot that part,” I said as I pulled her up and into a hug against me.
“Ahhhh, gross.” She laughed as she shoved me away and started walking toward the bar. Derek held out shots to both of us, and I watched in surprise as Alara quickly tossed hers back.
“What?” she questioned as she wiped off her mouth with the back of her hand. “I can trust you to take care of me, right?”
I started nodding my head like a goddamn bobblehead. She smiled as I tossed back my first shot. I replayed her words and I couldn’t help but think she was talking about more than just tonight. But my answer was still the same, so when Derek offered me another shot, I declined. Because for the first time in a really long time taking care of someone didn’t seem like a burden, but a privilege.
…
I nervously tapped my foot as I waited for Alara to return. I had made up my mind that tonight I was going to do it. I was going to ask her out. No backing out. No skirting around the question.
Of course this idea was a lot more promising when we were just hanging out at her apartment. Now I was focused on how to stop my ears from bleeding, in addition to finding a way to ask her out. And her absence for the past half hour had my confidence waning. Especially as I watched Alara wrap her arms around Derek’s neck and give him a peck on the cheek before stumbling back over to our table.
“Hey, are you having fun?” I had to raise my voice slightly to be heard.
She ignored my question and asked her own, “Why so glum, plum?”
I chuckled. “How many drinks have you had?”
“Excuse you, I’ve only had three shots.” She paused to hold up four fingers. I raised my eyebrows at her and pointedly looked toward her elevated arm. She followed my gaze, scowled, and brought both hands up in a defensive manner. “Okay. Maybe it was four. Or five… I think. Wait… no, no, definitely just four.” She nodded to herself, seemingly very proud for remembering. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, watching as the karaoke singers traded places and gave all of our ears a reprieve.
“So, why are you over here all by”—hiccup—“yourself?” She ended on a giggle as she reached for my beer.
“I’m not by myself.” I moved the beer out of reach.
She rolled her eyes and slouched in the seat. “I mean before I came over. You’ve been sitting here almost all night. Girls came up to you and left two minutes later. I don’t even think I’ve seen you drink, and trust me, the singers get much better when you’ve been drinking.” She paused and grew serious as she wrung her hands together on the table. She shuffled closer so her voice didn’t carry. “Are you okay? It’s not… it’s not about your mom, is it?”
I stiffened. I hadn’t thought about my mother once tonight. I hadn’t thought about her cancer, her death, or any of my guilt since I walked into Alara’s apartment and saw her sitting there. “No. I’m fine.” I wrapped my arm around her shoulders before continuing. “I’m just in people-watching mode tonight. I promise.”
She eyed me suspiciously for a few moments before leaning her head against my shoulder. I looked around the room and saw Derek slinging back another shot before stumbling into a few girls behind him. I’d seen Derek drunk plenty of times, but never so drunk that he stumbled.
“Is Derek okay? He seems a little off.”
She looked over at Derek and frowned. “Yeah, I think so. He just hates coming here. I wish Naomi wouldn’t push it.”
“Push what?”
“Push him to sing.”
“He sings?”
Alara nodded enthusiastically before lifting her head and responding. “Yeah, and he’s really, really good, and not just at singing. He plays a few instruments too.”
“Wow, I didn’t know. I mean I haven’t seen any around the apartment.”
She smiled sadly. “He doesn’t play anymore, which sucks because he was awesome. When I was younger sometimes I would sit in the hall just outside his room and listen. He did a pretty good job of soundproofing it, but if you were right outside and listened closely you could definitely hear him. I actually fell asleep there a couple of times.” She laughed at the memory but quickly sobered as she glanced at Derek and watched him for a few minutes.
“Why’d he stop?”
She regarded me thoughtfully for a second before letting out a sigh. “I can’t say.”
“You guys are pretty close.” It wasn’t a question and even though I’d always known this, tonight it seemed glaringly obvious that this closeness could be more than I initially realized.
“Yeah, we are.” Her warm smile aimed at Derek did nothing to assuage my fears.
“How close?”
She returned her gaze to me as her forehead wrinkled in adorable confusion. “Huh?”
I let my gaze return to Derek as he chatted up some blonde at the end of the bar. “You know… are you more than friends?” When she still didn’t respond, I put it as bluntly as possible. “Have you slept together?” My eyes were still focused forward in a pathetic attempt to pretend the answer didn’t matter.
“What?!” Her extremely loud shriek drew several stares, including my own.
“Have you guys had sex?” I asked once more, partly because of how red her cheeks were—I wanted to see if she could blush any harder.
She shook her head as if to clear it and gave me a look that clearly said you’re crazy. “You’re crazy. And I didn’t need you to clarify, I needed—” she paused as her jaw literally dropped. “I don’t even know what to say other than eww.”
“Well it’s a yes or no question. So one of those two answers would be good.”
“He’s like my brother,” she sputtered.
“No, he’s not.” I stared at her pointedly.
“No, he’s not,” she mocked with an exaggerated eye roll.
“You act like it’s uncommon for girls to have a crush on their best friend’s older brother. I can’t tell you how many times my sister’s friends”–—I paused and made quote marks in the air—“confused my bedroom for the bathroom.”
Alara’s eyebrows rose comically high as she slumped back into the seat with a small smile on her face. I groaned loudly before returning her smile. “I’m not trying to be an ass. It’s the truth. The only friend of hers that had the geography of our bathroom down ended up being gay.”
She chuckled. “Okay, Don Juan. Well when I said he’s like a brother to me, I meant it. So, no, we’ve never slept together. Nor will we ever sleep together. There has not even been a thought about us sleeping together. We’ve never even kissed. Nor will we ever—”
“Okay, okay. I get it. Thank you.” I rolled my eyes at her lengthy explanation, hoping my face didn’t betray the intense relief I felt. But inside I couldn’t deny how great that was to hear.
“You’re welcome.” She eyed me for a minute before speaking again. “So, what, you’re one of those people who think that guys and girls can’t just be friends?”
I shook my head. “Naomi and Sherry are my friends.”
Her face froze and her next two words were whispered. “And me?”
I made sure I was looking directly in her eyes when I spoke next, even as her wide, hazy eyes were rapidly moving between mine. “I absolutely believe that guys and girls can just be friends. But I also believe that we”—I paused to make a hand motion that went in a circle between us—“are not one of them. You are not my friend, Alara.” I slowly reached down and placed my palm over the clenched fist in her lap. My gaze involuntarily slipped to her lips for the hundredth time tonight as I leaned forward slightly. “Am I really just your friend?” I whispered. My eyes dropped to her throat as she swallowed, and by the time my gaze returned to hers, she was staring at our hands.
When she looked up our eyes locked and she slowly flipped her hand so it was palm up beneath mine. We said nothing as our fingers deliberately came together on top of the sticky steel nightclub table, as a couple with only three pieces of clothing from having sex “danced” two feet away. The music continued playing at a painful decibel as an overly enthusiastic, but for once not horrible, karaoke singer sang about chains and whips exciting her. I hadn’t had anything planned, but if I had to wager a guess at how I’d ask her out, this would not be anywhere on the list. But suddenly this seemed like the perfect place, like the only place. So before I lost my nerve, I asked.
“Will you go out with me?”