Tinsley
I hear a noise and rush to the window. When I don’t see Damien’s truck in the driveway, a wave of nausea rolls through me. I’ve been pacing the floor for hours. Noah showed up right after dark and told me Damien found the mom, daughter, and son. He helped them get to safety, then went back out in search of the father. I wouldn’t be so nervous about it, but he’s alone and on foot. The snow has been falling steadily for hours and Noah said the search was suspended until morning. My husband is out there alone in the middle of nowhere most likely freezing his ass off. I know he’s more than capable of taking care of himself, but I’m still terrified he won’t come back.
I walk back into the living room where Kassidy is curled up on one end of the coach sleeping, and Dahlia’s on the other, staring off into space, no doubt just as worried as I am. Noah is in the chair checking the weather on his phone like he has been doing for the last two hours. Sami is the only person in the house not going out of her mind with worry. Thankfully, she’s upstairs sound asleep. I turn back to the window and stare into the darkness. Snow is falling in heavy sheets. Noah’s truck is already completely covered.
Noah looks up from his cell phone. “He’s going to be okay. You know that, right?” His voice is confident and sure, but his face is anything but. He’s just as worried as the rest of us. I’m so afraid I’m going to lose him. I just got him back. My body begins to shake as tears fill my eyes, and I can’t stop them from falling. Noah wraps me in his arms comforting me while I fall apart. Though it helps, I wish it were Damien’s arms around me.
“Mommy,” Sami’s sweet, sleepy voice calls out behind me. Before turning around, I wipe the tears from my eyes. “Where’s Daddy?” she mumbles, and I walk over to where she stands at the bottom of the stairs and pick her up.
“Daddy’s at work, baby girl.”
“Why is everyone here?”
“They are just here to keep us company while Daddy is at work,” I explain, and she seems to accept that explanation. If something happens to him, how the hell am I going to tell her?
“It’s late and you need your sleep.”
“Can you read me a story first?” She looks up at me, a hopeful expression on her face. I smile and squeeze her a little tighter, grateful for the promising distraction.
“Of course I can, but only one.” She nods her head in agreement, and I carry her up the stairs to her room—my old room. I still love this room. The walls are painted a pale purple with white trim and plum carpet. A twin canopy bed sits in the center of the room. On the other end is a large bay window with a window seat. I would sit in that spot for hours reading when I was younger. That was my favorite place in the entire world.
Placing Sami in her bed, I tuck her in, making sure she’s nice and cozy, and grab The Rainbow Fish off the bookshelf. Sitting next to her with my back propped against the headboard, I begin to read. She snuggles up close to me, the smell of her bubble gum shampoo hits my nose, and for the first time in hours, I am relaxed. I’m only about four pages in when her breathing evens out and she’s fast asleep. Glancing over at the sleeping beauty next to me fills my heart. I love her so much, it physically hurts, and I don’t understand how it’s possible. I can’t imagine that I could love my own child this much. I have always wondered if parents who adopted really were able to love the children the same as if they were born to them, and I now have my answer.
When I’m sure she’s going to stay asleep, I go back to the living room. Kas is still asleep on the couch, and Noah is back in the recliner, still glued to his phone. His hair is mussed, most likely from running his hands through it too many times. The whistle of the tea kettle startles me and I change gears to head into the kitchen. Dahlia is standing at the counter making four cups of instant coffee.
“Need some help?” I ask as I walk up beside her. Her shoulders are slumped and dark circles line her eyes. This has got to be harder for her than any of us. Damien has always been with her, taken care of her—he is all she has left. I know what it feels like to lose everyone, and that’s not a feeling I want to live through again. If it weren’t for Kas always being by my side, I never would have survived.
“Thanks, but I’m good,” she says on a sniffle. “I need to keep busy. Sitting around waiting is driving me insane.” She places the kettle back on the stove and I turn her around and wrap her in a hug.
“He’s going to be fine. I know it in my heart. He’s going to be fine,” I whisper. Her body shakes as she sobs in my arms, and I cry along with her. As much as I want to believe my own words, I still have doubt. I’m scared to death he won’t make it out of those woods. And if he doesn’t, I will never forgive myself. If I hadn’t been so damn stubborn and come back home sooner, maybe we wouldn’t have lost ten years together. So much time was wasted for nothing. College wasn’t that important to me—not as important as Damien.
When Dahlia calms down, I help her finish making the coffee for everyone, put on my jacket, and take my cup to the back porch. The freezing air sends a chill down my spine. The snow is falling so quickly, I feel like I’m in one of those snow globes that’s being shaken. I place my coffee cup on the railing as I lean on it, admiring the beauty in front of me. The moon is bright enough that it’s shining down over the frozen lake. Despite the freezing temperature and the situation, it really is beautiful out here. I wish Damien was here with me keeping me warm as we talked about our future. We started planning a trip to Tampa. I need to sell my condo and have everything I want to keep shipped up here. We also thought Sami would enjoy a trip to Disney. Why did we wait so long? We should have done it right after we got married. If he—no, when he comes home, nothing is going to be put off again. Every day will be lived as if it was our last.
“How are you holding up, babe?” Kas asks as she saddles up next to me. I take in a shaky breath and sigh.
“Not too well,” I admit. “I want to be positive, but I’m scared. Anything can happen out there. I’m also pissed. Why would he be so stupid and go off the trail on his own? He knows better than that,” I say, my tone harsher than I intended, and I immediately feel guilty for being angry at him while he’s out there. He’s an amazing man who is risking his life to help others. It takes a special person to do that. His selflessness is one of the things I love about him, except for times like this. Right now, I wish he was selfish because then he’d be home with his family and not out there.
“It’s okay to be scared, T. It’s also okay to be mad as hell.” She places her hand on mine. “When he gets back here, I’m going to kick his ass for making us all worry,” she jokes, and I laugh, unable to stop myself. “I know he’ll be back.” I glance over at her. She’s looking out over the lake.
“How do you know that?” I whisper, and she turns to face me, her expression resolute.
“Because that man loves you more than life itself. He would walk through fire to be with you. Like some measly little snow storm is going to keep him away.” Her tone is confident. She pins me with a glare, daring me to argue. As always, Kas has come to my rescue and made me feel better.
“What would I do without you?”
“You’d be very bored and lonely,” she states, and I can’t disagree. My life would be so lonely without her by my side. We stand there for a long time without speaking, looking out at the lake and falling snow. Even though no more words are exchanged, just having her next to me is comforting. Knowing this woman will always be here to help me through no matter what life throws my way makes me smile.
When we are both chilled to the bone, we head back in the house. Noah’s eyes immediately find Kas as we enter the living room. There is definitely something going on there, and when all of this is over, I will find out what it is. I say goodnight to everyone and go up to bed. I don’t think I’ll get much sleep, but I have to try. At least if I’m sleeping I’m not worrying and it will make this night go by a little faster. Standing in the doorway to our room, I stare at the empty bed. Tears fill my eyes. I can’t sleep in here. Not tonight while he’s out there in the snow. Turning, I walk down the hall to Sami’s room and climb into bed beside her, careful not to wake her. Smelling her sweet little girl scent and hearing her even, easy breaths lulls me to sleep.