Tinsley

As I pull my rental car down the long asphalt drive, the sun shines down on the calm water, shimmering along the surface, and I remember all the fun times I had swimming and fishing in the lake. And with those happy thoughts, the bad ones follow. My heart aches as memories of my mom pop into my head. She passed away about four years ago after a three-year battle with pancreatic cancer, and I miss her more with each passing day.

When she got sick, she moved to Florida with me. The warmer weather was easier for her to take. Watching her wither away to nothing while in constant pain was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. She was my best friend. My whole life, it had always been the two of us, and losing her almost destroyed me. Tears fill my eyes, and I quickly wipe them away. I knew coming back would be painful, but I had to do it eventually.

Parking the car at the end of the driveway, I swipe under my eyes again as new tears threaten to fall. “Get it together, T,” I whisper to myself before getting out of the car. Fresh mountain air brushes against my face, blowing my hair back, and I breathe it in, letting it fill and expand my lungs. Closing the car door, I stroll through the yard to the dock by the lake, the cadence of birds singing surrounding me. I can’t say I miss the constant blaring of honking horns and screaming sirens; the birds are so much more relaxing. A smile crosses my face as a warm sense of nostalgia takes over my body. Being back in this place will be good—not only for my writing, but my soul.

I make it to the end of the dock and look out over the crystal blue water. My mother and I used to spend hours snuggled up on the bench reading books on this dock. I wish she was here with me now. Her wisdom and encouragement sure would come in handy. Being here…I feel so close to her, closer than I have in years. As a teenager, I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of this small town. It was always claustrophobic, and I dreamed of bigger, better places and things. In my mind, staying would have held me down. But now, here I am ten years later, back in the same place, still seeking the same answers.

Looking up to the bright blue sky, I whisper, “Please, Mom. Help me figure out where to go from here. I’m so lost right now. You had a bad feeling about Logan from the start—always said he rubbed you the wrong way—but I was so head over heels in love with him, I couldn’t see it.” Footsteps approach from behind and the hair on my arms stands on end. I spin around, my hand flying to my chest as I try to calm my erratic breathing.

“If she answers you, I’m outta here,” Kassidy says on a laugh.

“Jesus, you scared the hell out of me!” I shriek. “You can’t sneak up on people like that,” I huff as my heart rate settles. She grabs me and wraps me in a tight hug.

“It’s so good to see you, T,” Kassidy says into my hair, and I squeeze her back just as tight. This woman has been my rock for as long as I can remember.

“I’ve missed you so much, Kas,” I choke out. “But…I...can’t....breathe...babe.” She laughs, releasing her hold on me. Her hands go to my cheeks as she carefully looks me over.

“You’re too thin, girl. We need to fatten you up a bit,” she states, patting my ass. I swat her hand away, chuckling. “I stocked the fridge and pantry for you yesterday.” Kas grabs my hand and pulls me toward the house. “Come on. I’ll make us some coffee and we can catch up.”

“You act like we don’t talk almost every day,” I laugh, shaking my head.

Kassidy unlocks the back door and steps aside, allowing me to enter first. As I walk into the large kitchen, I breathe in deep, and smile small when the smell of my mom’s banana bread tickles my nose. She made that bread so often, the smell has seeped into the walls. I glance around before taking a seat at the table while Kassidy starts a pot of coffee. Nothing has changed. Still the same house, the same décor, the same everything we had before mom got sick.

“How was your drive from the airport? See anything interesting when you got into town?” Kassidy asks.

“Anything, or anyone?” I ask, quirking a brow. Kas looks up and to the side before spinning back to the coffee. Sneaky little wench. “Don’t even think about it, woman. He is the last person I want to see, so don’t pull any matchmaker crap.” She turns back for a second, throwing her hands up in surrender. “Hey, I didn’t say anything.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to. I know what you’re trying to do. And it’s not going to work. I’ll stay right here in this house the entire time I’m here if I have to.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I raise a brow, challenging her to try me.

“You’re so dramatic,” she snorts, waving me off. “But just in case you were wondering, he is single,” Kassidy says as she places a mug of coffee in front of me and takes a seat at the table. If I didn’t love her so damn much, I’d smack her. Ignoring her, I blow on my coffee and take a sip.

“Would it really be that bad to run into him? It’s not like you’re still in love with the guy. Aren’t you even a little curious?” Kas says with a huff, glaring at me. Obviously, she didn’t get the hint.

“Ughhh,” I whine, sounding like a child. “Enough. You remember how bad he broke me. Why would I want anything to do with him?” My shoulders slump in defeat. I don’t want to keep rehashing this, and I certainly don’t want to see him. In my mind, he’s gotten fat and bald. If I see him and he’s still as hot as he was back then, it will just piss me off. Imagining him as lonely and balding with a Homer Simpson gut gives me a little satisfaction. And even though it’s petty, I don’t care. I was willing to do anything for that man and chose him over my dreams without a second thought when he told me he didn’t want to leave Seymour. And that was okay for me, because I loved him. Not being with him would have hurt more than compromising.

“Hello. Earth to Tinsley!” Kassidy waves her hand in front of my face. My lips turned down in a frown, I glance up at her, my heart squeezing at the thought of him. After all these years, I thought I was just as over him as Kas did, but apparently, that’s not the case. I square my shoulders. This town is just a heap of nostalgia I’m not certain I was ready for. Because that’s the problem. Totally. It couldn’t be that I’m still pining after something that never was. It’s this place.

Kassidy laughs at me, a knowing look in her eyes. “Where’d ya go just now, babe?”

“Just thinking,” I say, glancing around the room again. I missed this house. These memories. This house brings out so many emotions I’m thankful for—and some I’m not, but surely this is just the nostalgia speaking. And that thought cements my notions further. This town is full of so much, I’m having a hard time taking it in all at once.

“Tonight, we’re going out to the bar,” Kas states, drawing my attention toward her as I snap out of my daze. My heart lurches into my throat as her words play back in my head.

“I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry. He’s on duty tonight and won’t be anywhere near the bar.” She flashes her big puppy dog eyes at me and pokes her bottom lip out, pouting. I purse my lips, but my determination to remain stubborn wanes.

“Fine,” I say, breathing out through my nose, letting her know how not impressed I am that I’m giving in. Kassidy smiles wide, flashing her pearly whites, but before she can celebrate, I add, “But if he shows up, we’re gone. And I’m serious.”

Kassidy forces me to change my clothes, saying I need to look more presentable, though I don’t see anything wrong with the t-shirt and yoga pants I’m wearing. It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone. Pushing me aside, she rifles through my suitcase until she finds something to her liking and throws the clothing at me.

“Go put this on, and do something with that mop on your head. I’ll find you some shoes,” she commands, turning back to my luggage. Geez. She can be a bossy bitch when she wants to be, but I slip on the purple V-neck tee and black skinny jeans like she tells me. After pulling the clip from my hair, I run a brush through it and leave it down. Knowing she’ll yell at me for not having on any makeup, I decide to beat her to the punch, applying some eyeliner, mascara, and a little blush before coating my lips with a pink gloss. Smacking my lips together, I call it as good as it’s going to get and step out from the bathroom. Kassidy looks me over from head to toe.

“Take it or leave it.” I stretch out my arms and do a little spin so she can get a good view. She groans and rolls her eyes, then hands me a pair of black pumps. Now, it’s my turn to groan. She is bound and determined to put me out there in an attempt to snatch up a man, but the last thing I need right now is another dud like my ex. Putting on the shoes, I slide some cash and my ID in my back pocket. “You ready or what?” I call out over my shoulder as I move toward the door, Kassidy muttering behind me about being a spoil sport.

Kassidy parks the car in front of the small bar. Glancing out the window, I read the neon sign and laugh. “The Bar. What the hell kind of name is that?”

“Devan Michaels owns this place.” I turn to face Kas and smirk. That explains the name. Devan had a crush on me all throughout high school. He was a nice guy and very good looking, but he was the type who did as little as possible. So, the fact that he didn’t come up with something a little more creative than “The Bar” doesn’t surprise me. We get out of the car and I immediately wish I would have brought a sweater or light jacket. I forgot how cool it is at night. Music booms through the door as we approach, and I sigh to myself. I just wanted a nice, quiet evening at home—not to sit in a crowded, noisy bar.

I follow Kas into the bar and almost expect it to be a dive, but it has an upscale look with the marble tabletops and black leather stools. My heart speeds up as I look around, taking in all the faces. I’m terrified I’m going to run into him, and though I’m sure it will happen eventually, I’m not even a little prepared yet. When I don’t spot anyone who looks familiar, I breathe a sigh of relief.

Kassidy sits on one of the black leather stools at the bar and I snag the one to her right. There are three bartenders behind the bar, two helping other customers and one facing away from us. When he turns and spots Kassidy, he smiles. She looks over to me, and his eyes follow her gaze. The small smile on his face widens and his brown eyes register shock. Devan. He’s even more handsome than he used to be. His light brown hair is cut shorter, and he is way more muscular. Sprinting out from behind the bar, he pulls me off the stool into his arms before I can prepare myself and squeezes for a few seconds before pulling back and looking me over from head to toe.

“Tinsley. I can’t believe it’s you. You look amazing. How’ve ya been?”

“Thank you. I’m good. Nice place you have here.” I can’t help the smile that crosses my face. He waves his hand in the air and a slight blush crosses his cheeks.

“Ahhh, it’s not too bad. For this town, anyway,” he says with a laugh. “How long are you in town for?”

“I’m not really sure yet, but it will be a while,” I tell him, and he smiles again, clapping his hands together.

“This calls for a celebration. Let me whip you up one of my special cocktails.” Devan grins again and winks before circling back behind the bar. He pulls out two glasses that look like a cross between a wine glass and a fish bowl, and pours several different liquors into a shaker. My head already spinning, I glance over at Kas, who’s practically drooling. I’m in for a long night. I forgot what a booze hound she can be. A dark blue drink garnished with a cherry and an orange slice slides my way and my eyes lift to Devan and I take a sip. It looks delicious, and if I hadn’t seen him make it, I wouldn’t even realize there was alcohol in it.

“This is amazing, Devan. What do you call it?” I take another long sip.

“The Kraken,” he states with a wink, and my brows knit. “Because it will fuck you up,” he laughs, and I just stare blankly at him. Shaking his head, he sighs. “Ya know, the Kraken from Pirates of the Caribbean.”

“Oh,” I say, nodding, though I don’t really care. This is like heaven in my mouth.

Finishing my second Kraken, and Kassidy on her third, the heavy weight that’s sat on my shoulders for months has finally lifted. I feel tingly and numb, and…happy. Talking and laughing with Kas reminds me of when we were younger. We’ve always had so much fun together. But things changed when I married Logan—I changed. I spent too much time worried about being the perfect wife and acting like an adult, I forgot what fun was.

“Let’s go play some pool. It’s been a while since I’ve kicked your ass,” Kassidy says, her words slurring just a bit. Picking up my drink, I follow her to the back room. A smile tugs at my lips as the pool tables come into view. Kassidy and I spent most of our weekends shooting pool. Another wave of nostalgia rushes over me, and I’m not sure whether I’m sad about all the time I’ve missed with her, or happy to have this time with her now—maybe both.