Chapter Five
Chad
Sawyer is kind of adorable as he stumbles through the home inspection, trying not to get caught studying the photos on the mantle or blushing when he enters my bedroom. My instinct is to reach out and rub the back of his neck to get him to relax, but I hold back. He’s one of the major barriers between me and keeping these kids.
Even though I’ve only had them in my life for a few hours, I already feel bonded to both of them. Harper has always liked me, often reaching her little arms up for me to carry her when I visited Britney. And now that her mother isn’t around, she’s even more attached to me, not letting me out of her sight for a second. I’ve been having to wait for her to fall asleep or get fully engrossed in a cartoon just to use the bathroom.
“Um.” Sawyer coughs then drops his file in front of his crotch. “This looks great. I mean, it’s fine. Can we, uh, see the backyard now?”
“Sure.” I step out into the hallway, lifting Harper into my arms as Sawyer follows a few steps behind me. “I haven’t fully baby-proofed the yard yet since I’ve only had a few hours of daylight so far, but I’ll work on that this weekend. A few friends are coming over to help me out.”
“That’s fine.” Sawyer takes a tentative step outside when I open the back door to him. “Do you have any dogs?”
“No, just me, myself, and I.” Harper rubs her tiny hand against the stubble on my cheek as if reminding me she’s here now too. “Well, until last night.”
Sawyer’s phone rings before he can respond. He pulls it from his pocket and scrutinizes the screen for a moment before recognition dawns. “Oh, I need to take this.”
“Of course.” Leaving the back door open so we can hear Austin if he wakes up, I set Harper down on the lawn and point out a dandelion. I guess it’s time for some weeding.
From the corner of my eye, I watch Sawyer talking into his phone on the other side of the yard. I don’t like being nosy, but he keeps looking at me with concern etched into his face, so I know he’s talking about me.
And I don’t like it.
When he finally returns, he looks nervous as hell. Which makes me nervous as hell. “Everything okay?”
Taking a deep breath, he nods toward his phone. “That was Britney’s brother, Austin…uh, AJ Collins.”
“Her brother?” My words are barely audible as the pieces begin to fall into place. “What did he say?”
Sawyer presses his lips together in a thin line before blurting out the words I knew were coming. “He wants to petition for guardianship. He’s driving in from Salt Lake City tomorrow.”
~**~
For the rest of the day, I pretend that everything is going to be fine. Despite Sawyer’s reassurance that I still have a chance of winning the judge over, I know the odds are practically nil. As long as Britney’s brother isn’t a total loser, he’ll be granted custody. That’s just how these things work. But until I’m forced to hand them over, I’m going to treat them like my own kids.
I’ve taken a few weeks off from the station to get things settled at home, so I have all day to learn to be a dad. It’s mostly fun until Harper crawls into my lap after the cartoon about a pig in a tutu ends and stares me right in the eyes. “Where’s Mommy?”
Damn. How do you respond to something like that? If you’re me, you stutter a lot and go for distraction. “Oh, um… Are you hungry? We can make dinner. What’s your favorite food?”
“French fries. Mommy gets French fries.”
I take a slow breath and count to ten, hoping I can do this without scarring the kid even more than she’s already going to be. “Harper, honey, have you heard of heaven?”
She tilts her head in concentration before nodding vigorously. “Grandma and Grandpa in heaven and Uncle AJ.”
Well, shit. Britney told her they were all dead. That’s not going to make this easier when Uncle AJ comes back from the grave tomorrow.
“Yes, that’s the place. It’s where people go when they can’t live with us anymore.” I duck down to look into her shining blue eyes. “Do you understand?”
“Like my daddy?”
I hold back a small smirk. As far as I know, her daddy isn’t dead. But he probably wished he was after my fists had a little discussion with him about the damage he was doing to Britney and their daughter. Apparently, Britney used death as her go-to answer for anyone that wasn’t around anymore. “Yeah, maybe like your daddy. But your mommy had to go there too. She isn’t going to come back to us. She can’t live with you anymore.”
It takes a few seconds for the little girl to comprehend my words, and when she does, tears immediately flow down her pink cheeks. “No! Mommy! I want Mommy. I want Mommy.”
Damn, where’s Marge when I need her? She would be doing a much better job at this. I wrap Harper in my arms, holding her tightly against my chest as she screams for her mother. I don’t bother wiping away the tears that streak down my cheeks as I hold the hurting child. She shouldn’t have to feel this kind of loss at her age. No one should…at any age. But sometimes, reality is cruel, and we don’t always get what we want.
Austin is screaming from the portable crib Jamie brought over from Reed’s day care, but I can’t go to him just yet. Harper needs me for a few minutes, and I know he’s safe. He’s probably wet or hungry or both. And I’ll get to him as soon as Harper settles down.
It takes a good five minutes of her wailing before her exhaustion wins out and she falls asleep on my shoulder, releasing shuddering breaths against my neck every time I move her.
Hoping she’ll get in a good nap, I lay her in the center of my bed and tuck pillows under both sides of her torso so she doesn’t roll off. Then, I get Austin from the crib and start the routine I’ve quickly established with him. Diaper change, dry clothes, warm bottle, and burp. At least when he cries, I know one or all of those four steps will calm him. But with Harper, it’s going to be a much harder learning curve.
~**~
Twenty-four hours pass before I hear anything from Sawyer. His soft-spoken demeanor is obvious even over the phone, as is his discomfort with the conversion we’re about to have. “Mr. Ludwig, I’m sorry to bother you.”
“Call me Chad.”
“Okay, Chad.” He clears his throat, and his voice cracks slightly. “Mr. Collins is here and would like to see the children.”
“When?” I don’t want to get pissy with Sawyer, he’s only doing his job, but I can’t pretend to be okay with what’s happening.
“Can we come over now?”
Now? Fuck. This is all happening so fast. Too fast. “Sure. But, um, should I call my attorney?”
“You have an attorney?” Sawyer sounds surprised. He should since I don’t actually have an attorney, but Jonathan was fair and honest when he represented Cooper after our accident. I can give him a call and see if he’ll at least pretend to represent me for an hour or two. “Yeah, sure. You can have an attorney present, but I don’t think that’s necessary. Mr. Collins has been very reasonable so far.”
Reasonable? “So he isn’t going to try to take them?”
“Well…” Sawyer hedges, obviously unable to give me the answer I want. I know as well as he does that’s not a promise he can make.
“Give me an hour.” I hang up the phone, frustrated. But more than that, I’m scared. I can’t let some stranger come and take them. Of course, he’s actual family and I’m more of the stranger here, but Britney wanted me to keep them. And I’m damn sure gonna fight to do just that.
After a quick call to Jonathan, a close friend of Jet and Cooper, he agrees to come over and observe the meeting. Custody battles aren’t his specialty, but he’s been called in on a few over the years.