3
On Tuesday morning, Alex wakes early and goes for a run with Bart while Ben cooks scrambled eggs and toast, trying to not worry but unable to hide his relief when the door opens. Half way through his breakfast, Alex makes a dash for the bathroom and throws up. As Ben holds his hair out of his face, he wonders if maybe they shouldn’t wait. But Alex shakes his head, insisting they talk it through, then throws up again. As Alex slumps back against the wall, Ben asks why there isn’t something he can take for the nausea. He flushes the toilet and is washing his hands when he realizes Alex is still sitting on the floor, eyes wide.
“What?” he asks.
“I, uh,” Alex stammers, “never thought of that.”
◆◆◆
On Thursday, Ben drives them to the restaurant to have dinner with Matt and Claire. It’s the first time Alex has agreed to let him drive since the shooting and it feels good. As he locks the car, he frowns at how pale Alex is and the circles under his eyes from three nights of restless sleep but the smile he offers is open and genuine and he accepts Ben’s hand when it’s held out. To Ben’s delight, when a passer-by comments, he doesn’t let go, simply fixes his eyes on the pavement and ignores them.
“How’s your stomach?” Ben asks now. “You got your stuff?”
Alex nods but says nothing and Ben resists the urge to tease him. For now.
◆◆◆
Claire waves them over to a table in the corner. Ben kisses her cheek and rests his cane against the wall before sitting and Alex hugs her before sitting next to him. He entwines their fingers under the table.
“Matt’s just sorting something out in the kitchen. One of the sous-chefs is having a tantrum over something,” Claire says. “You okay, brat?”
Ben smiles at the nickname. For a man who grew up with no affection and only hearing his formal name used, Alex seems to collect terms of endearment.
“Yeah, I’m good,” Alex says. “Might just take it easy tonight though.”
“Speak for yourself,” Ben says with a grin as Matt joins them. He’s already ordered for them – chicken and salad for Alex he says, smiling at the visible relief on his brother’s face.
“I love how he thinks I don’t know he’s spent the past two days hurling every ten minutes,” Matt says to Ben. Ben tells him with great satisfaction and more than a little smugness that he, the lowly lawyer, has found the solution for the vomiting.
“Oh shut up.” Alex fights a smile and loses.
When everyone has their food and a glass of wine, except Alex who opts for water, Ben decides it’s time to stop dodging the subject.
“So, we’ve been talking about your proposition,” he says, cutting his steak and watching Alex push his salad around his plate without eating any, “and we have some questions, if that’s okay.”
“Knock yourself out,” Matt says, eyes darting from one to the other.
“Claire, you’ve made a really generous offer but you understand that we’d have to have tests done to make sure we can go ahead, right? To make sure we’re all healthy and compatible and all that.”
“Yes, I gathered that,” she tucks her hair behind one ear, “Google is my friend.”
Ben chuckles and nods.
“And obviously, we’re talking about IVF, which would mean taking off eggs and my understanding is that it can be a little complicated and quite painful,” he continues.
“Yes I gathered that too, but I’m a tough cookie, I think I can cope.”
“What about your family?” Alex ask, putting his fork down. “What will your parents and sisters think?”
“We’ve already discussed it with them and they think it’s a great idea,” Claire leans forward. “Alex, I’ve never wanted to have children, okay? Never. It’s one of the things Matt and I agreed on from the outset and my family have always known that. My family also think you’re the cutest thing on two legs and that it’s a wonderful idea. They asked if they could from time to time see the child and we figured that probably wouldn’t be an issue, but we didn’t agree to anything at this stage.”
“It wouldn’t be an issue,” Ben hastens to assure her, then swaps his fork so he can take Alex’s hand. “And you guys can be as involved or not as you like.”
He and Alex have spent most of their waking time over the past two days talking about this. Alex unsurprisingly has argued against and Ben has enjoyed being able to knock down each argument. This is really the final test, how Claire and Matt handle what he and Alex have in mind.
“Okay so this is how we see it,” Claire says, “I just want to be Aunt Claire who helped – whatever you end up calling yourselves – have a baby. No mommy, no baby mama crap, okay? Just Aunt Claire. Your kids will be your kids and we’ll be Aunt Claire and Uncle Matt.”
Alex, Ben sees from the corner of his eye, is tearing at his chicken with his fork and putting small pieces in his mouth.
“We would want, under the circumstances, you to be named as legal guardians if anything happened to the two of us,” Ben says. “Would that be a problem?”
“Of course not,” Matt says. “We don’t want to have a family of our own but if anything happened to you, we’d be honored to take care of yours.”
“Obviously, we’ll take care of all the costs,” Ben says, “and Claire anything you need, like maternity clothes or if you have to take time off work or anything like that, we’ll cover it.”
“That’s generous and we can sort those details out when we get to them, although I do have one request,” Claire says. Alex looks up. “I would like to have a C-section. I don’t have any desire to experience labor on your behalves.”
To everyone’s surprise, Alex sits back and laughs out loud. Bens smiles, enjoying the sound; he hasn’t heard it for a few days.
“I think we can assume we’re good with that,” Ben says.
Alex gets his laughter under control and picks up his glass. Looks at Matt.
“What about mom and dad?”
“What about them?” Matt asks.
“Matt, come on, you know what I mean.”
“What do you want me to say? I don’t know what they’ll do or say. I don’t care either. Alex, she essentially tried to kill you, so I don’t give a fuck what she says. I don’tgfive a fuck if she disappears from the planet. If you want to do this, we’re doing it. That’s all there is to it.”
“Baby,” Ben says, turning in his chair to face him, “I keep telling you, stop creating problems that don’t exist. I told you, I’ll take care of it, if we have to.”
In response to Matt and Claire’s puzzled looks, Ben tells them about the restraining order, pleased when they both agree with him. He’s had it updated and it’s waiting in the system to be triggered. Ben has no doubt he’s going to have to trigger it and he plans to be ready.
“Now, there is one other thing we need to be sure we’re all good with,” Ben says, keeping his eyes on Alex. His lips twitch up in a smile when Alex blushes. “So, we know you are doing this because you love Alex but if we do go ahead, Alex and I have agreed we’ll use my sperm.”
Alex ducks his head and Ben rolls his eyes.
“Aww he’s shy,” he says. “Anyway, we wanted to be sure you’re okay with that.”
“Of course we’re okay with that,” Matt says, “but I’d like to know the reasoning behind it.”
Under the circumstances, Ben thinks he understands the question but Alex looks up and Ben sees the defiance in his eyes, hears it in his voice.
“I want to have a family and I want to have it with Ben,” he says. “Maybe if we have another child, I’ll be the father but this time around it’s Ben. It isn’t about her, it’s about me. I would like this baby to be Ben’s.”
Matt narrows his eyes, looks at Claire, then back at Alex, but says nothing.
“Okay, brat, I think I understand.” Claire nods. “That’s fine with us. So, does that mean, we’re going ahead with this?”
Ben looks at Alex.
“It’s your call, baby,” he says, reaching for his wine.
Alex looks around the table and after a moment gives a shy nod. Claire squeals, pushes back her seat and throws her arms around both men, ignoring the amused looks of diners.
“I think this calls for champagne,” Matt says, “and cheesecake.”
Ben looks at Alex, feels as though his grin reaches across his entire face. Alex bites his lip.
“We’re having a baby,” he whispers.
“We’re having a baby,” Ben whispers back and kisses him as Claire cheers.
◆◆◆
On Friday afternoon Alex and Ben drive down to the beach after work. They stop for fried chicken and to let Bart stretch his legs and pee. When they arrive, just after eight, dinner is waiting in the courtyard and over egg salad sandwiches and beer, they tell Allie and Polly they’ve found a surrogate.
Allie cries while Polly pours port.