4
Alex circles the waiting room one more time, dragging his fingers through his hair. Why is this taking so long? Looks at his cell phone again. He's tempted to text or call Ben, but knows he’s in court and he’ll just get voice-mail.
After five months of preparation, tests, and one false start, disappointing but not uncommon the specialist assured them, it looks like this time they might be lucky. Everything seems to be going according to plan. They’d agreed that Alex would come with Claire for these tests, then go back to the unit, and work until Ben picks him up after court. He has anti-nausea tablets in his pocket, he knows everything is fine, he just wishes they’d hurry up. What the hell are they doing in there? Claire’s had no spotting, no period, no pain. What is taking so long?
He’d sat down next to Claire when they first arrived but when Doctor Harmon mentioned a pelvic exam, he and Claire looked at one another and said “waiting room” in unison. That was hours ago, he thinks, and looks at his watch. Okay, it was ten minutes ago, but it feels like hours.
As if on cue, the second he sits back down the door opens and the nurse calls him in. Doctor Harmon is smiling and from her spot on the examination table, under a sheet, Claire is bubbling with excitement.
“Brat, looks like we’re good to go this time,” she says, holding her arms out to him for a hug. “You’re going to be a daddy.”
Alex pulls back and looks from her to the Doctor.
“Really?” He feels dizzy and it must show because the nurse guides him to a chair and he sits down. “Really?”
“Ten weeks, and everything doing what it should be doing,” Doctor Harmon says. “Everything seems to be attached and secure.”
As he speaks, he folds down the sheet and squirts some gel on Claire’s still flat stomach. The nurse hands him what Alex recognizes to be an ultrasound wand.
“Let’s see if we can make a pretty DVD for you to take home to Ben, shall we?”
Within seconds the room is filled with the steady whoop-whoosh of a small heart beat and Alex’s face lights up. He doesn’t care that he’s supposed to wait, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and taps Ben’s number. He’s unsurprised when it goes to voice-mail and leaves a breathless instruction to Ben to “guess what this is”, then holds the phone next to the speaker of the ultrasound unit. Claire giggles and he taps the phone off and turns back to her, grinning.
“Thank you, thank you so much,” he says.
“Oh you are so welcome, brat, so welcome.”
◆◆◆
He’s almost back at the unit when Ben calls.
“Is that what I think it is?”
“Heart beat,” Alex says. “I have a disc with everything on it. I thought we could make a copy for your mom for the weekend.”
◆◆◆
Alex pushes Bart out of the way as he tries to unpack the car and follow Ben up the steps.
“Ben, a little help?” he calls from behind a bag of groceries. It’s Allie’s birthday on Monday so they’ve come for the weekend with every intention of spoiling her, starting with cooking as many of her favorites as he can manage over the weekend. Ben wrestles Bart away from the car and disappears around the back of the house with him, while Alex carries bags indoors. Polly is rinsing wine glasses and he plants a kiss on her cheek dropping the bags on the bench
“How’s my favorite writer?” he asks.
“All things considered, pretty good,” Polly says, reaching for another glass. Her bobbed hair is shorter and finer and a pale blue. “Trying to figure out if it’s possible for two circus workers to use a trapeze like one of those sex chairs.”
“Um okay, don’t think I need any more details thanks,” he tries to blink away the mental image she’s conjured up, “I like the blue by the way.”
“So cute,” Polly says as she arranges the glasses on a tray, then pecks his cheek, “and such exquisite taste.”
Ben comes in, his arm around Allie. She seems smaller than ever, next to him, in what looks like one of Ben’s old high school hoodies, and jeans. A striped blue and orange beanie is pulled down low over her ears and her glasses look huge perched on the end of her nose. When they’d hugged on the doorstep, he’d felt the chemo port placed under the skin above her right breast and beneath his hands every bone stood out. He plans on cooking as much as possible while they are here and freezing it in two meal portions, so she and Polly don’t have to worry.
“Hey, old lady,” Ben says, “that ass is mine.”
“Did he like sharing his toys as a child?” Alex asks unpacking the meat into the fridge.
“Never, he was a shocker” Polly says, “Amazed he turns out as good as he has really.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Ben says, “I’ll remind you who owns your ass later.”
“Not in your mother’s house, you won’t,” Alex replies and stoops to get dishes from the cupboard pleased to hear Allie laughing. “Allie, would you mind if we eat inside tonight? I’m cold.”
Allie smiles and assures him it’s no problem but he can see the relief in her eyes. When she takes off the beanie, Ben catches his breath. What hair is left is little more than silvery wisps through which her scalp is visible. She turns to Ben and smiles.
“I do hope you’re less easily shocked in court, kid or that you don’t play poker.”
“I’m sorry,” Ben says but can’t take his eyes off her hair. Alex goes to him and squeezes his shoulder. Lets him lean back against him.
“Don’t be sorry,” Allie says, “it is what it is. I bought a wig, I’ll show you later if you like. It’s hideous and I hate it but sometimes when we go out it’s nice to not have people stare.”
She pats Ben’s hand and tells him to sit down, she didn’t cook pot roast for him to ruin it staring at her hair. Alex watches her throughout the meal, gauging what she’s eating and drinking; reads the names of the pills while she tells them about crushing aspirin in blueberry jelly to get Ben take it as a child.
“Maybe I should try that next time he has a hangover,” Alex says with a smile.
“No, I like your current remedy.” Ben refills his wine glass.
“Which is?” Polly asks, glint in her eye.
“Not important.” Alex shakes his head at Ben, stands and scrapes left over beef into Bart’s bowl, keeping the Labrador at bay with one foot while he does so. “Look, why don’t we leave the dishes for now and go in the other room. Ben and I have a present for you Allie, that needs to be opened now.”
◆◆◆
Ben settles Allie and Polly in front of the television screen while Alex finishes feeding Bart. He joins them in the living room and perches on the arm of the couch, watching Ben set everything up. When Ben’s finally ready, he hands Alex the remote and goes to sit by his mother.
The screen goes dark, then the now familiar whoop-whoosh sound fills the room as the words “BABY DAVIS-LARSEN, FEB 2015, EST.DUE DATE SEPTEMBER 15” fill the screen. Allie gasps and covers her mouth with her hand. The words fade and the images of the ten-week-old fetus fill the screen. Alex looks over at Polly, sees she is crying, and goes to her. Watches Ben turn on his knees, to put his arms around his mother.
“Happy birthday mom, you’re going to be a grandma.”
Polly still hasn’t spoken and Alex watches her face until he is reassured she’s simply overcome with emotion and hugs her tight.
“So how does it feel knowing you’re going to be a great-grandmother, Polly?” he asks, hoping to draw her out a bit from the emotional overload she seems to be struggling with.
“Young man,” her voice falters only the slightest, “it feels wonderful. Just wonderful. Thank you.”
Allie and Ben are still clinging to one another and now that he’s sure Polly is fine, Alex goes to them.
“Allie,” he waits for her to lift her tear streaked face up, “I know we all agreed this isn’t really important, that any baby we have, however we have it, is our child but I want you to know this baby really is your grandchild.”
Allie looks confused for a moment, and he continues.
“We used Ben’s uh …” he falters, overcome with shyness. Why is this so embarrassing? He’s a nurse for God’s sake. He swallows and tries again. “This is our baby but well, Ben’s genes.”
“Oh Alex,” Allie says, cupping his face and kissing his cheek as understanding dawns. “Ben is right, you’re very cute when you blush.”
Ben is looking at him over Allies head, eyes filled with questions and Alex shakes his head. The answers can wait until later, Allie wants to run the disc again.
◆◆◆
Alex has new pajamas. Bart tore a hole in the last pair during their previous visit three weeks ago and Ben had been delighted. These ones are the same dark blue but Ben hasn’t seen them yet. Alex brushes his teeth, tucks his tee-shirt into the pajama pants, switches the bathroom light off. Ben looks up from the bed and groans.
“You bought new ones,” he says. “Why am I not surprised?”
Alex grins and sit down next to him on the bed. Stretches his legs out and bumps Ben’s shoulder with his own.
“Oh, come on, you love my pajamas.”
“That’s what you think.” Ben eyes the garment with distaste and pouts.
“You know you love taking them off.” Alex presses in against Ben’s side. Slips his hand under the sheets and runs his finger tip over the smooth skin of the scar on Ben’s thigh.
“I’d like it better if you didn’t wear any to take off in the first place,” Ben retorts and wraps his arm around him. “I want to know something.”
Alex ducks his head against Ben’s chest. He’s fairly sure he knows what he is going to ask.
“Is that why you insisted we use my sperm? So you could tell my mother this baby has my genes?”
“Depends.” Alex peers up under his bangs and smiles. Ben narrows his eyes.
“On?”
“Whether that would be a problem or not.”
Ben growls and tips Alex’s face up with his fingers so he can kiss him. Alex breaks the kiss and continues.
“Look I just think if anyone deserves to know they have a descendent it’s your mom. Polly too, but especially your mom,” he says. Ben’s face clouds over and he bites his lip.
“This is her last birthday, isn’t it?” he asks.
“Ben, she’s a fighter, anything could happen. She could still have another couple left especially with a baby coming.”
“But you don’t think so, do you?” Ben withdraws his arm and sits up straight against the head board. Alex takes his hand in his own. Rubs Ben’s wedding band with his thumb.
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Will she see the baby do you think?”
“I hope so,” Alex says, unwilling to commit to more. Ben nods.
“I love you, Alex, very much.”
Alex smiles.
“I love you back, very much.”
◆◆◆