Chapter Twelve
Osi
I woke up before the alarm, maybe it was because Ramsay was plastered with her front against my back and her arm was holding my ribs tightly. Again last night I slept in a pair of boxer briefs and we didn’t make love. I wanted to, God I wanted her but I needed her to see me as more than the guy who got her off.
The woman was great at lying to herself and I was tired of being one of her lies. This was it. I was going to show her everything and if it wasn’t enough for her to love me then, we were done. I wasn’t one of those romantics who believed that love conquered all. Love was hard, it was painful and it was rewarding. She gave me all of those things and so much more.
Listening to her talk about how Billie’s gratitude had made her so uncomfortable that she’d decamped was so revealing about the woman that she’d become. She didn’t think that she was deserving. If she could then she did. That should be her mantra. All of the wedding and party planning, she could so she did it and worked herself half to death in the process but her productions were amazing and she did it because she cared.
I wasn’t sure what to do with this insight. I closed my eyes and listened to her even breathing. During dinner last night, she’d asked me questions about growing up and about my brother and my mom. You can watch Boyz n the Hood a dozen times but you still aren’t going to get it, the hopelessness and the hate of anybody getting out and moving on. I’m not sure what my life would have been like if Isaiah had lived. Daja would never have left so I’d still be tied to the neighborhood. The reality was ugly and I hated to admit it but their deaths freed me to pursue the life I have. I didn’t like it but it was the truth.
Ramsay’s leg moved slightly, then her hips shifted. She was waking up.
I rolled onto my back but she didn’t move her arm. I shifted mine under her shoulders and she rested her head on my shoulder. “Hey babe.”
She used her other hand to smooth her hair from her face. “What time is it?”
“Six something.”
“Couldn’t you sleep?” Her voice was a little rough and sleepy.
“I’m fine.”
“Are you nervous or…excited about today?”
“I like doing this.” I propped my other arm under my head. “Not the assembly thing but helping out.”
“It’s a good thing, leaving a legacy.”
“If the kid can get out, see a different part of the world, meet new people, then they can have a chance.” I fund five scholarships for seniors so that they can go to college, away from Chicago. This year there were eight kids that met the criteria so I upped it so that they all could get their chance. I’d been doing this for ten years and so far twenty three had graduated. I didn’t care if it was only one, I wanted the kids to get a shot.
“So what’s the plan for the day?” She started to drum lightly on my side with her index finger. It was her tell, she was thinking, planning, organizing.
“We’ll leave here around ten. I’ll give you a quick tour of the neighborhood if things seem quiet. Then we go to my old school and they hold an assembly thing where the kids get a certificate.”
“Do you speak?” She sounded intrigued.
“Yeah.” It wasn’t my favorite part but the principal seemed to think it was important.
“Will your speech have more than one word sentences?”
“Maybe,” I smiled because I knew she was teasing me.
She dug her fingernails into my side. “Promise that it doesn’t start with ‘Yo bitches.’”
“Nope.”
She sighed and started to run her finger along my ribs lightly. “Then we stay for lunch?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll feed you after we get out of there.”
“I wasn’t worried about the food. I just wondered, uhm…will I be sitting with you?”
“Yes. The school isn’t someplace that I want you wandering off on your own.” She’d get jumped in about ten seconds. “In fact, I need to go over some rules with you about today.”
“Rules?”
“Don’t get pissy,” I cautioned her. “If I tell you to get down, you do it. In fact, if I tell you to do anything, just do it. Don’t argue with me.”
She lifted her head and looked me in the eyes. “I wasn’t getting pissy.”
“I apologize for the poor choice of word.” I waited for her to settle back against my shoulder. “The school is…well I’m sure that you’ve never been in one like it.”
“I’ll be fine.”
I made a noise deep in my chest of disbelief. My princess wouldn’t survive a day in my old neighborhood.
“I’ll be fine because I’m with you, is what I mean. You won’t let anything happen to me and if you were really concerned, I wouldn’t be going with you.”
“But you look hot in that dress.” I told her with a smile.
“I’d put on the dress and be waiting here for you to get back.”
I wanted to kiss her. She was trying.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.”
She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. “Why won’t you make love to me?”
I rolled onto my side and watched her for a few beats.
“I mean, if you are done with me, then why did you bring me here, to your place? I could have gone to Indy. I mean if Forde can’t keep me safe in his own building then there’s a huge problem.” She lifted and then dropped her shoulders with a deep sigh. “You told me that you love me but you don’t want me…I don’t understand.”
Her green eyes were troubled and her forehead creased. “I brought you here because I wanted to be the one to protect you.” The one you turn to. “I told you that I loved you because I do. I thought you knew that long before this but if you didn’t, then now you do.” I sat up and slid back until my back touched the headboard. “I want you, Ramsay. Don’t for a second think that I don’t, but we...” I didn’t know how much to say or even how to say it. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, running different phrases through my mind. “I feel like we are standing on the edge and either we continue on together, or we go our separate ways.”
“It has to be that way?” Her eyes searched mine.
I didn’t have to answer, she must have read it in mine because she closed her eyes tightly and bit down on her bottom lip.
“Babe,” I waited until her now shiny eyes met mine. “I’m trying to show you who I am, so that you know me. That’s what this week is all about.”
She shook her head back and forth slowly. “Osi,” she said my name in a whisper. “I’m not…you won’t.”
I cut off her words. “Ramses, let me in. Let me be the one to decide if you are worth it. Because baby, I don’t think you are the best to judge yourself.”
I saw the spark of irritation in her expressive eyes.
“Talk to me,” I implored, “tell me why you think that.”
She broke off eye contact and looked away. “I don’t think I can.”
“Won’t.”
She seemed to be thinking that over. It was killing me because her expressions were unguarded and I saw such pain on her face and frustration. “I can’t.” She then cleared her throat, “Not today.”
I leaned closer to her and ran my hand over her thigh. “I can wait but the clock is ticking.”
“I don’t talk about it.”
I pulled her with me as I leaned back against the headboard. She didn’t fight me, instead she molded her body so tha she was as close as possible to me. “So this big bad, just stays in your head. It probably talks to you, tells you that you are shit.”
She went stiff so I knew that I was right.
I continued, “So you start to believe it, then those descriptions become your truth.”
She wrapped her hand around my wrist and squeezed as if she was holding on for dear life.
“Here’s my truth Ramsay, I’ve spent time with you, watched you work, and take care of your friends. I listened to the tale about how you searched Europe by yourself to make sure that your sister was okay. So whatever it is that has made you feel this way, I know that it can’t be that bad.”
“It is,” her voice was choked.
“Then it was a mistake. You made a mistake. We all do and sometimes things go bad but I know you and I can’t believe that you are capable of doing something so horrible that I wouldn’t be able to love you.”
“Osi,” she cried and then climbed on top of me and held on tightly, so tightly that it felt like she wanted to climb inside of my body.
I held her as she cried.
“Billie doesn’t know. Only Ollie and Bean.” She said between deep, choking sobs.
I ran my hands up and down her back. “I promise you that Billie would stand by you no matter what.” She was a ride or die type, she didn’t push but instead she accepted and it was why I liked her so much.
“I’m scared,” she admitted.
“That’s the voice talking in your head, it wants you to keep quiet. If you talk it loses it power over you.” I smoothed her hair back from her forehead. “I promise.” She was going to need to think about this but maybe, I’d made a small indentation in that wall. At least I knew that it was a secret.
“You never looked me up? Even after…after we kept getting together?” Her voice sounded hoarse.
“You asked me not to and I didn’t.” And I’d wanted to, so many damn times.
“Maybe you should have.”
“Nope.” I shifted my arms and cradled her. “It’s your job to tell me about yourself. It’s all part of the learning to trust deal.”
“I do trust you.” She raised her head so that I could see her face. “I respect you and I don’t want to see that look in your eyes.”
“Ramses, again, I think you are being too hard on yourself. Besides, I’m in no position to judge you. I mean, you know some of the shit I’ve done. Do you really want to compare marks on our souls?”
Her eyes widened. “You’d tell me everything?”
“If it was the difference between having you with me or not, yeah, every ugly thing.” My heart was beating fast. I prayed that she wouldn’t ask.
Her eyebrows drew together for an entire minute as she considered my words. “I don’t need to know. You’re a good man. I think so. If you’ve done things then it’s up to you to find a way reconcile it with your conscience.” She licked her lips. “But if you needed my help, I’d do it.”
She fuckin’ killed me. I pulled her to me and kissed her. I hoped that it communicated that I loved her. All of her.
“Make love to me Osi. Please, I need you.” She whispered against my lips.
I did slowly and thoroughly.
I parked in the space marked for visitors. Ramsay waited in the SUV until I made my way around it to her door. I was looking from side to side, searching out any movement. I left my guns and knife in the lockbox that was built into the floorboard of my ride so I felt vulnerable. I opened her door and took her hand to help her out.
Jesus, she looked amazing. Her heels weren’t skyscraper high but they made her look long and lithe. The green of her dress matched her eyes and she was wearing her hair loose today. She looked sophisticated because she was Ramsay but also softer, more approachable. She took my hand and I lifter her to my lips and kissed her palm.
“What’s that for?” She smiled warmly.
“Because you are you.” I told her with an answering smile.
“If you keep it up, you’ll lose your credibility as a bad ass.”
We started walking toward the sidewalk that led to the visitor’s entrance and the security check point. “Won’t happen,” I told her.
“I don’t know,” she turned her head to give me a teasing look, “you are getting a little soft.”
“Nothing soft about me,” I rumbled.
She somehow moved a little closer to me so that her side brushed mine. “True, you proved that earlier.”
I leaned closer to her ear and growled, “Might be more later.”
She giggled and I knew that excited her.
I watched the Security Officer go through her clutch bag and then wand her body from head to toe. He seemed to be enjoying his work so I cleared my throat pointedly. He worked a little quicker.
Ramsay gave me a small eye roll. She knew her effect on men.
She had devastating charm but when she was with me, she didn’t use it. I liked that she saved it for me only.
The officer moved on to me and after I was cleared to walk through the metal detector. Yeah, I know, overkill but weapons were a problem. We were met by Lawrence George, the man in charge of this school.
He was two inches shorter and had played forward for Northern Illinois. I’d played in a few pick-up games with him and he wasn’t afraid to through an elbow. I liked him and I think the feeling was mutual especially today. “Mr. Browne, nice to see you again.” He extended his hand.
I shook it once. “Lawrence, this is Ramsay Kent.”
She gave him a devastating smile.
Larry didn’t try to touch her. Some rules, you don’t forget and touching another man’s woman was one of them. “I’m glad that you could join us today, Ms. Kent.”
“Thank you.” She replied and then looked to me as if she wanted instruction.
I looped my arm around her waist. It felt natural and I wanted to keep her close. Lincoln High was not for the weak.
“It’s the same as last year.” Larry shared. “I’ll make an opening comment, then introduce the recipients, and then you talk, then I’ll close.”
I nodded.
“Then lunch. I’m sure that you and Ms. Kent are looking forward to our cafeteria’s food.”
I was trying to figure out if he caressed her name as he said it for the second time.
“I’m sure that it will be fine.” Ramsay told the man.
When she didn’t say anything else, Larry continued, “If you will follow me? Do either of you need to stop before we enter the gymnasium?”
I answered for us both, “No, we’re good.” No way was I letting Ramsay out of my sight.
We started down the hallway. The school smelled the same, like grease, sweat and too much perfume in places. I liked learning but I hated being locked up in this place.
“Was it like this when you were here?” She asked me quietly, her expressive eyes were wide.
“Worse.” I answered her, trying to stop the memories from surfacing.
She nodded once.
I wasn’t sure how to explain the way I was back then, angry, defiant, smart yet stupid as all teens are. I knew there was more to the world but I didn’t think that I could get out of here. Legz had done a couple of months in juvie and then in ---------------. My mom worried about us and the future but she was also resigned that we’d probably die in the streets.
Glancing at the woman beside me, I wanted to burst out in laughter. My seventeen year old self would never have pictured being with a woman like Ramsay. On the other hand, I could guarantee that Ramsay would never have given me the time of day. She’d probably cross the street so that she wouldn’t have to walk past me.
As we neared the old gym, I could hear the volume of voices. Kids talking loudly, showing off, and others probably trying to disappear. Larry motioned for us to stop so we moved to the side of the walkway.
He moved away to speak to a grouping of what I thought was teachers.
I glanced down at Ramsay, “You okay?”
She squared her shoulders and gave me a mini-glare, “Of course.”
“Thank you for coming.” I blurted. I was proud to have her with me. It wasn’t right but she was a trophy of sorts. Gorgeous in her green dress, with her golden blonde hair hanging just below her shoulders, she oozed class. I wasn’t using her for validation, I was proud that she was with me. That she wanted to be on my arm.
“Osi, this is important to you so of course I want to be here.” Her cheeks pinkened a little as she realized that what she had said.
“Like I said, thank.” I leaned down and brushed my lips over hers.
“Whatcha got here?” A scrawny kid was clowning in front of us. He was focused on Ramsay.
The look she gave him wasn’t challenging but it wasn’t welcoming either.
His body wanted to be heard, too. “He’s got himself a white woman.”
I let go of Ramsay so that both of my hands were free. I didn’t think they wanted to start something but I hadn’t lived this long by being stupid.
“Yo Bro,” a third teen joined us and this one had a mean look in his eye. I pegged him for the leader immediately. “whatcha bringing her here for?”
“She’s mine,” I answered calmly.
“She slummin’?” The skinny one was studying Ramsay.
Ramsay went immediately into what I’d heard Zoe call the bitch stance. She cocked out one hip and put a hand on it while she flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Hardly,” she told the kid with an exasperated eye roll.
“You really with him?” the kid continued, not paying any attention to her attitude.
“Course she is,” the leader told him, “why else would she be here.”
“Don’t care. I just like lookin’ at her.” The kid said with an appreciative grin.
“Foster, Smith, Brown, move on,” Larry bellowed.
The leader didn’t move immediately.
I slowly raised one eyebrow at him.
He gave me a slow grin then left to join his crew.
Ramsay was watching me. “Does it bother you that I’m white?”
“Can’t change it, babe.” Jesus, she brings this up now. “We’ve never talked about it because it’s never mattered to me.”
“What about your mother?” Suddenly she looked worried.
“Well if it does then I’d have to call her on it, seeing as her man is just like you.” Even more so with his fancy English accent.
“Oh,” she furrowed her eyebrows as she thought about that. “Then I won’t worry about that.”
“Ramses, you don’t need to worry at all.” I took her hand again.
Larry returned to us, “Ready?”
“Sure.” I didn’t talk much. The first time I had to speak to these kids, my hands were so sweaty but now, I just had a short conversation and that was it. They didn’t have long attention spans and I kept it to around five minutes.
Chapter Thirteen
Ramsay
I sat on the plastic chair on the makeshift stage that was really more of a riser, with a couple of hundred teens facing me. It was a little unsettling since I felt many eyes on me. Sure I was used to being looked at, I was attractive but this was different. Some stares were curious, others bored and few were downright antagonistic. I forced myself not to shift nervously. I schooled my facial expression as one of mild interest. I looked straight ahead but didn’t focus on anything.
“You okay?” his voice rumbled near my ear.
Fuckin’ Osi, he always could tell what I was feeling. “It’s overwhelming.”
“I can never figure out why they’re so loud.”
I turned my head and again admired how great he looked in a suit. “And high pitched. What’s up with that?”
“Kids.” One side of his mouth hitched up.
God, he was hot. I admit that at first I was attracted to all of that badness. What girl doesn’t like a bad boy? But it was his mind that fascinated me and that he seemed to like to be with me. Sure, it confused and scared me that he seemed to understand me when I couldn’t figure parts out myself but I was never happier than when I was with him. Plus the sex was A-fuckin’-mazing.
Soon all of that was going to go away. I swear that made my chest hurt. I loved him. Goddamnit. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I wanted… I closed my eyes for a moment and shifted in my chair.
“Babe?” his voice was lower and rumbly.
I pasted a fake smile on my face and looked at him. “I can’t wait to hear your speech.”
His look told me that he didn’t buy my change of topic.
Luckily, Larry walked to the podium and started talking.
I could only see a little of Osi’s face as he spoke to the Juniors and Seniors. He appeared calm and totally in control, or as I thought of it, typical Badass. What did shock me was that he spoke briefly about Isaiah. How his son would be twenty-five, out of high school and college. I tried to imagine Osi as a father.
He would be protective, supportive and gentle but fierce when need be. He wouldn’t be a push-over but he would love his kids. And his woman, of that I had no doubt.
She would be very lucky. My eyes burned again. I swear that I hadn’t cried this much since I first got Billie to Denver. Back then, I cried myself to sleep every night. My friend was gone, she was a husk. But now, the tears came often. I could hear Ollie’s voice in my head, “Emotions aren’t bad Ramsay. They are our soul’s true voice.” Osi made me want…more, everything. With him life was full of possibilities and I wished that I could grab on to him and never let him go.
If only things were different. If only I could go back and erase the past, not the whole time, just eighteen months. Such a short period of time but it changed my life, it nearly killed me.
Don’t go there. Pay attention to Osi. I tried to focus on his words.
“I don’t do this to show off. I do this because I got a chance to do better. I do this so that you can.” He turned and gave me a grin.
Larry joined him at the podium. “When I call your name please come to the stage.”
Eight teens, five girls and three boys, had shaken Osi’s hand and been presented with certificates.
My man was sending all of them to college. I was so full of pride, watching him. He had gotten out of this neighborhood and was now, in his son’s honor, helping others.
The assembly had ended and now Osi to get his photo taken with the winners. Some of the kids’ families were here so they were in photos also.
“Ramsay,” Osi called my name. He held out his hand.
I stood and immediately went to him, smiling.
He took my hand and introduced me to the first recipient. “Asia, this is my woman, Ramsay Kent.”
“Hello Asia,” I said to the very serious looking young woman. “Congratulations.”
She gave me a wide-eyed look, “I can’t believe it. I’m going to college.” She said in a shaky voice.
“He’s very proud of you, of all of you and he expects you to go on and do good things.”
“I want to be an accountant.” She told me.
“You’ll always have a job. Plenty of great opportunities, working for a big company or for yourself.”
Her smile didn’t look so nervous anymore, now it was more confident. “I can be a boss.”
“Girl, you are a boss.” I wanted her to succeed. I wanted them all too.
“Will you be in the picture with me?”
I started to refuse but Osi gave me a look. “If you want.” I noticed then that she didn’t have any family with her. “I would be honored.” If Asia wanted me in her photo, then I was damn well going to do it.
I knew that I’d made the right decision by the look in Osi’s eyes. He looked pleased and I loved that I made him that way.
We were back in his SUV and heading back to his condo. I smoothed the skirt to my dress and crossed my legs. “That was great. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
“You being there, it made it better.”
I chuckled because I couldn’t believe that, but I liked it. A part of me hoped that it was true.
“I know the lunch sucked. You barely took a bite. Want to stop somewhere?”
“I was having fun talking to them.” Asia stuck by my side and sat by me at the lunch table.
“They liked you.”
“They were excited, I’m with the man who just gave them the magic ticket. Of course they liked me.” I shook my head at him.
“Babe, don’t do that.”
“Do what?” I honestly didn’t know what he was getting at.
“When you talk about your business or yourself, you are confident. Nobody better throw shade at Ramsay Kent. But when anything is mentioned about you being with me, you cut yourself down. I don’t get it and I don’t like it.” His voice had taken on the icy cold tone that always made me give him my total attention. I called it his dangerous voice because I knew that it could be scary.
“I don’t think I do that,” I tried to shrug it off as I tried to think.
“You do.”
“You are a complicated woman. Smart, intense, hard-working, driven, kind, generous and sometimes a world class bitch but you should never, ever cut yourself down, you should be proud of yourself.”
I swallowed hard because my throat felt like there was a huge rock in it. “I am…most of the time.” It was when I remembered and then the doubts would creep in.
“Ramses, you should be very proud of yourself all of the time.”
And again, I felt like I was going to cry.
We’d stopped at a grocery store and gotten salads for now and food for dinner. It was a well-kept secret but I could cook. I’d cooked for Osi many times over our months together. I mean, he was a big guy and he needed to eat.
We were lounging on his huge leather sofa. I was answering the fifteen e-mails from Edwin that he’d sent since nine this morning.
Osi’s cell buzzed. He looked at the screen and frowned. “It’s Slidell. Stay quiet for me babe.” He managed to make it sound like a suggestion but I knew that it was an order. “Sly,” he answered.
He’d put the call on speaker. A first since I had known him. He never, ever took a work call in my presence unless we were in the car, otherwise he always left the room.
“Osi. Glad you got my message.” The man’s accent could be heard easily.
“Well get to that in a minute. What’s got you so worked up?” Osi sounded calm, too calm. It made goosebumps on my arm.
“We’ve had some good times.” The man was stalling. I glanced at Osi who gave me a one shoulder shrug.
“Caught a good number of runners.”
“Remember, God what was the guy’s name? We chased him and ended up at that bar on the side of the mountain in Colorado. Goddam, I thought my feet were gonna freeze off chasing him through the snow.”
“It was Kimball and I think we hit every juke joint, tavern and dive bar from Texarkana to Denver. Christ that was a hunt.” Osi was almost smiling.
“I’m laid up, might never be able to go back out.”
“What happened Sly?” I could clearly hear the concern in Osi’s voice.
“My own damn fault. I took a chance and lady luck didn’t smile.” I think the man’s voice got deeper. “I was in Kentucky up in the hills and I knew that the guy’s brother lived there. I was doing some recon and they caught me. I was in my truck and they were in one of those souped up diesels. The guy flooded it and hit me on the driver’s side.”
I cringed at the scene that I pictured in my mind.
“When my truck stopped spinning, The asshole hit me again. His brother, the guy I was huntin’ wasn’t strapped in and he went through the windshield and snapped his neck.”
I covered my mouth with my hand so that I didn’t cry out. I don’t know if it was the way he was telling the story, with that slow cadence of his drawl or how easily he told it.
“Broke my hip and my femur pretty bad. Had to get a fancy bionic hip and still might need more surgery on the leg.”
“Oh man, I’m sorry to hear it.” Osi said with emotion.
“So I was thinkin that since you owe me for that time in Des Moines, that maybe you could say something to that boss of yours. Now I know that I’m not fancy and I ain’t gonna wear no suit but I can still do things. I’ve still got plenty of contacts.”
Osi picked up the phone from the coffee table and held it in his big hand. “I can say something to Forde. He’s always looking for good people.”
“I’d call us even if you would.”
“Now about what happened in Minneapolis, want to explain what you were doing around my woman?” Osi’s voice had gone back to ice.
“Got your attention didn’t it?” Sly laughed.
“Leave her out of it.” I felt my muscles clench, Osi wasn’t joking.
“She sure if nice looking. How’d you catch one like her?”
“Sly, you lose the file you have on her. You delete her from your memory. She doesn’t exist. Got me?”
Wait, he had a file on me? Oh shit, this was bad. I started to panic.
“Already done brother. Your guy packed up her shit and it’s already on a truck. Don’t know her, won’t remember her.”
“I’ll be in touch or Forde will.” Osi seemed to accept this guy’s word.
“Thank you.”
Osi clicked off.
“So he scared the shit out of me because he needs a job?” I screeched.
“Sly doesn’t need a job, he just doesn’t want to get bored.” Osi explained calmly.
I didn’t let his non-response upset me. I continued, “I didn’t notice him having any difficult moving. I didn’t see a cane.” I tried to remember everything about that short meeting.
“If Sly made the effort to fly north in order to connect with you, he damn sure wasn’t going to show up advertising a weakness.”
“Are you going to tell Forde?”
“Yeah, Sly’s good. He’s really good.”
I slid closer to him. Suddenly, I need to touch him. “What happened in Des Moines?”
I was surprised when he answered. “Shit, a job went to shit.” He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer. “The guy that I was hunting had been in the military and was from a family of cops. He knew a few tricks. I was one or two days behind him and getting frustrated. It was early spring, one of those early mornings where it was raining but the wind was brutally cold. I stopped to get gas and the son of a bitch was inside the store. I didn’t see him and he got the jump on me. Had a gun to my head and I was certain that he was going to pull the trigger when Sly comes walking through the door. He had his gun at his side. The guy didn’t know who to shoot so Sly took care of him.”
I had to lick my dry lips twice. “So he saved your life.”
“Yeah and he never lets me forget it.”
I held Osi tighter. That story rattled me. “Do you ever think about quitting.”
“Sure. Hopefully, it will be my choice.”
That answer sent a chill down my spine.
“I have a plan but if certain things changed, I’d walk away tomorrow.”
That surprised me. “You would?” I pulled away so that I could see his expression.
“I got more than enough to live on. I’ve got investments. I do it because I’m good at it.” His eyes were smiling.
“I, uh, I worry when you are out on a hunt.” I stumbled over the words.
He nodded. “I’m cautious babe.”
I reclaimed my place against his chest. “I know. I don’t doubt that you are really good but those people are desperate and that makes them extra dangerous.” I couldn’t believe that I was lecturing Osi on his job.
“Ramsay, I always want to come back to you.”
Oh God! I did love him. “Osi,” his name came out from my tight throat. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hand tightening on the back of his head as I tried to push his mouth closer to mine.
He allowed me to move his head, he put up just enough of a fight for me to know that he was letting me move him. I kissed him. I tried to communicate the words that I couldn’t say through my kisses.
My top was gone and my bra was too. I was on my back on the floor in between the sofa and the coffee table. Osi was currently yanking my yoga pants down my legs and I was trying to untie his basketball shorts to get to his cock.
I wanted it in me. My mouth, , and my ass. I needed him inside of me.
Finally, I could kick my pants from my legs and Osi pulled down his shorts.
I circled his thickness with my fingers. “I need you.” I didn’t recognize my voice, it was so low.
“Want to taste you.” He shifted back on his knees and backed away from me a little.
I was selfish, I couldn’t refuse his mouth. I spread my legs wider.
He took it a step farther and pushed my knees to a bent position against the sides of my chest. “God, I love it when you are so open and wet for me.”
In this position I felt like I couldn’t take in a deep breath. “For you,” I repeated.
Osi didn’t play around, he dove right into my dripping pussy. His tongue tracing my inner lips and then he made one swipe over my clit.
I felt my body levitate off the floor.
He tightened his grip on my left hip and used his other hand to ease two fingers inside of me.
I loved how he his fingers worked in tandem with the rhythm that his mouth set. He was alternately sucking my clit and then backing off. He was making me crazy. “Oh-see,” I cried in need and frustration.
His fingers were no longer inside of me but his tongue was. His finger was following the crease of my ass. He teased me with that magical, tip of his thick digit.
I was losing it. My head was thrashing from side to side and I was now making noises in my throat. “Yes, God yes.” I begged him to fill me.
I felt my muscles resist. I didn’t try to resist, I wanted him too much.
This time when my body curled inward granting him more access.
I came hard. I might have lost a few moments. When my eyes could focus, Osi was suspended over me, his weight on his strong arms. I wrapped my legs around his ass without thinking. I didn’t want him to go anywhere.
Jesus, I really didn’t. I wanted him to stay in my life. Forever.
He managed to align our bodies perfectly and his cock filled me.
I closed my eyes again and let out a satisfied, “Ahhhh.”
I heard him chuckle and then he began to move.
This time there was no build-up he went to hard and fast immediately and I loved it. I stretched my arms above my head and grasped my wrist with my other hand. I knew that when I showed classic signs of submission that it made him wild.
This time had been no different. I probably had some raw scrapes from the carpet and his knees had to have marks. Sex with Osi usually turned very physical. I loved it that he’d sensed that from the start with me. I rarely had to ask for what I needed, he always seemed to know.
How was I ever going to give up this man? I’d have these memories but life without Osiris was going to be empty.
He was still resting on top of me with his face in my neck. “Jesus Ramses,” he mumbled, his hot breath tickling me.
“What?” I giggled.
“Now, are you gonna be cute?” He raised his head and placed some of his weight on his arms.
“I’m always cute,” I volunteered saucily. I wanted to enjoy this moment because I would tell him about phoenix. He was chipping away at my barriers and honestly, it would feel good to unburden. The weight of my guilt sometimes felt like it was going to crush me. There had been nights when I’d wake up because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. When Osi was with me, he would roll us over to his other side, kiss my neck and whisper, “It will be okay. I’ve got you.”
But he wouldn’t. The minute that he told me about Isaiah, I knew that he would condemn me.
“Yeah, you’re cute but when I make you come, you’re gorgeous.”
It was the way he said the last word that made me stretch so that I could kiss him.
“If you keep that up, we’ll be ready for round two.”
I smiled invitingly, “Have I ever said no?”
He grinned and shook his head at me.
I loved that I could make him smile.
We were cuddling on his sofa wrapped in a soft throw. For someone that loves clothes, I spent a lot of my time naked with Osi. I was proud of my body, I worked hard on it. I was naturally slender but recently, I had lost weight and it wasn’t my best look. I needed to pay more attention to eating but when I was stressed or busy, I didn’t get hungry. Billie hated me for that but it was the way I was made. It also fucked up my periods. I had never been regular and lately, I was totally off.
Osi looked great clothed but naked the lines of him body made me want to run my hands over him. I’d spent hours studying his ink that covered his arms, shoulders, neck, back and chest.
“Have you ever thought about getting ink on your cock?” I wondered aloud.
“Fuck no.” He gave me an incredulous look.
“Guys do it.”
“What guy?”
“I’ve seen photos on the internet.” I told him earnestly.
“Spend a lot of time lookin’ at cock do ya?”
I blinked because I couldn’t tell if he was serious or still joking. “I was curious…once.”
His eyes sparkled, “Nothing sharp is getting near my cock.”
“I have teeth and I don’t think that you’ve ever pushed my mouth away.” I reminded him.
“You plannin’ on biting me?” he raised one eyebrow.
“Of course not.” There were some lines that you never crossed. “I love your cock too much to do any damage to it.”
“Oh yeah?” His arms tightened around me.
I knew that he hadn’t missed my use of the “l” word. Time to change the subject. “So tell me about your mother’s place.” I was fascinated by this woman. Not only did she make Osi but it sounded like she had lived two different lives in one lifetime. I could identify with that.
“They live on the water but it isn’t a beach. Their dock is long and weathered and he keeps a couple of boats there. He likes to go out on the water but I think that it’s more like he likes the atmosphere than he likes to fish.”
I rested my cheek against his chest and closed my eyes, concentrating on the picture he was painting with his words.
“Their house is two stories and there’s a long back deck and patio. They’ve added on to it because when the weather’s good they hang out back there.”
I felt him chuckle. “My mom, the woman never spent any time with nature until she moved out there. She seems to like it.”
“I can’t wait to meet her.” I told him. Then doubt crept in, “Is she going to be okay with me? Uhm us?”
“She’s probably going to pepper you with a thousand questions. So be ready.”
I nodded. I could handle questions.
“She’s going to be excited because she’ll think that this is a big deal.”
I replayed his words in my head because I knew that there was a hidden message. “Osi, have you brought other women around your mom?”
“No.”
I waited for him to elaborate. When he said nothing more, I pressed. “No others?”
“Ramses, my lifestyle isn’t conducive to having relationships.”
That was true, and mine wasn’t either. “I guess that’s right.”
“Plus…you’re special. I mean, what we have is.”
I felt my mouth go dry. “I know that.” My voice sounded rough as I fought against making that admission.
“Does saying it out loud make it more real?” One side of his mouth hitched up.
Ass. “I…” I had to clear my throat before I could continue. “I’m not good at this. I won’t be good.” The fucking tears were going to start…again.
“You’re scared. I get that. It would help if I knew what made you that way.” He said gently, applying just a little bit of pressure.
I blinked several times. “I don’t think that I can say it out loud.”
“But you’d like to, wouldn’t you?” He wrapped a strand of my hair around his finger and curled it and then unrolled it. “A part of you knows that it would feel better to unburden yourself. I can see that it is weighing you down.” He made another curl. “I think Ollie and Bean could see it when we were in St. Bart’s.”
“Please.” I cried. I didn’t know if I was asking to drop it or to push me so that I talked. He was right about everything.
“Babe, you trust me with your body. You give it to me willingly.”
I closed my eyes again and I felt a tear fall down my cheek.
“I wish that you would do that same with your soul.”
“Is that what you want? No secrets between us.” I didn’t think that I could do that.
“There will be secrets. I have thoughts that are mine alone and you should have that also. I don’t think that loving someone means that you should have an all access pass.”
“Then why…”
He didn’t let me finish. “Because it’s killing you from the inside out.” His voice took on some heat. “It’s stalling you. I think it’s why you hold yourself back. Why you held off moving to Indy when we all know that it was a good idea. It’s also why you won’t commit to me.”
“I told you from the start. I’ve told you time and time again.” I argued defensively.
“Ramsay, those were just words. You’re actions say different.”
“You mean when I stay away.” I got loud. “What does that tell you, Osi?”
He gave me a look that would have made a weaker person shit their pants. “Do you really think that I couldn’t find you if I wanted. I track people for a living and babe, I’d find you.”
I felt my eyes grow big. “Then why haven’t you.” Did I want him to? Had I stayed away on purpose in hopes that he’d come after me?
“Because this isn’t a game.”
That hit me in the solar plexus so hard that I couldn’t breathe.
“I knew that you thought you needed space, so you had it.”
“But otherwise, you would have come after me?” I felt like my thought process had slowed to a halt.
“Ramses, you’re the type of person who has to sleep with the door open. I get that and I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re caged in.”
He was right. Christ.
“If you’re with me then it’s going to be because it’s where you choose to be.” He nodded to add weight to his point. “It has to be that way.”
I burst into tears. This was too much. He knew too much and it would be so easy to give into this life. I could tell him another story about growing up and we could go on but Osi deserved the truth. I’d never lied to him and I wasn’t going to start now. Later, if he ever thought about me, he would be able to say that I never lied.
I tried to take control over my emotions. “I’ve never been a crier. You’ve turned me into a crier.” I accused him.
“No babe, your secret has done that.”
Fuckin’ Osi.