Chapter Nineteen
Ramsay
I followed the bellman to the door and threw the locks. I was tired. I arched my back a few times, trying to stretch some of the kinks out. Even though I had flown first class, six hours on a plane was a long time. I sat down on the edge of the wing chair and pulled my foot over the other knee. I couldn’t stand these compression socks a minute longer.
There was no way that I was going to wear them every day. If I got varicose veins then I’d have deal with them later. I rolled down the right one pulled it over my foot. “Better,” I said to the empty room. I then went to work on the left one. I was still getting used to my center of gravity changing. Really, I was getting used to everything.
I glanced at the desk and thought about ordering room service. “No.” I’ve got to stop stalling. Bean and I had practiced what I was going to say. My sister was quite good at that game. Ollie had joined in with constructive criticism. If all of this goes side-ways, I knew that they would always be there for me. These past six weeks had proved it. Nothing like dumping myself on their doorstep and depending on them to help me figure out what to do.
I got up and padded to the mini bar. I found a bottle of Perrier and opened it. I pulled my cell phone from the pocket of my carry on then I returned to the chair. I stared at the screen and took in a few deep cleansing breaths. I scrolled through my contacts and touched Billie’s cell number. I crossed my fingers as I waited for it to ring.
“Ramsay?” Billie sounded surprised.
“Hey, uhm yeah, it’s me.” I felt a little choked up. God, I’d missed her.
“Where are you?” Her voice was stronger now.
“Do you have a few minutes to talk?” I’d scheduled this entire day so that I’d call after dinner.
“Yeah,” now she sounded wary. “Hang on a sec.” She either put her hand over the mouthpiece or she didn’t speak into the phone. “It’s Ramsay. She wants to talk.”
“Put it on speaker.” I heard Tye’s voice.
“Tye.” Bille said it with a little exasperation.
“Do it.” He urged.
She sighed loudly.
He continued, “Tell her you’re going to do it and then press the button.”
“You don’t have to talk to me like that. I’m not ten.” Billy told her husband testily.
“Honey, you are most certainly a ten.”
I giggled. “I think he’s got you there.”
“Some shit never changes,” Billie said into the mouthpiece. “Can I put you on speaker?”
“Yeah, no problem.”
“Hey Stranger,” Tye welcomed me.
“Hey Charmer.”
“So what’s up?” Billie wasn’t going to let us stray too far from the business at hand. “I mean it’s been a really long time, Ramsay.”
I deserved that. “I know and I’m really, truly sorry.”
Their side was quiet.
“So I know that this is a huge imposition and that I’m out of line to ask but could you meet me here, in Chicago tomorrow? I want to talk to you. To tell you some things that I should have shared years ago.”
Tye rumbled, “Chicago?”
“I know. But I need to be here the day after tomorrow and well I need to talk to you and I was hoping that I could take care of these two things, now.” My voice ended up a little husky. I had not expected to be this afraid that Billie would hang up on me.
“I don’t know.” Billie said.
I was sure that she and Tye were doing their silent couple communication.
“Look, I’m sort of begging. I swear that you’ll understand. Probably when you see me, you’ll get it.” I couldn’t quite say the word over the phone.
“Are you okay?” Billie sounded worried.
“I’m going to be fine.” Big changes were coming to life but no matter what, I’d be okay. I had made that vow after the doctor confirmed what I’d thought.
“I guess we can drive up. I have to find somebody to look after the dogs.” I could hear Billie making a mental list.
“Thank you. I’ve book a suite for you on the same floor as mine.” I told them and yes, it was a little bit of an enticement.
“Hang on.” Tye’s voice sounded sharp. “I need some kind of assurance that we aren’t going to drive up and you have taken another hike.”
I swallowed hard. “I know that I’ve let you both down, too many times but I swear on everything that I love that I’ll be here, waiting for you all.”
“Don’t fuck with me Ramsay.” Tye threatened.
“Tye,” Billie cautioned.
“No. I’m not gonna let her mess you up.”
I could almost feel the heat from his anger through my phone.
“Look, there’s something you should know, Billie’s had a couple of setbacks and I don’t want you screwing with her emotions.”
“What? Billie what’s happening?” I was gripping my phone so tight that my hand started to cramp.
“I was having more episodes.” Billie sounded tentative. “I’m on leave from work, while things get stabilized.”
Tye interjected, “She’s taking medication for it.”
“Oh God Billie.” She’d sworn that she would never be treated with drugs again. She’d hated being a zombie when we lived in Denver. I hated seeing her like that. “I…I’m so sorry that this is happening.”
“It hasn’t been fun.” She told me dryly. “And we’ve had to put off trying for a baby.”
I felt the tears fill my eyes immediately. Jesus, they loved each other so much, they had so much love to give. I hated this. “I’m so so very sorry.”
Her voice was almost a whisper, “I might have to stay on them forever.”
I wiped my now wet cheeks. “Don’t think that way. Don’t worry about that yet.”
“We have time,” Tye told her and me.
“Of course you do.” I agreed quickly.
“Text us the info and we’ll let you know when we leave.” Tye told me.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.”
Now I had to tell her, tell them everything.
I wanted to pace but I forced myself to stay seated. Billie and Tye had checked in and they would be down to see me very soon. I’d ordered all kinds of cold munchies in case they were hungry. I smoothed my hands over my thighs. I was wearing a new caftan. I’d found that this particular form of dress had a great value. This dress was made up of blue, yellow and green geometric shapes. I word gold hoops in my ears and I’d pulled my hair back into a low pony.
“Tap, tap, tap ”sounded. Christ they were here. I walked quickly to the door and threw it open before I could chicken out. “Hi,” I said before I’d even taken a good look at them.
They were standing side by side. Tye had put on some muscle since the shooting and he was wearing a navy polo shirt and faded jeans. Billie looked, well she looked tired. Her smile was fake and I bet her cheeks would be hurting in about thirty seconds.
“Come in.” I moved away from the door. Standing in profile wasn’t my best look right now. “Can I get you something to drink? I had them send up some hors oeuvres.”
“What no hug?” Tye asked as he closed the door behind him.
Fuck. “I’m sorry, I’m so nervous.” I held my arms open.
He looked at me suspiciously and I clearly saw his wife poke him with her elbow. He upped the wattage on his smile and gave me a hug.
When he finished it was Billie’s turn. She stepped into me and gave me a brief hug.
Okay-this wasn’t going very well.
I headed to my little kitchenette. “Drinks?”
“I’ll take a beer,” Tye flashed what I hoped was an encouraging smile.
“Billie?” I waited for her answer.
“A diet whatever.”
I opened Tye’s beer and I poured Billie’s drink over ice. After I collected some napkins, I carried their drinks to the coffee table. I then returned to get another bottle of water.
We all sat and said nothing.
Finally Billie spoke, “So how far along are you?”
“Sixteen weeks.”
She nodded and held her glass with both hands. “Is that why you came back?”
“Part of the reason.” I cleared my throat. “I didn’t know for a while. It wasn’t until I was puking my guts every morning that Bean finally asked. We had to go into a port for a pregnancy test.” I wanted to smile because poor Ollie got that fun assignment. “It came back positive as did the next three.”
“Wow. You’re going to be a mother.” Tye got to his feet and this time he kissed me on the cheek. “This is exciting.” He then turned to Billie, “Isn’t it?”
“I’m not sure. Ramsay hasn’t told me whether she is happy or not.” Billie crossed her legs and gave me a superior stare.
“Look.” I leaned over and put my water back on the coffee table. “I need to tell you some things. If you can just, I don’t know, just listen without that sour look on your face. I’d really appreciate it.”
“It’s your show,” Billie said coldly.
“I’ve lied to you and I purposely without information and I’ve been a really terrible friend to you.”
“I think you need to give us a point in time, Ramsay,” Tye inserted helpfully.
“The summer after we graduated college, that’s when I did something very stupid.”
Billie furrowed her brow as she thought. “I was busy settling in,” she glanced at Tye, “first job and all.”
“Right, and I went to Phoenix to stay with my folks.” I reminded her.
“You were quiet. We didn’t talk very much. I remember thinking it was weird since we were practically inseparable.”
“I avoided you because I think deep down I knew that I was making a terrible mistake.”
By the time I finished with , “ And now I don’t know if he’ll understand. I panicked. I thought that he’d taken that job so that he wouldn’t need to be around me.” We were sitting on sofa, Billie was on one side of me and Tye, the other. They both had their arms around me and Billie and I were crying.
“He still loves you.” Billie told me.
“I was terrible to him,” I cried. All of these tears better be the pregnancy hormones’’ fault.
“Honey,” Tye unwrapped his arm and handed me more tissues, “you sure managed to fuck this up. I swear you zigged when you should have zagged at every turn.”
“You’re not helping,” Billie told him.
“No,” I sniffed, he’s right. “I was so sure that it was all my fault, that I didn’t deserve to be loved.” I cried.
“But you do Ramsay,” Billie told me. “I could have told you that any old time.”
“Do you hate me?” I asked her. “Please, please don’t hate me.” I cried harder.
Billie pulled me into her arms. “Shhh. Honey, I hated that there was such a distance between us. I now hate it that you didn’t feel like you could ask me for help or tell me what happened. I hate it that you don’t trust me.”
“I’m so sorry.” I sobbed.
“I believe that you feel that way.”
When my crying jag stopped, I stood. “I’ll be right back.” I had to pee.
When I returned, Tye and Billie were having an intense whispered conversation. “I’m hungry, well I’m always hungry, but do you all want anything?”
Tye got to his feet, “Sure what do you have?”
Our meeting moved to the small dining room table. Tye ate, but I noticed that Billie picked at her food. “I can order more room service, if you’d like something more?” I told her.
“It’s the medication.” Tye told me. “She’s not very hungry right now.”
Billie frowned, “Any other time, I’d be thrilled to have no appetite but I hate this. I hate all of this.”
“Is this my fault?” I asked Tye.
“Really?” Billie sarcasm came through. “I know that you are going through huge changes but do you honestly think that you have that much power?” She and I entered into a stare down.
Tye cleared his throat which made me look at him and lose the contest. “To answer your question, the fallout from your actions have probably contributed.”
I must have looked as devastated as I felt. Tye hurried to continue, “But my getting shot also has played a part.”
“Could we not talk about me like I’m not here?” Billie asked snidely.
“Of course,” Tye sent his wife an apologetic smile.
“So what’s your plan? I know you want us to help or hold your hand in some way.” Billie was still angry. I didn’t blame her, I’d hurt her deeply but it hurt.
“Can you give me a ride tomorrow afternoon? We’ll need to stop at a florists first but I could use some support.”
“You got it,” Tye told me as Billie only nodded.