Chapter Twenty One
Ramsay
I left the cemetery with Osi. Tye and Billie were going to try to catch a Sox game and a part of me wished that I could have more time with Billie but right now Osi was my priority.
She understands. I hoped that very soon that we could put the past behind us. I wanted her to be a part of my life and my children’s’.
Osi had taken me to get food. He’d smiled through the entire meal. “Gotta say, I like seeing you eat.”
I halted my fork midway to my mouth. “I’m eating for three.” I glared at him.
“Ramsay, let’s not gloss over the fact that there were times that you were not eating.” He told me firmly.
“When I get busy, I forget to eat.” I put the bite of pasta in my mouth.
“Then we are going to make a chart so that I know that you don’t forget. Those babies are going to need a lot of food.”
I wanted to melt at the way his voice caressed the word babies. “I’m thinking about maybe talking to somebody.” I looked down at my nearly empty plate. “To make sure that I’m processing everything correctly.” I checked to see how he was taking that news.
“You should. I mean you should have back then but now, I think it would be good. You said that you talked to someone when you were…gone.”
It stung that he stumbled over the word. I’d hurt him, badly. I needed to make up for that. “Look,” I reached across the table for his hand, which he gave me easily. “I hurt you. I swear to you that I’ll never take off again. It was wrong and deep down I knew that it was at the time but I was confused and…and I let the voices in my head convince me of things that weren’t true.”
“You didn’t have faith in me.”
I felt my eyes fill with tears. They OB doctor that I saw said that it could be a by-product of the pregnancy hormones, all of this crying. “Osi,” my voice was husky, “I have always had faith in you. It’s me that I didn’t believe in. You have always been the good thing in my life. Sometimes, I thought that you were too good.”
One side of his mouth lifted upward. “Babe, you’ve got a weird idea of what good is.”
“No honey, I know what good is and I’ve had that with you.”
That got me a smile and my heart swelled. God, I loved him so much.
“So, what’s the plan from here?”
“I want to be with you.” I didn’t hold back.
“Good to know that you’ve agreed to marry me but I meant for tonight.”
“Oh.” Okay I went a little overboard but I was happy. “Well, I’ve got a suite at the Four Seasons but I mean, I’d like to go to your place.”
“Traffic will be a bitch but we can do that.”
“Or we can take the El.” I offered.
“You on the El? How many bags are we talking?” He was giving me a teasing look.
I gave him a superior look where I put my nose up in the air. “I have two suitcases and my purse. Thank you very much.”
“You want to take the El, we can. It would make things easier.”
“See, I can be agreeable.” I told him with a smile.
“Why does that worry me?”
I winked at him.
My body was tired but my brain was still wide awake. Osi and I were in his bed. He was sitting with his back resting against the padded headboard and I was reclined against his chest between his legs and yeah, we both were naked.
I traced his healing scar on his thigh. “You were shot.” I said for like the fifth time.
“It was through and through, only hit meat, no bone.” He answered matter-of-factly.
I leaned my head back against his shoulder. “I didn’t know.” I shivered, suddenly realizing that I wouldn’t have known if something worse had happened.
“I’ve had worse. It’s nothing.” He started rubbing his palm over my belly. Since we’d gotten home, he’d either been resting his hands on it or running them over the bump.
“I’ve been very selfish.” I felt enormous guilt.
“You have, but you never claimed to be any different.”
“I can’t say that I like hearing that.” I frowned.
“Ramses, I get you. I think that I understand you better than you do. You can be selfish but at the same time, you can be incredibly generous with your heart and your money. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, it’s a part of you. I accept it.”
“I haven’t been very nice to you.”
“It hasn’t been easy,” he admitted. “But if I’d wanted easy, well I could’ve had it. I wanted you.”
“I knew after the party at the Fordes’ where Tye proposed. I was in so much trouble.” I’d almost punched Tye’s former girlfriend for interfering during the proposal. Osi had wrapped his strong arms around me and held me back. He spoke softly in my ear while all the time I was seeing red. “Not here Killer, I know where she’s staying. You can take her there with fewer witnesses.” I honestly didn’t know if he was serious or teasing me. Although, instead of taking him back to my hotel to fuck, if I’d said, “Let’s make her pay.” I think he would have enjoyed that just as much.
“I knew when you said my name when you came riding my mouth.” I knew he was smirking.
“Good times.” I chuckled.
“I can still do that, right? Go down on you.”
“Yeah. I Googled it on the flight here.” I admitted. “You can’t blow into the channel. It might create an air bubble and that would be very bad.”
“When we get back, I want you to go to the doctor.”
I knew that tone, that was the don’t fucking argue with me one. “I planned on it.” I’d figured that I’d have Cress arrange it.”
“I mean, I’m going. I want to hear about everything that is going on.”
“That’s fine with me.” I liked it that he would be involved.
“We’ll set you up with a dietician so that you eat right and I’ll buy organic only shit.”
Sweet Jesus. “Osi, I’m pregnant. You’ve been around plenty of pregnant women, you know the basics.”
“You aren’t some pregnant woman. You are my woman and these,” his hands so lightly squeezed my bump, “babies are mine. We aren’t taking any chances. Do you hear me? I mean it Ramsay.”
“I hear you.” Like I was going to do anything to hurt our children.
“This is insane,” he laughed.
I could feel his chest rumbling against my back.
“Three pregnant women. Christ, it’s going to be a circus.”
“Three? Who else is pregnant?” Billie-no. Zoe-hell no.
“Layla and Forde. They told us a few weeks ago.”
I missed so much. “That’s great for them.” I sighed. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not trying to start an argument or rehash everything.” I wasn’t sure how to ask this question.
“Babe, just ask.”
“You told me one time that if you wanted to, you could find me. Why, uhm, why didn’t you come?” My body wanted to fidget while I waited for his answer. I pointed my toes and stretched my legs fighting off the urge.
“At first, I thought that you were pissed at me for having to go so I told myself that I’d deal when I was done with the job. Then after I got out of the hospital, Billie told me about seeing you with your luggage and the timing fit, I was hurt.” He moved his hand to take ahold of mine. “I thought that we were on the same page and then you were gone.”
I turned my head and kissed the bend of his shoulder. I knew that I hurt him and that killed me.
“I’d planned on heading out Monday.”
“For another job?”
“No to find your ass and haul you back.”
“Oh.” Oh.
“And babe, I wouldn’t have hesitated to use shackles and I’d gag you the whole drive back.”
“I do love you, Osi.” I had no doubt that he would have.
He kissed temple.
“I wanted to come back earlier.” I admitted.
“Why didn’t you?”
“I knew that I’d made a mistake by the third day. Then we flew to an estate in the Dominican Republic and I started to get sick. I thought it was from the food or the stress. We were out on one of Ollie’s friend’s boat and I was puking every day. I think by the fourth day, they couldn’t wait to get into port to get rid of me. We flew back to their house and I arranged for a private doctor to come.”
“No trace since you flew private.”
“If you keep the flights relatively short, pilots can be persuaded to forget to list a passenger or to file a flight plan.” I told him.
“I would have found you.”
“I know that and it hurt when you didn’t try.” I shook my head as I heard the words come out of my mouth. “I was mixed up. I was mad at myself for jumping to a stupid conclusion. Then as much as I wanted to come back, I was afraid that you’d reject me. Every day that passed, I got more scared.”
“I couldn’t. I thought about giving up but I couldn’t.”
“I started talking to the shrink and he basically told me that I was an idiot.”
“That doesn’t sound very professional.”
“I think that in the beginning, I must have made him want to strangle me. I mean, by then I was…well, a little excessive.”
“Oh Christ,” he mumbled.
I rolled my eyes, “Okay I was in a full-blown Diva Meltdown. I mean, I was Mariah, J-Lo, and Edwin on steroids.”
He laughed. “I don’t even know what that means but it sounds bad.”
“It was, I was. Even Ollie got tired of me and one night he told me to go to my room.” I joined in the laughter.
“I would’ve loved to have seen that.”
“No. It was terrible. I was…awful. I mean really bad.” My voice lowered.
“They love you so I’m sure that they forgive you.”
“Are you sure that you want to move in with me? I feel like you are giving up a lot for me.”
“I would have said something if I didn’t want to.” He squeezed my fingers in his hand. “And I have a surprise for you.”
I sat up a little straighter. I loved presents. “A surprise? What is it?”
He laughed at me. “Remember the night when you told me your dream. The farmhouse, the animals, the goats?”
“Yes,” I answered warily. I’d felt safe that night, cocooned in his arms. I could share my secrets there.
“It’s going to happen.”
I shifted so I could see his face clearly. His eyes read certainty. “I don’t understand.”
“You’re going to love it the entire you are bitching about all of the work.” He chuckled. “Alessi’s got some connection and he’s selling his big farm. We are buying it. I mean all of us.”
“We are?”
“Plenty of room for the kids, fresh air and your animals.” He smiled.
I could tell that he liked the idea, also. My farm, I liked this.
“We’ll have to build so you can work with the architect. But I get the final say.”
“Oh you do?” Like I would pick out something hideous?
“Right now I have two must haves. One being that we have a suite, I want plenty of room for us.”
“Done.” I could get behind that idea.
“And enough bedrooms so that the kids don’t have to share. I want them to have their own space.”
“Uhm, how many bedrooms are you thinking?” I couldn’t ask how many kids so I took advantage of the euphemism.
“Six.” He said with authority.
“Six!” I was in shock.
“One of those is for my mom and Mad.” He laughed, he knew what I was doing all along.
“Five kids?” I tried to wrap my head around that.
“And I get to name them.” He stated firmly.
“First name only, I get to give them their middle names.”
“Deal.”
Jesus, I was going to be pregnant forever. I started laughing. I don’t ever remember being this happy.