Chapter 17: Zach

Friday, I had another press conference. I was doing a lot of them lately – every time my father made changes to the campaign or released new benefits the media was all over it. Since I’d become the spokesperson for the company and my image was up to scratch, it was a standard arrangement.

My father barely showed his face in public anymore unless it was a benefit or fundraiser for the NWF. I should be so lucky. His image and track record were both immaculate, of course. He should have been the face of the company.

I took it all with a smile, though. I didn’t want to leave my mom’s legacy behind or break away from it. If I did, what else would I have?

“Are you ready?” Hailey asked. She stood in front of me with the notes I had written onto little cards for myself. I didn’t need them, of course. I knew what I wanted to say. “Always,” I said, not giving her the time of day. What choice did I have? She’d effectively closed me off.

I looked over her shoulder at the crowd that had gathered in front of the podium with the microphones. It was the usual – reporters, presenters, journalists – most of them women.

“Right. You know the points you need to focus on. This is a big one.” She tapped my chest and gave me a look.

I was a little irritated. Hailey was all about business, standing in front of me like we’d never been anything more. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail. She wore a women’s collared shirt and a skirt with nude tights and heels. She looked professional and hot. I liked it best when she wore skirts. Her legs were beautiful. What made it even better was the fact that she was so unassuming.

“And you know they might ask you…”

“It’s okay, Hailey,” I cut her off. “I’ve got this. Just like I’ve had it every other time. Back off a little.”

She nodded, looking taken aback at my little outburst. “Right.”

Fuck. I hated the idea of hurting her. I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down. “How are you feeling?”

She had been given the day off on Monday and she’d taken Tuesday off as well. Apparently, she’d picked up a stomach bug. By Wednesday, she was back in the office but she looked tired.

“I’m alright, thank you for asking.”

Her response was so impersonal. I scrutinized her face. She looked tired and a little run down. She looked different though. I couldn’t place my finger on it.

She looked up at me, making eye-contact for the first time since we’d arrived at the press conference. Her eyes were a bright blue, a little weary. I wanted to touch her face. I wanted to put my palm on her cheek. I wanted to trace her lip with my thumb and brush her hair out of her face. I wanted to pull her against me and kiss her with a dying ember that stayed humming along deep inside of me.

I hated not being around her when she had time off. Even though we’d been keeping things strictly about business, I still saw her almost every day. It was part of my job. It was a little like going to school to see your crush, but they were absent. You didn’t talk anyway because you were too scared, but you felt their absence acutely.

“You’re up,” Hailey said when they announced my name and ripped me away from my thoughts. I nodded, checked that my tie was straight, and walked toward the podium. Camera lights flashed the moment I took my place. They were all looking at me, waiting for me to say something. I didn’t have anything to say to them.

I had a lot to say to Hailey though. And she was listening.

“What is the worth of woman?” I asked. The audience was deadly quiet, listening to what I had to say. “They say behind every successful man is a great woman. I must agree with that. I myself have been created by a great woman.”

I glanced at Hailey. I couldn’t tell if she had any kind of reaction.

When I looked back at the crowd all eyes were on me, pens poised over notebooks, recorders held high. I took a deep breath and soldiered on. “Nora Nettles created this company to give women from every walk of life – even those from humble beginnings – a chance to make a difference in this world. Women have been in the background for too long. They have been held back and forced to support their husbands from behind the scenes, giving men the sole right to respect.”

I looked every woman in front of me in the eye. It was part of our tactic. Hailey and I had worked it out together. All I wanted to do though, was look at her.

“At Daybreak Solutions, we believe that women can achieve greatness and it is our aim to give them the resources to do just that. We offer packages that allow each one of them to create a future for themselves. The days of relying on men to support them are gone. This is an era where women and men truly are equal, where we can reach out for a better tomorrow, side by side.”

When I finished my introduction, I elaborated on some of the benefits we offered, after which I was open for questions. I answered them one by one, choosing the journalists carefully. I knew them by now, knew what kind of questions they would ask and how relevant they could be to our campaign.

All of this was just a game.

When I was done, I turned toward Hailey. She was clapping along with the others. I walked to her.

“That was very good,” she said. “You deviated from the speech a little there in the beginning. You did a great job of it, though.”

Deviated? I had changed it to try and tell her something. I wanted to thank her for all she’d done for me.

“Thanks. I think.” I shrugged as if her compliments didn’t matter. It was too fucked up to let her think they did.

“I’m proud of you,” she added, softly. “Congratulations.”

I wanted her to be proud of me. I was working hard to do what she needed me to do, to become the person she wanted me to be for the media. It was the only way I could show her something – anything – other than professionalism. I respected her. I trusted her. I wanted her.

Of course, the latter didn’t matter. Not anymore. We were just co-workers again, or something like that.

“I need to get going,” Hailey said, glancing at her wristwatch. “This ran a little later than I expected and I still need to swing by the office.”

I nodded. Come to dinner with me, I wanted to ask. To celebrate. To catch up. To just spend time together without all this hanging over our heads.

I didn’t ask her though. I couldn’t. She would say no and I would be denied again. It was the same reason I didn’t compliment her whenever I thought she looked great. Which was almost all the time. I knew she would shoot me down and I had already dealt with enough rejection from her.

“I’ll see you after the weekend, then?” I asked.

Hailey nodded. “Seven, sharp.”

She turned around. I watched her walk away from me, her hips swinging from side to side and her heels clicking on the smooth concrete.

I looked around. I wanted to get out of here as well. I wanted to get away from the crowd of people who all expected something from me. I had to put on a face around the cameras and I was tired of it all.

I drove home. There was nothing left for me to do in the office. Whatever I’d left incomplete I could deal with tomorrow. I had a great press conference and everything was going well with the business, but I felt sorry for myself. I wanted Hailey and I couldn’t have her, no matter what I did. I had hoped she would let the contract run out so we could be together without work hanging over our heads, but I’d learned this week that she’d extended.

There was no way I could pursue her without it being a conflict of interests. Why would she do that? Why did Hailey decide to take the job instead of ending the contract and perhaps being with me? Of course, I never asked her. I was going on about women’s empowerment for the company on a weekly basis – what if Hailey could be the one to come and ask me if I wanted to be serious?

It didn’t work that way though. No matter how hard my father was fighting to keep my mom’s legacy alive, there would always be a place for chivalry.

I drove past the Four Seasons hotel. I turned last minute, finding a parking spot without a valet and walked into Edge, the hotel Restaurant and Bar. It was already filling up.

The bar had a modern industrial feel to it, but it was chic and well decorated. I leaned on the bar, getting the attention of a bartender. He recognized me and came to serve me right away.

“What can I get for you, Mr. Nettles?”

There was something to be said for fast service when you were famous. It was quite possibly the only perk.

I knew Edge served excellent wines. I had a few different vintages before. Tonight though, I was after the hard track. I wanted something that would help me forget. It didn’t matter who you were or what walk of life you were from, everyone had sorrow to drown.

“Herradura, please,” I said. “A bottle.”

The bartender raised his eyebrows at me. Who ordered a whole bottle of tequila? I wasn’t planning on drinking it all, but I could afford it and I didn’t want to be limited to having to ask again and again. I pinned the bartender with a hard stare, daring him to judge me.

“Right away, sir,” he said and returned a moment later with the bottle. He placed it in front of me along with a glass of ice. I cracked the bottle open and poured two fingers. Herradura was the kind of tequila you could drink straight.

I sipped the amber liquid. It was bitter on my tongue and burned down my throat when I swallowed it. It was revolting. I kept sipping. I needed to anesthetize.

Slowly, as I finished one glass and poured myself another, my emotions started to numb. I felt better and better. My problems felt further away. I slipped away from the persona we’d been building for the past two months. My veins were on fire and I was just another guy at the bar, nursing his drink.

“Hello,” a woman’s voice said next to me. I turned. She had long copper hair and green eyes. She smiled seductively. It made little dimples in her cheeks. Her nose was unfortunate, but I could look past that.

“Hi,” I said. I was sufficiently drunk.

“Do you mind if I sit down here?”

I shrugged nonchalantly. “You have rights.”

She giggled. “Yeah, so I’ve heard.”

I didn’t like it when women giggled. Hailey never giggled.

“I’m Mia,” the woman said, holding out her hand. I took it, not knowing what else to do with it hanging so close to my face.

“Zach,” I said.

She nodded. “I know who you are.”

“Right.” She knew of me. She didn’t know me, nor did she want to. She wanted to be introduced to one of two things – my wallet or my cock. Both were tucked in my pants and most likely staying there, liquor be damned.

“So, what are you doing at a place like this?” she asked.

“Drinking.”

She giggled again. “You know, you’re not at all like you are on television.”

I snorted and studied the bottle of Herradura in front of me. I had already managed to get through quite a bit of it. Not enough though. I poured myself another two fingers. That was the way I was going to get through the night – two fingers at a time.

“You look a lot less uptight away from work.”

I shrugged. “We all deserve to let go occasionally, right?”

“Right,” she said, smiling. She was leaning toward me. I noticed that she wore a blouse that gaped open precariously. Any more and I wouldn’t even have to wonder what was underneath.

This was a bad idea. Somewhere at the back of my mind a little voice screamed at me. But what was the point of all the suits and the beautiful words and the image I had to clean up? I didn’t have the one thing I wanted, which was Hailey. The only reason I changed at all was for her.

“You know, I’ve been on television once or twice myself,” Mia said.

“Really?”

She smiled and nodded. “Really. Nothing as glamorous as you, of course. I was a television show host presenter. That was back in the day though, when I was still young and beautiful.”

I squinted at her. She wore a lot of makeup and I wasn’t sure why someone would want to make their hair that color at all, but she wasn’t ugly.

“There’s nothing wrong with your face,” I said.

She laughed, this time.

“You’re funny,” she said.

“You should see me on a good day.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

She was getting closer. Or maybe I was leaning toward her. I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that being drunk felt good. I hadn’t been this drunk in at least two months and this woman was interested even though I sounded like an ass.

Which I was, obviously. But I was good at it. Everyone had to do what they were good at.

“So, what do you do now?” I asked.

She shrugged. “A little bit of this and that. You know how it goes. I dabble in journalism, too. It’s nothing serious, though.”

I narrowed my eyes at her.

“You’re a journalist?” I asked.

She nodded, smiling. Her teeth were quite white.

“Don’t look so suspicious. I’m off-duty.”

“Oh.”

We chatted for a while. I couldn’t remember what we talked about. She laughed a lot. She moved around even more. I drank too much – it was easier than to tell her off. It was easier than to face my life.

What felt like a long time later, Mia tipped her head to the side. Was it supposed to be cute? The tequila was clouding my judgement.

“They’re closing soon,” she said.

“Who?”

“The bar,” she said, smiling. “Do you want to get out of here?”

I nodded. If they were closing, then I had to leave. Mia got up and snaked her hand around my arm. We walked to the door.

“I don’t live too far from here,” she said as we stepped into the chilly night air. The cold made a small dent in my inebriation and I understood what she was saying. She looked up at me, her eyes hungry. She stood on her toes and pressed her lips to mine.

It was awkward and uncomfortable, but I wrapped my arms around her waist anyway. All I could taste when I kissed her was the tequila I’d been drinking all night.

I flashed on Hailey and broke the kiss. I shook my head. It made the world tip on its axis so I stopped.

“I’m not coming home with you, Mia,” I said.

“We can go to your place.” Her eyes were hopeful. She shimmied her body up against mine. I felt her breasts through my shirt. I could just imagine what Hailey would think of all of this.

“No honey,” I said. “I’m going home alone tonight.”

She protested, but I ignored her. I turned around and stumbled away. I patted my pocket for my car key. That would be a bad idea. At least I knew that much. Instead, I flagged down a cab and gave the driver my address. Then I laid down on the seat and watched the world spin around and around as the car took the turns to get to my place.

When I was finally home – undressed somehow – and in bed, I scolded myself. Who was Hailey? Why did I even listen to what she had to say about my image when she didn’t want me? I could have slept with that Mia woman tonight and it wouldn’t have been wrong. I could do whatever the hell I wanted because I was my own person. I didn’t need this in my life. I didn’t need to be someone I wasn’t.

Except, I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. And even if I could have slept with Mia, I didn’t want to.

She wasn’t Hailey. None of them were.