Chapter Four
Johnny
I’d freaked the fuck out, and there I was, standing in my kitchen, with Flora in the other room not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. I was harder than a fucking steel rod. My cock jammed against my zipper, demanding to be free, to be buried within the tight, hot body of the woman I loved.
I might be a virgin, but fuck, I knew what I wanted, who I wanted. Flora. Hell, I was dying to let her know I’d saved myself for her, that no other woman ever had or would ever compare to her. And I really didn’t want to think about my future if I didn’t man up and admit how I felt for her. Fuck, it would be bleak.
I scrubbed a hand over my face, trying to stay calm, to be collected. Who the fuck was I kidding? I wasn’t going to do any of that, not with Flora so close, so willing, and mine.
I’d seen the way she shifted, the fact her pupils dilated. Her very body language let me know she’d been turned on, that she’d been so primed for me.
She cared for me. Wanted me.
And I’d had to get up and leave, because being so close to her, knowing that I could have leaned in and kissed her, tasted her, would have sent me over the edge. I might be “Big Johnny,” burly, and considered a loner and someone to steer clear of on the best of days, but when it came to Flora she was my world. I was pissed it had taken me so long to admit that to myself.
I leaned against the kitchen counter, just trying to breathe, to get my bearings. I wanted to tell her how much I cared for her, but fuck, I was afraid. I was scared as hell to admit that, to scare her off. I was petrified to see horror or disinterest on her face when I came clean on my feelings, that ever since she was eighteen I’d wanted her as mine.
I replayed that one night so many years ago in my head; her sitting beside me, the wind tousling her hair, the sweet smell of honeysuckle coming from her and making me drunk. It had been an innocent exchange, surely nothing more to her than that, but God, it had meant a hell of a lot to me. I’d held on to that night for so long, wishing I had told her to stay, that I wanted her...loved her.
It had taken me a long fucking time just to work up the nerve to ask her for tonight. I didn’t want to screw things up with her.
But I had to tell her how much I loved her, that she was mine even though she hadn’t known it. Just thinking about her with another man had rage filling me. I curled my hands into tight fists and breathed slowly. No, she was mine, and I had to make that known.
I turned and stared out the kitchen doorway, thinking about her in the living room, wondering what the hell was going on with me. No other woman did it for me. No other woman would ever do it for me. Manning up was what I needed to do, not be a chickenshit afraid to tell the girl I loved that I was a coward.
I made my way back into the living room, saw her looking down, still sitting on the couch, her focus on her hands. She looked forlorn, and I was pissed at myself because I’d made her feel that way. I could see it in the way her pulse beat wildly at the base of her neck when she looked up at me, at the way her chest rose and fell harshly. It was clear she was confused by what was going on. She wouldn’t be for much longer. Before I could say anything she started speaking.
“I feel like things got...weird. I don’t want that.” She smiled up at me but it looked a little forced. I didn’t know what to say, where to start.
I was just going to say it, because I was tired of pretending. Everything in me tensed even more, those words right there on the edge of my tongue, ready to spill out and either have her running from me, or falling headfirst into this crazy fucking situation that I had always dreamed about.
“I love you,” I finally said, those three words like bullets from a gun.
She was silent for long seconds after that, her eyes big and round, the shock clear on her face. I found myself moving closer, but my throat was locked tight. I felt that silence like a noose around my neck slowly being drawn down, tightened until I didn’t know if this was it, the final time I took a breath. It was that big of an impact, that intense of a moment for me that I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even think straight.
“Johnny,” she finally said and I felt a little of that tension loosen, not much, but just a little more to where I didn’t feel like I was suffocating. “I love you, too, so much it hurts.” She let out this breath, as though she’d been holding it in. “I’ve felt that way for so long it seems like it’s a part of me.”
The air left my lungs. I couldn’t even move, let alone form a coherent word. Had I heard her correctly? Flora loved me, too? She fucking loved me? I hadn’t seen this going this way, to be honest. I hadn’t even thought I’d be lucky enough to have her love me in return.
I wanted to say a hell of a lot right then and there, but I was stone, frozen in place, not sure how to say something that wouldn’t come off as fucking this moment up.
“Shit,” she said softly, and I couldn’t help but grin at little Flora swearing. “Things got weird, didn’t they?”
She stood, and panic settled into me as I realized she planned on leaving. No. I couldn’t let her do that, not before I told her that this was perfection, that she was my girl, even before I’d realized I needed that desperately in my life.
I was in front of her before she could take another step. I cupped her face, her skin so soft, her cheeks so delicate in my big, rough hands. She was so feminine, so gentle and sweet. I was this towering, burly lumberjack who didn’t know how to give her the world.
The way she looked at me, as if she were afraid I’d ever be fucking stupid enough to deny her, to not love her back, broke my heart.
“I love you, Johnny. I’ve kept everything inside for so long, not wanting to ruin anything between us.” She smiled softly. “I’d take being your friend over not having you in my life.”
God, she loved me. Flora fucking loved me. I felt like I could crumble to the ground right now. But I got my shit together.
I shook my head. “You are my life.” I finally said those words out loud, to her. My voice was deep, scratchy, my emotions coming through sharp. I’d always been the strong silent type, the one Ash brother who didn’t say much because he didn’t have a care about anything but getting the job done. But all of that had been a lie. I did care. I cared deeply...for Flora.
“I’ve always wanted you, always saw myself with only you.”
I sat down and pulled her on top of me, her legs now straddling my waist. “God, baby,” I whispered. I felt her heat and knew she was wet for me. “I want you so fucking much.” I had my hands in her hair, my mouth on hers. I kissed her like I had never kissed another person before in my life.
She had her hands on my shoulders, her nails digging into my flesh. I slid my tongue between her lips, letting her taste me. She was so small on top of me, so innocent, almost vulnerable. I felt like I could break her if I wasn’t careful. She started kissing me then, her lips soft. I let her take the lead. I rested back on the couch, my cock pressing against my zipper, demanding to be free.
I wasn’t going to rush her, wasn’t going to push her. She was the one in control. She was mine, and I wanted her to know that she’d always be the one who controlled things, who picked the speed, the intensity. I was alpha to the marrow, but for Flora I could take the backseat and let her lead. After that I had to show her how much I craved her, had to show her with my body that I’d wanted this for so fucking long.
“I’m...” She looked away and swallowed. “I’m a virgin.”
The world stopped, shifted.
“Fuck.” I kissed her harder. “You’re it for me, Flora.”
She moaned.
I hadn’t even told her my biggest revelation, that I was a virgin, that from the moment I realized she was the one for me I didn’t want to give myself to anyone else.
I shook my head. “It’s only ever been you.” She didn’t question what I said, but I knew right now we were both too far gone to think rationally.
She dug her nails into my shoulders again. “I want you to be mine.”
I closed my eyes and groaned. I wanted to do some filthy fucking things to her.
“This is really happening, isn’t it?” she asked, her voice soft, sweet.
“This should have happened sooner, baby.” I kissed her again, showing her that she was mine. With her body crushed to mine, my cock was harder than granite. I kissed her until we were both gasping for air, until I wanted to drown in everything that was her. In this moment she wasn’t one of my fantasies. She was here. This was my reality. I held her still with my hands in her hair as I fucked her mouth like I wanted to fuck her between her legs. And when she arched into me, her breasts pressing into my chest, I just about let go.
I could have come without even being inside of her. I was that worked up, that ready for Flora.
She gasped against my mouth, clinging onto me like her life depended on it.
I’m never letting you go.
As much as I would have loved to take her right there, push her thighs apart and sink my cock deep into her body, she deserved a bed. I opened my mouth, about to tell her just that, but her softly spoken words stopped me.
“Take me to your bed. Please.”
That last word was a plea, her desire for me unlike anything I’d ever felt before.
My heart pounded like a fucking jackhammer in my chest. I held her to me and got off the couch, never wanting to let her go. I made it to the bedroom in seconds flat, my cock so hard there was no doubt in my mind she could feel it pressed against her.
Once in my room, I shut the door behind me and had her in the center of my bed, covered in my scent, before I even realized what I was doing. I took a step back, admiring her, really fucking understanding that this moment was happening.
“I need you,” I said, not sure if she even understood me. I sure as fuck hoped she did, because I didn’t think I could control myself once—if—she gave me the all clear. “Let me see all of you, Flora.”
I watched as she started undressing for me, her focus trained on my face, her movements slow, but innocently sexual. And then she was naked, every inch of her creamy skin on full display just for me. Only for me. Forever.
A part of me wanted to go slow, to make this last. But another part of me wanted to take her roughly, possessively. I might have been a virgin, but I sure as fuck knew what I wanted, and that was every part of Flora.
“I want to see you, Johnny.” Her voice was soft, almost hesitant.
I didn’t hesitate to get undressed. Once I was naked in front of her I saw the way she looked me up and down. It made my cock harder knowing she was appraising me, looking her fill. I found myself reaching down and grabbing my cock, not even realizing I was doing it until I saw her eyes widen and felt pleasure shoot up my spine.
When I was right in front of her, my mind so much in this haze of desire that I was just going on instinct, she gazed up at me.
“What is it, Johnny?” she asked, the expression on her face nearly making me growl like the animal was in that moment.
So many fucking dirty things.
Maybe I should have been a gentleman about all of this, but truth be told I wasn’t one. I wanted Flora like a starving beast, like a feral animal who had just found dinner. “I want to be deep inside you. I want to touch you, taste you.” I felt my body tighten. “I want you to know you’re mine.”
Her cheeks turned pink, my words clearly stunning her, or maybe they aroused her.
I was transfixed as I stared at her creamy skin, and I knew there was no way I could make this last, not with how much I wanted her. I was too juiced up for her, my balls drawn up tight to my body and ready to explode. I let my gaze travel over her legs and stopped for a second to stare at her pussy. God, she was so fucking gorgeous.
I lifted my gaze to her breasts, the mounds perfect, her nipples tipped pink, the hard nubs standing on point.
I couldn’t stop myself, not even if I’d wanted to, which I sure as fuck didn’t. I got on my knees before her and lowered my mouth to hers, kissing her deeply for a second. Her flavor was sweet, so fucking addictive.
“Yes,” she moaned.
That sound, that one word, was all it took for me.
“I need you, Johnny.”
My control was slipping.
“I need you too, baby.” The desperation was clear in my voice, thick like tar.
She arched slowly, erotically.
Christ.
“I’m so damn hungry for you, Flora.”
“Johnny.” She said my name, her voice laced with pleasure, soft from need.
My throat tightened, my cock jerked, and I prayed I didn’t shoot my load and end this before it really began.
“You deserve sweet and slow. I want to give you all of that and more.” I might not have sexual experience, but I knew that I could be too gruff, too demanding in everyday things. I didn’t want to scare her off.
But a part of me worried I couldn’t give her that, couldn’t give her everything she deserved.
She shook her head and smiled at me. “Don’t worry about me, Johnny,” she whispered. “I won’t break. I’ve waited too long for this moment to worry about anything else but being with you.”
I was going to lose it right now, just lose it before I even had her. I wanted this moment to last forever, wanted to embrace it, bottle it up so it stayed perfect.
It’ll always be perfect with her.