CHAPTER SIXTEEN
After dinner, Sophie watched Jake pull Ryan aside for yet another private discussion.
She hated secrets, so she wandered down to the beach. Toward the end of her relationship with King, she’d spent most of her time suspecting him of cheating. He kept making plans, but none of them included her. If snowboarding didn’t work out, maybe he’d work for a merchandising company. Or he’d design sunglasses for one of his sponsors. Not only didn’t his plans include her, he’d often shut down a conversation if she walked into the room. She could never figure out why he wouldn’t want her involved, but it drove home the fact that she was his home base, which was nice, but she wasn’t his partner.
And, of course, why wouldn’t he want her hearing his conversations if they were just about business plans? It made her wonder if he was talking to other women.
She didn’t believe he’d ever cheated on her, but still, she’d lived with the constant, nagging doubt. She’d never again live with her gut twisted in knots all the time.
But Ryan did talk to her. He said he’d shared more with her in four days than he ever had with anyone before. But, while he continued to tell her about his baseball-related issues, he’d definitely stopped talking about his ex. And the way he and Jake kept giving each other looks—it just made her feel like whatever he was hiding must somehow affect her.
But, really, why was she obsessing over something that would end the day after tomorrow?
Saturday night she’d be home. And she’d have to face Abby and her brothers. Blocking a hundred million dollar deal meant they’d be geared up for a fight, and she’d have to hold her own against the four of them.
Anxiety ripped through her at the thought of her siblings ganged up against her like that. Holding her stance would cause an irreparable chasm.
Of course, she could let this issue go. Just to keep peace in the family, she could back off and—Oh, hell, no. She wasn’t going to sell Crazy Hearts no matter what.
So, then, how did she handle it so that they didn’t hate her? Maybe she should get Barry to meet her at the house.
You know what? Just talk to Abby. She needed to hear her voice. Get a sense of their attitude towards her.
Kicking off her heels, she dug her toes into the still-warm sand and dialed her sister’s number. A few yards away a bonfire popped and crackled, the group around it laughing and flirting. Sophie closed her eyes to let a breeze wash over her. The hiss of waves dragging back into the sea soothed her frayed nerves and the cool water felt good on her bare feet.
“Hey, Soph. What’s up?” Her sister hadn’t sounded this upbeat in months.
“You sound good.”
“Yeah, well, Leslie took Hannah for a few hours so I could nap.”
“That’s so nice of her. Did you actually sleep?”
“Not really. I don’t want Hannah around all that craziness. I don’t like how she raises her kids.”
She was about to say their sister-in-law was a great mom, but the last thing she needed to do was antagonize Abby. “So, my flight gets into LAX around five on Saturday. Do you want to pick me up?”
“You want me to drive all the way to the airport? With a baby? No, just get an Uber.”
Funny, because Abby always asked for a ride home from the airport. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s always nicer to have someone pick you up.”
“So hire a car. I’ll hire the car. Just give me the flight information. There’s no reason for me to go all the way out there.”
“Right. Okay, then. So, I’m just checking on you. How’re you feeling?” Crossing an arm over her stomach, she looked out over the ocean.
“I’m freaking out. All I want to do is go pick up Hannah. I can just imagine her getting stitches when Carson throws a block at her face or shoves a Lego up her nose. What about you? You sound funny.”
“Oh, I’ve…” Should she talk to her sister about Ryan? They didn’t have that kind of relationship, but she wanted it. It was just that Abby tended to be a little sharp and not hugely sympathetic. But she supposed if she wanted it, she had to make the effort.
Just go for it. “I met a guy.”
“At the resort?”
“Yeah. He’s really great. But he goes to school in Michigan, and he’s going to play baseball professionally. The draft’s in three months.”
When her sister didn’t respond, she continued. “I like him, but we live so far apart, and our lives are completely different.”
“That’s right. So, what’s the problem?”
“I like him in a way I’ve never liked anyone before.”
Her sister let out a sigh of exasperation.
“What?” The sound of giggling had her turning around to see a couple making out on a chaise.
“How many years were you with King?” her sister asked.
“Over three.” She headed back up the beach toward the pool area.
“And how many of those did you live in the same state?”
“Never.” Unless you counted the times he’d crashed at her place, which she didn’t. Because every time he’d done that, he’d been plotting his next big move. She half-suspected he’d considered her family’s company his fallback if snowboarding didn’t pan out.
“Do you really want to do this again? With King, it was all about boarding. Now, you want a baseball player? At least with King, he never made it, so he always came back to you. But if this guy’s signing with a team right out of college, what hope do you have?”
She hit the pavement and leaned over to wipe the sand off her feet. “I guess I don’t.” Beer bottles littered the area around the hot tub. The water bubbled and frothed, as people hung out.
“You live here, Sophie. That’s never going to change. This is where your family lives. Your business. Unless he’s going to play for an LA team…I mean, come on. Why are we even having this conversation? Are you looking for forever? Forevers don’t come out of hookups.”
“Well, that’s what I’m saying. It feels like more.” So much more. “We have this bond, this connection…it’s different, Abby.”
“I’m sure it is, but the moment your planes land and you get back to your real lives, don’t you think these feelings are going to fade? And even if they don’t, realistically, as soon as he graduates, he’s not going to have time for you. If you couldn’t make it work with King, imagine how it’s going to feel with this guy. He’s never going to be around. And you know about the groupies. They lurk around these guys, popping up in their cars and breaking into their hotel rooms.”
Entering the air-conditioned building, she headed for the elevator. Talking to her sister agitated her even more. Not sure if it was because of her sister’s attitude or the truth that rang out in her words. But she really wanted to forge a real relationship, so she’d listen to her sister’s advice. Appreciate the time she was giving her.
So, she gave a little more. “And he’s just coming out of a six-year relationship.” Three women stood waiting, the button already lit.
“Six years? Oh, Soph. Come on. He’s your age?”
“Yeah.” She turned away from the women, keeping her voice low.
“Okay, that’s his entire dating life. No offense, but he’s probably having the time of his life with you.”
“Yeah. But he could be with lots of women here. And he’s not. He’s only with me. We both feel it. He keeps telling me—”
“He’ll tell you anything you want to hear. I know you’re not that naïve. Come on, the guy’s been with the same girl for six years. He goes on spring break…of course he’s going to go wild. I’m not saying you’re not special. I’m saying he’s probably bingeing on a new girl.”
How could she argue with that? Ryan was absolutely bingeing on her. But it was so much more than that. If he’d only wanted to have sex with her, sure, she could see what Abby was saying. But he talked to her. And the way he looked at her? She knew she affected him.
“Guys aren’t like us, Soph. He knows he’s going back to school and onto bigger things. I’m not trying to be mean, but I’m on the outside looking in, and I can see things you might not be able to. Go ahead and have fun with him but don’t get your heart involved. And for God’s sake, don’t be someone’s consolation prize again.”
Mortification burned through her. “What does that mean?” The elevator dinged, and all four women boarded.
“I’m not saying King didn’t love you. Only you know for sure about that. But he always chose boarding first.”
“He had to. He was competing.”
“And when he broke up with you before the Olympic trials? Was it about competing then? Or did he just want to be single?”
“He didn’t know how long he’d be away. He didn’t want to tie either of us down.”
“Right. And it was a smart choice. You guys were so young. But you’re older now, and maybe you want more. I mean, don’t you want more than that?”
“Of course I do.”
She could tell from Abby’s tone that she was being sincere, but why did she have to be so freaking condescending?
“Look, I have to go. Hannah probably has a Barbie purse in her mouth right now, and if I leave right this second I can save her from choking.”
“Anxious much?” Just as she stepped onto her floor, she saw Ryan leaning against the wall outside her room, reading the screen of his cell. He looked up, pocketed the phone, and headed toward her.
“Hey.” He kissed her mouth.
Abby laughed, but it didn’t sound real. “You have no idea the scenarios I come up with. I have to check on her every few minutes during a nap because I think she’s smothered in her own spit-up. I’ll see you when you get home. And Soph?”
“Yeah?”
When they reached her suite, Ryan pulled the key card out of her hand.
“Put yourself first for a change, okay?”
“I am.” Continuing to be with Ryan was a gift she’d given herself. “Okay, I’ll let you go. Give my love to Hannah.”
“Oh, wait. I forgot. When’s that philanthropy thing again?”
That philanthropy thing? The mayor of Beverly Hills was honoring her at a dinner. It was a big deal. “It’s Saturday, April third.”
“Right. Damn. I can’t go.”
Ryan swiped the card, opening her door. When she just stood there, stunned, he lifted her off the ground and carried her into the room.
“Abby, you have to go. You’re speaking.”
“I know, but it’s Lexi’s engagement party that night. I have to be there.”
“No, Abby, you said you’d come to my event. I can have two people speak about me. You’re one of them.”
Once inside, Ryan set her down, then turned and locked the door, tossing her key card on the desk.
“I’m so sorry, but I’m the matron of honor, and I have to be there.”
“Abby, seriously? You can’t bail on me.”
“I’ll get someone else to do it.”
“What’re you talking about? You can’t just hire someone for this, Abby. This is about people who know me well. Who care.” Why did she think she mattered to her sister? Other than babysitting—and that was for the past six weeks—when had her sister ever even tried with her? Abby was all about Abby. “You know what? Forget it. I can’t believe you’d bail on me.”
“It’s Lexi’s engagement party.”
“That she can have any day of the week. But the mayor is honoring me that night. That one night. And it’s a big deal. You committed to me first—months ago.” Ryan had gone out on the balcony, and she appreciated that he’d given her the space because she was absolutely devastated.
“I know that, and I feel terrible. But there’s nothing I can do. I have to be there.”
“You mean you don’t want to miss out on the fun. Forget it. I don’t know why I bother. Like I said, I’m pissed that you’d bail on me, but I can’t say I’m surprised. Go get Hannah, and don’t you dare ask anyone to take your place at the ceremony. It’ll just be Laura.” Kat’s family went to Hawaii that week every year to honor her dad, who’d passed away eight years ago. She could ask another of her friends, her brothers, even, but she didn’t have to have two people, so she wouldn’t bother. “Bye.” She stabbed the End Call button and let the disappointment bear down on her.
“Everything okay?” Ryan came in and sat beside her on the edge of the mattress.
“No.”
“What’d your sister bail on?”
“Oh, just an award thing. No big deal.”
“Yes, I see that.” He took her hand, engulfing it in his huge one. “Talk to me.”
“Like you talk to me?”
He flinched. She didn’t care. She got up, tossed her bag on a chair, her sandals onto the floor outside the closet, and headed straight for the bathroom. “I’m going to shower. Give me about twenty minutes and then I’ll be in a better mood.”
Shutting herself inside the large, white room, she peeled off her dress, panties and bra, and then turned on the shower.
Abby always let her down. Sophie considered what she would do if she had to choose between honoring her commitment to Abby and going to Laura’s engagement party. She’d hate to miss her best friend’s big moment, but her obligation to her family came first. And wouldn’t she simply ask Laura to change the date? She assumed she’d be in on the planning of everything—Laura would tell her every detail, so she’d have some kind of say.
More likely Abby had gotten carried away with her best friend’s plans and hadn’t bothered to check her calendar. Abby and Lexi talked every day—Sophie didn’t have that kind of relationship with her sister. So, maybe—
Yeah, sorry. Nope. She didn’t understand. Abby had a choice to make, and she’d chosen Lexi’s event over honoring her commitment to Sophie.
Whatever. She was totally overreacting. Two speakers bragging on her seemed over the top anyway.
Funny, though, how she accused Ryan of living to make other people happy, when her own happiness was so tied to her siblings. If they included her, she soared. When they excluded her, she crashed.
She had to stop doing that. Letting them make her feel invisible. Inconsequential.
A memory hit her. Middle school graduation. Not a big deal, of course, but she’d been invited to a couple of parties. She’d turned them down because her sister had graduated college that same week. Her family had a huge event planned at the house.
Her whole life, her mom would set up balloons and crepe paper for all the family birthdays and celebrations. So she’d assumed she’d come home from graduation to a house decorated in her school colors. But she hadn’t.
The balloons out front of the house were blue and gold—UCLA’s colors. Abby’s school. Her mom had had the event catered, transforming the backyard into a festival with food stations, a DJ, and a dance floor covering the pool. Presents filled the dining room table—all the cards made out to Abby.
No one even mentioned Sophie’s graduation. She’d gone up to her room, thinking she’d find a present on her bed. Balloons. Something.
But, no. Nothing. No acknowledgement.
The sharpest memory, though? Her brothers had stayed for Abby’s graduation party. At that point, they rarely came home. They were involved in their own post-college lives. But they’d come for Abby’s graduation—and stayed for the party. And she’d been so freaking jealous. And hurt.
As much as she’d wished she’d gone to Laura’s party that night, some perverse need in her had kept her pinned right there on her balcony, watching the fun below.
Hoping her brothers, her sister, her parents—someone—would come in and congratulate her. But she’d never even seen her parents that night. They’d gone to their room, leaving the caterers and housekeeper to take care of serving and cleaning up.
Why was she thinking about that party? She’d been in middle school. Hardly worthy of a catered event. She really had to let this stuff go.
Steam filled the bathroom, erasing her image in the mirror, so she stepped into the shower.
She didn’t usually dwell on this stuff. The whole issue with Nestlé had brought it up, throwing her back into those uncomfortable feelings from her childhood. Uncomfortable? Come on. She’d been painfully lonely. Made all the more acute because she’d been surrounded by her large family.
Tipping her head forward, she let the hot water stream down her body.
The door opened and Ryan came in, watching her carefully. “What did you mean? Like you talk to me?”
“You’re keeping something from me.”
“I talk to you more than anybody.”
“Oh, cut it out. You’re obviously upset about something. Something happened in the van. I saw your face.”
He yanked her towards him. “No one pays attention to me the way you do. I don’t know whether I like it or if it drives me crazy.”
But the way he looked at her, with so much affection, told her how very much he liked her attention.
“When you keep things from me, I build it up in my head.”
He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her out of the spray. “I’m not captain of the team anymore.”
“Oh. Wow. That’s…that’s big.”
“If I’d taken that flight, nothing would’ve changed. I’d be back for the game, and everyone would’ve forgotten what I’d done.”
She loved that about him, that he was honorable enough, strong enough to tell the truth.
“Do you regret it?”
“No.” He looked completely baffled.
“So what does it mean? How will it affect you?”
“I’ve been talking to my dad about that.”
So, that’s what he’d been dealing with. And why would he share that with her, since she had no frame of reference for it? She couldn’t offer advice. It wasn’t her world. “What does he think?”
“We don’t know if it’ll affect the draft.” He shrugged, looking a little lost. “We’ll see.”
“God, you just wanted a break from your life. Shouldn’t be such a huge price to pay.”
“Sure it should. I’m in the middle of my season, and I bailed on my team. I fucked up.”
“I like how you own it.” She turned in his arms, cupping the back of his head. “You say you don’t regret it, but I can see how upset you are.”
With a stricken look, he sighed. “I needed to walk off that field, but I earned my captaincy. I earned my reputation. And I lost it because I’m not right in the head. It just…it sucks.” His hands slid up her rib cage, cupping just beneath her breasts. “On the other hand, I’m not sure I’m going to feel the impact until I’m back at school on Monday. I’m in a whole other world right now, and I like this one. A lot.” His hands hooked under her arms, slid up her back to her shoulders, and he pulled her closer, kissing the corner of her mouth.
Why did she find that so sexy?
He brought his mouth to her ear. “I don’t want to leave it.”
The look in his eyes made need churn inside her. “Me neither.”
Abby was wrong. He did feel the same way she did. “Do we have to? I mean, we graduate in two months. And if I take over Crazy Hearts, production is only from October to February. Do we really have to go our separate ways? I’d be willing to see how it goes.”
“Yeah?” He flashed her that god-awful Hollywood grin.
Oh, God. Could she be more humiliated? She’d gotten carried away in the moment, with all his panty-melting words. But he obviously hadn’t meant them. Not really.
And that just gutted her.
She pushed back. “You don’t have to get all phony with me. I just got excited. I know how impossible it is.”
But he kept his arms around her. “Of course I want to be with you. But I’m going to be drafted in three months. I don’t know what my life will look like then. We’ve both got a world of shit to deal with.”
“I understand.” But she didn’t. Not really. Because none of that had anything to do with his feelings for her, and if he felt anything like what she felt for him he wouldn’t even consider all that nonsense. He’d just want to be with her.
Intellectually, she understood. They’d both done the long distance thing for years. And it didn’t work. Besides, neither of them should be tied down when their lives were about to change so dramatically after graduation.
God, was that why she wanted to hold onto him? Was she as scared as Kat and Laura? She honestly hadn’t even considered it until this moment. But it made sense. Because the truth was, she didn’t have a job. Her brothers and sister had yet to figure out where she fit in at Valentine’s. And if she blocked the deal with Nestlé, she’d be in for a real battle. One that would hurt her relationship with them irrevocably.
What relationship? Waiting around the house for the next family party? Hoping they’d find a job for her? Continuing to feel slighted as they negotiated with Nestlé without consulting her?
She started to pull away. “We’re wasting water.”
But he held her firmly, not letting her go. “You know I want to be with you.”
“I know.”
“Soph.”
“What? I get it. You just got out of a six-year relationship. You should be single for a while.”
He didn’t answer, just held her gaze. She had no idea what he was thinking, and she just felt like a fool.
God, he’d asked for a week, not a lifetime.
If he didn’t look at her like he…well, come on, like he loved her, it’d be so much easier for her. But he did. Which made it so damn confusing.
His hands ran down her back to her ass. “Of course I should be single. But, Christ, Sophie, I didn’t know I’d find you. What the hell am I supposed to do about that?”
That phony smile he’d flashed her? Answer enough. “We don’t have to figure it out right now.” Breaking through the resistance of his arms, she punched the faucet off.
But he reached for her, turning her toward him. “Fuck, I’m sorry I didn’t give you the reaction you wanted. My life is blowing up, and I’m handling the fall-out as best I can.
“I know that.”
“No, I feel like the worst piece of shit for losing my captaincy. I let my coach and my teammates down, and I take their respect seriously. But I did it to myself, and I have to deal with that. I also have a real shot at being a first-pick in the draft—that’s a huge honor—and if the scouts figure out what I’ve done, then I’ll blow that, too. So, I’m fucked up at the moment.”
“It’s okay. I understand.”
“Do you? Because I sure as hell don’t. I’m trying to hold it together to pull through this tail-spin, because I’ve never been out of control before. But you know me, Soph. You know me well enough to know when I’m hiding behind a smile. You also know how crazy I am about you. So, yes, of course I want to keep seeing you, but I don’t know how the hell that’s supposed to happen.”
“I know. I told you I got carried away.”
“I did, too. I got so carried away I turned down my seat on a flight back to Florida so I could get more of you. So don’t think I’m rejecting you. I’m not. I want to be with you right now. But, honestly, I can’t see beyond that. Can you?”
Of course not. And, yes, she understood where he was coming from.
But her gut told her a connection like this didn’t come along all that often. And it also told her that if they didn’t hold onto it they’d fade away from each other.
And that would be a huge mistake.