CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“You can’t stay here.” Ryan looked at the woman he’d grown up with and understood she’d lost her way.
“They’re booked, Ryan. There’s nowhere else for me to stay.”
He didn’t feel even the slightest inclination to give in. “That’s not my problem. I told you not to come out here.”
“After I was on a plane.” She used her soft voice, the one that usually made him feel sorry for her.
Only, this time he didn’t feel much of anything. He was done. “Why are you here? Why would you come all the way out here for one day? I told you I didn’t want to see you.”
“I thought you were upset.” Tears welled. “I thought you needed me. I came here to help you. Your teammates are worried about you. Everyone back home is freaking out.”
“You did that. No one knew anything. Jake, Dixon, and my dad were the only people who knew what I’d done. And then you went and stirred up trouble. What the hell?”
She cocked her head, eyeing him carefully. “You’re different.”
“I sure as hell hope so.” He needed to get to Sophie. Ironically, he’d been ending his relationship with Emma when Sophie had shown up in the restaurant. He hoped his ex finally got it, that they’d never get back together. But even if she didn’t, that was her issue. He’d hurt Sophie, and that killed him. “Look, I have to go.” He tried to usher her out the door, but she stayed by her luggage.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Tears spilled out of her big, brown eyes. “I’m not giving up on you, Ryan.” Her breath hitched. “I can’t believe I did this to you. I’m sorry. I’ll never forgive myself.”
Was she serious about this shit? How did he even address it? With the truth. “Emma, listen to me. I don’t care that you cheated. I really don’t. We should’ve ended things a long time before that. Now, come on.” He lifted her suitcase—Jesus, what had she packed for a weekend on an island?
“Look, baby, just talk to me. We never talked. You saw the tabloids and you just shut me out. And now look at you.” She held prayerful hands over her mouth. “God, you were so perfect. You had everything. And now…You’re spiraling out of control. Sit with me, talk to me, just let it all out. Even if you still don’t want to get back with me yet, at least let it all out.”
“Let what all out? What’re you talking about?”
“Ryan, baby, it’s me. No one knows you better. No one gets you like I do. Come on, your mom let you down all the time, your dad wasn’t there for you. I know. Why do you think my dad started bringing you home with him after practice? Because of me. Because I couldn’t stand that no one came to pick you up. And then you gave me your whole heart and what did I do? I trashed it. For a stupid fling with some guy in a boy band.”
Clarity struck like the flare of a match. Why had he never seen this before? “I never gave you my heart.”
She flinched, as though he’d slapped her.
“I’m sorry, but I didn’t.” He got it. He got it so clearly. “I liked going to your house. It was peaceful. Everyone got along and laughed with each other. But I was on my best behavior. All the time. I was so polite, so careful not to say the wrong thing. I didn’t want to be kicked out. And believe me, after all the trouble I caused at home, I locked my shit down for your family. I wanted them to like me.” A terrible feeling crawled up his spine. Some kind of understanding shifted like a shadow at the back of his mind, but he didn’t have time for this. He needed to get to Sophie.
“It’s not true. Nothing you’re saying is true. You had a terrible home life, and you got to be yourself around us. You’re only saying this because I hurt you. I wish I could go back in time. I hate myself. I hate what I’ve done to you.”
“Emma.” He shook his head, holding her gaze. “I’ve never been myself around you. I’ve always been polite, a gentleman.”
“You are a gentleman. You’re such a great guy. The best. I’ve never met a guy as kind and gentle and sweet as you. Everyone loves you. I love you.”
“I don’t love you, Emma. Not that way.”
“Are you saying you love that girl? You just met her.”
“I’m not talking to you about Sophie.” She’s mine.
“You’re using her to hurt me. You can’t love her.”
“But I do.” Oh, holy hell. The truth hit him like a body blow.
He stopped in the doorway, letting it sink in.
He was completely and totally in love with Sophie Valentine.
This wasn’t about escaping his troubles or going hard for a week. This wasn’t about lust.
He fucking loved her. Everything about her—from her independent and fiery spirit to her warmth and sensuality to her sense of humor and adventure. He loved her.
And he had to have her.
Opening the door, he set Emma’s suitcase outside and waited for her to pass. She stood immobile, looking dazed.
“But she’s not your type at all.” Her frail chest heaved with rapid, shallow breaths. “God, Ryan, she’s…fat.”
Ryan grinned. “I think the word you’re looking for is voluptuous.” For the first time, he felt free of Emma, free of the guilt. “Do you have any idea how refreshing it is to be with a woman with no body issues? Come on. I gotta go.”
“Wait. You can’t dismiss me like this. Six years, Ryan. And years of friendship before that. Can you at least be my friend? You’ve always been there for me.” She reached for him, but he took a step back.
“Friendly, yes. Friends?” He shook his head. “I already told you that’s not going to work.”
“I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Her voice sounded so faint.
“Do what?”
“Live overseas. I’m so lonely. I know it looks like I’m living this crazy life of parties and clubs and magazine shoots, but it’s not like that. I have no one to talk to most days. Yeah, I get invited on trips or out to clubs, but it’s empty. I don’t really have friends. Except you.”
“Then come home.”
She perked up. “I’m thinking about that. But come home to what?”
The hopeful look in her eyes made him uneasy. He had to quash it. “To a fresh start. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. All my friends from home are graduating college this year. They’ve got jobs lined up. If I come home, I’ll have nothing. I’ll live in my parent’s house and have nothing.”
“You’ve got money. You’ve been working for more than six years.”
“I don’t have any skills. I don’t have an education. There’s nothing for me besides modeling, and I’d only get catalog work in the States.”
“Then take the time to figure out what you want to do.”
“I want to build a life with you, Ryan. I thought my life would be with you. That’s what you led me to believe. That we’d be together.”
An electrical current skidded across his skin, lifting the hairs at the back of his neck. “What’re you talking about? We never talked about marriage. You were doing your thing, and I was doing mine.”
“With the assumption we’d wind up together. That when you got drafted, I’d come with you.”
Holy shit. “We never talked about that.” I never wanted that.
“We didn’t have to. We’ve been together six years.”
“Emma, it’s not going to happen. I broke up with you months ago. I’ve moved on.”
“Bullshit. This is all such bullshit. All this talk—this isn’t you. You don’t just give up because of one mistake. You owe us the chance to see if we can make it.”
“You know what I owe you? The truth. I don’t love you, Em. I’m not angry that you slept with someone else. You know what I felt when I saw those pictures? Relief. I don’t want to hurt you, and I’m sorry you’re lost, but I’m not your answer. And, as hard as it’s going to be, you’re going to have to figure out your own life. Because it’s not going to be with me.”
She looked horrified, almost shriveling with each word he said.
“I can see I’m hurting you now, so I’m going to stop talking.” He took her by the arm and pulled her out of his room. “If they don’t have a room for you here, you’re going to have to find one in town. You can’t stay with me. Not only because I don’t want you to, but because it wouldn’t be right. It would hurt Sophie, and I’ve done enough of that.”
“My dad is going to hate you.”
The arrow hit its mark. But it didn’t sting the way he’d feared. “He might. But do you really want me to be with you because I’m worried what your dad will think of me? You deserve better than that.”
In the past he might press a soft kiss on her cheek. But he didn’t want to do that. He just wanted to go. And so he stepped out of the room, shut the door, and raced to the elevator.
After covering every square inch of the damn resort and still not finding her, Ryan had had enough. He needed to find her and let her know what she meant to him. He needed to wipe that no out of her head and turn it into a hell yes. He sure as fuck did want to be with her.
He strode into the dining room, where he found Laura and Kat with a large group. He strode right up to them. “Where is she?”
“Who’s this?” one of the guys said.
But Ryan never took his gaze off Laura. She set down her fork. “She left.”
Reeling back, he scraped a hand through his hair. “Fuck.” People from other tables turned, but Ryan didn’t care. “Where’d she go?”
“Excuse me.” Laura pushed her chair back and took his elbow, guiding him away from the table. “She left. That’s all I really want to tell you.”
“What does that mean? All you want to tell me?”
“Are you serious right now?” And then she leaned into him. “What do you care?”
The image of Sophie’s face when he’d told her they were done punched him hard in the gut. “Just tell me where she is. I need to talk to her.”
“Leave her alone. She gets it, okay? She gets that you guys had fun together, and now you both have to get back to your real lives.” Her gaze narrowed. “Let her go.”
“Not gonna happen. And this isn’t any of your business.”
She gave a snort. “When my closest friend in the world comes to me at nine in the morning, her world in a million ugly, little pieces, it becomes my problem.”
“I want to fix it.”
“Guess what? She fixed herself.” She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “So you don’t have to worry about her. You’re free to go on with your life. You two have no future anyway, right? Isn’t that what you told her?” When he didn’t answer, she continued. “I promise you, she’s not a mess. She’s good. In fact, she’s happier than I’ve ever seen her. Leave her like that.”
“Dammit, Laura, when did she go?”
Laura looked thoughtful for a moment. “Couple hours ago.”
“Did she go home?”
Laura pressed her lips together.
But he knew. “She went to Montana?” He saw it right away. A flicker of joy, like he’d impressed her. “Where?”
Laura got right up in his face. “I’m telling you she’s fine. She’s happy, so why would a guy who doesn’t want a relationship with her want to find her and hurt her all over again? Do you even know what you want? Because until you do, stay the hell away from my girl.”
“Oh, I know. I know exactly what I want.”
He’d known what he wanted the moment the word no had left his mouth. The second anguish had flashed across Sophie’s features. Even as she’d taken off, he’d known he’d lied to her. Lied in the never-ending effort to keep everyone who’d supported him for so many years happy.
Standing on his balcony overlooking the ocean, black sky flickering with blazing stars, Ryan knew it was time to go after what he wanted.
Turning back into his room, he pulled his duffle out of the closet, eager to get going. As he tossed his belongings into the bag, he had a moment of panic when he thought about Sophie somewhere out there in the world thinking he didn’t care enough to be with her.
He did. And now he’d show her.
It was too late to get a flight out, of course. Between looking for her and ending things with Emma, he’d wasted the day. But he’d leave first thing in the morning. He knew the ranch was just outside Bozeman. So he’d fly there and then what? Magically find her aunt’s ranch? He didn’t know, but she’d find it hard to ignore him when he texted her from the Bozeman airport. He’d have a day and a half to make it right with her before school started.
He couldn’t miss school or another game, obviously, so he had to get to her before then.
His phone buzzed. Soph? He’d left her a dozen texts throughout the day, but she’d ignored them all. Was she finally getting back to him?
But it wasn’t her. “Hey, Dad, what’s up?”
“Ryan, when’s your flight back?”
“Tomorrow night.” But he’d head to the airport anyhow. He’d take the first standby flight he could get.
“You’ll need to change your ticket. I’ll have a car waiting for you at JFK.”
“Actually, I’m going to Montana. But then I have to go straight to Michigan. I’m going to be back on campus and ready to go Monday morning.”
“No, you’re not.” His dad sounded tired, worn…a little freaked? “Brandon’s in the hospital.”
The shock of it rang through him. “What happened?”
“Alcohol poisoning.”
Ryan dropped onto the edge of the mattress. “Is he all right?”
“He’s unconscious.”
What the hell? “What does that mean? Is he at school? Are you at Yale Hospital?”
“Okay, slow down. I don’t know anything yet. I wasn’t going to call you, but…you should be here.”
“Of course I’ll be there.”
“He’s here. In Greenwich. I guess he came home for Parker’s birthday. Look, I’m sure he’ll be all right, but I needed to let you know…in case…”
In case his brother died.
His brother.
“I didn’t see it,” his dad said. “Sure, he drinks. What college kid doesn’t? But this much? I…didn’t see it.”
“Dad, this isn’t on you.” His dad had talked to them a lot about booze, warning them about a possible genetic predisposition. “He’ll be fine.” But Ryan’s stomach twisted hard, making him sick. Because he didn’t know that at all.
“I didn’t know he had a problem. Is this normal for him? This much drinking?”
“I don’t know what’s normal for him.” And in that moment Ryan hated that he didn’t know a damn thing about his brother’s life. He exhaled roughly. “I’ll be on the first flight home. Keep me updated, okay?”
“Of course.”
He ended the call and just stood there, letting it sink in. Brandon, lying unconscious in a hospital bed. The image sacked him.
What a selfish fuck. All those years hiding out in Emma’s family, it hadn’t even occurred to him that he should’ve been taking care of his brother and sister.
He drew in a deep breath. He had a hell of a lot to make up for.