Chapter Forty-Six
Fanny
Stop fidgeting, I told myself. He told you he would be there. So I was a little late. I glanced out the window. Wall to wall traffic as far as the eye could see. Ok, I was going to be a lot late. I’d called Lyft over an hour ago. I thought that would leave me plenty of time to get from the Hills to the other side of the airport and Manhattan Beach. But I had forgotten to take into account typical LA traffic where it could take over an hour just to go a few miles. No rhyme or reason for the snags. They could happen at any time of the day.
I had hit one now.
“I’m sorry, miss.” The hired driver glanced at me in the rearview mirror. “Google says we’re in for a thirty-minute delay.”
“It’s ok,” I replied. Only it wasn’t. Because I feared he didn’t expect me to show.
~ ~ ~
Ashland
“Stop pacing. She’ll be here. She loves you, dude. Stop trying to add it up in your head. Love doesn’t follow any set of rules. Definitely didn’t in my case. I got way better than I deserved.” He glanced at Simone. She sat perched on the edge of her chair at the small table directly in front of us, her cell at the ready to record our performance for Karen, who had to keep the shop open. “But then again, it’s not my job to worry about how I lucked out or why she chose me, is it? My responsibility is to return that love lavishly. To make sure she never regrets her decision.”
“That’s what I’m attempting to do with Fanny.” I gave Linc a glare. I might have growled. I was a little, ok a lot, on edge. Catching catnaps in my office hadn’t been working all that great for me. Neither was spending all the empty hours without her working to show her what she meant to me. Yeah, it kept me busy. Kept my support network close by without me having to verbalize that need to them per se. But the price was living every waking breathing minute with her on my mind.
Yeah, ok. Her being on my mind day and night was happening regardless. I had been reading Shakespeare and yoga. Namaste. Trying to meditate on it. Her parting words to me about the light and beauty she saw in me kept replaying prominently in my mind.
“Let’s go ahead and do the song, man.” Diesel stomped over to us, lifting his chin to the crowd that had gathered. “It’s the internet age. All those people are already taking pictures and shit and posting it all over social media. Once you sing it’s gonna be on YouTube in seconds.”
“Once she sees it, even if she doesn’t see it live, she’s gonna be yours. The song’s fucking awesome.” Ramon leaned in. Like Diesel he was riled up and ready to play.
“Not gonna make it easier by waiting.” Linc slapped me on the shoulder. My drumsticks were in his hand. Our roles in the band would be doing a one eighty for this number. “You sure you ok?” He searched my eyes.
“Yeah. It has to be me.”
“I get it. To demonstrate that you’re changing for her. A gesture of your faith. Only you sure your breakfast is gonna stay down?”
“One can hope.” It was only a protein shake. And the nausea that usually plagued me on stage in front of people was curiously absent. Yeah, I was nervous. Pent up energy pinballed around inside me. But something she had helped me realize was that being up here wasn’t as big a deal as I’d made it out to be. This wasn’t a sold-out stadium, for sure. But the size of the venue wasn’t relevant. What mattered was that I wasn’t alone. I had the people who meant the most in the world to me, minus her. But even though she wasn’t here, I found that I could sense her energy. Somehow she’d seen past all of my faults and hang ups and poor choices to discover the true essence of who I was. All those good things she saw in me? I knew now they were real. A woman with Fanny’s vision didn’t fall in love with a mirage.
Simple.
Yet profound.
And she was right about something else. There weren’t sharks out there.
Just a lot of people who wanted to hear us rock.
But I would be careful of the power cords.
If I did end up on YouTube I didn’t want to stumble. I wanted to look good, to be good—beauty, love truth, honor and light—for her.
~ ~ ~
Fanny
Doubts. I started having them as the delay stretched into an hour and a half and I was still stuck in the backseat as my Lyft ride inched along.
Why hadn’t Ash given me his cell number?
Was it because he didn’t want me to end things over the phone?
Surely he had more faith in us than that.
But what if I was wrong?
What if he had sent me away for a different reason than I had imagined?
What if it wasn’t that he didn’t expect me to show up, but that he didn’t want me to?
I was a lot of trouble. His life was undeniably simpler and quieter without me around.
Doubts.
Talk to me directly, Ash had admonished.
But how could I if I couldn’t reach him?
I also remembered the conversation with Simone.
If something happens, something that makes you doubt how much he cares for you, would you just come to me before you decide it won’t work out? Or come to any of us. Karen. Linc. Ramon. Second chances are hard to come by.
I didn’t have anyone’s personal number. But I could get the one for the surf shop. I googled it on my cell and called it. She answered on the first ring.
“Offshore. How can I help you?”
“Karen, it’s Fanny.”
“Fanny. Where are you?” She sounded upset.
“I’m stuck in traffic.”
“Oh.”
“I know I’m late. Is he…is he going to be at the coffeehouse when I arrive?”
“No, Fanny. He’s not.” My heart sunk. “He’s already been there and left.”
“Oh, no.” I exhaled a tense breath. Tears filled my eyes. “I left in plenty of time, but traffic is terrible. The main drag here in Manhattan Beach is just as congested as the freeway was. And he didn’t leave me his cell number. I didn’t even have yours.” My shoulders were so tight they were up at my ears. A sob escaped.
“Oh, honey. I don’t think you understand. He was at the Cosmic Cup. All the Dogs were. Simone, too. I would have been also, but I had to manage the shop. Because of your sister, business is brisk. Ash sang a song for you. It’s very romantic. Simone captured it and sent it to my cell. Give me your number.” I recited it to her quickly.
“Got it. I’ll forward the file to you. In the meantime, keep heading south all the way to Ocean Beach. I’ll tell Ash what happened and to expect you.” She hung up. My cell dinged with an incoming message, and I swiped trembling fingers across the screen.
The video image was a little shaky. Simone must have been excited as she was filming it. But there was Ash—holy shit at center mic! Flanked by Diesel and Ramon, with Linc behind him on drums, he looked gorgeous. Light blue tee molded to his chest. Board shorts snug in all the right places.
OB navy ball cap on backwards, he grabbed the mic, wrapped his finger around it and pulled it out of the stand. “This one’s for the woman I love. She doesn’t worry about sharks when I’m around, and I don’t worry about tripping over power cords, much less about being everything she needs.” I swayed even though I was seated. “It’s called, ‘The Real Me’. Fanny Bay this is for you.” He glanced over his shoulder, nodding to Linc. His cousin clacked his sticks together. I recognized the staccato beat of the song right away as the one Ash had been working on before Hollie and I had left.
Then I just watched him.
Being sexy.
Moving to the insistent beat.
His sculpted lips to the mic, his hand over his chiseled chest. An entreaty in his gaze and in the lyrics he sang, his words washed away the last remaining doubts inside of me.
Living the dream life
One dull day at a time
Trapped inside an image
With no reason or rhyme
They may think that they know me
What the hell do they know?
They see the shine of the spotlights
But they don’t reach my soul
But you came
And you saw things
Even I couldn’t see
You connected
And perfected
Showed me who I could be
You’re the only one
Who could see the real me
Always kept my true self hidden
Behind a door locked away
From a world who would judge me
And the things they would say
But you have this vision
To see past my disguise
And there’s nowhere to run
From the light in your eyes
Cause you came
And you saw…