Chapter Twenty-Three
Ashland
“You’re welcome, little one.” I inhaled and exhaled like I had seen her do to center herself. It helped some, but looking into her approving eyes worked better for me than any yoga breathing technique.
Don’t blow it with her, my cousin had warned.
I didn’t think he had realized at the time just how soon his words would come into play.
Not blowing it meant getting a handle on the jealousy that had crested like a rogue wave inside of me the moment I overheard Fanny mention the fact she had a boyfriend.
It meant realizing that I had her right now looking at me as if she believed in me.
Not him.
It also meant giving her more reasons to believe her faith was well placed.
“Would you mind helping me set the table?” I asked.
“Sure.” So sweet. So eager to please. I set the issue of the boyfriend to the side. Not dismissed, no fucking way, but on the agenda of things to be addressed at a later time.
“Great.” I stood offering my hand to her. She placed hers in mine without hesitation. Proof of her faith. Liking that as much as the way she was regarding me, I drew her up and directly toward me.
“Whoa,” she said, rocking unsteadily. Maybe I had reeled her in a little overzealously. Her hands automatically came toward my chest for balance, but I captured them before they got there, enfolding them in my own. “Ash,” she breathed, peering up at me through her lashes. Ok, maybe this look I liked even better than the other.
“Fanny,” I returned, my tone nearly as urgent. She felt so good in my arms. Our gazes locked together. Her face tipped up to mine. Her compelling warmth. My thighs brushing hers. Our upper bodies separated only by the width of our joined hands.
“So.” Her pink tongue slipped out. She swiped it across her lush lips. They glistened temptingly. Her lids fluttered closed. I swallowed, wanting nothing more than to lower my head and press my lips to hers…to feel, to explore, to learn their texture and shape. Kissing her would be a plunge into pleasure. But not yet. It was too much, too soon. Given her innocence and my unspoken issues, I had to take this slow.
“The others will be back soon,” I reminded her, and her eyes snapped open, their dark grey clouded with disappointment. “So we better get that table set.” My voice rasping along the fine edge of my restraint, my grip tightened betraying my tension.
“I’ll show you where the dishes and cutlery are.” Relaxing my hold on her hands, I took a controlled step back and released her.
“Oh. Ok. Sure. Lead the way.”
I turned to do just that as voices began to drift out of the stairwell. The sound of many footfalls soon eclipsed the softer ones directly behind me.
“Here they are.” I pressed the cabinet door to open it.
“I can get it from here.” Fanny said, slipping into the spot I vacated and offering me a soft nod of efficacy.
“Great.” I reached for and squeezed her hand. “Sit by me at the table, yeah?” I held her gaze wishing to say more, but with the others filing up, our moments of privacy had passed.
“Of course.”
“Good.” I released her fingers, swiping my thumb across the center of her palm as I did so and watching her close her hand as if to hold onto the warmth of the caress. “I’ll get the steaks.”
“Yo, Ash.” Linc called, banging his fist on the table. He had already taken a seat. “We gonna eat or what?”
“We are,” I confirmed.
“Finally. I gotta tell you the food better be fucking phenomenal because the service at Casa Keys sucks.”
I shot him the finger.
“Rude, dude. Totally rude. I’m downgrading my rating of this establishment by a whole point.”
Ramon chortled as he crossed to me. “Let me help,” he said, taking one of the foil wrapped platters from my arm. “Let us all help,” he added in a lower volume, and I got the wider meaning as I followed where he pointed with his gaze. The girls. They were all gathered around Fanny. Karen had her arm threaded around the newcomer’s waist. The stack of plates Fanny had carried over to the table had been transferred to Simone for distribution. Hollie was setting out the cutlery. Both sisters had obviously been adopted into the clan.
“Karen had a soft spot for Fanny before she even knew her name. But it’s more than that now. We all feel pretty much the same way.”
“You talked about this downstairs,” I guessed.
“Some.” He tilted his head. “Was a big part of the drama with Fanny earlier because you told her your status?
I nodded.
“But then you worked it out.”
“We’re in the process of doing that, yeah.” No way was it a one and done scenario on an issue with so many ramifications.
“Sure, but it’s a promising start to a relationship.”
“She and I only agreed to see if something more than friendship is possible,” I explained. “No one mentioned anything about a relationship.” She had a boyfriend. I had my arrangement with Renee to sort out. Not to mention all the other complications up in the air.
“Whatever terminology you feel comfortable using is fine with me, hermano. All I really wanted to say is relax, alright? Let the real you flow and all.”
“I dunno.” That sounded an awful lot like winging it. Not my forte.
“However you want to play it. But you gotta know that if this girl matters to you, she matters to us, too.”
Something warm and significant expanded inside my chest.
“That means a lot to me,” I told him.
“Cool. We got your back, each and every one of us. We all just want the best for you.”
“I hear you.”
“Good. But you gotta want it for yourself, you know? Maybe it’s time to stop hiding in the studio, step out and take a chance.”
“Maybe.” Talking with Ramon had me revisiting my earlier thoughts regarding Fanny. My gaze returned to her. Trust, honesty, faith. Those issues kept coming up. I knew they were linchpin concerns. I also knew that winging it and going with the flow wouldn’t cut it. The door was open between us, but to get to where I wanted to go with her was going to require careful planning and measured action.
~ ~ ~
Fanny
I was sitting to the right of Ash. He commanded the head of the table, comfortable in his role as host. It seemed like he’d had lots of practice. He refilled my glass. He snagged additional servings of potato salad and roasted asparagus the moment I asked for them. He directed the conversation, introducing topics that he knew would keep my sister and me engaged. But as the three guys continued their discussion about Freewave a local band Ash managed, and the girls talked about their favorite TV shows, my mind returned to what had happened earlier. It hadn’t escaped my notice that Ash had overheard about Tristan, and that it had visibly upset him. Yet he hadn’t pressed for more information. Did he not care to know? Or did it not matter? And then that kiss he could have had but didn’t take. Would it have really mattered that his friends might have seen it? Or was it a convenient excuse? Maybe his ‘trying for more and my trying for more’ were drastically different things.
“You ok?” Warm fingers settled over mine.
I blinked Ash’s handsome face into focus. “Yeah, why?”
“You got quiet all of a sudden.” His gaze dipped to my plate, then rose. “And you stopped eating.” Humor shimmered in his eyes. “Even though there’s food on your plate.”
“Haha. Very funny. The food was wonderful, Ash. All three rounds of it. But I’m pretty stuffed.”
“Me, too,” Hollie said, casting a glance around the table. “Thanks to all the great cooks.”
“I didn’t make what I brought,” Karen confessed. “The potato salad was from Lavons.”
“Hey, I’ll take some cred. I did the grilled asparagus,” Ramon chimed in.
“I brought beer and wine.” Linc lifted his Longfin Lager.
“I drove him to the liquor store and remembered flavored water for Karen and Hollie.” Simone smiled.
“But the piece de resistance belongs to Ash.” Linc turned to his cousin. “Been a long time since you grilled steaks, but you’re almost as good as your dad at it. Exemplary. You earned your point back and then some, Casa Keys and company gets a thumbs-up from me.” He turned his gaze to Karen. “Sorry, surfer girl. My Aunt Maggie’s homemade beats Lavons.”
“Home cooking always wins.” Karen smiled. “Something about the love that goes into preparing it, I think.”
The others murmured their agreement. Ash picked up on the look my sister and I exchanged. He gave her a gentle chin dip, and he squeezed my fingers. “You’re thinking about your mom, aren’t you?”
My chest tight, I nodded. “Love was at the heart of everything she did.”
“I know she passed her culinary skills on to you. And I can extrapolate from everything you’ve told me and how you and Hollie miss her that she must have been a special woman. Can you tell me some more about her?”
“She was a strawberry blonde like Hollie.”
“And she had silver eyes and a beautiful smile like Fanny.”
“Thank you, Hols.”
“It’s the truth, but you’re welcome.”
“She used to say that Holly was the dawn, and that I was the sunset. She was the light of every single day I had with her. Even the cold nights on Vancouver Island seemed warm when her arms were around me. Her stories made me believe the backseat of our Buick was an enchanted castle instead of a car. She put down a path for Hollie and me to follow mixing her beloved yoga and Shakespeare. And her scent…” I trailed off. Oh how I missed her and her scent. “It was the love that she baked into her famous cinnamon rolls with those buttery layers of bread and that sweet vanilla bean frosting.”
“She made hope seem like something tangible, like we could grab and shape it into being with our bare hands if only we had enough faith.” Hollie’s expression softened in remembrance.
“The chorus in ‘Tomorrow Today’ was from something she always used to say.” I paused to try to speak her words without my voice cracking. “‘Nights become bright days when dreams like the stars guide your way’.”
“Love is the good in me. Where there is love, there is hope. Where there is hope, there is light. Where there is light, there is a way,” Ash said.
Surprised he could quote my lyrics so accurately, I nodded. “And she was an incredibly gifted performer. Almost otherworldly.” I closed my eyes picturing her on the stage, whispering. “Like a princess from some mystical realm under the lights with her hair looking like spun fairy gold. Her voice echoed with so much emotion in a hushed theatre that it gave me chills.”
“Then she was a lot like you.”
“What?” I opened my eyes to see that Ash had risen from his seat.
“I saw you,” he said in a deep meaningful tone that resonated deep inside my chest. I started to crane my head back to look at him, but he slid my chair out from under the table the legs scraping the concrete as he turned me around to face him. “Under the lights at the Dolby Theatre. The night I first met you. In person you were impossible to forget. On the stage you were incomparable.” Ash knelt in front of me swiping tears from my cheeks I hadn’t noticed I’d shed. His eyes warm currents of compelling compassion, he continued to unravel me. “You mesmerized me and everyone else that night. Seasoned industry professionals, celebrities, media moguls. No one dared breathe during your performance.”
“I…I fumbled the first few words. I…”
“You were perfect. Your hair was copper fire. Your eyes shone like moonbeams on the water, and your voice was a siren’s call that wrecked half the audience. I was completely captivated and so was everyone else. I’m sure that your mother would have been very pleased and proud to know how strongly her legacy lives on in Hollie and you.”