Sleeping with Rashad was probably a mistake. Now he’s under the impression that there’s something special going on between the two of us. I have a perverse interest in keeping him close, not too close, not boyfriend close. Just close enough that he’s a good diversion. I don’t think about it too much. I figure if he stops getting what he wants out of our relationship, he’ll move on.

For me, sleeping with him over the next few weeks is just sex. He now knows I won’t spend the night at his place, it would be too personal waking up with him. I don’t want to share that level of intimacy and I don’t want to find anyone else to sleep with. At some level, this works out well. We can be fuck buddies. The sex is good and he has no problem dropping money on me. Actually, he rather enjoys dropping money on me. I’ve now experienced all the Michelin starred restaurants in the South Bay and we’ve started moving up to restaurants in San Francisco. How many twenty-one-year-old college students can say that?

***

After settling into my favorite table in the student union to get some studying done, Max joins me. He’s so sweet; he knows my favorite coffee and brings me a tall. As we casually talk, Rashad comes over to the table, his jaw is set as he looks Max over.

“Rashad, meet my friend Max.”

Rashad angrily pulls out a chair and sits down. “Who is this?” he rudely interrupts.

I give Max a look that I hope conveys I’m sorry for Rashad’s behavior. I turn my full attention back to him.

“Max, is a friend of mine. We’re chatting.”

“Are you fucking him?”

 “Thanks for the coffee Max, I’ll see you around,” I coolly say to dismiss him. He doesn’t need to get involved in this drama. Max’s expression turns concerned. He doesn’t pick up his backpack, he doesn’t get up.

“Olivia, are you okay? Do I need to get security?” he responds.

“I’m fine.”

Max doesn’t move. I turn back to a seething Rashad. “What’s with you? Did you take some caveman drugs this morning?”

“I don’t want you fucking around with other men.”

I feel the anger rise in my chest and tighten my jaw. “I’m not fucking Max,” I hiss. “Not that it’s your business. But don’t think for a second you can tell me what to do. I’m not some Saudi housewife stuck at home, not allowed to drive.”

“I see a man bring you coffee; a man who wants to sleep with you. You’re sleeping with me not him.”

“Hey, this conversation isn’t cool,” Max interjects.

Rashad’s jaw starts to tick. It’s obvious that having Max here is only making matters worse.

“Max, can you give us some room…Please?”

Max nods and takes a few steps back. He pulls out his phone and watches Rashad like a hawk. Shit, just what I need, Max now wants to be my hero. With a deep breath I lean back in my chair as I decide to keep cool so that I can stay in control.

“Frankly I’m not going to be sleeping with you either. I’m not your property. You can’t tell me what to do. If you think this possessive shit is a turn on, then you better think again. It’s creepy, and I don’t sleep with creeps.”

Coolly I start packing up my things. Rashad grabs me by my upper arm.

“I’m tired of your games.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Max take a step forward. He’s ready to pull Rashad off me, which will only end poorly. I shake my head at Max as I turn all my energy to Rashad.

 “Well then, I guess I’m making it real easy for you. No more Olivia games because there will be no more Olivia. Now get your hand off my arm or I’ll make a scene. I don’t think you want to have to deal with campus security.”

Rashad drops my arm. He looks totally confused. At one level I feel bad for him. He’s actually a good guy. He wants more than I’m interested in giving, and he knows it, which has always given me the upper hand in this relationship. More than that, it’s what makes him want me so bad. My mom always says that unsolicited advice is never appreciated, but I feel the need to give some to him.

“Rashad, you’re a good guy, really, you are. You need to find the right woman, one who will give you what you want, this way you won’t feel so frustrated.”

I know my toying with him has been a big turn on. He would have slept with me a couple of times and discarded me if I had wanted to be the traditional girlfriend. We always want what we can’t have. This makes me wonder if the advice I just gave is really for me. Do I want Conner because he’s the one guy I can’t have?

A flash of anger, then disappointment crosses Rashad’s handsome face.

 “But I love you,” he confides.

“No, you love the game. The up, the down, the chase, it’s all so exciting. If I let you catch me, hell, if I chased you, texted you, and stayed at your place until the next day, you’d ‘ve dumped me after the first weekend.”

I leave Rashad looking hurt. Max picks up his backpack to join me. I put my hand up in a sign of stop.

“Max, go back to your lab. I’m fine.”

It would be an insult to Rashad if Max walked out with me.