As spring semester starts it hits me, Conner and I have talked almost every day for the past seven months. For me, his phone calls have turned into a form of heroin; I’m addicted and have no desire to give them up. Even so, we’ve never acted on our desire, or seen each other without Meredith being there. Each time I drive down with Meredith it’s getting harder for me not to touch him.

We talk about school, politics, and all the insanity in the Middle East. He tells me he’ll be finishing up school soon and will be shipping out. The only time he gets quiet and evasive is when I ask him where he thinks he’ll be deployed and what he thinks he’ll do. Periodically he tells me stories of serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. The thought of him being over there fills me with fear. Even though his deployment must have been hard, his stories are funny, sometimes sweet, other times heartbreaking. What impacts me the most, is the obvious bond he has with the men he’s served with. I’m close with the princesses, but Conner’s relationship with those men far exceeds anything the seven of us share. I can see this level of comradery is enticing, especially coming from his dysfunctional family.

 “Before I leave, can we do something together without Meredith?” Conner finally asks.

My heart beats strongly in my chest. I want to be with him so badly. He isn’t like any of the men I know. After talking about doing something together for a few weeks, we finalize our plan. After making this decision, I lay in bed with a mixed emotion of excitement and dread running through my veins. Do I tell Meredith and risk her anger or do Conner and I have a weekend together that will be our little secret?

“No pressure, we’re just going as friends,” he declares after he tells me he’s made reservations in Napa and he’s borrowing his buddy’s truck.

I can’t imagine being in the same car alone with him for two hours without touching, and I certainly want our weekend to be more than friends. My excitement is tempered by my duplicitous feelings. Do I tell Meredith? How do I explain how I feel? Do I even know how I feel? As our weekend together gets closer, I find my excitement and trepidation building.

“Will you ever tell me who you’re talking to every night?” Jennifer finally asks. “Obviously, it’s never been Rashad.”

“You need to promise never to tell anyone.”

She rolls her eyes and crosses her heart, “Girl scout promise.”

“Conner.”

“Meredith’s brother Conner?”

“Yeah…”

“Does Meredith know?”

“Of course not, she made me swear I wouldn’t …do anything with her brother.”

“Oh man, this isn’t going to turn out well.”

“What should I do?”

“Tell her the truth…tell her you spend every night talking to him.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Olivia …”

“We’re going to Napa next weekend. Are you going to tell Meredith?”

“It’s not my story to tell. But I think she’ll understand and would prefer to know what was going on between you two.”

 “Yeah, that’s the thing. I have no idea what’s going on between us. But I have a feeling I’ll have a much better idea when I get back.”

“The guy on the phone is Conner? All this year, the guy on the phone’s been Conner.”

“Yeah, it’s Conner.”

“The two of you spend a lot of time talking to each other.”

“Jennifer, he’s not another one of my toys or part of my entourage. He’s someone special. Talking has forced us to forge a friendship. It’s strange; since we use the phone and not Skype, we don’t get to see each other. There’s something intimate and impersonal all at the same time, like texting. There’s this bond we’ve built, we say things to each other I don’t think either of us would say in person. I need this weekend alone with him. Not just physically alone, but also without strings attached.”

“By strings, I guess you mean Meredith’s expectations.”

“Yes.”

“I disagree on how you’re handling this with Meredith. I don’t think you should hide. I think you should tell her. If you feel that conflicted, talk to Sam first, if she freaks he can help talk her down.”

“That’s probably a good advice … but I want to have this private weekend before I say anything. If it turns into a disaster, then there won’t be anything to say.”

“How are you going to explain your absence to Meredith? You two are always hanging out.”

“I figure I’ll tell her I met someone. She got used to my extravagant dates when I was with Rashad.”

“I promised not to tell anyone, but please don’t ask me to lie.”

“Not lie, but can you tell her I went away with a new guy…just don’t tell her with whom.”

“Not my story, but I still think you should say something.”