“Do you know how to drive?” Laura asks four days in.

“Yes, of course,” I reply.

“Good, I have supplies I need you to pick up in Amman. You can take my truck. I’ll get you the list before dinner. Just make sure you’re back here before dusk. It’s dangerous on the roads at night.”

“I won’t be able to meet with you tomorrow,” I casually mention to Adam as we leave a meeting. “Laura has me driving her truck to Amman to get supplies.”

At lunch, as I stand in line, Adam joins me. “Me and two others will join you tomorrow. What time are we leaving?”

“Let me check with Laura.”

“Adam said he and two others want to join me for my drive to Amman,” I tell Laura when I meet with her in the afternoon. “Is that okay? Is there an insurance issue with driving non-UN people?”

“Oh, you Americans with your lawsuits,” she exclaims in amusement. “You take the others, but I want you to know my gear has priority.”

Now I wonder if there’s a social networking site that immediately posted my trip to Amman, since at dinner two more people I’ve tangentially met, approach me with their list.

In the evening I join Emma at the water tap. “My fantasies have moved from sex to hot showers,” I confide.

“When it’s snowing this winter, your fantasies are going to be about days like today,” she answers back.

What! My heart feels like it just stopped. I never thought what it would be like living in these metal buildings in the winter, using little more than an outhouse and a water tap.

My nightly ritual includes a check to assure there’re no critters in my bed. How will I make it a year? Juliette and Isabelle’s words are haunting me. I’ve now turned into a Pioneer Women, Yeah, Little House on the Prairie I sarcastically cheer.

 “Here’s my list of things I need in Amman,” Yvonne announces as she hands me a list written in English. I’m flabbergasted, besides a mild grunt when I say good morning; these are the first words she’s spoken to me after our initial introductions on the first day.

In the morning, as I race into the canteen to grab some pita bread and coffee for breakfast, I run into Lars and Emma. “It looks like we’re all here,” Adam exclaims as he enters. “Give me a minute to get my coffee.”

“Emma, you’re one of the people I’m driving?” I exclaim in surprise. “Everyone’s been so tight lipped, I had no idea.”

“We’re all too busy to gossip,” Lars responds.

“Don’t fool yourself. Everyone has plenty of time to gossip. Olivia, you’re not yet in the know,” Emily says.

The drive is quick and easy since the road is surprisingly well maintained. Emma organizes all the lists we’ve been given and decides which shops we’ll go to and in what order. Exhausted after spending hours shopping, we go to Lars’s favorite café where we all enjoy a wonderful late lunch.

“What I miss is good coffee,” I moan out. “Starbucks really needs to put a store in Azraq.”

“They serve Sada in Azraq,” Emma offers.

“Sada doesn’t hold a candle to a good espresso macchiato. Okay, I know that sounds pretentious. The coffee is palatable at 6:30 in the morning but by mid-day, it tastes like sludge.”

“Olivia, you can always brew another batch,” Lars says.

“Me?” I exclaim in surprise. Funny, I never thought about making it myself.

***

Besides basic modernity, like electricity, water heaters, washing machines, and dryers, I find it’s the little things that I miss the most. I didn’t realize how much I liked living with Jennifer. We’ve always had such easy comradery. It’s the teasing and funny things we each would do. Yvonne is considerate, but I couldn’t imagine her ever dressing up as a princess and going to a Halloween party. More than that, I couldn’t imagine having a personal conversation with her.

With this thought, I pull out my iPad and navigate to the e-mail site I now need to use. All the princesses, Max, Ethan, Sam, my brother Joe, and of course my parents have left me e-mails. As I read them, I start to cry. I then post a couple pictures of camp to Instagram. My connection is so slow it takes five minutes for my pictures to upload.

My routine becomes familiar. There’s a casual friendliness with the other aid workers. It doesn’t take long before I start viewing Azraq as our own little village. Traveling into to town becomes special. Even Sada, the black cardamom-flavored coffee they drink here, starts tasting good. As Emma and I pick up a few things in town, I begin to wonder why I didn’t think the stores were very good on my way in, since Amman now looks like a major metropolis with so many things I wouldn’t have use for.

Azraq’s security is handled by the Syrian Army. We have soldiers posted all around our site. Even so, Laura keeps reminding me to lock things up tightly, that anything of value has legs and will walk.

I’ve read that the American army has over a hundred soldiers posted at the local air force base. I’m hoping that one of them is a big, sexy, blond, guy from Indiana. I’ve been here now for over two weeks and have yet to hear from him - not an e-mail or a text. I hope he’s still okay.

***

Today Laura has me walking what will be the new roads with a couple of guys from the road construction company. We’re checking the markers to make sure they’re in the right locations. The wind is up and all the flying dust and pebbles make me pull the tails of my scarf over my face. No need to wonder anymore why Arab clothes cover so much of the body, hair and face. As we head back towards the canteen, my unofficial office and meeting location, I spot a big guy leaning against the building. At first I question, why is a military guy over there, the second thing I think is …can it be? Please make this be true.

I turn to the guys I’m with and thank them. Then I head directly to the best mirage I’ve ever seen. Damn I hope it’s who I think it is and not my overly active imagination. As I get close, the mirage gets a huge smile on his face. I must let out a bit of a squeal as I run into Connor’s arms. He picks me up and swings me around, as I wrap my arms around him, and bury my face into his neck. I can hear him chuckling as I pull my face enough away so I can look him in his Navy blue eyes.

“You found me,” I gasp as I pull his face tight and give him the biggest most welcome kiss ever.

Conner places me back down on the ground. “I didn’t realize you were lost,” he replies.

I lean my head against his big chest, as I shake my head. “I was wondering if you were really in the Middle East.”

My desire is to take him back to my tin can and get naked real fast. But I can’t, it would break one of Yvonne’s rules. Screw Yvonne. Conner threads his fingers through mine as I start walking us towards the living quarters.

“How did you find me?” I ask him again.

“Let’s see, the new refugee camp in Azraq. It’s not exactly a top secret project. When I got here, I had to find a pretty American.” He runs a finger down my face, “Again not exactly too hard. Though I have to say it took me a bit before I figured out why some tall, slim Muslim woman was heading my way.”

“With all this dust and dirt here I’ve learned the Muslim women dress smart. I can’t stand all the dirt that blows into my hair if I’m outside without a scarf.” I tug his hand as we walk towards my room.

“We have security; how did you get in?”

“I’m sneakier then I look. The Jordanian soldiers believed my bluster.”

“Will they get in trouble for letting you in?”

“Not if you don’t tell on them.”

“I’m good at keeping secrets. Now that you’re here, can you tell me where you’re stationed?”

“I just got transferred to the local Air Force base.”

“How did you manage that one?” I exclaim as I jump up and clasp my hands in excitement.”

“It wasn’t easy. Actually it was really painful. I had to work a lot of angles.”

“But it’s worth it. You’re now only twelve miles from me. We can coordinate our time off; we can actually see each other.”

“This isn’t college; I have a job to do, and a commander who likes to ride my tail.”

“I hope that’s army talk, because the only one riding you should be me.”

Conner pulls me into his arms and our lips meet. I don’t know what this man has, but it’s potent. My skin feels alive when he’s close.

At the gate to the aid worker living area, I flash my pass; the soldier takes one look at Conner and salutes him. This makes me wonder what kind of bluster Conner uses, or is there something on his uniform that tells the guards he’s a good guy?

“What a coincidence,” Conner says as we head to my tin can. “My girl got herself a job half way around the world in the same country as me.”

“So I’m your girl?”

He moves me away so he can look me in the face, “I certainly hope you’re my girl. It would really suck if I had to kill some dude just to get you back.”

I feel happiness spreading across my face and fill my heart as I escort him to my room. He stands agonizingly close as I try to focus on the lock’s combination.

“You’re not going to get in trouble for having me come in here?” he quietly murmurs.

“Oh no, the headmistress might expel me.”

“I could get in big time trouble if I was caught bringing a woman to my barracks.”

“Then it’s a good thing that you’re visiting me and not the other way around.”

He mumbles something, but I can’t hear it since my brain is buzzing with excitement as we push into my room and shut the door. All at once I’m against the wall with Conner’s lips on mine. Our kiss is so wonderful, my toes curl, my chest constricts, and a thrill fills me.

I back away from him, get a wicked smile on my face. “Naked, bed, now,” I command.

“You don’t have to tell me that twice.”

The lock is still in my hand and I use it to lock us in. We don’t need any visitors now. We spend the shortest amount of time possible stripping off our clothes and getting naked between my sheets. His hands and mouth are everywhere as we try to devour each other. I want him inside of me as I reach down and realize his dick needs no coaxing. Running my hands up his lean stomach and up along his chest, he runs his fingers down my torso, quickly finding my folds.

“You’re as ready as me.”

“Please,” I beg. “I need you now.”

With my legs wrapped around him, I guide his dick to my opening. His fingers provide just enough friction and desire to start bringing me over the edge. Conner centers himself and starts driving inside.

“More, deeper, YES … not yet…not yet,” I instruct.

My orgasm builds, I can feel it get close. I rake my fingers along his shoulders.

“ … don’t stop, not yet,” I call out.

It peaks and explodes shattering me from inside as I hold on real tight.

“Yes,” I moan out.

“Quite the instructive one today,” Conner chides me. “You remind me of my drill Sergeant.”

“Really? You were fucking your drill sergeant?”

He smiles and shakes his head. I have to say, our first round of sex is just hardcore sex, while our second round is deep and wonderful, and the third round …

“I’m glad it’s still the middle of the day since fewer people were around to hear us,” I gasp out.

“I’m sure everyone around here knows what we’re up to. This place isn’t as remote as the cottage in Sonoma.”

“And no wonderful little bakery or wine tasting afterwards.”

“Who’d ever think I’d like wine tasting.”

“Was it the wine tasting you liked or the woman you were wine tasting with?” I flirt.

“Mmm, I think it was the wine tasting. I already knew I liked you.”

“You’re just saying that because you want to get lucky.”

“I’m already lucky. No other guy I know has his girl within 6,000 miles and anyways, we did just have sex.”

“We should get up and get dressed before my roommate gets back. Can you stay for dinner?”

I start to move, Conner pulls me back into the bed. He tucks me in under his shoulder.

“I need to get back soon, let’s just stay like this for a little longer,” Conner pleads.

I snuggle in and run my hands down the warm, strong plains of his chest. When I close my eyes, I realize I could be anywhere. It’s the first time since I’ve been in Jordan that I feel safe.

“I never really thought you would do this,” Conner’s voice resonates from his chest into my ear.

“I told you I want to eventually work for Médecins Sans Frontières. We talked about all my choices for my gap year.”

“Funny, you never mentioned working at this camp.”

“I mentioned working with Syrian refugees; I mentioned working for UNHCR.”

“In New York.”

“But then I wouldn’t have the experience of roughing it.”

“I thought all the roughing it was just talk. You’re the girl who likes to dine at fancy restaurants, stay at posh resorts, and wear incredibly high heels.”

“That’s true, but that doesn’t mean privilege has to define me. I like to go to nice places, wear pretty things, but the longer I’m here, the more I realize how little I really need.”

“I’ve never had much, I’ve never really wanted much.”

“You’re authentic, that’s what I like about you.”

“Authentic…you mean I’m not posing as someone else?”

“I think a lot of people our age are pretending to be something they’re not, or they’re trying to find their authentic self. But with you, there’s no pretention. You have such a solid handle on who you are and what’s important. I find your sense of self, irresistible.”

“Interesting, what I find compelling about you are all the layers. You remind me of one of those signs that if you look in one direction, you see one picture, and if you look in another direction, it’s a completely different picture.”

“Is that a compliment or an insult? No, truly, did you just call me two faced?”

“I called you interesting, captivating, fascinating. The first time I met you, I thought, what is my sister doing with this woman. You reek of city, it’s everything a country boy like me was taught to hate…but then I got to know you. When I expect you to be timid, you’re bold. When I expect you to be selfish, you’re giving. When I expect you to be mean, you’re kind. You’re always so much more than what I expect. I never met anyone like you. I’m not referring to the sophisticated city girl which I really enjoy, but what has me captivated is the complex, deep, interesting woman.”

As Conner talks, I hold my breath, no one has ever described me this way, no one has ever taken the time to see into my soul. He touches my heart in a way I never knew existed.