Chapter Four
Molly had no idea what she’d been thinking. How could she have agreed to move in with Ben when it was clear he couldn’t stand her, and that he hadn’t forgiven her, despite how many years had passed?
Well, she did have a few theories as to why she’d agreed to this. The first was that she knew it would drive her mother nuts. That had occurred to her as Finn went on and on about her and Ben living together. Her mother liked to project to the world that she was a devout woman with deep morals and traditions; hearing that she was moving in with Ben would surely drive her nuts. While her mother loved saying that the Matthews brothers were exceptionally handsome, firefighting, while a noble profession, was not prestigious enough of a career.
She marched down Main Street, holding a cardboard tray of coffees and muttering to herself as she approached her car. She had picked up the coffees for Ben and Finn because they were helping her move into Ben’s place today. She always liked Finn. She’d expected him to give her the cold shoulder as well, but he’d done the opposite.
As she sat in her car, it occurred to her that she had no idea where her fiancé even lived. She placed the tray inside her car and then pulled out her phone and texted him, asking for his address. It was lucky Finn had cornered them outside their mother’s hospital room yesterday and reminded them to exchange numbers. Her car was loaded with two suitcases and a box of books and files. The rest of her belongings were in storage, and Finn had said he’d help her retrieve anything else she needed.
She paused as she caught movement in the vacant store in front of her. There was Kraft paper hanging in the windows, but she could have sworn she saw the paper move, and a vaguely familiar figure caught her eye. She looked up and noticed there wasn’t any signage, but the lights were on inside even though she couldn’t see anything else. Her jaw dropped open as the paper moved again, and she spotted her youngest sister, Addie, make eye contact with her.
She opened the car door and ran up to the store. She heard the locks opening, and seconds later her sister was opening the door. She hadn’t seen her in years, which had broken her heart, especially because she was the one responsible for letting the three of them drift apart. They had always been close growing up, but after what happened, Molly had pulled back; it had been her only option.
“Addie?” she whispered.
“Oh my goodness, it is you!” Addie screamed and opened her arms. Molly ran forward and hugged her sister, a surge of emotion coursing through her, love and regret, so much of both.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as Addie closed the door and pulled her into the empty store.
Addie spread her arms wide, “I’m the new owner of this place! I’m moving back to town and opening the Shadow Creek Bookworm.”
Molly covered her mouth. She couldn’t believe it. Her youngest sister had been a librarian, but Molly knew she’d always wanted to own her own shop; she just hadn’t expected her to do it here. Her sister had barely changed; she was still gorgeous, her almost-black hair falling halfway down her back in loose waves, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement. “I think this is great. Congratulations. I noticed there wasn’t a bookstore in town anymore.”
Addie nodded. “And there are hardly any children’s programs, either. I’m going to serve coffee and have some tables by the window and then a nook in the back for kids. Maybe a reading rug too where I can host a kids’ club or something on the weekends.”
“Oh, Addie, I think this is great. Does Mom know?”
Addie rolled her eyes. “Not yet, which is why I was hiding. I know Mom will be disappointed. I’m the underachiever in the family, remember?”
Molly shook her head. “We’re all underachievers according to her. Do what you love and never mind what she thinks. Where are you living?”
“Upstairs. I saved enough and bought the building. Real estate out here is way cheaper than in the city. Living upstairs is perfect. It’s a small apartment, but cozy. I’m so happy you’re here, too. I’ve missed you so much, Molly,” she said, tears in her eyes.
Molly’s heart squeezed. “I missed you, too,” she said, feeling awkward and guilty but not knowing what to do about it.
“So guess who else is coming back?” Addie said, with a gleam in her eye that reminded her of when they were little.
“Who?”
She clasped her hands together. “Melody!”
“What? When? Why?”
Addie grabbed her hand and ushered her over to sit on some crates. “She’s going to be joining you at the hospital. They really need more OB/GYNs.”
She didn’t know what was wrong with her, but knowing her sisters were back in town was disconcerting. She adored her sisters, but so much had happened. Being around them would make it hard to keep her distance and to keep her secrets.
“You don’t look happy,” Addie said.
She snapped her gaze to Addie’s and was relieved that her eyes looked concerned and not accusatory. She shook her head. “Of course I’m happy. I’m in a bit of a situation, and I really need to get going.”
“What’s the situation?” Addie asked, leaning forward.
She drew a deep breath. “Remember Ben?”
“Uh, who could forget sweet, hot, gorgeous Ben.”
That about summed him up. “Well, I ran into him, and his mother is pretty sick. She’s recovering from surgery, and they’re waiting on results to see if she needs to pursue any more treatment or if the margins are all clear and all malignant cells gone or if the tumor was completely benign, which would be the absolute best news.”
“Oh my gosh. I love Marjorie.”
She nodded. “Her kind of tumor is treatable, so hopefully she won’t have to do anything else. Her surgeon is new to the hospital as well, but he is impressive.”
Addie nodded. “Good, I’m glad to hear that. So…you and Ben?”
She shook her head. “No, not in the way you’re thinking. Finn was worried about Marjorie because she’s been in a depression. He ended up blurting out that Ben and I are engaged in an attempt to wake her up and give her something to be excited about.”
Addie’s eyes widened comically.
“I know. I can’t get out of it, especially since Ben is applying for promotion to fire chief, and he heard the preference is for a family man. What was I supposed to do?” She still couldn’t believe she was involved in this lie and that she was about to move in with Ben. She knew he hated her—it was in his eyes, in his expressions when he looked at her. But deep down, no matter how much he still loathed her, she knew Ben was a good man and that he would treat her well. They both worked a lot, they would probably hardly ever see each other. Maybe in the end she could get Ben to forgive her. Maybe they’d be even. Even though it was like another lifetime, she’d never gotten over the idea that he hated her.
“Wow, that’s pretty crazy. How are you going to be able to do that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m on my way over to his place now. I’m moving in temporarily.”
“Seriously? Have you told Mom?”
She groaned. “No. I’m not speaking to her, but I’m sure news will travel fast and she’ll hear about. I’m kind of banking on her being upset.”
Her sister smiled sympathetically. “I know she’s hard to get along with still. I try to keep our conversations brief, because if not, I usually end up questioning my life and self-worth and then consuming my weight in ice cream.”
Molly laughed. “Yeah, well next time, count me in on the ice cream binge.”
“Definitely. You have a lot going on. It’ll be okay. I can totally help you out with Mom, and if Ben drives you crazy, I have room upstairs at my place. It’ll be like one of our old sleepovers,” she said.
That familiar pang of longing and regret hit her again. The three of them would always camp out in one of their rooms on the weekend. They did have the best sleepovers. “Thanks, Addie,” she said rising. “I should get going. I just remembered I left the coffees in my car. They must be freezing.”
Addie stood up and walked her to the door. “No problem. I’d make you some fresh ones, but I’m not set up yet.”
“No worries. If you need help with anything, let me know.”
Addie reached out and gave her a hug. Molly hugged her back, surprised by how much she needed that affection, that warmth. “I’ll stop by as soon as I have a free minute.”
Molly left her sister and walked to her car. She pulled out her phone to see that Ben had texted back with nothing but the address to his house.
Half an hour later she was pulling into the driveway of a one-story ranch house. It had a gorgeous view of the mountains in the back, and the land went on for miles. The last house she’d passed had been over five minutes ago. She took a deep breath and picked up the tray of coffee and her purse and made her way up the driveway.
She paused as the quickly moving clouds seemed to swim across the sky, a swirl of gray and white. Some of them looked as though they were enveloped into the mountains while others looked ready to unleash a storm. How many times had she looked up into this sky? There was nothing quite like it. She took a deep breath, the scent of rain and clean air filling her lungs. The land was rugged and suited Ben perfectly.
As she made her way up the long driveway, the pattering of rain hit the ground. She noticed there was a single truck in the driveway, and the idea that Finn wasn’t here filled her with dread. It would mean she was going to be alone with Ben. Even though she felt like kicking Finn in the shins for the predicament he’d gotten her into, he was easygoing and funny and eased the tension between the two of them.
She made her way up the walkway with trepidation. Ben answered the door right away, and her mouth watered immediately, as though she’d just opened the box on a pepperoni pizza. His dark hair was damp and already dishevelled, and he was wearing those jeans and T-shirt again. He hadn’t shaved, and he looked so masculine and so beautiful that she was caught off guard. There wasn’t a hint of the boy she remembered. “Hi,” she said, dread filling her as the reality of their situation hit her.
He held the door open wider, and she walked in. “Hi.”
They didn’t say anything for a moment, and she had no idea what to say to him. She looked up at him and winced when she didn’t see an ounce of softening. “Ben, is there another way to do this? Can we get out of this? I don’t know how we’re going to live under the same roof and pretend like…we’re in love.”
His jaw clenched, and there was still no softening. “I know you have issues keeping promises, but it’s too late to back out now. Unless you want to tell my mother you broke off our relationship yet again. Besides, I seem to recall you jumping at the chance to move in here.”
She crossed her arms in front of her. “What choice did I have?”
He didn’t say anything, just gave her one of those long stares that made it clear what he thought of her.
She blinked furiously and turned away from him, looking around. He had made this place his home. At one time, they had imagined what it would be like to create a home for the two of them. There was nothing she would have wanted more. She needed to apologize. Again. It was the only way they had a decent shot at surviving this. Maybe that was it; maybe they could come out of this as friends, and he’d be able to forgive her.
She took a deep breath and looked into his dark eyes, wanting desperately to see that look he used to give her, when a corner of his mouth would turn up with laughter, when his brown eyes would sparkle. Instead, the man in front of her was hard and unyielding, and nothing like her Ben. “I…I know you don’t care or it’ll never be enough, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I treated you.”
He ran a hand over his jaw, his eyes not warming. “You cheated on me. You refused to see me or talk to me.”
She lowered her head, shame and regret making it impossible to keep looking at him. She hated being accused of being a cheater because it wasn’t true; it was all part of the giant lie she’d told to make him never want anything to do with her again. She was ashamed of the way she had to end things and regretted not trusting him enough with the truth. She regretted listening to her mother’s advice and taking the coward’s way out. But it would be too late to tell him the truth now, and her truth was something she’d never shared with anyone, except her mother and the therapist she’d seen for nine years. She needed to find someone new in town. She’d learned to cope with her PTSD so that it didn’t take over her life anymore, but stress was a trigger. She drew a shaky breath and looked up. “I’m sorry,” she choked out again.
He looked up at the ceiling for a second. “I’ll never be able to understand.” He smiled for a second, a sad, ironic kind of smile. “You told me you weren’t ready to have sex, and I respected that. We were together, we were serious, we were going to get married. And then you suddenly tell me you fell in love with some guy in your program and you were sleeping with him.”
Hot tears burned her eyes as she stood there and took the blame for something that wasn’t true. But for him it was; it was the lie she’d told him. “I’m sorry.” She realized she was wringing her hands, a pattern she’d started when she was stressed. She counted backward from twenty and slowly forced her hands apart.
He shrugged and turned away from her, crossing the room to the kitchen. “Doesn’t matter. I’m not going to bring this up again. The past is in the past.”
The door opened, and she quickly tried to wipe the tears from her eyes as Finn walked in. He took one look at her and then glared at Ben. “Seriously? She’s been here for like five minutes and you made her cry?”
She waved a hand at him. “I’m fine, I’m fine. Here, I hope you like cold coffee,” she said, handing him the tray and trying to look composed.
…
“I love cold coffee,” his shit-disturber brother said, taking a swig.
Ben tried to reduce the wattage of his glare because the truth was he felt like an ass. It bothered him to see Molly cry. He wasn’t the guy who made women cry or treated them like crap, and now he was in this position and he was acting like someone he didn’t even know. But maybe he was mad at himself most of all, because it was clear Molly still affected him. They’d been kids—she’d only been twenty, and he’d been twenty-three. It had crushed him, though. He hadn’t been able to get over her for a year. He thought she was the one for him, for the rest of his life. He would have done anything for Molly, and he hadn’t seen that betrayal coming.
After that, it took him years to get involved with a woman. But as the years passed, he knew he wasn’t going to let what happen to him ruin his life plans. The only problem was, he’d never found someone he wanted to move on with seriously.
He glanced over at his brother who was cringing as he drank the cold coffee—served him right. Then he glanced at Molly, and his gut clenched because he could still see the hurt on her beautiful face. She was standing on the front rug with her coat still on. She hadn’t asked for any of this. She hadn’t asked for a relationship with him or a second chance. She was clearly sorry for their past and her behavior. They were adults now; it was time to move on. They didn’t have to be best friends, but he was going to have to be civil.
“Do you have boxes or bags in the car I can get?” he asked, walking over to them.
“Oh, I can manage,” she said, averting her eyes, and he felt like a bigger ass than before.
“It’s not a problem. I’ll get them,” he said, his hand on the door knob. “Finn, you can leave. Don’t you have a shift today?”
Finn grinned. “I’ll show Molly around while you tend to the luggage.”
He made sure to shove his brother slightly as he walked out the door, but he was rewarded by hearing his dumb laugh. He grabbed the two large pieces of luggage in the back of Molly’s car and brought them back in the house. His brother was giving her a tour of the place, and he fought the urge to interrupt as he heard Finn telling Molly how he wasn’t too fond of Ben’s decorating style. Neither he nor his brother had ever discussed decorating. In fact, he didn’t even think he’d ever used the word in a sentence.
He wheeled her suitcases into the spare bedroom, trying to ignore his brother’s voice. But then he was hit with the image of Molly crying in front of him, telling him she was sorry. It shouldn’t have affected him, but it did. He was coming to terms with the fact that he was going to have to let it go. She was young, she had been away at school, and she regretted it. He could see that she was genuinely sorry. Maybe she just hadn’t loved him enough; maybe she’d realized they weren’t meant to be together.
“Oh, hey,” he said, when he heard Molly approach. “Is this okay for your room?”
She nodded, looking inside. “It’s great. You know it’s not too late to back out of this. I have weird hours with work and don’t want to impose.”
He shrugged. “Hopefully in a month or so, my mother will be back on her feet, and we can slowly get ourselves out of this hot mess Finn got us into,” he said, giving his brother a pointed look as he approached.
“Well, I’ll leave you two to figure out the logistics. Mom is hosting brunch next Sunday and expects to see you both there,” Finn said.
“Mom can barely move.”
“You haven’t been by the hospital yet today. She was walking around. Slowly, but she’s determined. Something about being able to stand up tall at the wedding.”
Ben cursed under his breath and ran his fingers through his hair, fighting the urge to pull.
“That reminds me. She said to watch your language around Molly.”
“I think you need to leave,” Ben said, taking a step toward his brother.
Finn didn’t seem threatened at all. He flashed Molly a stupid grin. “See you later, Molly, Ben,” he said with a salute and a smirk.
He left a few minutes later, the slamming of the front door resonating loudly in the otherwise quiet house. “I’ll let you get unpacked and settled. I trust Finn showed you where everything is.”
She nodded, crossing her arms. “He did. I like your place. You’ve done a great job with it,” she said.
He shrugged. “It’s what I need. I bought it for the view.”
“It’s gorgeous. I’ll need a key.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the key he’d had made for her. “Here you go. This will get you into the front door.”
“Okay, thanks. The ER is short a doctor tonight so I thought I’d take the shift. I’ll unpack a few things and then get going.”
“It’s your day off, isn’t it?”
She shrugged. “I don’t mind taking on extra shifts. I’m only here on a one-year contract. I might as well work.”
She walked past him into the room; his mother’s words about Molly seeming tired ran through his mind. He stood in the doorway for a moment, but then decided to move. This wasn’t his problem. If she was a workaholic or something, it wasn’t his business. It also shouldn’t matter that she was only here for one year. None of it mattered. Just because she was his fiancée—fake fiancée—didn’t mean he had to care. Or maybe what bothered him the most was that he hadn’t ever stopped caring.
This was all an act. Molly was not a person he could trust at this point in his life—or ever. When this was over, he’d find the person he was meant to be with. He’d get married. He’d have kids. Once his mother was better and he had the job as the next fire chief of Shadow Creek, Molly would be out of his life for good.