Chapter 4
Hayden
“It’s like fingernails on the chalkboard of my soul.”
~ Nora O’Sullivan
“Do you want to go back to my place?”
I’d heard Sam’s question clear as day. The only problem was, I hadn’t heard Jade’s response. Coop told a joke that had Tanya and Maisy laughing and the next thing I knew, Sam’s arms were around Jade.
Then he grabbed his coat and headed out the front and she crossed the room to the back of the bar. I tracked her, trying to glean her answer from her movements. Was she grabbing her purse from the back office, where I knew she always kept it, and meeting him? Or did she turn him down?
She looked back at me and I was caught. It was just for a second but I felt her gaze spread through me. She owned me with one look. Completely at her mercy.
She was able to do that when we were kids, too. I had always loved it. Our eyes would meet from across a room and I’d be lost. Swept away into a world where only we existed. Now…I wasn’t sure how to feel knowing she still held that power.
Without thinking, I stood and started to follow her. Ranger didn’t miss a beat. Immediately, he was at my side as I strode across the bar. I had no idea what I was going to say but I knew that I couldn’t let another day go by without saying something. Anything.
“Hayden Reed!”
I turned and saw Tammy Lynn Turner standing with her arms wide open. She pulled me into a warm hug. She worked down at the Greasy Spoon and had been mine and my brothers’ babysitter when we were kids. She used to always say that I was her favorite, but I had a feeling she said that to my older brother Hudson and my younger brother Holden as well.
She stepped back and patted my arm. “I heard you’re the proud new owner of the old tire warehouse.”
It came as no surprise that both Bryson and Tammy Lynn knew about my purchase before the ink had even dried on the contract. This was Wishing Well. Everyone was in everyone’s business and gossip spread faster than mono at summer camp.
“Yes, ma’am. I did.”
Her long red, acrylic nails waved in front of my face. “Don’t ma’am me. You’re gonna make me feel old.”
Tammy Lynn always talked about her lost youth and how she’d settled down with Emmitt, her husband of over forty years, too young. But I’d always suspected that she didn’t really miss her youth as much as she enjoyed people telling her how young she looked.
“So what’re you gonna do with that old place?”
I tried to make the explanation as short and concise as possible so I could get back to Jade. “I’m going to be using the space to train rescue dogs to be service animals for veterans.”
Tammy Lynn snapped her fingers. “I heard your mama talking about that!” She shook her head and when she did, she noticed Ranger at my side. “Oh, look how cute! Is he your first recruit?”
“Sort of. He’s my dog.”
She bent down and began petting his head, telling him how handsome and smart he was. Normally, interaction with working dogs is frowned upon, but I was lax with Ranger since he was my personal dog. I’d have to be much stricter with the dogs that I was training to be adopted out.
“What’s his name?” She scratched him behind his ear.
“Ranger.”
I’d seen his picture in a Facebook post a friend shared from the Parish Valley Animal Shelter of the emaciated German Shepard. The post explained how he’d been found in an abandoned house, malnourished and with a broken leg. They knew he’d been someone’s dog because he had a collar and a nametag that said Ranger. When I read that I felt like it was fate since I’d been a ranger in the army. I went down that same day and rescued him, little did I know he was the one that would end up rescuing me.
“Hello, Ranger. What a handsome boy,” she cooed.
Ranger ate up the attention and leaned into her hand.
“You bring him in with you the next time you come down to the Spoon and I’ll make him something special.” Tammy Lynn stood and winked.
“Yes, ma—” I stopped myself mid ma’am. “Will do.”
The entire time that we’d been talking, I’d kept an eye on the hallway that Jade and Bella had retreated down. Once I said a polite goodbye to Tammy Lynn I headed in that direction. When I heard Bella’s voice down the hallway that led to the offices I froze around the corner next to the restrooms. Ranger immediately sat beside me.
“Are you going to see him again?” Bella’s asked.
Jackpot. That was exactly what I wanted to know.
“He asked if I wanted to go back to his place,” Jade answered.
“What did you say?”
Bella was killing the wingman game, even if it was unintentionally.
“I told him that I had to get up early and I was going to call it a night.”
The muscles that I hadn’t realized were bunching up in my shoulders relaxed.
“You didn’t like him?”
No, Bella, she didn’t.
“He was nice and cute and my head was saying yes, give him a shot. But my vagina voted no.”
Bella laughed and I found myself stifling a chuckle. Jade was blunt and said what was on her mind. It was one of the things that I’d always admired about her. I had a tendency to keep all of my emotions and thoughts bottled up. Not Jade. She wore her heart, her mind, and apparently her vagina on her sleeve.
“I thought he was nice,” Bella offered.
“Oh, he was nice. He just wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed,” Jade pointed out. “I think my days of having sex with people that I can’t hold a conversation with are officially over.”
Bella came around the corner first. Her eyes widened when she saw me. She lifted her hand in a small wave, and then looked over her shoulder at Jade before heading back into the bar leaving Jade and I in semi-privacy.
“So what’s this?” Jade gestured to the restroom door beside me. “You lurk outside public restrooms now?”
“Only on Thursdays.”
Her lips twitched and I knew that she was fighting a grin. “I didn’t know Bryson let dogs in the bar.”
“He’s a service dog.”
“I wasn’t talking about Ranger.” Challenge glinted in her eyes as she bent down and rubbed Ranger’s head and neck.
“You are such a good boy, Ranger. Yes, you are. You’re loyal and dependable. You would never abandon anyone, would you handsome?” Her tone was sharp and biting. “Too bad you can’t train your human to do that.”
“Jade.” I breathed her name. I hated hearing the pain in her voice that my actions had caused her.
We’d never truly discussed my decision to join the Army and end our relationship. I’d tried to explain, but she hadn’t wanted to hear it at the time. She’d told me that I didn’t love her. I told her I did. She told me that I was selfish. I told her that I was doing this because it was what was best for us. She told me never to speak to her again. I’d written her when I was in boot camp and during my first year in the Army but my letters had gone unanswered.
Since I’d been home, I’d been giving her space. I knew that if I pushed her to talk before she was ready it would end badly. I knew if there was a sliver of a chance that we could ever be in each other’s lives again, I had to give her time to hate me and get used to me being around again and then maybe even miss me.
It’d been torture keeping my distance but I’d used the time to get my mind right. There were so many pieces to put back together post-Army; I’d been in counseling in an effort to deal with my PTSD. On my last tour, I lost my best friend and next in command. I’d been a shadow of myself ever since. I’d needed to find my way back into the light.
I was ready to talk to Jade, to face our past. To tell her how much I’d missed her. How I’d felt like a part of me was missing without her. Like a phantom limb.
The question was, was she ready to hear it?
She stood and I saw her shoulders square up as she pointed an accusatory finger at my chest. “Don’t Jade me. You lost the right to Jade me.”
“I’m not allowed to say your name?” As much as I hated that she was hurt and trying to protect herself, from me, I couldn’t help but be happy that I still affected her.
“Not like that you can’t,” She shot back as she shook her head and her inky black hair fell over her shoulders.
My fingers itched to run through her silky strands. My mind flashed back to Jade’s head lying in my lap as I gave her a scalp massage to combat the debilitating migraines she used to be plagued with. She’d get them a couple times a month, and we had a routine down. I’d massage her feet and hands then I would get a cold compress to put on the back of her neck. I’d dim the brightness on my television and we’d watch The Little Mermaid, her go-to sick movie, as I raked my fingers through her hair until she fell asleep.
Nine times out of ten when she woke up the headache would be gone.
It was weird but those were the times that I missed the most. The times she let me take care of her. Jade was so independent, even as a teenager, those times were few and far between.
I opened my mouth, but again, only her name came out. “Jade.”
Her lips parted and a flush rose on her cheeks. Being this close to her, smelling the sweet and spicy scent that was as much her signature as her long jet black hair, sapphire gaze, and sharp tongue proved too much to resist. I stepped forward.
She lifted her hand and I halted. “Don’t.”
“We need to talk,” I finally got out.
A battle was waging behind her stormy blue eyes. I could see that she agreed with me, but she was going to fight it.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
With that, she turned on her heels and left. It was the same thing she’d been doing since the first day I came back to town. Walking away. I deserved it. I knew that I did. But that didn’t change the fact that each time it felt like a knife through my heart.
I had no idea if I could get Jade back, but I was done waiting to find out.