Chapter 6
Hayden
“While keeping your eye on the prize, don’t forget to enjoy the game.”
~ Nora O’Sullivan
The muscles in my back and arms strained as I fisted my hand around the steel handle and pulled up the rolling bay door. I made a mental note to grease the track. When it was halfway up, I heard Ranger’s nails clicking on the concrete floor as he entered the musty building.
I stepped in behind him and a bittersweet melancholy settled in my chest.
During my military career I’d had little overhead. Unlike most of the men and women I served with, I didn’t have a family that I was supporting, so I was able to save. A good portion of my savings went toward purchasing this place.
As I looked around the large, empty space, I wondered how different things would’ve been if I’d made a different choice. What would’ve happened if I’d married Jade? What would’ve happened if I’d tried to make it work? Would we have kids by now? Would we still be together? Or would we be worse off than we were now?
Not that we were in a good place now.
I didn’t blame her. I’d hoped that after all this time she would find it in her heart to forgive me or at the very least that she would’ve moved past her anger. But after a year of counseling I knew her anger was just covering up her pain. I’d caused her that pain. No matter how good my intentions were, no matter how difficult the decision was to make, I hurt her.
That knowledge ate me alive.
I shook my head. There was nothing that I could do about that right now, but I could do something about this place.
“We’ve got a lot of work to do, Ranger.” I ruffled the top of his head.
His tail wagged and thumped against the floor.
Several trips to the rented dumpster later, I was finally making a dent in the piles of debris that were littered about. It was mindless work, which meant it gave my mind a lot of time to wander. And it did. To Jade.
When I made the decision to move home, I knew that things would be different. You can’t leave a town for close to fifteen years and expect time to stand still. But, for the most part, it had. Besides some new paint on a few buildings and a few new houses, it was almost as if it’d been frozen in time.
There were a few more gray hairs, a few more wrinkles, and all of my peers could now buy alcohol legally, but other than that, everyone was still the same. So, it was strange that this place didn’t feel like home anymore. I eventually realized that the thing that changed was me.
I was different.
What I’d seen and experienced had changed me. But there was one thing that remained constant in my life. One unchangeable thing. Jade and my feelings for her.
I loved her then and I still loved her now. That was the one thing that time, distance, and experience couldn’t change.
In the Army, we had a homing device that would guide us to a rendezvous point. Our touchstone should we get separated or our mission go wrong. That was what Jade was to me. She was my touchstone. Even if she wasn’t speaking to me at the moment.
Sweat dripped down my forehead and I pulled the handkerchief that I always kept in my back pocket out and wiped it. My muscles burned and my mind was tired of running in circles.
I pulled out my phone and connected it to the BeatBox that I’d brought so that I could listen to music while I worked.
A jingle played through the speaker and then a woman’s voice came on. “Welcome to Wrap It Up with Dr. Cupid. I’m Vanessa Cupid, and today we’re going to be answering your questions about love, dating, and sex.”
I continued working and only half-listened as she answered listeners’ questions. It was strange to me the questions that people would ask a complete stranger. Did they actually think that someone on a talk show could solve their problems without ever meeting them?
One listener wrote in asking what the signs were of her partner cheating. She confessed to snooping on her boyfriend’s phone and reading all of his text messages, and following him from time to time to make sure he was going where he said he was. I was no relationship expert, but if you don’t trust the person that you’re with, what’s the point of being with them?
Another listener asked for advice because his girlfriend would only have sex with him immediately after he took a shower. He resented it because he wanted more spontaneity. Again, I was no expert but if your lady doesn’t want to be with you when your balls are sweaty, I didn’t see the harm in rinsing off.
I began to zone out but immediately tuned back in when I heard Jade’s voice.
She talked about her Trivia Night date and referred to her date as a Golden Retriever, which was a pretty spot on reference. There was no mention of me. I’m not sure why she would, but for some reason I kept waiting for it.
“So I’m going to take a shot in the dark and guess that this was not a love connection,” the host chuckled.
“No. It wasn’t. He was a great person, though. He was a gentleman, perfectly attentive and sweet, but not for me.”
I already knew that was the case since I’d had a front row seat to their date and overheard the conversation she’d had with Bella, that she’d shared on the podcast, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t nice to hear it directly from her.
“For those of you keeping score that is strike two for online dating.”
“Hello?!” I heard a familiar voice and turned to see my mom standing beneath the bay door.
I quickly shut off the podcast. The last thing I needed was questions about why I was listening to it.
My mom had been trying, unsuccessfully, to set me up since I’d been back home and if she got a whiff that I might be interested in Jade, she’d launch a full on campaign to get the two of us together. If she knew the truth, that I’d loved her for half of my life and that I knew she was the only woman I would ever love, she’d set a wedding date and start naming her grandchildren.
“Back here!” I called out.
Ranger barked in greeting and ran to her.
She reached into her purse and pulled out a treat.
“You’re going to spoil him.” I took off my work gloves as I approached them.
“He’s my granddog, of course I’m going to spoil him.” My mom leaned down and kissed the top of Ranger’s head. “If I had real grandbabies to spoil maybe I wouldn’t have to spoil him.”
Ever since my oldest brother Hudson had tied the knot with Coop’s baby sister Harmony my mom had hopped on the baby fever train. All she talked about was becoming a grandmother. Having grandbabies and spoiling them rotten.
I wondered how she’d feel if she knew that she’d almost become a grandma fourteen years ago. That Jade had been pregnant. That she lost the baby. Every time my mom brought up wanting a grandchild I thought about hearing the doctor telling Jade that the pregnancy wasn’t viable. I thought about how different things would’ve been if it had been.
I would be a father.
“I stopped by because you left these at the house and I thought you might need them.” She handed me a pair of work gloves that I’d used when I’d helped my dad repair his fence.
“Thanks. I could’ve swung by and picked them up.”
“I also wanted to see if you were free for dinner tonight?”
I’d planned on working through dinner, but a homemade meal was too good to pass up. “Sure.”
“Great! The O’Sullivan’s will be so happy.”
“The O’Sullivan’s?” Why would Jade and Bryson’s parents be happy that I was having dinner with my parents?
“Yes! Nora has been trying to get together with us since you got back home, but with your father’s schedule it hasn’t worked out.”
My dad had just been elected Sheriff of Clover County for a fifth term. The past year had been an election year so his schedule had been extra crazy.
“He’s off tonight, exhausted but off, and I said I would check with you.” She beamed. “And you’re free. We’re expected at the O’Sullivan’s at six sharp.”
I was tempted to ask if Jade was going to be there, but decided to try an indirect approach.
“Is Bryson coming?”
“Not sure.” My mom shook her head.
Well, that got me nowhere.
“See you at six, honey.”
After a quick hug and another treat for Ranger, my mom was gone. I stood in the warehouse and watched her drive away and I felt like something was shifting.
It was as if I’d been in a holding pattern. Not just in the years that I’d been gone, but even in the one since coming home. But that was changing.
It was time. Time to move forward. Time to reconcile my past. Time to find out if Jade and I had any hope for a future.
If not, it was time to admit I might’ve sacrificed the only thing that’d ever really mattered to me, by trying to do the right thing…