Chapter 5
Jade
“Luck remains a stranger if it shows up at your front door and you don’t open it.”
~ Nora O’Sullivan
I stepped into the elevator and caught my reflection in the mirrored walls.
“Oh boy,” I muttered as I pushed the button for the fifteenth floor and sent a silent thank you to God that podcasts were audio only.
My hair was in a haphazard ponytail, I had dark circles beneath my eyes, and my natural, sun-kissed complexion looked ghostly pale. It’d been a rough three days. If you Googled “hot mess” I was sure that a picture of me would be on the first page results.
I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Hayden since Trivia Night. Since our exchange in the hallway, he’d commandeered my every waking thought and was starting to take over my dream state as well. Every time I closed my eyes, another memory or fantasy of him would play in my mind. There were so many deposits in both of those banks that I was never at a loss for material. It was driving me crazy. I couldn’t think straight.
I’d been avoiding him ever since he arrived back in town. When I saw his truck at the grocery store or the diner, I didn’t go in. When I spotted him at town functions like Movies in the Park or the farmer’s market, I steered clear of him. I’d even started walking to my parents’ house instead of driving so that I could go in the back door since I’d run into him several times out front when he was next door visiting his parents.
In the beginning it was because I was so angry and felt so betrayed. Seeing him would arouse a white-hot indignant fury in me. Then it changed and for the last few months I’d gone through a roller coaster of emotions. One minute I’d be mad, the next I’d be sad, then I’d miss him, then I’d hate him, then I’d love him. Lately it had been a lot more missing and loving than anger and hate. The constant rollercoaster of emotions had me exhausted and I was ready to get off the ride.
Just as the doors were closing, an arm reached into the elevator and halted them. I sighed in frustration at the thought of sharing the elevator with a stranger. I slid my sunglasses back on, wishing I could hide entirely behind them.
The doors opened again and a man with broad shoulders, sandy brown hair, and deep blue eyes stepped inside. Then I really did want to hide. Holy moly this man was hawt.
Not h-o-t hot, he was h-a-w-t hawt. He reminded me of Tom Hardy, my ultimate crush.
His kissable lips turned up at the corners and caused a flutter low in my belly. I didn’t recognize it as attraction at first because it had been so long since I’d felt it. He was tall, at least six foot two, and he was wearing a button-up white shirt and a tie that was the same deep, royal blue color as his eyes. I wasn’t a huge fan of men in ties, it just wasn’t my jam. I’d always been more of a blue-collar gal myself, but this man in this tie was so sexy, I was rethinking my stance.
My hormones were lighting up like a pinball machine—ding, ding, ding—and I used the cover of my shades to check him out.
He reached out and pressed the button for the eighteenth floor and I caught a glimpse of a tattoo that seemed to cover his left forearm.
Jackpot. I loved tattoos. Some women dated men for their bank accounts or their jobs, others for their sense of humor or personality. Me? I was a sucker for a well-placed, well-inked tattoo.
When the doors finally closed, I caught a whiff of him and my knees buckled. He smelled like wood chips and soap. I’d always loved a man who smelled like a man.
He was a unicorn. I didn’t believe he was real but I wanted to.
“Long night?” His gravelly voice nearly caused a full-body shiver.
I opened my mouth to answer him but nothing came out, so I nodded instead. I couldn’t remember the last time I didn’t have something to say.
Jade Elise O’Sullivan. Speechless.
It might be the first time that had ever happened to me.
I tried to swallow but my mouth was dry. Wasn’t the opposite supposed to happen? The man beside me was definitely mouth-wateringly delicious so why wasn’t I salivating?
I realized that it must be nerves. I tried to remember the last time that I’d been nervous around a man. I don’t think I’d ever been. I’d been nervous around a boy once. Back when I finally got up the nerve to ask Hayden if he was ever going to kiss me.
The doors opened, but it didn’t register. I was still mesmerized.
“Is this your floor?”
“Oh, yeah…sorry,” I flustered as I stepped out onto the fifteenth floor and apologized again. “Sorry.”
One sorry would have sufficed.
Hot Tie-Guy’s voice interrupted my internal lecture. “I like your shirt.”
I turned and saw a smile spread on his gorgeous face that could melt a prude’s panties. I glanced down at my shirt to see what I was even wearing and saw that it was my Adult-ish shirt.
“Thanks.” I lifted my head and watched him disappear behind the doors as they slid back together.
The moment they shut I wanted to kick myself. I’d just wasted an entire elevator ride with the man that could be my soulmate thinking about the first time I kissed Hayden.
I didn’t flirt.
I didn’t even introduce myself.
What was wrong with me?
I needed to get over Hayden. I’d spent years trying to do just that and had even convinced myself I had. It wasn’t easy but I’d tricked myself into truly believing that I’d gotten over him. But then one day he showed up at The Tipsy Cow and I realized I’d been fooling myself.
That was a year ago and as much as I wished that I’d spent that time actually getting over him, I hadn’t. I’d spent it avoiding him and denying that he had any power over me.
I pushed open the door to the studio and was more determined than ever to put my past in the past. Hayden Reed might be my first love, but I’d be damned if he’d be my last.
When I entered, Vanessa stood and greeted me with a hug. We said a quick “hello” and then sat down to record. Vanessa liked to save conversation “for the air.”
She was finishing up the Ask Dr. Cupid segment. “Hannah from Claremont asks if she should get a Brazilian wax because her boyfriend is pressuring her to. And Hannah my advice is that you should never do anything that you’re not comfortable with out of a sense of obligation or because your partner is pressuring you to. It’s your body, if it’s not something that you’re comfortable with, don’t do it.”
I could never do Vanessa’s job. My response would’ve been, “If your boyfriend’s such a fan of Brazilian’s he should go get hot wax poured on his balls and taint and get one.”
I put on my headphones and adjusted my chair so that I was situated directly in front of the mic.
“Today we’re back again with Jade, who, as you know, has agreed to a bit of a dating experiment. She’s going on six dates with six different guys over the next six weeks. Half of which she’ll be meeting online and half she’ll be meeting in real life. Today’s she’s here to tell us about date number two. Welcome back, Jade!”
“Thank you. I think I’m starting to get the hang of it now.”
“Dating or recording a podcast?”
“Well, definitely not dating.”
“So, last week your date rated you.”
“Yes. Yes he did.”
“So it was a promising start,” she laughed.
“It was a decent score,” I offered.
“So…bachelor number two.”
“Yes?”
“Is he a fan of the ratings system?”
As I sat there telling Vanessa and her listeners about Sam, who I called G.R. short for golden retriever because he reminded me of a loveable, dumb puppy, and our date, I kept getting the feeling that I was leaving out the most important part. The juicy details. That my ex was there. Sitting at the table beside me.
But, I did tell them that G.R. and I were just not a love connection. That he was sweet, cute but more than likely had the I.Q. of the dog that had inspired his fake name. I even revealed that I’d told my friends all I really wanted was a man that held my door and slapped my ass. And I also shared the conversation that I’d had with Bella in the restroom where I explained that my head was voting to go back to his place, but my vagina voted no.
I said all that but didn’t once mention Hayden’s name. He was my past. I needed to look to the future.