Chapter
13

She cried for two weeks.

From the moment I put her in that fucking basement, she didn’t stop crying. Even when sleep claimed her and she faded into a restless slumber, tear tracks were visible on her cheeks. I never did well with criers. Not for the usual reason, though. Every human soul, at one point or another, was weak. Crying didn’t mean you were weak. Instead, it meant you lacked the very foundation or ability to fight back against what you cried about.

That irritated me about criers.

Get up. Smash a glass or two. Pound faces in until they poured blood. Fuck until you couldn’t think straight and your toes curled. There was always an option. Always a chance to gain power back. But as I watched Ash break and never repair, I wondered if I’d shattered something inside of her, wondered if I should have let her die that night. Maybe, when she sank to her knees, she’d been only saying thank you to a man who would take her life and then she’d be free. I’d denied her death, and she had no recourse to fight me.

But she ran. The next morning, she ran, breaking away from my sleeping form and making it out of the house. If it hadn’t been for Sean working out in the garage, I wouldn’t have known she was gone. That night stole something from me. Left me drained and lost as I clung to her. I hated it. I fucking hated she had any power over me, but I hated the way she cried even more.

I peered at her in her cage as she curled into a ball, still sleeping. I wanted to understand. What made people break when their heart still pumped? My own dark organ thumped as I palmed my chest. What made me so different? I didn’t grow up with shitty parents or mommy issues. Dad split, sure, but it was after he’d divorced my mother and I was well into my teens. Mom nagged, he cheated. She cried, he groaned and walked out. End of fucking story. Nothing to shatter about. Nothing to lose my entire mind over.

No, that came later.

After the anger from being the smallest kid in class. From the need to fight my way to the top because I wanted it. I wanted to be the king because it was in my blood, and that was it. The streets hardened me, prison tempered me, and the black market? Well, that little bit of color only enhanced the reputation I’d created. I had no special ingredient, or mix of ill-fated background and gritty future shit to make me who I am. I just was. In my head, somewhere in that twisted fucking space, I decided no one, fucking no one, meant more to me than I did. No one could stand in my way and keep me from getting what I wanted, and there was no other option.

“Stop crying,” I told her.

She hiccupped in her sleep, but the annoying tears kept coming. I groaned and fished in my pocket for the cage keys. I was tired of this. All of it. There was no fun in fucking some weepy-eyed pet who didn’t have the good decency to claw you up. My dick had been a limp noodle and I wasn’t in the mood.

Blue balls and a whiskey dick were not a good mix.

I slammed the cage door open and crawled in with her. Desperation and pain met my nose, along with some other choice smells, but I ignored them. My entire focus was on the red-eyed woman before me.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered as I pulled her into my arms.

“Don’t apologize,” I warned her. “An apology is nothing but a way to placate someone when it isn’t how you feel. Don’t apologize, ever.”

Her cool flesh warmed against me as I pulled her into my lap and forced her head on my shoulder. “This is what guys do in times like this, isn’t it?” I asked her. It felt awkward. I patted her back in what I hoped was a soothing manner, but the shit just didn’t sit well. How did this make anyone feel better?

Her watery chuckle reached my ears, though, like silver bells or some shit.

“You’re not used to this, are you?” she asked, her hot breath fanning my neck, and my pulse jumped.

I shook my head. “No. Men don’t need fucking hugs and go all weepy. What the fuck is your problem anyhow?”

“I killed someone.”

“And? I’ve killed lots of people. Doesn’t make me cry.”

“I’m not like you, Caesar,” she whispered.

No, I could see that. She was nothing like me.

“They hurt you, both of them. Trace, too, but I’d already taken care of him before.”

“Before?” she asked.

“When he offered you to me. I wasn’t going to pay that dipshit a dime.”

She pulled back, her wide eyes searching my face. “Is that your answer to everything?”

I thought for a moment. “Not all the time. It’s the fastest and most efficient way, sure. But there are times it’s easier to scare someone into submission. If I killed everyone who annoyed me, most of the population would probably be gone,” I told her, shrugging when she flinched. “I don’t make excuses for who I am.”

“I watched you slit my mother’s throat, and I let you … I let you …” Her voice trailed off as tears pooled in her eyes again.

I groaned. “Oh, don’t start that again. Shit. Look, life is shitty sometimes. Your mom let those fuckers destroy you for a few more seconds on the needle. Your brother put you up for men like me, and that Jason fucker was only acting out his memories with you. Did you know he was a bitch for the Aryan Brotherhood for years in prison? He just needed someone to feel his pain, and he wasn’t strong enough to do it to anyone else but a child.”

What the fuck was I saying? It wasn’t my job to heal her. I didn’t have to give a shit. I should have snapped her neck and left her to decay. My business was calling; I couldn’t stay here much longer with her. If things had gone the way I’d planned, she should have been well and trained so I could pimp her out. But the idea of some other man’s hands on her filled me with a rage I didn’t want to examine.

The girl messed with my head.

But when she curled her fist into my shirt and pressed her body into mine, I couldn’t stop myself from curling around her. I pulled her deeper into my warmth and tucked my head over the top of hers.

“I’m going to hurt you again, you know that, don’t you?”

She nodded. “I know.”

“I can’t stop it.”

“Why do you do it?” she asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Did something happen to you in your past? Like it did to me?”

“Fuck no. I’d have killed Jason in his sleep.”

“I wish I was that strong,” she mumbled so low I nearly didn’t hear it. But I did. And the answer pulsed through my chest lightning fast. What if, what if, what if.

“What if I showed you how?”

As the words formed on my lips, I hardened. I’d never thought about training a pet to be more like me, to pull the hell out of their souls and teach them how to wear it like a coat. But as I glanced down at Ash, I imagined what it could be like. A woman under me who could take the pain, who could dish it out and love it. A woman who’d bend and break but claw her way back to the top because she didn’t like the mud in her face. Inch by inch, brick by fucking brick, I’d rebuild her in my image.

Gotta say, the idea of being God—and much better at it—tempted me.

“I can’t be like you, Caesar.”

“You were in that warehouse.”

“And look what it did to me.”

“It doesn’t happen overnight. And besides, the first kill is always the hardest. It gets easier to dish out the pain.”

Her gaze met mine. “You’ll have to hurt me to make me that way.”

It was a statement at face value, but I heard the resignation. The way she didn’t believe I could build her into more.

“Pain is only weakness leaving the body, they say. That’s bullshit, though. Pain reminds you that you’re alive.”

She ducked her head, but she didn’t say no.

I shifted her slight frame enough to reach my phone and dialed Sean.

“Yes?”

“Get my place ready, and make sure it’s solid on all floors.”

“Your place. Are you disposing of her?”

I pulled Ash closer to me, oddly enjoying her body curled to mine. “No.”

Sean hesitated. “I will get it tight. Are you sure about this, Caesar? This isn’t like you.”

No, it wasn’t, but I was sure I didn’t intend to stay in the cabin. “Just get it ready, Sean. I’ll handle whatever comes.”

“Yes, sir.”

I clicked off the line and slipped my phone back in my pocket.

“Why didn’t you let me die?”

“I don’t know.”

There wasn’t any clear answer to her question. I could have and walked away from this to my old life. Back to the way I was when things made sense. But I didn’t try to find a way to make her understand. Shit, I didn’t understand. All I knew was she would come along with me into a much darker place, and I couldn’t wait to show her just how dark hell could be.