Chapter 89

Jesse and Hal

Hal covered his face with his hands, drew them slowly down his cheeks and let out an exasperated sigh. “You’re going to think it’s related to my previous girlfriend …” Hal searched Jesse’s face, his eye movement rapid, “I can see it in your eyes, but that’s not it—not for the most part at any rate.”

Jesse struggled to remain composed, to focus on what Hal was about to confess, and was she to admit it, yes, that was the thought that had blasted into her mind. But the look in his eyes spoke of something else, some other torment that lay at the heart of his bewildering behavior, and she grabbed his hands now firmly, silently pleading with him to continue.

Hal swallowed, and for a second, Jesse thought that he’d bottled it, that whatever was torturing him was too painfully personal for him to relay—but Hal took a deep breath and his hands tightened around hers. “People—people spend so much time praising me and the success of the film that they overlook one major factor … and … and … you know what that is?”

Jesse shook her head, wanting to throw herself into his embrace, to share what it was that was so distressing him, but she couldn’t—she needed to hear him out, so she allowed her hands to remain firmly in his. And then her eyes widened. She went to speak but held the words on the tip of her tongue.

“Go on,” Hal urged, “say what you’re thinking.”

Jesse bit her lip. “The film called ‘Yes,’ the one you directed, the one that drew Elaine’s attention … was …”

“Three years ago.” Hal nodded, beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead even though the air conditioning held the room at an even temperature.

“And nothing since—”

“Nothing since.” Hal’s confirmation was laced with bitterness and despair as he choked the words out, and Jesse could almost feel his pain.

“Yes was about a man with severe emotional problems. In some respects, it was like a documentary,” Jesse said quietly. “Are you saying …”

“What I’m saying is …” Hal began, his voice a tremor, “is that I went into that film unprepared …” he paused, broke free from Jesse’s grip on his hand and swiped the sweat from his forehead. “Unprepared …” he continued as she clutched it back once more, “for the emotional impact it would have on my life, not only during the making of the film but thereafter …” Hal took his eyes from her, looked to the floor like he was searching for words there that were difficult to find, but then, when he met her eyes again, his look was earnest. “That character consumed my identity,” he croaked, “I became that man, a shambling wreck, riddled with anxiety interlaced with bouts of deep depression.” Hal shook his head. “I put my heart and soul into it, and this is what came out … let me finish,” Hal said as Jesse went to speak. “I locked myself away, refused interviews and avoided contact of any kind in any way I could—that’s why Adam is so protective of me, he knows it well enough—and it’s also why I turned on you in the cabin. To this day, I can’t evaluate things logically, my mind blows things out of all proportion, and my emotions take over and rule my head.”

Hal shifted his stance so that he cupped Jesse’s chin in his shaky palm. “So you see, it’s not going to work, you and I,” he said, his eyes wet with deep sorrow. I’m just …”

“Stop right there.” Jesse surprised herself with the vehemence in her voice, but it wasn’t stopping her now. “I made a decision before I came here. A decision that no matter what, I was going to stand by you and nothing that I’ve heard from you now is going to make me change my mind.”

Jesse slid closer, hugged him tightly as she uttered, “In fact, it’s reinforced my determination to see you through this. You’ve opened up to me and …” Jesse held Hal at arm’s length, her voice steady although her heart was racing, “and I’m setting aside my career and my foolish notions about being seen in public with you—and I’m moving in if you’ll have me. And—Jesse raised a finger as Hal started to speak, “We’re going to work on getting you well, getting you treatment—how’s that sound?”

Hal withdrew, bit his lip as he searched her face, saw concern mixed with steely determination and felt anxiety overcome by pride in the woman he loved.

“I don’t deserve you,” Hal muttered.

Jesse put a finger to his lip. “Yes, yes you do.” No one said it would be easy, but together they could overcome any challenge. Because at the end of the day, that was what love is about. Jesse kissed Hal softly, and she felt a wave of gratitude flowing through her. Deep down in her heart she knew that they had a bright future ahead of them.

THE END

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