Chapter 31

Jesse

Jesse could practically feel her mind unraveling. She had the sick thought that Elaine was dragging this out on purpose just to antagonize her. She had half a mind to go up to her office and just get it done with. She knew, though, that she didn’t actually have the courage to take the first step. So, she remained at her desk, simply waiting for however Elaine would summon her.

Time continued to pass, and finally, the work day was over. Jesse looked around in utter disbelief as her coworkers began to gather up their things and filter out.

She hadn’t gotten a call, an email, or even a summoning from one of Elaine’s assistants. It felt to Jesse like an eerie, unwelcome silence—like a silent rebuke. Somehow it was even worse than a scolding. Jesse knew that she would never be able to rest if she didn’t get some form of feedback from Elaine, and she knew she had to act.

Jesse quickly gathered up her things from her desk and made a straight path to Mark’s office. She bumped into several people along her way and muttered out flustered apologies to them as she moved through the building. She arrived at Mark’s door just as he was standing from his desk.

“I’m going to see Elaine,” she said resolutely. Mark blinked over at her and shook his head, her blunt statement obviously catching him a little off guard.

“Wait, what?” he uttered. “Did she not call you in today?”

“No,” Jesse answered in a rush. “I’m going to go talk to her right now; I can’t wait any longer.”

“Oh … okay.” Mark nodded. “I’ll be right here …”

Jesse heard his words, but she had already turned her back on him, making for Elaine’s office. She hoped dearly that Elaine hadn’t for some reason packed up and left already. Jesse knew that she couldn’t stand to go home without at least some word from her employer about this article.

Jesse arrived at the door to Elaine’s office and saw her sitting at her desk. Jesse knocked on the door three times, and Elaine looked up, both of her slender brows raised in an expression of graceful surprise. Elaine waved at her to enter, and Jesse did not hesitate to do so.

“Miss Clarke,” Elaine leaned back in her chair. “What a surprise to see you. I certainly wasn’t expecting you.”

Jesse could clearly hear the veiled disapproval in her boss’s tone, and she suppressed her crippling anxiety enough to say the words she needed to.

“I was just wondering if you had read through the article,” Jesse managed to say.

Elaine frowned a little and tilted her head as if she was trying to remember something she had forgotten.

“The article, the article …” she mumbled to herself and tapped a manicured finger on her lips. “Oh, yes, the Hal Roberts article.”

“Yes.” Jesse nodded eagerly. She knew that Elaine was having a grand time digging and twisting her long claws into her, and there was nothing she could do but stand there and take it.

“That one,” Elaine said with a nod. “Yes, I read it. Nothing wrong with it. I submitted it to the publicists this morning. Should be out in the magazine tomorrow.”

Elaine said this with an easy smile. Jesse felt sure that she was about to explode. She could see in Elaine’s eyes that the other shoe was about to drop, but Jesse couldn’t take any more of the cruel game.

“I know it wasn’t what you were expecting it to be,” Jesse went ahead and confessed. “And I know it’s not good enough to justify the mess I’ve gotten into with Roberts.”

“No,” Elaine said in a clipped tone. “It wasn’t.”

Jesse blinked and looked at Elaine in confusion.

“Then … why did you submit it to the publicists?” Jesse asked, feeling lost.

Elaine gave her a wolfish smile and slowly began to rise, bracing her hands on the edge of her desk.

“If I had not submitted it,” Elaine said slowly, “then nobody else would get to see what a generic, dime a dozen little journalist you are.”

Jesse felt the words like a knife to her stomach.

“Now,” Elaine continued, “everyone will see the article, and they will see who wrote it. They will see that we had an opportunity to get diamonds, and the best we could come up with was some shiny coal.”

Jesse looked down at the ground, truly feeling shame creep over her.

“I could have brought you in here, given you a scolding.” Elaine nodded and then shook her head. “But where’s the lesson in that? No. I think this is for the best. And it will serve as a reminder to you as well. Now, whenever you start to think that you could really be someone, really do something … you can just read your Hal Roberts article and remember who you really are, and where you really belong.”

Elaine’s tone was icy by the time she finished her tirade, and Jesse felt an unbidden tear trickle down her cheek. She didn’t dare to look up at Elaine, but she heard her sit back down behind her desk.

“Now,” Elaine’s tone had resumed its usual quality. “If that’s all, you may go on home for the evening. I’ll keep my ears open for anything that might be more suited to your abilities for tomorrow’s briefing.”

Jesse recognized the dismissal, and she promptly made her way out of the office. Tears trickled down her face as she headed back to Mark’s office, but she didn’t really feel anything. She knew that Elaine was right, and that she had deserved every one of the woman’s scathing remarks.

As she arrived at Mark’s door, she found him leaning against his desk, looking up eagerly at her.

“Well?” he pressed immediately, eager and anxious to hear how it had gone.

“She said it’s mediocre … that I’m mediocre,” Jesse said softly. “And she published it so that everyone will know just how dime a dozen I am.”

“Oh, Jesse …” Mark’s face fell, and he opened his arms as if to embrace her. “I’m so sorry …”

“Please,” Jesse held up her hands to stop him. “Don’t … let’s just go home.”

With that, Jesse turned away from her friend. She waited for him to close the door behind him, and then they began the walk back to their apartment. Jesse could feel Mark’s eyes on her every now and again, and she knew that he wanted to say something to comfort her. There was nothing he could say, though, and Jesse was grateful that he remained quiet as they walked along.

Finally, they reached their separate doors. Jesse put her key in the lock and turned it. She made to step into her apartment, anxious to be alone.

“Jesse?” she heard Mark’s voice and turned to face him.

“I’m right here if you need anything,” he said, sympathy evident in his tone.

Jesse gave him a weary smile.

“Thanks,” she said, her voice cracking a little. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Mark gave her a small smile, and then a wave, and Jesse turned and entered her home, shutting the door and bolting the lock behind her.

For a long while, Jesse just stood in the entry of her home. She felt purposeless. She had failed at her assignment. And now everyone would see it.

Finally, Jesse stepped into her living room and sat down on the couch. She looked down at her coffee table, not really seeing it. She felt drained and numb. She couldn’t bring herself to do anything but sit there, her mind empty, and her body unresponsive.

Time passed, but she was unaware of it, and when her doorbell rang, she barely even realized it. It rang out twice more before she even looked in the direction of the door. It was only when she heard knocking that she rose with a sigh to get the door.

She slowly crossed the room and moved to the door. She undid the bolt and then the sliding lock, and then opened the door. There, she saw Hal Roberts standing, looking slightly irritated.

Jesse could only blink up at him. He looked down at her expectantly, but she had nothing to offer him. Without a word, she turned her back and headed back to her couch. Whether or not he came in would be up to him.