2. – Miya
Sometimes it takes loving yourself to give yourself over to love. I never knew the emotion. Not growing up, not as a teen; not until I laid eyes on Jaxon Damon and my heart reacted to another human being. It wanted to tear through my chest and go to him. Hand itself over, beating and bloody.
I did. And though Jaxon insisted he was ready to hold on to it, he wasn’t. He hadn’t even been ready to take care of his own heart, let alone mine. I’d been too naïve to realize that, giving him everything I had until nothing was left. That wasn’t love yet. That was infatuation. Love was piecing together what was left and loving every inch. It was holding on to your heart as he held on to his. Then we traded.
Now his heart was mine.
And mine had always been his.
He shifted his weight on top of me. His thick cock was still buried to the hilt inside me. Shreds of my orgasm still filtered through my blood, and I shuddered around his length, moaning as best I could with my bones and mind turned to mush.
My bound arms were slung across his back. I kneaded my fingertips into his sweat-slicked flesh. His scent overpowered me. Oak and spice mixed with sweat and sex. I took a deep breath and held it in my lungs, until every single part of me was full of him.
I’d been back for less than an hour, an already I felt at home. “Fire Kinny.”
He didn’t hesitate. “Consider it done.”
She had a claim to him in her mind, I saw it in her eyes, and I refused to put up with it. I’d suffered through enough uncertainty and didn’t deserve an ounce more.
“Should I take time off from work?” he asked, pressing lazy kisses to my jaw and neck.
“Can you?”
He thought it through. “I can take a couple weeks. Patrick Bender finished probation, so I’m not appointed by the court to uphold any appointments until November 12th.”
Hearing him speak of work reminded me that I needed a job stat. “I missed you,” I whispered, the longing I felt clear in my voice. “So much it hurt to think about.”
“Oh, Miya.” He kissed across my jaw and then peppered my face with kisses, ending by giving me a sweet and tempting kiss to my lips. I swore, his tongue tasted like sin still. He was rough and gentle. He kissed sweet and tasted bad. I loved the combination of good and evil swirling around him.
It made me love myself more. I was a little of both now.
“Why? Did you want to go somewhere?” I wondered, letting my head fall back so his lips could continue their journey.
He nipped at my jaw, and I knew he’d leave a mark. “I want to take you away.”
“Where?”
“It’s a surprise.”
He found my lips and kissed me so incredibly deep, I felt my clit pulse. He was still inside of me, and I jerked my hips. “Get on your back.” I shoved at his shoulders.
He clasped an arm around my waist and rolled us over, so he was on his back and I was on top of him. My wrists were still bound. Being on top of him had forced him to sink even deeper into me. My inner muscles weren’t used to being this full anymore. I burned and stretched to take him, already sore from how deep he’d fucked me.
I missed the soreness. The feeling of being too tight for him. Of him being too big for me. He’d stretch me, and I’d make room. That’s how this relationship had to go.
He took hold of my bound wrists and met my eyes as I rode him nice and slow. His cock brushed right over my favorite spot, and I could cry because of how good it felt to be with him like this again. I let my head fall back and worked his thickness into me and out, creating a perfect rhythm.
It shocked me how easily it was to forget the past couple years. They’d been for me and no one else. Leaving him for two and a half years was imperative. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have this. If I’d never left, I never would have remembered why I stayed. We would have imploded.
We would have crumbled.
Now we stood tall amongst the collapse of our old selves.
My orgasm had me doubling over. I felt his hot cum fill my tight spaces and the thrill of him doing so sent delicious shivers over my entire body.
The ties slipped from my wrists and I fell in a heap across his chest.
“Let’s shower and get dressed.”
Excitement blasted through me. He laughed when I scrambled off his bed and ran for the bathroom. He didn’t get it. I’d fought a war to have him. We showered in record time, holding eye contact as we scrubbed our bodies with different soaps. Everything was exactly where I’d left it. Even the clothes in his closet were still there; the shelf of sexual toys had been replaced with an ascending shoe rack.
He came in, towel around his waist, and hopped into a pair of black boxer briefs and a pair of similar colored jeans. He paired it with a black button down and then grabbed for a suitcase in the back of the closet.
“You’re already packed,” he reminded me, as I started pulling out items.
“Yeah, but these clothes are better,” I simpered.
He wasn’t kidding. His face softened. “Whatever I have to give is yours already, my angel.”
A blush crept over my face and it was hard to meet his eyes. I wasn’t used to his gentleness and only his gentleness. It did things to me. Had me fumbling over my feet to make it outside, wool coat thrown over my shoulders, bags packed in the back of his brand new sleek white Jaguar XJ.
I gawked at it. Living solely on minimum wage and tips for the past few years sure made that car looked good.
“Figured we needed a fresh start in more ways than one.” He gave me a private smile I couldn’t decipher.
I tried, though, watching him as we drove down the snow-laden driveway. The evergreen trees were dusted with fine white powder and the sky was glimmering silver. The lush stroke of color made me see things differently. It put a spark of wonder in my soul.
I smiled to myself and put my seatbelt on, content to wait a second longer to figure out where we were going. I played with the radio, settling on a song I liked. A frown began to form between my brows the longer he drove. His private smile began to grow. The last time we’d gone out this far, we’d stayed in a cottage mansion built into the coast.
I bit my lip, remembering his belt pelting my skin and his wine cascading down my body.
He drove through the winding forest roads until we eventually made it to the long stretching driveway. I peered up at the cottage mansion we’d once spent one of the most amazing nights in, and then I peered over at him.
“Explain.”
He grinned. “I put in an offer.”
My heart stilled. “You bought this place?”
He nodded, gauging my reaction. “For us.”
My eyes took the stone and glass mansion in with a pit in my stomach and a stutter in my heart. It was dug into the Oregon coast, overlooking the churning waters and blue skies. It was even more beautiful than the last time we were there. It looked like the front had been redone, with smooth stone adorning the columns out front and the driveway looked dark washed and brick. Pink roses that had survived the start of winter were still struggling through the ice out front.
Had Jaxon had those planted?
“What do you think?”
“I think you’re a tad bit presumptuous.”
He chuckled. “Not all things can change, I guess. Let’s go check it out. I hired an interior designer to furnish it.”
“I’ve only been home a few hours,” I muttered, stunned that he’d bought a freaking mansion without talking to me first.
He stilled, half-way in the car, half-way out. He turned back to me, expression cautious. His jaw ticked. “Okay, Miya.” He sat back down. “Then I bought myself a mansion to live in. Will you come in and see it?”
“I didn’t know we’d be leaving Portland.”
He took a deep calming breath, but I didn’t care if he was pissed by my lack of enthusiasm. I had a voice and I would use it.
“We wouldn’t move here. We’d spend summers here. Winter’s. Weekends away.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Why didn’t you ask me first?”
His eyes narrowed. “I wasn’t aware I had to.”
I glared at him. “You mean you bought a mansion without telling me, and you thought that was an okay thing to do? I never said I was moving back in with you already. I didn’t come back home for things to go right back to how they were.”
Air blew from his nostrils and he gripped the steering wheel in an effort to keep his patience. “They’re not the same. I did this for you. I want to give you beautiful things, and I want to do them when I please. If I bought you a necklace, would I check with you first?”
“Don’t be cute, Jaxon. This isn’t a necklace. This is a mansion cut into a freaking mountain!” I got out of the car and slammed his door closed. Damn man.
“You’re testing my patience,” he said behind me.
I snorted. “You don’t scare me, Damon.” I walked half-way up the drive and then turned around, shocked to find him so close. He looked sinister. Pissed. Beautiful.
He grabbed the top of my shoulders and brought me flush against his chest. “Why are you arguing with me for doing something nice?”
“This isn’t something nice. It’s controlling.”
“How?” he demanded, scowling at me.
“Because you bought it with your money. I don’t want to rely on you for everything.”
“Well, we couldn’t use your money.”
I hissed in anger. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I make more money than you. I’ve never held a dime of it over your head. Have I?”
I glared harder when I realized he was right.
“I love you, Miya. You’ve been gone for so long. I just want to start living our lives together. I thought we could do it here. If you want me to rescind my offer, I will. We can look for another place together. A better place. One we can both afford.”
“I can’t afford anything,” I argued.
He sighed, frustrated. “You know what?” He leaned close, so close our lashes tangled. “Get your bratty ass in that house. It’s yours. If you want to live in squalor to prove a point, then so be it. I’m not.” He let me go and stomped ahead of me to the large double doors, disappearing inside and leaving one door wide open.
I was so pissed, it coursed through me. But I found myself smiling. The argument left me feeling strangely alive. I had something worth fighting for again, and I’d do anything to keep it. I ran after him and found him waiting for me with outstretched arms.
I ran into them and our lips crashed together in a tangle of soft skin and wet tongues.
“I want you against every wall in this house.”
“I want you in every inch of my heart.”
He kissed me harder, fucking my mouth with his tongue. He kissed filthy, but his words were teeming with cotton. “I want to be there. In every single inch of your beautiful heart. Would you mind if I used your panties as a pair of cuffs?”
I moaned. “How sweet of you to ask.” We stepped back and immediately began undressing. Clothes littered the foyer. “I don’t mind, if you let me do something to you first.”
He dropped his boxer briefs, freeing his swollen cock. It hung between us, heavy with want. There was a bead of cum already glistening on his tip. Fighting turned him on as much as it did me. Sparring without fear was an aphrodisiac.
“What?” he asked, cautious.
He was right to feel nervous. “I want to give you oral sex.”
His entire demeanor sealed over. “No,” he stated darkly. Shadows took over the soft parts of his face.
I balked. “I want to show you that as long as it’s you and me, it can be good. I won’t hurt you, Jaxon. I only want to make you feel good.”
“Did you hear me?” he shouted. “I said no.”
He stomped, naked, out of the foyer, stopping to scoop up his boxers.
I grabbed my panties from the heap on the floor and ran after him. “Let’s do it together,” I called after him. “You tie me up, have your way, show me how beautiful trust is with us now. Then I will do the same to you.”
“So help me, Miya. Don’t push this.” He stopped in the living room, and the wide windows let in glorious evening light. Fear and anger radiated from his body.
“That’s what we do together,” I said in a soothing tone. “We push our boundaries. We have to relearn what trust is. And I will never, ever, hurt you. I will only make you feel good.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, boxers gripped in his fists. “Miya. Please.”
I dropped to my knees in front of him. His cock had slightly deflated with his fear, but even then, it was impressive. I’d always wanted to wrap my lips around him and suck and taste his smooth hard flesh. The man who hurt him was done taking Jaxon’s power from him. I would give it back to him.
“Wait,” he rushed out. “Fucking wait.” He dropped his boxers and began pacing. “I don’t want to do this. It makes me remember… shit that I don’t want to remember. Shit I’ve fought my whole life to forget.”
“I suffered through two years of therapy to know that for every time we give in to the fears, let the monsters who hurt us take one more thing from us, we lose ourselves more and more. You deserve to have your cock sucked. Men love that. It’s like their favorite thing. You don’t have a favorite thing. If any man deserves one, it’s you.”
“You are my favorite thing. I don’t miss oral. It was a punishment then, and it was a punishment with Vega, and it’s a punishment now. Why are you punishing me?” he demanded, voice wobbling.
Vega, that bitch. “What happened with Vega?”
“She tried to come back into my life when you left. I told Pyper. Came clean about everything. Hence the fact that I haven’t seen Pyper since you left.”
That stunned me. I sat back on my heels, holding his gaze. “And then what?”
“And then Pyper kicked Vega’s ass. It was a fucking mess. And it was so hard to deal with without you. But I did it. Because that’s what you wanted. I closed that door, Miya. Vega took off. She’s not in my life anymore. And she never will be again.”
I stood my ground. “Come here, Jaxon.”
“You are going to regret this,” he growled, losing his cool. “I am going to spank your plump ass until it’s raw.”
“No, you’re not,” I stated calmly.
“No, I’m not,” he agreed bitterly.
“But you can spank me. I like the feel of your heavy palm spanking my ass. The sting of your hit. I love being sprawled over your lap and feel your erection, your reaction. I love sitting down the next day and feeling where your hand was. Not every single aspect has to change. Just the threats.”
His cock thickened before my eyes. “I’ve tried very hard to close the doors on that part of my life.”
“Open them a little for me.” I slid my thighs apart, showing him my pussy. His eyes dragged down my body and the moment he locked eyes with my core, he was in a zone. I started stroking myself, playing lightly with my clit. “Come here, Jax.” I opened my mouth, rubbing my clit faster.
He took a step toward me, and his fist went to his cock. He stroked his thick length from the tip to the base, thickening in his large fist.
“I spank you first. Then you wrap your lips around my cock.”
This time, I would let him have the control first. He needed it before he gave it to me. “Yes, Jaxon.”
“Up.” He took my hand and pulled me to my feet. “You want this spanking,” he said, like he needed to hear that this was what I wanted before he did it.
“I need this spanking. Make it hurt,” I said coyly, biting down on my bottom lip.
With a growl, he sank onto the plush black leather sofa and pulled me down, so I was draped across his lap. I felt excitement buzz in my veins. In seconds, I was who I wanted to be. This was what I always wanted from him. A spanking with my acquiescence.
A yes before he unleashed his monster on me.
“We’ll stop when you want. We won’t ever need a safe word again.”
My hair hung down around my head. My breasts were nestled in the space between his knees. My ass was perfectly placed for him to spank. I kissed his leg. “I love you.”
He palmed my ass. “I’ve loved only you. Loved only you when you left. Will love only you for as long as I live.” His fingers dug into my ass, and then a sharp smack fell across my backside.
It was the same as his tongue on my clit. It felt just as good. Every inch of me awoke. I wriggled in longing. “More.”
His breathing deepened above me. His hand cracked off my cheek once more, and his erection thickened against my waist where it rested. Tasting pain and pleasure made it so you could never go back. You could always get better, but we could never go back.
“You like this,” I said.
He took a deep breath and spanked me harder. “I like this.”
I moaned, wanting him inside me. “Harder, my monster.”
He let his hand fall heavier, making me gasp. He did that four more times, and each time I let out an involuntary gasp of pain and severe pleasure. “More?”
“Mmm,” I moaned.
Before I could get the last moan out, he’d dropped a rough spank against my raw flesh, and then he moved on to my other cheek. “Hands behind your back,” he ordered gruffly.
I complied. He wrapped his free hold around my hands and held them in place, taking even more control as he spanked me on his lap and held me down. I had never felt freer.
We were trembling with the strength it took to hold ourselves back by the time I called it quits. My ass was perfectly inflamed and so was my heart. He released my hold. His breaths above me were growls. He was so hard it felt like a fist was poking me in my side.
I slid down to rest between his legs and met his eyes. I had a small window while he was lust crazed to do this before his trauma took hold of him. I wrapped my fingers around the base of his cock, and then I wrapped my lips around his tip, and sucked deeply.
He groaned, louder than I had ever heard him. His head fell back, and his fists bunched at his sides. “Look at me,” I ordered. Closing his eyes took him away. He needed to stay present.
His dark magic eyes met mine. Desire shimmered in them. But there was something else, too. Something that made me sad, but also so unbelievably proud and honored that he trusted me to do this to him.
I popped him out of my mouth for a second. “I love this house. Thank you for thinking of me when you bought it.”
His pupils dilated. “Don’t stop.”
I took him back into my mouth. He tasted like salt, clean smooth hard flesh, and a delicious hint of musk. I forgot this was about him. I wanted to taste every inch of him. I took him into the back of my throat, nestling him as deeply as he could go. Above me, my monster thrashed. He fisted my hair painfully and began thrusting his hips unapologetically into my throat.
I smiled around his girth.
Gave him the control.
He worked himself in and out of me, stretching my lips wide. He sounded so sexy as he groaned and moaned. “Shit, Miya,” he growled. His hips stilled, and his seed shot down my throat. He pulled out a few inches to dump the rest of his hot salty load into my mouth. The moment he pulled out of my mouth, I greedily swallowed his cum down. It tasted so fucking good. I wrapped my lips back around him and sucked until he’d given me every last drop.
When I looked up, he looked different to me. Impossibly more beautiful. Completely and utterly mine.
He reached down and grasped my shoulder tops, bringing me to straddle him. He wrapped his grip around my neck and brought my lips down on his. And then he kissed me so hard, and so deep, I couldn’t remember a time when my mouth was less mine.
I lined up our bodies and then sank slowly and fully onto his still rigid cock. We never stopped kissing. He moved down to grip my sore ass, and the pain his hands gave me only heightened my pleasure. I rode him deep and slow, never wanting this to end.
“Marry me,” he grunted, his eyes as crazed as mine surely were.
So crazy my lips formed the words, “Please, yes,” before I could stop them. Not that I would have.
Not when he was embedded in my soul, as deep as he could go, the taste of his cock on my tongue, my ass still blazing from his touch—I couldn’t form the word no if my heart and life depended on it. But they did. Only, they depended on him.
He came inside of me the moment the words left my lips, marking my womb with his searing end. My pussy was greedy, though, and she wanted more; I milked his cock as much as I could, wanting to keep every part of him inside me that I could get.
I came violently, losing sight and sound until I came down. When I did, Jaxon was looking at me like I was light in his dark world.
“You’ll marry me?” he asked, voice gruff with lust, shock, love—maybe all those things.
I nodded. “I would give anything to be your wife.”
His eyes closed; relief overshadowed his face. Then his eyes opened. He grasped my face between his hands. “I love you. So deep I feel it in a soul I thought was long since gone. You brought me back to life, Miya. Even hurting, even in pain, you made me feel alive. I want to make you feel that way for the rest of our lives. Alive. Happy. Safe. Mine.”
I could have exploded all over him. Blood and bones pouring down on him. Love and wonder misting in the air. Forever on the tip of our tongues.
Finally, within reach.