4. – Miya
Time became a game.
How much had passed until he came back? If his goal was to make me starve for him, then mission accomplished.
If his goal was to turn my mind inside out until my thoughts floated around me like a dream, then I was stuck in a nightmare of my own creation.
But there wasn’t life outside of that dark dream-like state.
There was life in it.
The waiting made my blood rush to my brain.
The need made my body tingle all over.
The lust made my sex drenched.
I was rocking back and forth on the floor of the basement when he finally came to me. It had to be the next morning. I hadn’t slept. I found the madness quite comfortable.
“Master,” I purred, lifting my head from where I sat on the floor, my knees pressed to my chest.
He studied me, his hands hanging at his sides. He’d showered. His hair was damp, and the scent of his spicy soap made my mouth water. He wore a white t-shirt and black pajama bottoms. I could see his abdominal muscles through his shirt, and I ached to feel them pressed against my stomach as he filled every aching cavity inside of me.
“Did you sleep?” he asked, expression stone.
Hard and impenetrable.
Did you? I wanted to ask. Instead, I shook my head. “It’s hard to sleep by myself.”
A sliver of softness warmed his eyes. “For me as well.”
My heart opened up, stretching from her slumber. It was sick how badly I wanted to upset him. To earn his heavy hand on my ass. The sting of the spanks. The bite of his beautiful pain.
He rose a brow at me. “You’re not hiding what you’re thinking very well.”
I blinked at him, sitting cross-legged. “What am I thinking, Master?”
“You’re thinking that it’s been too long since I’ve been inside you.”
Liquid desire poured over my head. I was bathed in it. “You’re a mind reader, too, Master?”
He chuckled warmly, his eyes striking dark flames. “Perhaps that will be my new profession. Dominant by night, mind reader by day. You think I can put it on my resume?”
Jaxon cracking jokes was its own special kind of aphrodisiac. “I think you’d manage to find a job easy.”
“Yeah, what job would that be, my sweet girl?”
I was panting. Unable to sit still. “Male model?”
His brows shot up. “You think I could pass for a male model? I’m not sure you’re right.”
My fingernails trailed over my thighs. “If you let me, I can convince you that your body’s better than any male model.”
His tongue flicked at his bottom lip and he aimed his eyes on me so completely, I felt warm wrapped in his gaze. “Are you asking or propositioning me? You can ask for anything. It’s up to me whether you’ll get it.”
I licked my lips too. “Can I worship your body?”
His teasing edge dissipated. In its place was hunger. Deep, insatiable hunger. The dark in the basement seemed to pulse around him. I felt possessed.
“I think that could be arranged. How would you like me?”
“Naked,” I whispered.
His lips twitched. Dark humor glimmered in his eyes. “Right to the point. I’m pleased to see you’re not wasting any time. Would you like me right here?” He had the audacity to point at his current position, as if I’d last if he moved even an inch.
“Yes.”
“Naked?” he checked.
“So naked.”
He opened his arms in front of him. “I am nothing if not an agreeable Master.”
I didn’t answer. I watched.
He took his shirt off and pulled it over his head, dropping his shirt onto the floor. He grabbed for his pants along with his tight black briefs and pulled them down his thighs. The moment it was free, his cock leapt out and bobbed in front of him.
My mouth watered. But that wasn’t an option. Jaxon didn’t do oral sex after what had been done to him as a child. The memory of his confession sent a flood of sadness through me for him. I wanted to wrap him in my arms and combat every painful memory he had. But I knew he wouldn’t like that. Wouldn’t even allow it.
He stepped out of his pants and boxers and then stood there in all his glory. He was so tall and ripped. Every single muscle in his body dug deep into his flesh. The V’s embedded in his pelvis led the way to his trail of silky black pubic hair; his cock twitched when I studied it.
“I’m ready for you, sweet girl.”
I crawled to him on my hands and knees. The first place I pressed my lips to were his shins. I trailed my tongue through the course hair on his leg and up, nipping at his knee cap. From above, I heard a grunt of pleasure.
“No oral sex,” he warned, when my tongue got close to his thigh.
I nodded, peering up at him as I bit down on the V’s dug into his lower abdomen. I kissed the right one from the bottom to the top, savoring the taste of his clean skin. My chest brushed against his cock, but I completely ignored it as I crossed over to his other V. I kissed that one the same way, and then moved on to his abs. I tasted all six grooves until his muscles were clenching beneath me. I rose onto my feet and pressed my face against his chest.
“You’re beautiful,” I whispered, kissing his neck. “Believe me now?”
He cleared his throat. “I’m somewhat convinced. Are you ready to come back up?”
“Will you be there?” I pulled back to meet his eyes. I broke the rules and let my true feelings shine through.
He groaned. “Damn it, Miya. Don’t look at me like that. You wanted this. You asked for this. What do you want from me!" He clutched my face between his hands, our eyes so locked together I felt the lock itself slide into place. Nothing would tear us apart in that moment.
His question wasn’t a statement. He really wanted to know. “You. I want to fight back and not fear punishment. I want to have my own voice, but I want you to spank me when we’re alone. I want you to kiss me like I’m everything, and I want you to take my body like it’s air and you can’t breathe. I want you to hold my hand and then leave the print of yours on my flesh.”
He moved one of his hands over my mouth, cutting me off. “You know what I want?” He didn’t wait for me to answer. I saw the resolve in his eyes before he said it, knew it would hurt to hear but that I needed to hear it anyway. “I want you not to want those things. I want to want you in my own way forever. I want you not to love me. So I can think straight. The harder you love me, the more I want to rip my skin off with my bare hands and turn myself inside out. Show you that you fucked up falling in love with an empty bastard like me.”
I was already shaking my head, but with his hand over my mouth I couldn’t answer.
“No more talking from you. Every word out of your mouth will result in a punishment. Don’t. Test. Me.” He released me and immediately began getting dressed. “Come. Shower and come up for breakfast.”
I felt resolve settle in me. Fine. He didn’t want me to talk? I wouldn’t. I’d keep my mouth shut. I’d be his submissive. I’d let the darkness choke us both from the inside out.
Maybe then he’d stop lying to himself.
There was so much trapped inside of him, he was terrified of it. Not me. He lost the emotions he hadn’t hurt to gain.
Every time I loved him for no good reason other than because that’s what I felt, a little piece of him chipped away.
It was such a sick thing to realize. That every ounce of love I felt for him, the emptier he became.
My love was ruining him.
At the same time he gave me a reason to exist.