Life is a journey full of crossroads, and some roads will be rougher and bumpier than others. Some will get you lost, and you will have to turn around to get back on track. But know that the journey will never be boring. You will smile, you will cry, you will make mistakes, but in the end, you will reach your destination. It may take you a bit, but you will make it.
How do I know this? Because I made it. Everything that happened helped lead me to now. To this. To us.
Like Gunner, I rose like a phoenix from the ashes of my past. A stronger woman.
One year after meeting Gunner, I became Mrs. Gunther Mateo Jaeger. Or as he likes to call me, Mrs. Gunner because he worked to damn hard for that name.
After all the secrets had been aired out, there was much healing that needed to occur. It wasn’t an overnight healing, but a process that took time, dedication, communication, and lots of love and patience.
Every day, my relationship with Rylee grows stronger. Faith will always be her momma, the mother of her heart, the woman who loved her unconditionally and raised her when I couldn’t be there. But at least, she knows me as Heidi, her friend and confidant. There is so much time to make up for, and I’m grateful she includes me in her life: inviting me to soccer games, to church, having lunch and dinner a couple times a week, and phone calls and text messages. Our relationship will never be perfect, but we have one, and that is all I ask for.
Faith and I have come to an understanding. I’m not her favorite person, but she tolerates me for Gunner and for Rylee. It will take time for me to gain her trust and her love as a friend, but the journey will be worth it.
Everything has changed for the better. I never thought I could feel such happiness, such love, such goodness in my life, but I have, and I owe it all to Gunner. This man has stood by my side and would have given everything up for me. I know I don’t deserve him, but I will spend every day for the rest of my life becoming a woman worthy of him.
He deserves that and so much more.
Cristian’s disappearance, and I say disappearance because, though she allowed a memorial to be held in her son’s honor, Adelina refuses to believe her son is gone. Every day she tidies his room in her house, and every night, she prays that he is safe and alive, wherever he may be.
Faith, refusing to give up alongside her mother, has dispatched volunteer teams in search of her brother. Each team returns empty handed. Each time is a heartbreak.
My heart aches for them and for Gunner. I feel helpless not being able to lessen his burden. Thor, perceptive of the saddens that hangs over us, has attached himself to Gunner, refusing to be left behind when Gunner heads to the office. When Gunner leaves for work, Thor sits at the door and cries those pitiful woofs of his. As a result, Gunner established a Thor setup in his office. Thus, Thor is no long only my companion, he’s taken Gunner under his little paw.
“You’re stealing my dog from me,” I tease Gunner as we work in a well-choreographed dance, brewing our coffee and fixing breakfast.
Both he and Thor have returned from an early Saturday morning run through the neighborhood. When Gunner placed his hand on the doorknob to head out, Thor ran so fast toward the front door that he was sliding and skidding, all the while with his leash in his mouth. It was adorably cute and hilarious because the leash was a banner flying in the wind.
Gunner was left with nothing else to do but take the leash, opened the door and went for a run with his newest sidekick.
“You know, when I thought about getting a dog”—he stalks toward me, grabs my hips, and brings my body flush with his sweaty, sexy, hard one—“I thought I’d get a man’s dog.”
“And, what, please tell me, is a man’s dog?” My hands go to his shoulders as I lean back and look up at him, smiling.
This, here, that look in his eyes. That lightness and the smile, this is the Gunner I want to see. This is the Gunner I want to see always because anything less than his happiness hurts my heart.
“A big, ferocious guard dog. One that doesn’t take shit from anyone and is bigger than a cotton ball.”
“Oh, come on. Thor is a ferocious guard dog.”
Gunner looks at me, a brow raised, then turns his head to look at Thor. My gaze follows his. “Well, not ferocious, ferocious per se…” my voice trails off as we both observe an exhausted Thor laying on his back, little legs bent, and head leaned at an angle. The most adorable snoring sounds are coming from him. Every now and then, his legs twitch and move as if he’s running. “He is ferociously cute,” I defend my precious dog.
“That is not a manly dog.” Gunner cocks his head to the side, an indication to Thor. “But I have to give it to him. That cotton ball has wormed his way into being mine. You should hear the shit I get from Zane and Andre at work.” I chuckle at the exasperated look on his face. “Yet, those fuckers will call Thor into their offices and give him snacks.”
“Wha—“
“Relax, relax,” he interrupts my question with his finger on my lips. “I told them Thor could only have certain snacks, so they went to the store and bought the exact brand. Now there’s this huge bag of doggie treats in every office. Thor has become almost as spoiled as Skylar, who I have my eye on every time she comes into the office. I see her hands itching to dognap our Thor, saying he’s cuter than her brothers. Told me she’d trade me the babies for our dog. The piano bribe didn’t work.” He shakes his head.
I laugh, imagining those two big he-men running to the store for doggie treats, and Skylar, the firecracker, trying to bargain with Gunner.
“Yeah, they give me shit, but they love the little rascal too. He’s lightened the mood at work, so thank you for letting him come to work with me. And if he ever goes missing, remember to search Skylar’s place first.”
“Like I could stop him from following you. You’ve become his alpha. I’m the one that feeds him, walks him, and picks up his poop, but he adores you. And those cries of his…” My lips purse as I remember the first sad and pathetic sight Thor made when Gunner tried to leave for work following the news of Cristian’s death. He cried and cried, scratching at the front door, and adding little heartbreaking howls. Within minutes, Gunner was opening the front.
“Pack his things. He’s going to work with me,” were Gunner’s words to me after he decided to take Thor with him.
With my fingers, I trace Gunner’s face. Each brush causing my heart to lurch and my stomach to flutter. His eyes close and he leans into my touch. Lowering his head, he brings his lips to my forehead and gives me a kiss, making me sigh. The past year has been wonderful with the two of us, but now, life has decided to throw us a little curveball.
How to tell him, and how he’ll react, I can’t imagine. Hopefully, he’ll be as happy as I am.
“This is what I need,” he whispers into my ear as his lips kiss my earlobe and his teeth gently nip it, causing me to shiver and break out in goose bumps.
“What?” I ask, breathless, trying to concentrate on how to tell him the news.
“You.” He kisses my neck, and I lean my head to give me better access. “Me.” Kiss. “Together.” He kisses me and then gently bites again. “Like this.”
My heart races, and I can feel myself swelling with need and excitement. My breasts are more tender than usual, so every brush of his body against mine causes my breath to hitch. When his lips latch on to my nipple through my shirt, I yelp in pain and pleasure. My core starts to ache and pulse.
With two hands under my buttocks, he picks me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist. Leading us to my bedroom, he doesn’t stop kissing me. When we cross the doorway, he throws the door shut with his foot, slamming it in Thor’s face.
Pitiful sounds are heard, and Gunner raises his head. “Thor. Pillow. Now!” Turning back to me, he grins. “Heidi. Bed. Now,” he says before walking to the bed and gently tossing me on it. “Mine,” he growls before taking my mouth dominantly and making me forget all about our coffee, breakfast, and the fact that I need to tell him about my surprise.
But like always, his mouth, his hands, his dick are magical beings that make me forget everything except us. Gunner, being the man that he is, never disappoints, and I lose myself in him.
He throws off my nightgown and rips off my panties.
“I love you, angel,” he whispers, trailing kisses down my neck.
His warm, electrifying lips work their way down to my breasts. Swirling his tongue around one nipple and then another, he makes me hotter, needier, and greedy. With my hands fisted into this hair, I push him downward. As much as I love his attention on my nipples, there’s another part of me that wants his attention.
“Patience, angel.” He chuckles at my high-handedness.
His reluctance to follow my demands make me growl in frustration.
Again, the man chuckles.
“P-payback is—”
“Nah-uh-huh.” He cuts off my threat. “It’s my turn.”
In the most tortuous of manners, he slides his tongue up one way and down the other, all the while skipping over the part of me that needs him the most.
“Enjoy, my love,” he whispers. “I have you at my mercy.”
With no other option, I let him take control and am rewarded in the most delightful of ways.
After helping me shower and clean myself following our lovemaking, Gunner lays beside me in the bed. Turning to me, we’re both face to face. My eyes stare intently into his as I trace his face with my fingertips, still not believing I’ve found him and he’s part of my life. My eyes follow my fingertips, scanning his face.
He’s so ruggedly handsome, and he loves me. Me. The complicated woman that dislikes change and thrives on control. He’s taken the time to learn how to deal with me and help me with my… uniqueness.
As I look at him, I try to memorize every single one of his features; from his long, curled eyelashes to the shape of his mouth and how his top lip has the perfect bow shape and how soft they feel. The stubbiness of his cheeks since he hasn’t shaved in a couple of days. To the deep dark chocolate pools that are his eyes.
Then I chuckle softly.
“What’s so funny?” he asks, grinning at my inspection of him and tucking stray hair strands behind my ear.
“You are,” I tease him, running my fingers over his eyebrows. “Your brows are almost perfectly arched and full. So full, that you’re starting to grow hair here”—I indicate the space between his eyebrows where there are strands of hair—“if you’re not careful, you’ll become…” My lips purse in thought, who can I say that describes a unibrow?
“Bert?” The name falls from Gunner’s lips as he scrunches his brows together.
“What?” My head tilts to the side, as much as the pillow allows me to, and I have to laugh at his reaction.
“Bert, that character from the children’s show,” he offers in explanation.
“Oh… I’ve never heard of him, but yeah.” My laugh dies down to a smile. There are times like these that I promise myself I will never raise my children like my mother raised me. I remind myself that even though Rylee wasn’t with me, she was happy and led a normal childhood. More normal than the one I lived.
“What?” he asks incredulously. “How could you not have heard of him? Rylee and Skylar grew up on that show. So many times I visited only to be sat in front of the television with the girls. Me, a grown ass man, sitting on the floor relearning my ABCs and numbers.” He shudders at the memory. “I’m so glad they outgrew that phase. I can handle those princess movies Skylar loves so much. The other show, no.”
“I’m glad you were able to share that with them.” My thoughts stray to what I was never able to experience and tears threaten to rise.
Blinking rapidly, I fight to keep them back. That’s the past, and there is no room in our present for that.
“Hey.” Gunner kisses my forehead. “None of that. You’re with me, so smile. I’m the best thing that’s ever happened, so take advantage of me.”
With his playful words, he brings a smile back to my face.
“Better yet, fix my eyebrows. I’d hate to give Zane and Andre reason to rib me.”
“What?” I ask, unsure I heard him correctly. What man would volunteer for beauty pain?
“Angel, my eyebrows. Fix them.” He points to the brows in question and makes a face. “Work your magic on me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Don’t look at me like that.” He narrows his eyes.
“Like what?” I laugh.
“Like you think I can’t handle it.”
“That never came out of my mouth,” I protest, my lips twitching as they fight the smile that threatens to show.
“But you thought it,” he says disgruntledly. “I can take everything you throw at me. Now, fix my eyebrows, woman.” He quickly moves his body on top of mine, trapping me, the willing captive.
“Well, if you trust me.” That smile comes through as images of other men getting their eyebrows worked on at R.A.D. for the first time come to mind. The surprised jerks, the yelps. Oh, yes. I can’t wait to see Gunner’s reaction.
“You do this at work every day. Of course I trust you, and with more than my eyebrows, angel.”
“Yes, and I cut hair.” My fingers work their way into his overgrown strands and his beard.
“Hell, no. You leave the hair alone.” He bends down and nips my neck. His beard makes me giggle. “It’s no hair-cut month in this household. I think I’ll recruit Thor—?”
“Don’t you dare. He needs his hair cut, or he will definitely look like a curly piece of cotton.”
“Alright.” He laughs at my outburst.
“Wax or tweezers?”
“Huh?” He looks lost.
“Would you like me to use wax or tweezers?” I repeat, grinning because he has no idea what he’s getting into.
“Uh… does it matter?”
“Of course, it does.”
“How?”
Pushing him off of me, I quickly rise from the bed and make my way into the bathroom. After grabbing all my supplies, I return.
“Holy shit, Heidi!” He looks anxiously at the box in my hands. “I want my eyebrows groomed, not a makeover. I don’t need all that.” He waves his hands wildly at my small collection of tools.
“Silly man. Relax, there’s not makeup involved.” I hold up the wax and continue, “This is wax, and these are the tweezers.” I set the wax back inside and hold up the tweezers.
“Wax, as in hot wax?” he asks, his eyes wide with terror.
“Yes.” Keeping a straight face gets harder and harder. “I’ll have to heat it up. That’s the way it works.”
“Fuck, no! No wax on this face of mine.” He shakes his head, holding his hands up as if warding off the wax.
“Okay, then tweezers it is.”
“Fine,” he grunts, clearly annoyed at my amusement, but I can’t help but smile. This is the first time I’ve seen him so lighthearted since Cristian’s disappearance.
“Okay, but waxing is faster,” I offer in advice and try to change his mind.
“I don’t care.” With a shake of his head, he refuses to be convinced.
“Tweezers hurt,” I warn him, because tweezing hair is not for the faint of heart.
“I can handle pain,” the stubborn man states proudly.
“Gunner, it really hurts.” Over the years, I’ve learned tricks to keep from hurting when I clean up client’s eyebrows, but regardless of the method used, there will still be twinges of pain involved.
“Heidi, I’m a man. I can handle pain.” His chest puffs out at his announcement of his gender, and I smile. Yes, he is all man and all mine.
“Okay…” My voice holds a tone of disbelief because even the strongest of men have grimaced during cleaning sessions.
“Just do it. Just watch me,” he insists.
“Alright, big guy. If you insist.” The side of my mouth slightly tilts in anticipation, making me feel like a terrible wife. But I have to get my kicks from somewhere, right?
Motioning to the settee in our room, I instruct him to lay on his back as I stand on the side. As he settles, he wiggles his eyebrows at me. “This is where I want to be, in there again.” He motions to the area between my legs and grins.
“Gunner.” I pinch his shoulder in warning. “Watch it, or I’ll seriously hurt you.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” His eyes become narrow slits. “You’ve become insatiable and need my fucking.”
Brushing his hair out of his face, I use a clip to hold it in place. To get a better view of his face, I get near and lean over him, my knees hitting the edge of the couch and my breasts hanging over him.
He whistles. “I could do this all day long, angel.”
Choosing to ignore him, I study his eyebrows and use a brush to brush the hair and view the shape of his brow. “Once I start, you can’t move, Gunner,” I inform him, serious and business-like. “If you move or jerk suddenly, I could poke you in the eye, and we don’t want that.”
“Got it,” he answers as he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and braces himself.
All fun aside, my stylist side takes over, as I start to clean the area underneath. With the first hair pulled, Gunner jerks, and his eyes pop open. “Fuck!”
Halting, I look into his eyes. “Stop moving,” I order him, ready to proceed again.
“Are you kidding me?” He looks bewildered.
“What?”
“You women do this?”
“Yes, sometimes every other day, if our hair grows quickly and noticeably,” I answer matter-of-factly.
“I changed my mind,” he announces and tries to sit up.
“Oh, no, you don’t.” With one hand, I push him back down. “I went through the trouble of getting this out, and I’ve already begun. You’re stuck here until the end. Got it?”
“Really?” His shimmering eyes look into mine, and I just smile.
“Yes,” is all I reply with a brow raised. Oh, yes, I’m serious.
“Damn.” He grins up at me. “You’re sexy when you get all bossy with me. Makes me want you to take control. Of… everything.”
“Shhh…” In quick, yet precise motions, I remove all unnecessary hair.
Upon finishing, I massage the area between his eyes. “See, that wasn’t so bad.”
“Like hell it wasn’t.” The look he gives me makes me chuckle and informs me he’ll hold this over my head for a while. “That shit hurt,” he mumbles as he feels the smooth area, turning over into the fetal position.
“Well… if you’re going to be such a baby about it, you better give me an awesome push present because I’ll be experiencing a lot more hurting than that in a few months,” I nonchalantly make the comment, then hold my breath.
Push present?
Push.
Present?!
My heart stops, and I snap up to look at her. Eyes wide, I’m afraid to breathe.
Can it be?
My eyes scan her expression, a nervous smile on her face. Then they roam down her body and then up again, settling on her stomach. With the utmost care, I approach my wife—savoring the word and having that great feeling spread through my body—I gently cradle my hands over her abdomen. With my thumbs, I caress her skin over her nightgown.
“B-baby?” I whisper in awe.
“Yes.” She takes my face in her hands and lifts my head. “We’re having a baby, Gunner. A-are you okay?”
“Whoop!” I yell out, and a laugh sounds from her lips. “We’re having a baby!” Picking her up, I twirl her in a circle. Then suddenly, I stop and set her down. “Oh, God! Did I hurt you?”
“No, you silly man.” She smiles. “I take it you’re happy.”
“Hell yes, I’m happy, angel.” Stilling, my smile falls. “Did you think I wouldn’t be?”
“Yes. No. I mean, we’re not going to be young parents. Rylee is in college.”
“So? Faith had twins not so long ago. Julia had a girl. Angel, we’re in our prime.”
“Do you think Rylee will be upset?”
“No!” Taking her hands in mine, I bring them up to my lips. “It’s time to let go, angel. Really let go of the past and enjoy the present. We’ve been blessed with a second chance, Heidi, and we have to live. Rylee will love this baby. She’s one of the greatest kids I know, with the biggest of hearts. Everything will work out. Now I have to call my mother. You, sit on the bed, and I’ll be doing everything from now on.”
“Wait—”
“Heidi, I have to call my mother. Do you have any idea how long that woman has waited for a grandchild? She’s going to be ecstatic.” I pick up the and start to dial, then stop. “Fuck”—turning to Heidi with the phone in midair—“how do you feel about my mother moving in with us?”
She jumps up from the bed and tries to knock the phone from my hands, but I jump onto the settee, holding the phone out of her reach. “Now, see here, love…”
She growls, and I can’t help but laugh because life can’t get better than this.
This is the end of Gunner and Heidi’s story—for now.
The Men of Phoenix Series will continue, each book will focus on a different couple.
Thank you for reading this story and taking this journey with me.
Lots of love,
ML