Seafra

She’s vanished like a ghost. Again. I’ve been looking for her the whole night and Tania had to cancel the concert.

At 3.30 am, Coyote, Hale and I sit on the bench and stare at the sea. The sky is cloudless. A chill creeps under my hoody as the sea waves murmur their eternal song. The moon shines corpse white, a ghastly disc against the velvety blackness of the sky.

“The old woman who owns the flower shop called her Julia not Eavan,” I say.

“She said the girl had quit her job,” Coyote says. “Very fucking strange.”

“I just don’t fucking get it,” I say, putting my elbows on my lap. “She looked happy.”

“It stinks,” Hale says. “I’m telling you, man, it stinks like shit. Leave it.”

“I will call Charlie,” I say.

Charlie is my brother and there is an eleven year gap between us. He’s thirty-five now and works as a private investigator.

He raised me after our parents were stripped of the parental rights due to their alcohol addiction when I was eight. I haven’t seen them since. Maybe they’re dead, I don’t really care. I have no memories of them. Charlie says sometimes that it was really bad, fights, police interventions, the lack of food. I don’t remember anything, but I hate it when people around me argue and raise their voices. That causes a lot of strain between Tania and me as I can be really nasty to her. She’s learnt to deal with me, cutting our fights short.

Coyote and Hale’s parents helped my brother to raise me, but yes, Charlie was my mum, my dad, my older brother, my god, and my everything. He leads the kind of dangerous life and keeps me away from it. Since our band was discovered by Tania during our performance in a dirty pub in the middle of nowhere five years ago, I’ve seen Charlie six times. We call each other twice a month and those conversations resemble interrogations, Charlie asks questions and I answer them. The truth is the band is my family now.

I was happy with my life until I met Eavan. She woke up my yearning for a real family, for a stable relationship, and for a boring normality.

“Leave it,” Hale says. “There will be others.”

“She may be pregnant with me,” I say.

I didn’t plan that. It just happened that each time I came inside her. In fact, I hope she’s pregnant with me, with at least triplets inside her womb so she’ll come to me, crawling on her knees, begging me to marry her.

I’ll be furious with her for a day or two then I’ll marry her and focus on my family.

“You’re out of your mind,” Hale says.

“I am,” I say.

“Let’s get some sleep,” Coyote says. “We have a concert this evening. Then I will think about my advice for you.”

I rise from my seat and pull forward. Coyote and Hale catch up with me. We part and go to our rooms. I sleep for twelve hours.

The boys wait for me outside of the B&B as I walk out of it at 6.15 pm. We cross the road then two teenage girls block our way by the bus stop.

“Are you Seafra?” one of them, the brunette, asks in a thin excited voice.

“We’re the ‘Broken Souls’,” Hale says. “But people always mistaken us for ‘Red Asylum’.”

The blonde sends him the glance of a dog pleading for some caressing. “Can we take a shot with you, guys?”

We squeeze around the girls and the brunette takes a shot with her phone.

“Thank you,” the girls say with one voice and they walk off.

“They didn’t want to crush us under their feet,” I say with sarcasm. “Sometimes less is better.”

Coyote nods at me. “This village is really nice. People are nice here. They respect your privacy.”

“Are you fucking making an atonement or what?” Hale explodes. “The band is falling apart. Yeah, I’ve noticed that. Can one of you tell me what is going on?”

“Our goals have changed,” Coyote says.

Hale sweeps his hand through the air. “Mine haven’t.” He picks up the pace and enters the back of the pub first.

I take a few deep breaths and adrenaline rushes through my veins. The familiar excitement stirs inside me, the fever of anticipation to face my audience, to take them to another realm, to shatter them and change them. Coyote pats my shoulder as I walk in and notice Tania talking to Tony. She tilts her head towards me so I move closer to them.

“We’re giving a really good performance tonight, right?” Tania says.

“As always,” I say.

She watches me for a moment. “Good.” Relief paints her face.

“I want to talk to you after the concert,” I say and she sends me a suspicious glance.

“Sure,” she says.

Tony slaps my arm. “Hurry.”

Half an hour later, I step onto the stage. My eyes sweep over the audience. Some of them are sitting at the tables whilst others are leaning against the walls or crowding in front of the stage, about fifty in total, dark figures exuding the fever of anticipation, pricking my skin, connecting me with them.

I imagine Ruby and Eavan sitting at one of the tables, thrilled to watch my performance, then I turn my face to Coyote. “Whisper.”

Coyote looks at me as though he wants to growl ‘what the fuck’ then tilts his head to Hale who shrugs and we start the performance.

It feels good. I’m good. The audience are mesmerised even though I’m singing only for Eavan and Ruby.

As the performance ends, I walk off the stage and Tania grabs my elbow, guiding me to a small room.

“You’ve changed the repertoire,” she says as we settle ourselves at a desk.

I can’t read from her face whether she’s amused or angry.

“I don’t want anybody to tell me what to sing,” I say bluntly. “I don’t want a manager, or a horde of people around me, or living in a bus.”

She drops her head then raises it and sweeps her hair away from her face. “I’ve already found someone to replace you. Your agent and I agreed that she would be a good asset for the band.”

“Good.”

“But it’s up to you. We want you, Seafra, but we can’t chain you to the band.”

“I want something different in life.”

She sighs then a warm smile parts her lips. “I’m not surprised. I knew this would happen one day. I knew from the very beginning. You’re just a simple guy who wants a simple life but happened to have a real talent.”

“What can I say?”

“I want to make money, Seafra. I like my big house, my pool, and my posh friends. I love the thrill that lifestyle gives me.”

“I hate all those things.”

“I know. But if you changed your mind—“

“I won’t.”

“Okay. I will sort out all the paper work for you then.”

“Thank you, Tania.”

A scraping sound diverts my attention and I turn my head. My eyes meet Coyote’s.

“What about you, Coyote?” Tania asks. “Are you going to leave as well?”

“Haven’t decided yet,” Coyote says.

Tania waves her hands as though she wants to sweep us both out of the room. “Go, get drunk. I have a job to do.”

I rise from my seat and walk out of the room. Coyote joins me.

“My advice,” he says. “Call Charlie and find your moth queen.”